I'm with you.
Posted By: No Backtalk on 2008-02-19
In Reply to: Smart mouthed kids (sm) - Just me again
I have never tolerated backtalk from my children, no eye rolling, no "whatever", etc. My sons are 20, 18 and 17, and they never talk back to me. I loved having teens in the house. There were never any major conflicts, because we all spoke respectfully to each other. There were arguments and disagreements, to be sure, but never disrespect.
I have had a lot of their friends in my house over the years, and as a scout leader, I've dealt with dozens and dozens of mouthy kids in previous years. And boy oh boy! Age 11 is something else! Anytime that I've been in a situation such as yours, my very first desire has always been to just say, "Ugh! Go home kid!" But I have actually learned that that is not the best solution.
I establish rules and keep at it with the kids. If they truly have incorrigible attitudes, yep, I send them along their way. But I've only had to do that two or three times over the years (Each time it was the same kid who is now a mess at age 20, btw).
For the most part, though, mouthy kids in my home or under my supervision in scouts will push back a few times when I impose the rules. But after that, they generally settle into the rules and go along. As they behave more and more like gentlemen, they find that they receive more and more from me in terms of respect, interest in what they are doing, what they are thinking, etc. etc.
Lots of those kids who behave like completely honorable young men in my presence are still horrible to their parents. And in front of their parents, I will correct them for it. The parents will comment, "Why does he behave for you but not for me?" Because I INSIST that they behave, and you can, too! Grow parental backbone.
So, I'm with you on this. It sounds as if your mouthy guest has pushed back at you a couple times, but then he stopped. That's good! Now, next time he comes to your home, he may well mouth off again. Keep at him. Likely, his house is full of chaos and disrespect. On some level, he wants the structure and respect in your home. He can't name it, but he'll want it and he'll learn to behave better because of you and your house rules. You may never "save" him, but there's no reason to write him off, at least not at first!
If, however, he keeps at the disrespect and never shows signs of controlling himself, by all means send him home. You certainly don't have to put up with that sort of thing. But if he never has any example of how decent, respectful people behave, he'll never be any better. If you have the patience for it, you can only be a good influence in these sorts of situations.
There are big payoffs down the road. My kids are now old enough and mature enough to say to me, "You did the right thing, mom!" And that is priceless.
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