I'd be totally ticked! Time for a compromise or separate
Posted By: vacations, even. NM on 2007-11-14
In Reply to: Would this have made you mad - husband planning trip - w another family w/o asking me (sm)
s
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I filed separate from my spouse at the time--sm
against an old (over 10 years) student loan that I had. That was the only thing I filed against and it was way before my spouse and I had even married. Even though I filed in my name only, it affected his credit too, just because we were married. It continued to affect his credit even after we divorced 10 years later. Better think twice. It is not always a good idea to file bankruptcy as a way out of debt. Cut up those cards and start paying cash for things you want/need. The interest on most of those cards will keep you in debt forever. Been there! but not any more! good luck to you!
Totally agree, get these from time to time since teens...sm
It's a neuro condition, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you, it is actually related to narcolepsy, hypnagogic (sp? I just got up!) hallucinations, etc. And I HATE when I get these, it is always freaky, my siblings get this too, at times. I can "go away" for years and years before you get another episodes, so don't worry! I heard that when you are under a lot of stress or are very busy with things that this happens more??? Take care!!
Well, it does take TWO to compromise - can't do it by myself (sm)
I think 10 years of waiting is compromising pretty good. I am willing to meet him halfway and find somewhere that he can be happy as well as the rest of us.
Yes I have seriously sat down and discussed this with him and with a marriage counsellor many times. I have attempted to improve our situation many times, however I am not allowed to spend any money on the house and he does not want me to paint, etc., without his help, but he is never available to help. I have done a few rooms while he has been out of town and he has come home and found out and been very angry. If I was to order repairs on the house through someone else, even if I paid for it myself, he would be furious, as if I had stepped on his toes.
But why can't he compromise so we can all be happy - not just him?? (sm)
Why is his lifestyle and this house more important to him than his wife and children?
why can't HE compromise so WE can all be happy??
Ask yourself 2 questions. One, have you honestly given this your best efforts or once you decided you didn't like it did you start your campaign to move? What can you do to improve the situation? Why are you so isolated - how close are your neighbors? Town? school? If it's the isolation and the clutter, what can you do to help improve your own situation?
Two, have you complained about wanting to move or have you sat down and seriously, honestly, openly explained to this man you love how you feel about living here - without being accusatory? Have you asked him why he wants to live there and not "in town".
I'm ticked....sm
My poor mother...my dad has stage IV gastric cancer and is the hospital with anemia and weakness and probable at least oozing from the tumor. Mom said she got a call this morning at 6:30 from a doctor at the hospital saying Dad needed 2 units of blood but wouldn't sign for it and he was also not putting out much urine or responding very well (he was NOT like that AT ALL last night when I saw him) and maybe it was time for comfort measures only. The doctor then gave the phone to a nurse who proceeded to call my mom by the WRONG NAME. They had called her by mistake. At 6:30 in the morning!  I mean I understand everyone makes mistakes, but wouldn't you think they would be extra certain they had the right person at that hour of the morning with that kind of news?
To I'm ticked.
Wow. Talk about huge mistake. I do not understand why they did not double check their records either. I have a scary one as well. When a friends father was in ICU for a total of a week, they couldn't understand why his sugars were so low. On the eve of trying another med it was found they were giving this man insulin and he was not diabetic. Yes we all make mistakes but WE are not health care providers. I am not saying they do not make mistakes either but we hold them to a higher degree of accountability. That mistake was just plain wrong. I am sorry for your worry.
I'm SO Ticked Off Right Now!
My kids and I have been staying with my folks for a little over a month. I left a mentally abusive situation that my kids didn't need to see any longer. I had found out from an attorney about a year ago that it was perfectly legal for me to do so if I felt unsafe. Of course, Hubby was mad that I left, and took "his" kids, never mind that he drove me to the decision. I've been willing to have him come & visit them here, as long as he doesn't make trouble, because I know they shouldn't be kept from him completely. However, he called the other day, and wanted me to meet him somewhere to talk. I had suggested it a month ago & it wouldn't work--because it was my idea. Next, he said he was going to come & get them for the weekend. My lawyer had told me that I didn't have to agree to him taking them, and he would then need a court order to do so. So--he showed up with his parents tonight. Unfortunately, both kids were right there. Things were fine, until he demanded that he was taking the kids for the weekend. I told him he couldn't, because I don't trust him to bring them back, since we don't have visitation rules established. Secondly, DS has an ear infection & has been up half the night for the last several nights. Before, he couldn't handle the two of them for a few hours by himself, so why does he think he can handle a whole weekend? He's lied to me too many times before for me to be able to trust him. (Who in their right mind would sign on a car loan for someone he knew his wife didn't trust, even if he thought he did, then lie to her about it, putting them in financial distress? Who in their right mind would turn his wife in to the Department of Children and Family Services for simply spanking a misbehaving child? (She told his mother some tale about getting pushed as why she had a very small scratch on her chin. Grandma wasn't smart enough to believe that she was telling stories to get attention. She'd been telling us all kinds of wild things.) Who in his right mind would take his wife 2 hrs. from home for prenatal testing, and demand she turn off her cell phone so that if her family wanted to talk to her to make sure everything was ok, they had to go through him. Who in his right mind would call his FIL a SOB, when he was just trying to help out? (over the car issue) We all had some pretty heated words, and when they left (without the kids), Mom & Dad turned on me! This hasn't been easy for any of us, but I think their expectations are a little too unrealistic. Their house isn't child-proofed, yet they get upset if my 2 y/o DS gets hold of something of theirs that he shouldn't have (my dad's car magazines). I've told them to put away things they don't want the kids messing with, but they say it's their house & they shouldn't have to do that. They also think I should be right behind the kids, picking up after them, or insisting they do it. I did that (picked up after her constantly) when DD was little. Found out it was all I got done & quit being such a fanatic about it. Mom never did get the concept that my house may not have been as perfectly kept as hers, but my kids were happy that I took the time to spend with them instead of being totally busy all the time. They've also reverted to treating me like a little kid, with chores and all. No, I don't mind helping out, but I don't want to be treated like a maid, either. I got enough of that in my own house. I'm so sick of all the disrespect from everyone. And, at one point, they actually wondered why it seemed that DD didn't respect me! Well, her dad didn't for one, and now it seems that no one else is, either. I really don't need this in front of the kids!
At this point, I'm seriously considering getting out of here as soon as I can get my furniture from my own house. No income right now, but I'm in training for a work-from-home job, so the money should be there soon. Luckily, there are apartments nearby that are income-based. Last I knew, they were pretty nice.
Thanks for letting me vent!
TO TICKED OFF
You need to be very careful. Your spouse may become physically abusive, or worse, harm you and/or the children. This is not unheard of and is happening with more frequency. The fact that he wants to keep you isolated (cell phone) from family is not a good sign. Do not let him take the children unless under court order. Call law enforcement if you have to. Ask what counselor would recommend.
Yeah, I Would be Ticked sm
Considering Santa Claus was, in fact, a real human being and did exactly what the "myth" states in terms of presents for children and such (he didn't have reindeer and didn't commit B&E), the teacher was undoubtedly wrong and way out of line. That would be like the teacher saying, "Johnny, the reason you have bright red hair and your parents are both brunettes is because you're adopted" or something equally invading. Extreme comparison, I know, but to a child not emotionally ready to let go of Santa, the reaction could be as devastating.
Facility was so ticked with agency, no way you
x
But what about that bipolar student who might get ticked off
Seems to me odds are someone will get hurt if everyone carries guns, statistically speaking. Even an accident could happen, or the gun could be placed in the hands of someone who might just do more harm than good. Just IMHO.
Ticked when I type melanosis coli due to laxatives
Just typed this again. I was told in the past I had melanosis coli and nothing, absolutely nothing I could say about NOT taking laxatives was heard by the physician. Once again this physician saying due to chronic laxative abuse. Does anyone out there know of or have similar condition not due to laxatives and if so, what could this be from? Oh, did forget, constipated in 1964 and took a laxative then.
Amen Sister! She is totally unrealistic! Totally. Loved your post! sm
My grandparents (from VT), will tell you that my grandfather began farming at 6-7 under the supervision of his 10 year old brother. haha No major incidents - his mother tended the home and ran a nursery and she did have the siblings watch over each other. I didn't even think about all of this until you mentioned the farming post. I loved it!
I, for one, need plenty of sleep - so I must work during the day while they are here...Oops, I gottah go! My 2 year old just fell off the kitchen table.
just kidding
That's why there are separate bedrooms - sm
quite a lifesaver in my book, even with that though I can hear him through the wall sometimes. I don't think he has sleep apnea, always associate that with being overweight (he is not at 5 feet 11 inches, 163 pounds); so I presume deviated septum. Of course he won't get it checked out. Unless it was a condition of work he just will not go to a doctor, hopefully I will not become a widow because of his stubborness and fear.
I don't see why you would have to open a separate--sm
account just to deposit that check. Once the bank cashes the check, you get the money. If there are not sufficient funds, that will go against HIM, not YOU. He will have to pay the extra fees, etc. to have the check clear. You get your money, either way. They cannot take it away from you if there is not enough money in HIS account.
Yes, you need 2 separate gifts - sm
I have not been to one of these in so long I do not remember. I generally went with something more personal with a bridal shower gift but we are talking about best friends, and then something for the 2 of them with a wedding gift. You can always give money for both though. Surprised though they are doing a shower, they should have everything they both need by this time in their life. Maybe some nice kitchen towels or knives or something of that nature if you do not want to go personal; for the wedding gift maybe a gift certificate to a local restuarant (something useful you know they will use). If you do not attend though, you do not have to send a gift though a card would be the nice thing to do.
They are 2 separate boards.
You'll find the Christianity board listed right about in the middle of the list of boards to the left. See Gab Board, then Conservatives, then Liberals, then Christianity.
I separate mine from his - see why
My husband is completely financially irresponsible and has no idea how to budget.
After spending two years trying to sort out his last horrible mess, his is his and mine is mine now and will be forever more.
Could be a reason why they separate theirs too.
Same here. We have separate accounts and
he has his bills and I have mine. I do know what he makes though and our accounts are linked to the same access so I can at least see what he spends and vice versa.
Yes, and we have separate bank accounts ;)
x
take dog home with you; put cat in separate room for now.
nm
Going on 10 years, separate monies and
we have absolutely no problem with things. We half up big money items such as house taxes, vehicle insurance, the big bills but then he pays for the home, his truck, my BMW he bought me. I pay the smaller bills such as utilies because I have the smaller amount made. Works great for us. No problems ever.
can you separate the flavor from salt?
no, no more than you can separate the Christianity from the Christian. why should he have to HIDE his Bible in a drawer -- because the mere sight of it offends you non-believers? now THAT is silly. and calling the word of God propaganda is very offensive. Ah, but no so much to me as to HIM. and you will one day be before that 'big guy in the sky' and wishing you hadn't been so foolish.
Has anyone filed bankruptcy separate from their spouse?
My husband and I have all bills and checking accounts separate except for the cars and we split the household bills. I have a ton of credit card debt and with MT pay being less all the time, was thinking this may be the only way out. I know the spouse doesn't have to file if their name isn't on the account, but is this very hard to do? Thanks for any info.
Some married people have separate accts just like
my husband and I. I don’t know what he has, what he makes each week- the only time we know really is when we do our taxes. He and I have our own banking accts but we are signed on just in case the need arises. It might work for her- does for me.
Separate bathrooms would definitely be great, or 1 huge one. Nix to the double
s
Child support is a separate issue from visitation. nm
x
Feed in separate rooms, leave in with food for 1/2hr.
x
Keeping that part of my life separate sounds best -
I have been asked on dates but just have not been interested. I feel stuck just wishing we could all be a normal family again (the 4 of us). I even think ahead to when I'm a grandma down the road and still can't picture me with a new man! I don't know, maybe I'm just destined to remain alone unless I met the guy who was a perfect fit with my kids.
I see lots of posts from marrieds with separate accounts.
Are my husband and I the last of the money-poolers? We have no separate accounts, and we don't keep track of who paid in more or less to anything. He makes more than I do, but it all goes into the family pot. I do have it easy at tax time, though. Hubby is a CPA. I haven't prepared a tax return since 1983. Haven't balanced the checkbook, either. I just peak over his shoulder. He's self-employed, which is no cake-walk. We pay estimated taxes quarterly and we NEVER get a refund. Even when DH was an employee, we never got refunds. It's a CPA thing. He has a long speech about not wanting to give money to the government interest-free. I don't care. He handles it, and that makes me happy.
Thank you! From a Mom who had 2 daughters, serving 3 separate tours in Iraq - twice over Christmas.
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why do you make your lasagne one day, separate it into meal size portions, freeze it, and eat it for
;
Totally, totally agree.
You feel inadequate and no matter what you do - you feel like it is not enough - and that is depression. Get on some medication, or get some therapy and start taking time for yourself and enjoy life. Been there and done that myself - STOP FEELING GUILTY - you deserve better!!
No! That sounds too desperate. TIME. Just give it TIME. If it is real, then sm
something will definitely evolve. If you like him, flirt back! Don't act desperate because if he DOES like you, then the suspense will just make him want to get to know you more. Trust me on this.
I worked in the medical records department of a hospital when I was single and dated a few co-workers in my early 30s. It was fun. Nothing serious came about any of the relationships.
This sounds like fun - the beginning of maybe something to come....Keep us informed.
It's time to stop when you or the kid(s) feel it is time, and no sooner. sm
My grandmother (who passed away at the young age of 107 back in the mid 1990s) was STILL celebrating every little holiday for all of her many kids and grandkids, and she would STILL give me a chocolate bunny every Easter, as she had since I was a toddler and even though I was 40ish at the time (and I still delighted in biting its head off in front of her, as I had also done since I was a toddler, which always met with mock disapproval from her).
Don't let anyone dampen your joy in celebrating your traditions.
The very 1st time he talked about killing you, was the time
The guy sounds like a psycho.
Rachael Ray has a segment from time to time
on using the bottom of the bottle receipes (i.e. bar-be-q sauce, peanut butter, maple syrup) and I have used many of her ideas and been amazed at how far you can stretch a dollar that way. Go to her website, it will give you many ideas.
Oh Amy, surely there was a man who "kept" you from time to time..
or you were at least married and had access to money!
It was a great time - I just hate the time we are in now
I liked your post. Thanks for replying It's nice to know other people were raised like me. We seem to appreciate the things we have. Oh I should've also said we didn't have A/C growing up. My parents idea of A/C was having my sister and I wave a piece of cardboard in front of them. HA HA HA.
I just couldn't stand the 90s and 2000s are even worse. I hate all the politics going on today, the world events, the bleak future. The degenerates running around, listening to kids talk back to their parents, girls gone wild, etc, etc. I'm grateful my grandparents and mom are not alive anymore to have to go through this with us.
I love watching old movies and the music of the 40s/50s. If I was alive back then I would've been doing the jitterbug and all those other fun dances. Life seemed simpler and cleaner (even though I've got a mouth like a sailer - guess I got that from my Army days).
I wouldn't mind the turn of the century either. I love the clothing and the simple life. Those are the times when the husband took care of the wife. If I could be transported back to the 1800s I surely would in a second.
Totally against the war
said it right from the start, told my husband the war was of no use, more and more that is being proven true, hate that young guys are being killed there day after day, the middle east never had as many bombings as they do on a day to day basis now, blood being shed all over the place, the house not wanting to give more money for a no win war, I lived through Viet Nam, no difference here, just different land. Mark my word, different president, the war will be a thing of the past and yet all these fine lives lost.
I am totally
terrified of the draft. I posted earlier about my son wanting to go to Africa next summer and me not really wanting to let him go. I guess you know what my answer would be to the above question so I guess I shouldn't say anything at all.
I was totally going to say
me too!
Oh, but what I've gained ...
(I'll think of something).
Totally think it is really none of your
business that they are working. You don't have any authority and your supervisor is the one to tell them NOT to work. If they have been told not to work and they are, that is between them and the employer.
totally.
My imagination is way too fertile. When someone tells me they are "trying to get pregnant" or they remember the moment their kids were conceived, it's exactly like showing me photos of the deed. Photos I'd way rather not see. ick.
I totally get what you are saying sm
and feel 100% the same way. If I had the means financially, I would help whomever and whenever, my hubby feels the same. However, to not respond to someone who is reaching out to you, I feel, is unforgivable. I would also like to say, give it some more time - you don't know what the situation is and I feel someone who has as big a heart as you obviously have, should hold it open just a little longer.
Totally agree. nm
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Totally agree with you!
Santa Claus was a wonderful time for me and my children. I did not suffer any ill effects from knowing the truth. This is a magical time for children. They believe in goblins, ghosts, the Easter Bunny, play friends that only they can see and talk with, fairies among lots of others. Why in the world would anyone want to deny a child the pleasure of thinking they are that important that this man in the red suit is coming especially to give them presents. It really made me feel special but I guess other parents want to cut some of the fun time from the child's life.How sad....
I totally agree with you, well said.
I find that others think since I work at home, they can interrupt me any time they want, I am expected to cover things while they are at work, etc. I want to be left alone during my work hours to do my work. I have worked in offices where you were not allowed to have personal calls during work hours, which is fairly common. I think I am going to disconnect my phone during my work hours. Sometimes I feel by working at home I don't get the same respect for my job than others in my home that work outside the home.
Totally inappropriate.
He sounds like he's good at his job and also at flirting. He is interested in getting to know you better? Why doesn't he just come out and say - hey baby, how about a roll in the hay? Keep us posted if you pursue this. I'd like to know how things go. Believe me, he knows he's good looking. Good Luck and be careful.
Oh, I totally agree with you there...sm
these are the kids my daughter deals with every day, but she understands at their age, they didn't ask for their circumstances. No child at age 8 or 9 should know anything about sex, using the B word, MF word, and other stuff. They can't write a sentence but they can tell her how to get more food stamps, how their older sister had another baby so she could get more money in her check....the stories go on and on. But the point we started out with was GI upset...they can't help being made take meds that make them physically sick.
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