I'd tell him to save HIS money for a divorce lawyer sm
Posted By: mlstoo on 2007-11-14
In Reply to: Would this have made you mad - husband planning trip - w another family w/o asking me (sm)
He seems kind of rude to me. No way my hubby would dictate to me like that. He knows I would show him the door
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Yes, get a divorce lawyer - sm
I talked to one before I confessed to my DH about the debt he knew nothing about ($88K) figuring my marriage would be over. In the event of a divorce I would have walked away with no debt, no home, but enough leftover to either buy a house with a good downpayment, or rent and be able to afford it for quite a while. I know my DH would have tried to get the kids too but I don't think he would have "won" despite my deception about the debt. I do everything for my kids, he does nothing except make dinner a couple times a week and takes them to the movies or skating every 3-4 weeks, that is it. I never got so low as to open cards in his name, and I am thankful I never sunk to that level though it did cross my mind once or twice I knew it was horribly wrong. I suspect he just filled out them in your name, maybe even on line, and then transfered his debt to yours, possibly putting himself as a user on the account, but even w/o doing that he could still transfer his debt to "your card", I know, I would transfer debt off my husband's cards onto mine so his credit would stay pristine, and so he would not find out. I would inform the companies that you did not open the accounts, have a fraud investigation started. As for telling him about the debt, since you are already heading for divorce, I would not tell him a thing, let the lawyers figure it out. They will do a list of assets and debts and figure it all out in the settlement. He can find out then. Run a credit report on yourself and find out how many cards he opened up in your name, and call each one, or better yet talk to a lawyer first and see what they have to say on the matter. I know my mess was/is bad but very thankful my DH ended up to be forgiving enough or just too lazy to go thru another divorce (I am his 2nd wife), and/or did not want to put the kids thru that. But the sooner you get the ball rolling and start taking care of things the better you will feel, I know, I feel so much better now. You kids will be happier too. Do not stay for the kids or keeping a stable home, etc. If you are miserable, then they are too and it is a horrible example for them. In my case a miracle happened and things are better than they have been in a long time, but it sounds like your case is terminal. I wish you the best of luck.
Machine of my choice - divorce lawyer
I couldn't live like that. Besides the awful stench and the health hazards, I wouldn't stand for his lack of respect for me.
The lawyer and the money
Well, it seems kinda funny that shortly after her court case was settled her son died. Then, she had the committment ceremony with the sleazy lawyer. Now, a few months later she dies? Wonder who her beneficiary is. It could shed some light on the events surrounding her and her son's deaths. I wouldn't say it's all about the money, but it does seem suspicious. I still wouldn't be surprised if it winds up just being a drug overdose though.
No way would that save me money --
we'd end up divorced and that's more expensive than a haircut!! LOL!!!
let me save you some money
You are so smart and brave, and it is just amazing that at this point in your life you would strike out on your own with two children. You are amazing. You are right though about the boy. It is going to take every ounce of strength you have to keep him in line......so he doesn't turn out like his dad.......
Suggestion - save your money (sm)
Unless you need the Tylenol for pain, the only other ingredient in TPM is diphenhydramine for the sleep part. You can either use Benadryl or the generic - costs a lot less, same ingredient.
Been tempted to just to save the money- sm
but I use it to unwind at night before I go to bed. I just limit their TV time, hour in the morning, then 1-2 hours at night after dinner, off during the day. I do plan on giving them spelling lists over the summer as for some freaky reason my one daughter (5th) grade really did no spelling this year, about 2 months and that was a joke, they would give them 3 written words on a test and have them pick the one which was spelled right. Luckily she is an excellent speller and it really has not effected her but going to reinforce her skills over the summer. She loves to write so have suggested to her that she started making a collection of short stories, she started a couple days ago on her first one. Basically just going to have them play outside as much as possible and limit the TV, computer and video game time...that way they don't become slugs and get fat. Just need to figure out how I am going to deal with work as I have more now than I did last year, guess it is time to get up early though I like to sleep in in the summer, the price we pay to stay home!
Save your money, other ways better spent
NM
I use rechargable batteries and save a lot of money.
x
Save your money - just buy generic Benadryl (same ingredient) unless you have pain.
nm
Save the Cheerleader...Save the World...
l
How much money rasied for Katrina, how much money for the diasters due to the tidal waves and what?
Every single one of them have had some smoke around it with the money not getting to where it was supposed to go. I did not contribute, I hardly watched, was not caught up again as I have seen things like this before. They should give a all you can give benefit for Darfur where people are being massacared each and every day. Genocide going on there each and every day. I have not seen any benefits to help them out yet.
What's your lawyer doing
If you're separated, why aren't you and the kids in the family residence, or why isn't your ex forking over child support and alimony so you can afford your own place?
Check with welfare, Medicaid and children's services in your town to see what programs you're eligible for.
If its untenable to reside with your parents, go to a shelter until you resolve the money issues and then get your own place.
Save yourself. Light a fire under that lawyer and be more pro-active. Take charge, it you can't do it for yourself, find the strength to do it for your kid's future.
Might need to consider another lawyer
My BIL turned down for disability before, got another lawyer and it made all the difference in the world and he got his disability after being turned down before a judge. Is this lawyer strictly in the disability field or could you perhaps get a second opinion. It would not hurt to try.
I'm not a lawyer yet but...
If that bill really was first incurred in 1987 (!!!!!) there is no way on earth that it should be collectable from ANYBODY, let alone the minor child at the time!
That said, most states have a statute of limitations. Most states (you never said which state you're in, so I can't look up that state's regulations) start counting a statute of limitations from when the most recent payment was made on the account. So if your parents stopped making payments on the bill in 1999, then in a state with a 6-year statute of limitations (SOL), then legally the hospital or any secondary debt collectors cannot take legal action to collect the debt after 2005.
Now....
Not being able to take legal action to collect the debt does NOT mean that they can't try to weasel it out of you through guilt or intimidation. But they don't have a legal leg to stand on to enforce anything once the SOL has run out.
So...
They never should have gone after YOU no matter what.
And they never should have even had it in their records from 6 years after your parents last made a payment on it.
Like somebody else said - tell them to pound sand! LOL!
Any to think they can save us also-
There was a rescue dog who had the boy scout's scent and sniffed him out today. That dog is really in his prime now, smiling for all the cameras. So happy - see how they can turn out to be out bestest friends!!
It actually does save me a lot - sm
I make enough to almost fill two five gallon buckets and those two buckets will last me about 6 months.
House full of teens, one of them who is very sensitive to a lot of perfumes in different detergents.
My own home made laundry soap seems to get the clothes a lot cleaner too.
It took awhile to get used to not seeing the soapy suds as you do with other laundry soap tho.
how do you save
I know that it sounds like a stupid question, duh, don't spend it. But how do you get over feeling sorry for yourself when you have plenty of money, but you tell yourself no, or you dole small treats out to yourself, but it make you feel worse because you did not stick to your goal? I am chasing my tail!
Doctor says to lawyer
We were born on the same year, month, day, and minute. We were born in the same hospital, hospital room and we have the same 2 parents. We are not twins and we have no brothers. Explain this.
Which one? The lawyer or radio DJ..nm
x
I'd get a lawyer ASAP and have those
before he spends it all on the other woman or hides it offshore. No way would I let my half go with him and that other woman. I know this may sound a little harsh, but your mom needs to wake up and do something now before it's too late.
She told her lawyer...sm
That he wouldn't get out because he said he didn't have to until the divorce was final and she can't make him leave until then which is next week. The lawyer can and will make him get out. Her lawyer is very crude and ruthless. She hates to go through all of that though. She wants him to peacefully leave. When the divorce is final she could call the sheriff's dept. and they could make him leave but she really said this would hurt her so to have to do that. It is hard enough without all that.
Mama has told him go live with the other woman. I don't think the other woman wants him there. See she is just using him because daddy has it bad for her and she uses it to her advantage to get anything she wants from him. To tell you the extent, he had around $70,000 cash in the bank less than a year ago and it is gone. My mama has seen the other woman's mame signed where she goes to his bank and everything and is allowed to get cash out. So she is just using my daddy for money and he knows this but he has it so bad for her he lets her do it. He is now broke and has no more money or not much anyway. This woman has broke him but it is his own fault for letting her. He should be smarter than that. She doesn't want him living with her I don't think or he would. I don't know. But my mom says if you hadn't gave her all your money you would have money to find a place to live. She says not her problem. Which is true.
Talk to a lawyer first - sm
I had the exact situation listed here above, house in DH name, family 4 hours away, no money, etc. In my state, VA, it is a equiable distribution state, meaning they divide it fairly, it is not an automatic 50/50 they take in each persons contributions, etc. So in my case the house would have been 40% mine as he put down the 20% on the house from the sale of his house. Our debt would have probably held where it was about 55% mine versus 45% his, or actually I might have ended up with more as my name was listed as a user on one of his accounts and I did deceive him. In my case, I was hoping he would leave, go live with his brother in MD or rent the apt. next door (neighbor has a vacant apt. over garage, tenant just died), but he would not have done it willingly. Even now after we have worked through everything, he said the other day if I screwed it up again he was taking the kids to his parents, leaving me, and would burn the house down so I got nothing. Sweet. (then again he'd be in jail and I would have the kids and the insurance money if there was any--doubtful since it would be arson). Like I said it has not been all roses but it is going well for the most part. In my case I am glad it was not the end of my marriage though I thought it would be; I talked to a lawyer in anticipation , $160 for 45 mintues, but well worth it.
She needs to talk to a lawyer before doing - sm
anything. Before I confessed to my DH about our debt back in Oct./Nov., cannot even remember when now, I talked to a lawyer as I wanted to know what my rights were and where I would stand in the event of a divorce. She was quite clear about not taking the kids out of the state. Once your friend has a custody agreement in place then maybe, obviously the lawyer and courthouse clerk could best advise her on that, but there are a lot of things that need to be done prior to that or he can call the cops, etc. He sounds like a primo A-hole. She needs to move fast before they lose their house though.
But her money is her money to spend as she pleases -
I don't understand how you can think it is wrong for her to spend whatever she wants to on whatever she buys. It is their personal money they spend. It is not like they are saying give me those shoes and add it to the taxpayer's bill.
And in all actuality, they are saying spend, spend, spend to get the economy going.
I am sorry, I am jealous that some people still have plenty of money to spend and I don't, but I don't expect those people to quit spending just because I had to.
another great way to save
The extra money towards the principal is a great thing to do, especially when planning on being in the same home for a long time. Some companies also offer a program where payments are made bi-monthly, with the first one being made two weeks ahead of the due date, which also winds up with a lot of interest savings over time.
My best way to save -- my mom and I share
the "club card" for our local grocery store (we only have 1 in our little town). We accumulate the points together and usually qualify for the higher percentage off when it's time to cash in (20% off 1 bill rather than 5%). Then we pick a day we can go together and ring our order up together. Of course we use our coupons, too. We just went 2 weeks ago and qualified for 15% off our total bill. Before coupons/discounts, our total grocery bill was $550 but after our discounts, it was only $283. We saved almost $200 ---- unbelievable but true.
Before dining out, I check the website of the restaurant we're going to for coupons. They usually offer a free appetizer and that helps to fill us up so we can order smaller meals. We have 3 kids and my 2 younger kids share a kids' meal since they can never eat a whole one themselves. I also like to order water -- that always cuts about $5 off the bill.
Remember -- if you donate clothes to Good Will/Salvation Army, it's a deductible dontation, so keep track.
PS: It might save her life, too.
I once had a landlord who, when his son was in high school, bought the son the kind of car he wished HE'D had as a teen - a fast, racy, brand-new muscle-car. Then one day, with a bunch of friends in the car, he was showing off, going too fast in it (as people in muscle cars have a tendency to want to do), and wrapped it around a telephone pole.
Incredibly, all survived with only minor to moderate injuries. The car was totalled, as was the telephone pole.
Not only did the kid learn his lesson, the dad did, too. No more car. If the son wanted one, he had to get a job and buy his own. The kid spent the rest of his high-school career car-less. He bought a used bike, and rode it a lot. But they lived up in the hills where there were big fancy houses, but no bus service, so he had to rely on friends all the time. If he went on a date, he had to take the bus or go with friends.
When he finally had the money for a car (roughly his 2nd semester in junior college), the one he bought was old and beat up, but he treated it like it was an expensive new car, and from what I hear, hasn't had so much as a parking ticket since.
Ways we save
My husband has a 401K plan and we also have mutual funds. I had a very large retirement plan with my previous employer that we rolled over and invested. We're definitely not touching any of it, but it's nice to know if we got into a huge bind we'd have the money available.
CPS does tell if lawyer gets involved. have had every detail given to me before sm
when they were called in me for my kids riding their bikes in the neighborhood streets like every kid in the neighborhood did. we hired lawyer, refused the one on one investigation at school with the kids, and had the "meeting" at the laywers office. never allowed them in our home, but our lawyer got every detail of the report, which was passed onto us. we had the date, the name of the person who called, their address, everything.
You can probably make-up a date to see a lawyer
because marriage is based on truth. Just tell him you are done! End of story. If he catches you in a lie, that could spell trouble. JMO. 
Time for a call to a lawyer.
x
Take this to a lawyer. Fight for him. This cannot be legal.
asf
I did talk to a lawyer too before I dropped - sm
the bomb on my DH as I wanted to know where I stood. I live in a state where they do an equitable disbursement of the marital goods, assets, etc. I would have a 40% stake in the house, entitled to about $100K in his 401K (1/2 of its growth since we married), 1/2 of assets we purchased together. Though a judge would deem what it fair, either way I would walk away debt-free though I would not have a home if we sold everything. He told me in one of his pissy moments that if we lose the house (which there is no danger of) he is moving in with his parents with the kids and I am on my own. What he does not realize that no judge would give him custody (has depression , threatened suicide, etc) and the kids would want to be with me. He has a temper too that gets the better of him too much and he is an alcoholic as well. So if a judge gave him custody I would be totally shocked. I am relatively healthy though overweight by 70 pounds, drink a glass of wine 5 days a week maybe (that is it--he drinks 9-12 beers a day --every day--- though he has cut down to 9 since the 13th for which I am happy for though I'd rather he quit altogether---But good thing to find out where you would stand in a divorce and what you would need to do in terms of custody if push came to shove.
probably call a lawyer dont you think?
Maybe she could see a counselor herself and see if they could help her to make the decision or at least scoot her in the right direction about what she needs to do or who to talk to.
That's too bad of a situation... wish her the best
Go talk to a lawyer pronto - sm
I did this before I confessed to my DH about our debt issues back in October as our house is in his name only as is the mortgage, and wanted to know where I stood with my "share" of our assets. If it was bought after you married, as ours was, then it is maritial property. The division is not 50/50 unless you both contributed equally to the downpayment, in my case he used the money from the sale of our (his) former house that he had before we married. So my share would be something like 40%. Our two cars are in both our names, except our boat and utility trailer, those are his which is just fine with me. I also have no money, but he (we) has a very nice 401K (still by some miracle), of which I would be entitled 50% of the earnings in the time period of our marriage. But basically regardless of whose name is on what it is maritial property as long as you lived in it together and you contributed to the household in some way whether it is paying all the bills, or some, or staying home to take care of the kids, it is a contribution. They figure out all the percentages, etc. I would not leave the home though, he will say you left the marriage, etc. Call around, see if you can get a free consult or a discounted consult. I think I paid $160 for my 45 minute phone call but I felt much better for doing so. Luckily I did not end up needing the lawyer, but I was ready to do so if necessary. Good Luck.
Maybe Jacob will save Locke.
n/m
Mighty Mouse - Here I come to Save the Day!!
SAVE ON HEATING BILL!
A friend told me about these and my husband brought an article home today. They are Heat Surge Fireless Flame miracle heaters produced by the Amish. I will try to attach the link to the web site so you can check them out....don't panic at the price! You can order the mantle right now for $298 and get a FREE heater (normally around $600 together) The mantle (which goes around the heater) is solid wood. Right now you can order 2 per household. Click on the link that says "do not have claim code" to see where in the country you are and get the phone#. You only have 48 hours to order, and mine started yesterday.
I sure hope he wanted me to order one, cuz I did!! We already have a wood stove but this will help me not have to get up to put wood in it all night long to keep it going since I have not turned on my house heater in 3 years and refuse to!!!!
,,,use your support system, and find a lawyer who
s
Call lawyer! Nobody here is atty. Consultation will
x
Good point, I will be contacting a lawyer - sm
to get their input, though I wil probably do the filing solo so I save money, only about $300 if I do it myself. Just need to get info and follow the rules.
This is a great idea - save your hearing
for work. (The electric ones are much quieter).
Since you have a slope, it matters whether it's rear-wheel drive or front-wheel drive. One of them will give you trouble, but I can't remember which. Salesman told DH.
Oh, Lord, save me from your Christian followers.
x
I think she is hoping to help save his political career so (sm)
she tries to appear supportive - for future money for herself probably. To keep him from going completely down the tubes so he can support his children. Won't work in this case I'm sure though. But it also could be that they feel sorry for the guy...I mean not only does he have to deal with his betrayed wife, he has to face the entire country and lose his career. He's probably near suicidal. I would probably have to feel sorry for my husband if he were in those circumstances, just a a basic human compassion.
This is the smart way to save - it is called "paying yourself first" and sm
is endorsed by Suzy Orman, Dave Ramsey and other financial planners. If you save it b/f you see it, you're much more likely to leave it alone.
Personally I've been debt-free (including my home) for 7 years and have never felt better. I don't understand people who have the urge to buy things they do not need (like the poster who said they had jackets coming from QVC today - why?).
Oh sorry. I thought he was a lawyer and the other two guys' father was judge. sm
My bad, but either way daddy can get him out of it.
Good luck but I doubt you will find a lawyer sm
First of all, I am glad that your sister knows the truth and is not dying. Unfortunately I know from experience what it is like for a loved one to be given a misdiagnosis death sentence. My father-in-law went in the hospital almost 2 years ago with trouble swallowing and ended up getting referred to an ENT that sent him over to a neurologist. He did an EMG/NCS on his tongue, said he had ALS, and to prepare within 6 months to make a decision on being on a ventilator or being DNR. He had to quit working early & be fed through a PEG for over a year, during which time I took him to a different neurologist, a specialist in motor neuron diseases, who said that EMGs performed on the tongue are unreliable and that he had no evidence of ALS at all. Basically what had happened is that his vocal cord was not working properly, and the ENT said it was paralyzed, which is was not. Because the first neurologist just assumed the ENT was correct, he made the diagnosis. I tried calling a few lawyers for the pain and suffering aspect, but unless you want to try through civil court, there is no malpractice involved because there was no permanent physical damage done. They're lucky he didn't follow through with the suicidal thoughts he was having when he was first told all of this bullcr@p.
This makes me want to have more babies and save their stem cells. sm
But, I'm confused. Is America not doing any stem cell transplants? Is that why she had to go to China? I wonder how credible this story really is. I have family in the Joplin area. I hate to be a skeptic, but I really wonder if this is true.
Please read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It can save your life. NM
x
divorce
Been there. You hit the nail right on the head -- his drinking overpowers or affects every aspect of your life, and your childrens' lives. Every day, every minute. Most people can't comprehend the constant stress that puts on a family. He's absolutely miserable with his drinking, and wants everybody around him to be as miserable as he is. Tired of walking on the eggshells and sick of the promises that mean nothing? I know I was! Drunks tell you what they think you want to hear to buy them more time. You need peace in your lives for once. You need to be able to predict what your day is going to be like when you wake up in the morning, and so do your kids. I hope it is a 'friendly' divorce for you. You may hurt his ego more than anything else. Good luck to you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I will tell you this -- when my ex left after 12 years, my children and I finally felt like we could BREATHE.
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