I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
Posted By: a little torn on 2008-01-29
In Reply to:
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I've been like that for 30 years
I sometimes fall asleep at 8 p.m., wake up after an hour, then can't get back to sleep until midnight.
Other times, I'm awake until 10 p.m., sleep until 1:30 a.m., fall back to sleep by 3:30 a.m., only to have to get up at 4:30 a.m.
And then there's the "no wake" pattern. Get about 4 hours sleep and feel great, but then I can't stay awake during the day. I'm in that mode now.
I have never taken anything for it, never even thought of it, but the suggestions below has given me some ideas. I'm no spring chicken (even though I usually feel like one) but lack of sleep is really beginning to wear me down.
I've been looking at them for years.
We have a very long house (75 feet long) and it takes forever for the hot water to get to the spigots and shower. We must waste 2 gallons of water before it's hot.
They have been on our wish list for years, planning on getting one for under the sink and one for in the bathroom that is at the one end of the house, but just haven't been able to afford them yet. 
I've been married 20 years, and
I can usually figure out a way to motivate mine. He does take after his stubborn mother, but ve haff vays, hehehehe.
We've been married for 22 years and
I've had my own checking account for the last 15. It is so much easier, IMO. In fact, he just recently opened his own separate checking account over the summer. So we have our joint account, which I rarely touch, and we each have our own.
And I agree that Christmas is for everyone. I'm as bad as the kids on Chrismtas Eve, as far as not being able to sleep. It's my favorite holiday. We get to see my whole family and DH's whole family and spend time together. Love it. In fact, it's my year to cook dinner for DH's family and I'm so excited.
I've been married 21 years.
I really think God picked us for each other, and that happiness will not be found with another as long as we both shall live.
It's not that we never squabble or fuss or have the occasional day where we almost pretend the other doesn't exist. But I know that the only other person I could stand to spend this much time with would be my twin sister. These are the only 2 people I can be completely open with, be myself with. When it's good, it's really great.
We have furkids only.
I've been married 13 years and
I would never allow my husband to tell me who I can and cannot see. If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up to him until closer to her visit. As you said, who is he to say where your sister can and cannot go. As the time approaches, a week or so in advance, I would simply tell him that your sis will be in town next week and you are planning on seeing her. If he throws a fit, let him. It seems to me, he gets away with this because you let him.
If the situation arises where he becomes intolerable, perhaps you could spend the night at sis's hotel room catching up. Let him stay home. It's his loss, but it doesn't have to be yours as well.
Really? I've been doing this over 12 years and never had the problem before nm
x
You've been married 15 years
and you've put up with it for 15 years. There's really no reason for him to change, is there? You've allowed him to do this to you.
Sorry to be so blunt.
Unfortunately we've had to do that for the last couple of years
We really wanted to go on expensive family vacations, but we have a rather large credit card bill that we're trying to pay down so we decided no elaborate vacations until we can really afford it.
I've had my checking with WAMU for years -
I just called a couple of days ago and it was obvious their calls are now being answered overseas. It took so long for them to understand what I was calling about, I ended up just hanging up and doing it myself on line. I'm thinking of switching or at least complaining. It's a disappointment.
I've been in scouts for 11 years and am a cubmaster now.
The Pinewood Derby is supposed to be a help-your-son event, but you are right to rant about some adults being overly involved. I've seen very, very sad little boys whose fathers don't let them help in building at all.
Some of the things that we've done in our pack to help prevent this are:
1. Hold a Pinewood Derby building clinic(s). We get some veteran derby builders (usually dads) to come out with tools to help the boys design and build cars on a Saturday a couple of weeks before the race. Most of the work is done then, and we have stations where the boys and their adults learn about design, then how to make the axles and wheels perform better, etc. etc. By the time the clinic is over, the boys usually only have to finish painting and install their wheels.
2. We hold an adult race where there are no rules. This sometimes ends up to be quite a hilarious race.
3. Awards should be given in lots of different categories that have nothing to do with how well a car performs on the track.
If you think that these ideas would be helpful to your pack, why not join the Pinewood Derby Committee for next year to help plan and have more of a say. Usually packs are dying for volunteers to help out.
I've gotten them all up for years, including the hubs. Should have
s
we've had our squblles/differences over the years...sm
but we still speak to one another at least 2-3 times week...I live 1004 miles away from them...We talk about everything and nothing...What's for dinner?...Have you poked your spouse in the eye with a sharp stick yet?...How's Mommy doin'?....Kids, animals, politics, music, lots of trivia...
I miss the 3-part harmony and team cooking especially during the holidays.  Cat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wiVkdVPGoY
I used to let it slide, but I've been married 23 years.
Probably about year 5 or so, when we had children and she felt it necessary to comment on my mothering, I finally just gave it right back to her. She has four children, and the only one who turned out well was my husband, and I'm quite sure it's because he spent a lot of time away from home when he was growing up.
She lives just down the street, and now that we know where we stand, we have no problems.
I've had DirectV for years and love it. sm
AT&T recently offered me a free year of Dish, but I turned it down. I'm happy with DirecTV. Love my TiVO, too!
You've waited at least 5 years too long already.
Your boyfriend has the best of both worlds and has no reason to marry you. If you stay with this person out of "love" I guarantee you will look back on your life one day with deep regret.
More concerning is that you say the other man is able to take care of you. Is that what you're looking for, someone to take care of you? You can't expect another person to make you happy or to validate your worth; it can only come from you.
I think your biggest issue is lack of self-esteem, and if you learn to love yourself the question about your relationship will answer itself.
In 35 years of MTing, I've NEVER made
was while being paid hourly as an on-site MT. Now that I'm paid a lousy 8.5cpl, my income is closer to 20K/year.
I've lived here for 25 years, a transplant from the NY area.
 I live in the "burbs" like the other poster, but if you have a choice, go to NY!! It is WONDERFUL this time of year. The crowds are what make it New York at holiday season. Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and all thos wonderful things. I lived close enough to NY that I could hop on a train and be there in 15 minutes. I miss New York - lots.
Hang in there! I've been cigarette free for three years now...SM
It is definitely one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also one of the best things.
Check out this website and follow your progress and what happens to your body as time goes on without cigarettes. It is encouraging. http://healthbolt.net/2006/07/19/what-happens-to-your-body-if-you-stop-smoking-right-now/
DON'T join this site, but just do the first step of registration to see how much $$ you will save and how many days you will add to your life by quitting. It is very interesting. I used to have another site that gave this same info without having to join anything, but I couldn't find it, but this gives you the same basic info, but only do the first step in the registration process. https://secure.quitnet.com/
Again, hang in there. YOU CAN DO IT! You will start feeling better within a couple weeks.
I love that I can smell so much better now and that I don't stink like cigarettes. I find it very nasty now when I smell a person who has just smoked, which is something you can't smell when you are a smoker. Yuck.
i've had mine for almost three years, still works great sm
i leave my monitor on all the time, but it has a "sleep mode" after so long. it's a Dell. actually the whole computer system has been great!
Hey trose, I've had many yard sales over the years and have
seem some pretty surprising stuff go on, only to watch people battle off and jump in their "fancy" cars. I've had people set a whole pile of stuff in front of me and throw a 5 at me and try to take off knowing that what they had cost more. I had one lady say "quarter?" over and over and over trying to buy two folding lawn chairs and I kept saying, "NO." She finally gave up and left. I've had people steal right out from under my nose and jump in their "fancy" cars and take off. I've had a whole "family" of Mexicans pile out of a very nice van and converge upon my yard sale with one person trying to keep my attention while their family members steal whatever they could from me. When I saw a one of the kids stick an X-Box game in his shirt, I told him he had to pay for it and he tried to walk away. When my husband came up on the boy, the father tried to start a fight with my husband. My neighbor called the police and when they arrived they had the adults and teens in cuffs and the children in the back of a unit. Turned out they were illegal and were arrested and hauled off and then a tow truck came and got the van.
I haven't had a yard sale in a long, long time.
I've been to Branson a few times. Haven't been in several years
tho. Actually, it's been 13 years. My son was 3 and we did Silver Dollar City and a couple of shows. We also did that duck boat thing. I don't remember what it was called. But it's a boat that drives on land and you drive it right into the water.
I know Branson has come a long way since the last time I was there. So I'm kind of excited!
in the last few years, I've stayed at Flamingo, great location, in the heart sm
of the strip, right across from Ceasars Palace. Rooms are very, very nice and reasonably priced. Also stayed at Stratosphere but it's located on the north end of strip, I compared it to a Motel 6 and didn't have any hot water for the 5 days I was there BUT there is a great IHOP next door. Stayed at Ceasar's but IMO not worth the $$. A long walk thru casino just to get to the elevators. I stayed for a week at a "condo/extended stay" hotel which had a kitchen, etc. was a block off the strip - unfortunately have to stay at least 6 days but it was nice because there were no slot machines, very family oriented, could walk to Aladdin. Anyway I book all my travel thru Expedia and the package deals are the best. I went for 3 full days, air fare from Fla, hotel (Flamingo) and rental car for $250 so I really suggest looking online. The hotels give out coupons to half price magic shows etc. They are ok but what's great w/Vegas is that there are a lot of freebie shows and inexpensive places:
1. Red Rock Canyon - $5 per car, 13 mile scenic drive. It's 15 mins west of the strip.
2. Bellagio water show, every 15 mins starting at 8 pm, free.
3. Volcano eruption at Mirage, every 30 mins starting at 8, free.
4. Treasure Island, pirate show, every hour or so, starting at 7, free.
5. Sigfried/Roy Secret Gardens, $15 per person, up close to their beautiful tigers.
6. Top of Stratosphere, $8, see Vegas at night, also at top is roller coaster.
7. MGM, at 10 am let lions out to room in clear cage while you gamble nearby, free.
8. Fremont Street. Old Vegas, downtown, 4 blocks long, closed off to traffic (Cris Angel sometimes performs on the street). The most amazing light show done to music, every hour starting at 8, free.
9. Flamingo. They have flamingos and penguins outside near valet parking, free.
10. New York/New York. Roller coaster inside/out $8 to ride. Look around inside if never been to NY.
11. Paris. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, $15.
12. Mandalay Bay, shark reef, $18 per person.
13. Luxor, pyramid shape casino, go in and look around.
14. The Wynn. Most expensive to build, $4 billion, absolutely gorgeous inside.
Places to eat - I avoid eating inside the casinos as I can't afford to pay $25 per person for a buffet. Across the street from the Wynn Casino is "Fashion Mall" which is 2 stories, top floor has about 20-25 places to eat, very inexpensive.
Renting a car is very inexpensive compared to trying to walk everywhere or take a taxi or the "monorail" which is broken half the time. Getting around Vegas in a car is very easy, of course that's my opinion.
Hope this helps.
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
My husband is 7.5 years younger. Been together almost 20 happy years...nm
nm
My feelings; people shacking up together for years and years
and then all of a sudden deciding to get married don't need a thing, obviously. A shower should not even be given. I lived with my now husband a while (nowadays who doesn't!) before we married and I also had been married before years ago but he was not....so of course HIS mom wanted a shower. I told her absolutely not unless it was just the immediate family, his mom, sisters, etc, more like a celebration/get together. And so that's what we did. Showers are tacky, period. Unless it's a couple of young kids getting married straight out of the house and that doesn't happen much anymore.
Been with a man 13 years older, now with a man 4 years younger.
Younger is better, at least in my case ;)
Sorry, meant 75 cents. Still, that was years and years ago.
xx
|
