I'm not thinking about divorce

• I think I'm going crazy - need some insight (long) - anon(but a different one)
  • me and my husband actually have a - name for that
  • If you work at home, maybe these - truffle
  • Life, partly, is a series - Pam
    • Amen to that. sm - mom of 2 young girls.
      • You have exactly the right idea - Pam
  • Question - ?
    • yes I did - anon(but a different one)
      • WAIT... - ?
      • LOL, you sound like me - ?
      • addicted to chaos - name for that
  • No you are not nuts, just what iffing yourself - sm -
  • do you know the song...'Is that all there is?'....nm - *
  • You will be fine. I got married sm - MT TOO LONG
  • You'll be fine.... - sm
  • "GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE." - Nature
    • Dont worry//// - GA_MT
    • I'm not thinking about divorce - anon(but a different one)
      • Just my opinion: If you feel like that something - *
        • Not really - anon(but a different one)

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

My children were 14 and 11 at the time of my divorce, they are now 24 and 21 and are happy productive adults that any mother would be proud of. Not to say it wasn`t a very hard thing to go through, but all the fighting is very hard on the children to. I remember my daughter telling me that if I was to ever take her dad back she would be very mad at me, what does that tell you, if your children are old enough, talk to them about their feeling and fears.

Also, their dad got in their in there head and promised them all kinds of things that never came to past, to get them to stay with him so he didn`t have to pay child support,so be ready for that to, but as I said it didn`t take my daughter long to figure that all out, now she is grown and married and her and her dad hardly speak, which breaks my heart, it not fair that a child should have to do without either parent. Anyway I could go on about this subject all night cause it is a heartbreaking thing for all involved.

But you are the only one that know if it`s worth hanging on to.

my prayer`s go out to you in whatever you decide.

It's time DH and I end our marriage. It's not a good situation for any of us. Long story short, DH thinks it is me because I'm a miserable B**ch. All I know is DH is an alcoholic, which overpowers everything, so I have no idea, in all honesty, what lies beneath. The kids and I pretty much know every morning when we get up that today will end like every other day with dad coming home after his six pack +, feeling guilty, looking for imperfections in everyone else to gripe about to avoid the fact that he's drunk once again, and no mater how much we try, in the end, in an argument.

I'm mad at DH for choosing the alcohol over his family, I'm angry at myself for staying longer than I should have, etc., etc., etc.

I've decided the bottom line is that I want healthier, more peaceful, and more productive lives for myself and my kids. In the best interest of my children, he is their father and no matter how much hostility I feel towards him, the best thing for my children is that neither of their parents ends up destroyed or broke over the divorce. Basically, I want to remain focused on the goal of providing a better life to myself and my children, including not contributing to the destruction of their father. My suspicion is he is going to end up destroying himself anyway, but I honestly don't want to force that to happen. The optimal outcome for the kids would be to end up with two emotionally stable and financially secure parents. Is it possible to end the marriage without destroying the kids?  Is it possible to stay focused on the ultimate goal of having a more peaceful and satisfying life for you and the kids and to just let go of anything that does not make a positive contribution toward that effort?  Has anyone successfully managed an "amicable" divorce, or at least as amicable as possible?  I've already wasted 15 years on a marriage I knew all along was never going to be successfull no matter how much I  wanted it to be. Any advice?

After a divorce is final...what are your thoughts on the mother and her child requesting that their names be changed back to her maiden name?

"Traditionally, courts ruled that a father had an automatic right to have his child keep his last name if he continued to actively perform his parental role. Although there is still some bias in this direction, it is no longer strictly true. Now a child's name may be changed by court petition when it is clearly in the best interest of the child to do so. When deciding whether to grant a name change, courts consider many factors, such as the length of time the father's name has been used, the strength of the mother-child relationship and the need of the child to identify with a new family unit (if the change involves remarriage). The courts must balance these factors against the strength and importance of the father-child relationship. What this all boils down to is that it's up to a judge to decide which name is in the child's best interest."

What would really be in the childs best interest if he doesn't grow to know his father anyway? keep the last name? or change it?

Find out what your rights are in your state. If the children are staying with you, then your husband should be the one to leave. It doesn't matter if he says he won't do it. It matters what the law says he will do. If you have a court order telling him to leave, he will either leave or go to jail.

I understand how difficult this is, I really do. I have been married a long time and have come very close to divorce, to the point of physical separation, twice. No matter how bad the situation is, your life is entwined with your husband's and it hurts to break those ties.

But for your sake and the sake of your children, you need to do it. And you need to be prepared. That is why you must to have someone on your side who knows the law and can help you make sure you and your children are protected and get everything that you need and deserve.

I will NEVER be able to understand why women put up with stuff like this. Your husband sounds like an ***. 

I have - or had - a friend whose husband was like this.  Very controlling.  They fought all the time because unlike you, she WOULD push the issue constantly. The fights eventually became physical. After so many times of her crying on my shoulder and asking for advice (my advice was pretty obvious), I finally decided I couldn't be her friend anymore.  I did care for her, but I can't be the shoulder ever time he hits her and then be waiting for the next time to say the same things again.

It bothers me a lot that women put up with controlling jerks like that, and I just can't stomach being part of it. That is your sister! Who is he to tell you that you can't see her?

Ugh, this kind of stuff makes my stomach turn.

I never thought this would happen to me, but after 3 visits, my psychiatrist says that I'm wasting my life and my husband's by staying in this marriage.  DH hasn't fallen out of love, but I married for the wrong reasons and life has gotten stressful and I've been so depressed I wanted to die.  This MD says my marriage is a goner and I need to face it and get out.  These are terrible economic times to try to go it alone, and one of my problems with my marriage is that we have not managed money well, so I'll come out of it with more debt than equity.  And what a terrible time to try to sell a house.  Yuck. 

Oddly I found somebody with a townhouse with a room to rent and a separate bathroom near my work.  It would cut my commute down to nothing, and I really wish I could move right in and get on with my life.  So I guess the psychiatrist is right, but am I up to all the work ahead to get out on my own and survive??

Is the only way to get my name off a mortgage is to have my ex either refinance or sell the place?

Thanks

I posted yesterday about my husband planning things without me....  Then yesterday he sent an e-mail that his company is looking for someone to go to Africa to work for 5 to 6 months early 2008 and should he apply.  I got all excited at the thought of him being gone for that long!! How awful is that??  I can remember when I would be sad that he had to be gone for three or four days!  Now he tells me he was kidding and that he would never really go work in Africa like that.  I was disappointed!  I have been trying to decide if I would be regretful if I divorced him but I can't believe my reaction to the possibility of him being gone and my disappointment that he was staying!

While my dad obviously found a wonderful woman he remarried, my mother was not so happy. She remarried twice and divorced again and is just now getting remarried again to her boyfriend of almost 14 years as she feels that this is finally going to work. I have had difficulties in my own marriage, which are getting better, and while I was incredibly close to getting out, I have chosen to work on my marriage. And I don't know if I would have ever gotten remarried simply because of the issues facing blended families.

As far as your stepdaughter, she was forced to make a terrible and unfair choice. I had a similar experience but with a much different outcome. I felt like I was betraying my bio-mom by calling my stepmother Mom and agonized over doing so. When my stepmom told me that she was okay with me not calling her that and that it was my decision, I found a bit of control in a situation otherwise beyond my control. While I chose to call her Mom, I also tried not to do so in front of my "other mom." I don't know all of the circumstances, but with my own experience, maybe she felt like the choice she made was the only one she could make without losing her mother.

I've been married almost 12 years and have an 11 y/o and 7 y/o. My husband and I have been fighting almost constantly for the past several months, mostly about him drinking. He had a problem with pot and other substances for about 5 years and finally went back to work a little over a year ago. Ever since then, he has been drinking at least 1/3 of a large bottle of vodka every night but doesn't consider himself an alcoholic because he still goes to work every day. Any time we fight, he threatens to end the marriage because "it just isn't going to work out anyway," while I have always felt you don't throw around the word divorce unless you mean it. Well, I mean it now. I gave him an ultimatum - straighten himself out or I leave with the kids. I am not going to go through 5 years of this again. It is affecting the kids, and my son is acting out to the point of saying he wishes he had never been born. I am giving my husband until after Christmas to decide what he is going to do, and if he does not value our marriage more than his alcohol, I am moving out of state. This is not to keep him away from the kids but because my parents (divorced also) are in a different state than I am and I have no family at all here.

Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I don't want to do this, but I feel I have no other options. He refuses to go to counseling or to see a doctor about what I am positive is depression. Any tips or suggestions? Sorry to dump on everyone like this, thanks for reading.