I've BTDT and know it's not simple
Posted By: mstudent on 2007-06-04
In Reply to: It's not that simple - Dreamweaver
Even the best DV organization/ shelter can't protect you when you leave them. It is very dangerous.
I just saw trying to leave while he was awake not really trying to leave. I apologize to the OP for not being compassionate.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
BTDT :(
Yes, a few years ago I did do that, Chapter 7. It was business related, lot of CC debt to finance the business, loans, etc. At the time, it was choose paying my home bills and feeding my new baby or throwing good money after bad with my flower shop. So the bankruptcy was actually the best thing I could have done at the time. We also had nothing for them to take...still don't...
I could file again later this year, not that I want to. I am almost done with the 10 years of that black mark on my credit record, and I am 37 now. I will be 40 when I am free of it. And I want to own my own home so desperately, so I don't think I will do it again... Actually, ALL of the accounts I put in my bankruptcy have already aged off of my credit report, just the actual legal case of the Bankruptcy is still on there...How about that!
This one large credit card debt and of course that thousands in interest is really all that I owe now.
FYI...After you go through your bankruptcy it is such a relief...Credit-wise the worst part is really only the first couple of years.
I have BTDT
I did leave my husband after 17 years of marriage, daughter 5, son 12. My situation was similar regarding the decision making.
I cannot give you advice about leaving, only about what to do if you decide to leave. Just dedicate your life to your children. Not because you have to make anything up to them, but because it is their turn to have their best chance at a good life.
I always looked at it like my child shouldn't suffer for my mistakes any more than they have to. I never dated or looked for a daddy for them. I let their dad as much leeway as far as custody as he wanted (which wasn't much because he didn't want to give me time to play --- I didn't want to play, just wanted to be happy with my kids with peace of mind -- no man necessary). Anyhow, I just worked and spend time with my kids.
They are now in their 20s and in college. I can't say it's been easy, but they are both well adjusted and doing incredibly well in school aiming toward fulfilling careers.
They also have a healthy relationship with their father. I never spoke a bad word about him. Over the years, they pretty much figured out what went wrong, but understanding that no one is perfect and that unconditional love is very powerful if expressed by both parents.
It's really hard to make things right for your kids. Just try to give them as much love and time as you can and as amicable as possible with your potentially future ex.
On a personal note, my parents fought like crazy and I got out as soon as I could, married 1 day after I turned 18. When I was at home, thinking about college or my life 10 years down the road never entered my head because of the intensely bad home life. I'm not blaming anything on my parents, but looking back I really think they were too distracted to think about the kids.
Just think about your kids whatever you do.
Good luck :-)
Ask your vet which food they ALL can eat. BTDT nm.
x
BTDT, don't want to go that route again, tx. NM
x
It's not that simple
Trying to leave an abusive situation on your own can be very dangerous. Some husbands get so angry that their wife DARED to leave them that they track them down and kill them, or forcibly take them back.
I don't know if Tina's situation is that serious, or how her husband would react to her leaving. Tina may not even know for sure. That's why I advised her above to talk to her local battered women's shelter before she does anything. They have experience with these situations, they can help her and her children with a place to stay and help protect them from her husband if necessary.
Yes, she needs to leave. But she needs to be SMART about it. Just picking up and leaving without a plan or without any help is NOT smart.
Not quite that simple
Having your family's name carried out is important to most people. If you posters all think a name doesn't matter, you are sadly mistaken. Names are extremely important in shaping a person's entire life.
Having a niece with the stepfather's name is not nearly as traumatic to a family as having a nephew, the only remaining male relative, take another last name.
As I said in my post, Heartbroken can name her child whatever she wants - I mean that. But, she also needs to accept the fallout for that and accept that her child will be affected by the consequences of her action.
I simply don't understand why people on this board insist on mis-reading and misinterpreting posts to suit their own attitudes. IMO, Heartbroken is an extremely self-centered person who did not consider her family's feelings at all, made a choice and then wondered why they aren't patting her on the back. It's her right to make that choice, but it's the family's right not to agree.
Sure...very simple (sm)
We had shredded sharp cheddar cheese and precooked fajita-style chicken and he broke the chicken into smaller peices and mixed in some buffalo wing sauce, put it all together on tortillas and cooked them on the George Foreman grill for about 5 minutes. You can mix in peppers and onions if you like and eat them with sour cream and salsa :-) Definitely tastes better if your child makes it for you :-)
Right. She's just that simple.
nm
Keep it simple.
I used to find myself into the same situation. Run around doing the cleaning, cooking, etc., and would work myself up into a frenzy to the point I did not really enjoy or remember the day after everyone left on Thanksgiving day. Decided not a single person expected me to do all this and certainly family wanted me to enjoy this day too. The truly gracious have no high expectations other than the coming together and honoring the day. I started to keep it simple. No new recipes from Martha, no chasing that last piece of dust, did make the lists of things to do, asked everyone to contribute to the menu and bring a dish (this creates the best variety too) and now I find I do really enjoy the day and even get excited and look forward to hosting again.
I only wish it was something as simple as that
We don't travel and everyone knows our address. They don't call to talk maybe once a year (and DH's family doesn't even send him a b-day card). I learned to live with that a long time ago even though we always sent them card. Not getting b-day cards from them is one thing, but when my mom died it just hurt a little more. In fact we used to live in Vegas and said numerous numerous times for them to come out and they could stay with us and in the 6 years we were there they never came. It would have been a 5 hour drive for them). We found out after we moved out of vegas to a different state (about a month or two later) all DHs siblings took a trip to Vegas because their cousins daughter (who they never got together with to begin with except once a year around Thanksgiving) graduated high school and the parents were throwing a party for her. So is just a little dissapointing, but have learned to live with it. This year for Xmas I went out and bought cards for them all (hard to change old habits), but I never did send them.
It is very simple and you can do it either way (sm)
You can put the chicken in a dish with teriyaki sauce and cover and bake for probably 45 minutes or so, or you can do it on the stovetop and just add a little water now and then because the sauce will cook out, even covered. Either way, it is just important to make sure it is covered while cooking, that's what makes it good...but it is very simple :)
I think a card or something simple would be
appropriate. It is the thought that counts. I'm not talking a diamond ring or something! He just doesn't make much of any holidays. Yes, my kids are very young so they cannot do much themselves. One time he did take the kids for part of the day and let me relax.
Simple solution
But of course, this what I would do - may not seem acceptable to you.
IF YOU STILL LOVE THIS MAN, you move as close by as possible into another type of home that you can afford to build/buy.
WHO SAYS you have to live under the same roof to be happily married? think outside the box!!
IF YOU FORCE him to move he will be as unhappy as you.
Use that equity you have to save your marriage - I'll bet he'd agree to this.
Then you can be together in TWO houses.
This is just a simple wedding. Nothing more,
X
Sounds simple enough - thanks everybody!
Simple advise...(sm)
Review all available material to you and go by what makes sense. I like to read and have recently started a study that will compare religions as well as athieism. As well, I think the huge contributor to all religions and non-religions is the state of being at the times of change. For example, when the Bible was put together, there seemingly were several books left out. Of particular interest to me is the book of Mary. My question there is why was it left out. At that time women did not have the ability to speak their minds as they do now. Is that why it was left out? If so, was there something important in there that all christians should know? If so, where does that leave christians now? Yep...there are tons and tons of questions, and I don't believe you will get all your answers out of just one source.
There are also questions about athieism, like where and how did everything begin? You can find a ton of sources about how things evolved, but not so much on where it began.
Read, look deeper than just the words, and trust your instincts.
Well, I have a simple solution
My husband and I have been married 8 years now and guess what, never celebrated the first anniversary yet! No kids from this marriage and if we had, could have had 2, 3 or 4 years prior and years later they still would not know.
Have you tried this simple solution? sm
What about a DrinkWell fountain for pets? I have had them for, well, perhaps 15 years now. My cats (two of whom are Maine Coons and LOVE any kind of water source) all love it! It is not just a source of drinking water because they all play in it with their paws, so it has become a source of fun too, which is great because they are wanting to drink at the same time. There is something about the moving water that has always fascinated my cats. Give it a try!
Changeover is just as simple
Cable companies would like us all to believe that antenna TV will no longer work, but it will. You need a decent antenna and the digital conversion box and, voila, free TV.
Testing is simple
Very complicated subject, but if you are working midnights, sleeping days, or even evenings, you probably are not getting enough sun. The only real way to know is to undergo a 25-hydroxy vitamin D test. If you have insurance and your doctor will order the test, then it probably won't cost anything. If you want to know, have no insurance, and can use a lancet to poke your finger you can get an at-home test from the Vitamin D Council or GrassRoots Health and pay about $30 for the test. The provide the test, two lancets, postage and the test is very accurate. The first time I tested I ordered through my doctor's office and because I had no insurance it cost me $300 but I was severely deficient, a 7 on a range of normal from 32 to 100. Now after supplementation, I am 98. Start reading about deficiencies with the Vitamin D Council and go from there.
It was way more than 24 songs, but to keep it simple (sm)
that is all they decided to use in the case. I believe she was downloading the songs to a website where people pay to be a member and then can download songs. I don't think she was just downloading them to listen to at home, but think she was actually conducting a criminal activity, knowingly.
I saw that on Oprah...so simple yet powerful!...
Especially when that married couple were at a stand still and then watched The Secret. Now, they have passion again for each other and are so happy. Something as simple as being grateful for what you have, then better things will come. I want to check that movie out.
plain and simple, lack of God.
x
then just a simple cleaning lady?
OK, I gotcha! I'm thinking about doing this myself...my hubby just got a hefty raise, so hopefully I can afford to pay someone to clean my house now!
YES!! Simple! People have to just get on with their life! Unless sm
you are living their life you have NO right to judge them. Amen, sister!! loved your post!!
it's simple Truth. Not complicated at all.
x
I know this is much to simple, but he sounds bored (sm)
I agree with testing for autism, etc.
But bored children, no matter the age, upbringing, or intelligence will act out and 'find' something to do if they're bored.
My daughter was the 'perfect baby' until she turned about 18 months. She started misbehaving, not as bad as yours, but nothing like previously. None of the usual things really occupied her physically or mentally. So I started shopping for day care. Happy girl, believe it or not. The first day I picked her up around 3 p.m. and she told me I came too soon...
She needed the social stimulation, even at that young age. BTW, she is 21 now and still the same. Very outgoing and social, but smart and still a sponge for knowledge. She's in college and when she had winter, spring, and summer breaks, she is so relieved... for about 1 or 2 days. Then she starts counting the day until school starts again.
Anyyow, I digress, but sometimes you just have to listen to your kids and do what's best for them even if it tears you up inside.
In any case, you need some help. You are carrying way too much, but I admire you for your persistence in wanting to do what's best for your kids. Wish you the best :-)
Anyone have a SIMPLE recipe for hamburger BBQ. nm
:
Just Answer The Simple Questions --
1. What treatment did your daughter receive?
2. Will/did she require plastic surgery?
3. You say you filed a police report, what was the police's resolution?
These are very simple questions. Yet, when asked in the posts below, you choose to ignore them. It's what makes people suspect that you are just in it for the money and that no real harm was done.
You first claimed that you just wanted them to pay your daughter's medical bills, that they shouldn't benefit from your insurance that you pay for. Yet, later, you state that the $800 would be for pain and suffering for your daughter (as your insurance has already paid it). Lastly, you state that $87 would be reimbursement for your medical bills and the rest would be pain and suffering for your daughter. Pain and suffering is not something one generally reimburses another for without a court to determine the extent one is due.
The only one suffering here is your conscience! Again, I say, answer the 3 questions above, or are you afraid of what it might reveal?
This is simple.. The election is coming up. sm
They are trying to make things look better than what they are to the average consumer. I will be more than shocked if the gas prices don't immediately start to increase once the election is over. My 2 cents only! :)
Doctors who spell out simple words,
and leave you hang out to dry on the most obscure term or referring physician spelling if it is an odd name. I'll be darn though, they will spell out "the" t-h-e, p-a-t-i-e-n-t, but never the hard stuff... . ????? I wonder why? People using cell phones when they are driving and not paying attention. People that pull out in front of you, and then go 5 mph. I hate it when the grocery bagger puts all the soap products in with my meat or food goods! Great, now the roast smells like Dove Cucumber and Melon bar soap? Hubby is going to think this is delicious!!!!! UUGGHH!
Sounds like you want something small, simple and pretty.
So do just that! Don't worry about the lists. I think the first decision is to decide where you want to have the wedding. Many places often have on-site wedding planners to help you. In fact, from what you wrote, I think you've already got a good start on the planning. You want something simple, you want a pretty dress. Pick a place and maybe hire a caterer to bring in some simple food... maybe just a cocktail hour with hors d'ouerves, and a cake. You don't need formal music or dancing. I had a friend simply have a caterer come in and do a nice bbq for 30 people in their pretty backyard. Flowers were blooming, really no need to decorate, and they programmed an iPod with a wedding playlist, and played it over the stereo. We had a lovely time, and it was very simple and pretty.
As for gifts, my DH and I did exchange gifts. I bought him a watch, which he still wears 22 years later. We went to Cancun for a honeymoon. (It was much quieter in those days.) While there, he found a really pretty string of blue fresh water pearls. So 1985! But I love them and still wear them today!
I'm s simple person. I'd be happy with a house that
x
Miss Kitkat: I don't WANT to do it. Plain and simple.
I don't think you're a woman - sounds like a man's point of view. LOL
Need some adult simple games for Christmas
Played a game called White Elephant before and the group loved. Want something really simple to entertain my lovely guests for that day. We are all over the 50 year range so nothing too involved, heck we could not remember! Thanks!
Simple answer "they" are NOT "nurses" sm
When anyone in my family refers to the "nurse" at the doctor's office, I have a fit. They're not "nurses" and never will be.
Sadly, it seems that simple kind gestures in life
are no longer taken for that - they are either considered some evil, twisted, perverted gesture or go unnoticed because of the society we have become.
So little is done face-to-face anymore with all the modern technology we now have - and, as great as it can be, a lot has been lost along the way. I can't keep thinking had we not progressed so rapidly and so far would common courtesy of others be so far removed from us as it is now....
NOW - if you sent an email card I bet you'd get a response! LOL (my cynical sense of humor!)
Bless you - I would love to get a card like that from a neighbor who was being complementary! Dn't stop - someone, somewhere will figure it out and say "thank you" or "how are you doing today" - all the good guys can't be gone or in hiding!
sounds immature and simple minded; treat him as such.
nm
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
Looking for simple game ideas for first grade Christmas party. nm
I asked a very simple gift for Mother's Day, should have saved my breath
I was going to visit my aunt out of town this weekend and my daughter wanted to go with me. The only thing I asked for Mother's Day was that my daughter behave (she is in her 30s understand) but what I meant was getting along, if I should say anything she might not like to smile and say yes. I just wanted a little peace and quiet but I wasted my breath. She said she felt like she always had to walk on eggshells around me. I told her she does not know me at all, never has and I don’t think she cares about me at all. I have been asked loads of time if she is an only child. She is not but that should tell you what others think, just a me type person. I paid for everything, the gas, the motel, the food, everything and thought I could ask for something that she would not have to spend money on. I am thinking seriously about throwing in the towel on her, just giving up. I am too old to fool with her me type stuff any longer, I really have been thinking about doing just that. A simple request, not 1 that I could not pull off if my mother had asked me to do. The last thing before we got home, I wanted to stop at 1 of my favorite pizza places, get a pizza, we could have called before getting home, could have been ready (left out earlier coming home) and she just wanted to grab something quick, so we got a hamburger. I really do not like her and I am sad because I would like to. It has been impossible for me to really love her like I should.
Will they all be barefoot or wearing flip flops? Would just go for a simple sun dress or sheath,
s
Brother flew both sets of parents down to Cancun for a beach wdg. Simple. His
s
We play bingo and give out mystery gifts to the winner. Very simple..
Every person who attends the party, bring 1 gift..they are all put under a little table tree and when someone wins a round of bingo, they select gift from under the tree. It can be a lot of fun if you get fun qwirky gifts. We all have a laugh at some of the gifts.
You're aunt is bully, plain and simple and I would just stop visiting.
but I will tell you this, most mothers are going to voice their opinions to their kids about how they did things compared to out YOU do things. I think it's in the mother by-laws somewhere. :) My mother constantly tells me I'm too soft with my kids and I am. My mother was a strict disciplinarian similar to your aunt when I was a kid. Spankings were routine and generally with the belt or the fly swatter or any other object handy. That's why I'm so soft.
I let me mother know early on after I became a mother, that my kids are MY KIDS. She can give me advice and I'll always listen, but I will make the final decision on how and when to discipline my children and I and ONLY I (and DH too of course) will dole out any discipline necessary. Nobody else has permission to spank my children, EVER!
My mom and I get along pretty good now. I accept that she will be nosy and pushy and she accepts that I will ignore her and not call for a few days when she gets on my nerves.
I would just suggest being honest with your aunt and letting her know that you think you're a good mother, your DH thinks your a good mother and that your kids are doing fine and behave fine and if she doesn't think so, then she doesn't need to see the kids.
A beautiful silk scarf - received one once from a doc, loved it! Plain and simple goes w/anything.
light enough to ship from a fancy dancy boutique.
If you've got one, you've got bunches!
How do ya feel about cats? That's what I'd do...get a cat...but I love cats and love it when they bring me 'presents' of dead varmints.
If that's not an option, and you're not comfortable with baiting, glue traps, or that sort of thing, it'd be worth it to hire a professional 'cridder ridder' or exterminator. Those things will chew up your walls and floorboards like you have no idea and cause incredible amounts of damage. Good luck in your jihad!
I've done this 12 yrs and I've had to take breaks sm
Took a break and worked at my kids preschool one year, worked at a hospital one year, took a couple months off once. It does burn you out because it takes all of your concentration. When I worked at the hospital as a secretary I could not believe how easy the job was ;-) I was sooo used to just getting paid for actual work that when I had a conversation with a coworker or a phone call or took lunch, I felt like I was getting away with a lot! I hope your break works out!! I wish you lived close-by, we could take turns watching each others kids ;-)
simple word - but hate the word 'moist'
I don't think I've ever used that word other than to say I hate it!
I've been using...
Zicam severe congestion. It gives me temporary relief and I've been taking Singulair, but originally nasal discharge was clear, this morning it was yellow (don't mean to gross anybody out). Could it have turned into a sinus infection? And if so, is it time to see the doctor??
I've tried that...
I've done that along with changing my diet but still no relief. I just received an e-mail saying to try vitamin E which is what I am going to try next.
Thanks a bunch.....
|
