Husband's action
Posted By: MTness on 2007-11-08
In Reply to: Husband did a bizarre thing - may be offensive so - Read at your own risk
You must be a young one. Having been married a LONG time, and been through almost EVERYTHING imaginable in a marriage, it is neither shocking nor surprising, so don't be scared. My intuitive self says he is acting out of anxiety. You offered information that you are having problems in your marriage right now, and perhaps he wanted you to walk in on him. I too have walked in on my husband while he was spanking the monkey, so to speak. When we were younger, I would have been offended and hurt but you will learn that men will be men. As for me I don't deal with stress in a sexual way. I have found through the journey of marriage that sex can be used as a powerful tool to convey other powerful emotions too. Some men, no matter how good your sex life is together, are like little boys, they have to hand their hands on it just to make sure it's still there, I guess. Take this opportunity to talk openly about what emotions are really going on underneath, and I can almost guarantee you it will be fear. Once you get to the bottom of what he is feeling and what you are feeling, you will begin to ease the tension and be better able to deal with your issues.
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You need to take action.
1. Do you have a physical problem keeping you from seeking out new employment? If you do, please see your doctor now. If you have a true disability, see what you can do about maybe collecting disability.
2. Do you have emotional issues going on that you cannot handle well right now? Please seek out help, again, through your physician. If that is not an option, go to your phonebook and look for a community help line phone number. Someone there can help guide you in the right direction. In my city, that would be in the white pages in the blue section. Not sure how everyone else's is.
3. Do you have anyone at all that you can turn to for living arrangements, even on a temporary basis? If not, you better get on the ball and start right this second looking for another apartment or even just a room so you don't end up on the street.
4. Look into getting some help from your local food pantry. Again, a friend, clergy, or a local help line could lead you in the right direction to do that.
5. Call your gas and electric companies to see if you are eligible for help on your bills. Many companies offer this.
6. Do you have any stuff you can unload at a flea market? I would say ebay but it sounds like you don't have time for that. A flea market would be good for some immediate cash on hand. I looked in a box I had been holding onto for years and never really looked at what was in it (my ex-mother in law gave me what I thought was old Christmas decorations). I ended up making over 2,000 bucks on ebay for the crap that was in it. Still don't know why people went nuts over that stuff, but apparently they were some kind of collectables (as I remember there were some old lead figures, some kind of collectable penny lucky charm thingy and a couple old Lone Ranger and Tonto dolls still in boxes, and stuff like that.) Anyway, if you have been holding onto stuff just because, get rid of it now. It could put a few extra bucks in your pocket.
7. Don't post here looking for help. In your situation you need REAL and IMMEDIATE help. Call a friend, go to your church if you belong to one and talk to your clergy. Seek heart-to-heart and face-to-face help and counseling.
8. When the dust settles, make a plan, start an emergency fund (even if it is just 5 bucks a week) and don't ever ever let this happen again.
Just my two cents.
Big brother in action again
What happened to freedom of choice? When did what we do off the clock become everyone's business, and when did we, the workers, agree we need some authority with a conflict of interest to police everyone's health for their own good?
So what's next - we all have no health insurance eventually because some greedy insurer decides something we do is a risk? In this profession in particular, they could look to disqualify us for being overweight, or the likelihood of carpal tunnel, or any of the other problems that come from being chained to a keyboard the majority of the time.
On the other hand, some politicians introduce platforms aimed to force us to buy insurance. But what if you are disqualified by the almighty insurers? You can't make everybody get insurance if more and more people are refused insurance due to risk. Something has got to give here, and the madness must stop.
you just have to stand up and take action sm
You don't have to make a decision to leave him, you don't have to hate him. You do need the truth from him and an apology with remorse. I am picturing you all being young adults when this happened, is that the case? How old was he? How old were your sisters? If he was a young man and they were young adults it was still wrong of him but he could have changed his ways and regret his actions. If they were children, that is completely another story. If that is the case, I would not be able to stay with him if I were you. But you need to stand up and tell him that you believe them and that he needs to confess and apologize and reassure you that it has not been a recurring them throughout your marriage.
There will probably be consequences to this action
because I do not see how someone in the school system can just take it upon their own self to ask for a urine specimen from a child. I would just play a wait and see and what will come into play is the person who actually ordered/took this will probably be suspended/terminated. It was definitely the responsibility of the school to let the parent(s) know first and not take into their own hands.
If you disagree with a certain belief or action, then don't do it YOURSELF... but
don't try to force your beliefs upon others who may not share them with you. Everyone has a different situation. Dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks, ya know.
I have a dalek action figure!
and a box of Jelly Babies from around 1983 my mother bought from PBS! I absolutely ADORE the new Dr. Who series and Torchwood...but I get it off BBC3 and it's all unedited and just freakin' awesome!!
the kind of action that could get you shot in this
x
Neither, action adventure! The moon or the sun?
x
i'd have decked her. Reflex action. (nm)
.
put her in your yard; her owner cannot argue against your action.
nm
Right now just trying to keep him from eating my 3-year-old action figures - sm
I wonder if he eats a spiderman figure does he become spider dog??? I keep finding small plastic arms and legs around the house. It is getting kinda spooky. If I find a small plastic horse head in my bed, cute or not the doggie may have to go... LOL...
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
It won't be making any difference. I tried a couple of techniques for my adults and very soon I came to realize they found the antidotes for them. If there are 10 sites telling how to monitor your kids, there are 1000 more telling how to escape it. Down the road you will be pushing your kids to visit those sites (full of porn banners & adult materials) and nothing else.
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
My husband is the same way
Something about guys and their cars. I have no kids though and recently married so we still do some of our banking and bills separately by my choice. I thought he was being selfish too. So I got myself a 2nd part time job and I recently went out and bought a newer, bigger, fully loaded SUV and I don't let him use it! lol
My husband and I are doing it right now
and it is working, slowly but surely. After the first couple of things are paid off, its gets better and faster. We have a poster board with all our debt and we redo it every three months, and I must say that you see the debt going away. My hubbie cut all my credit cards up, and I was upset but in the scheme of things, it was the best. We only have one income and its working. Give it a try, I think you'll be surprised that it actually does work. My friend is also doing it, and their debt is disappearing also.
My husband and I did think of it. NM
x
What is your husband's take on that? nm
x
Go for it! I met my husband .....sm
2 months after his wife died from a 3 year bout with cancer and we're very happily married.
Good luck!!!
My husband always tries, although he just
doesn't necessarily have the same taste as me. It is a hit and miss with him, but he always tries. This year we did not exchange gifts (agreed upon ahead of time) because I got a new house and he got a new truck. We concentrated on the kids. The only gripe I really have is that he doesn't do much in the way of getting me gifts from the kids on Mother's Day, and he's not much of a card person, although I am.
He helped me clean all week though, did anything I asked pretty much, cleaned up all day today, etc.
Honestly though, I do not agree with the posts below about making a list. I think that a gift should come from the heart and that some thought should be put into it. Things that I just want, I go get them myself.
My husband and I have 2
roundtrip airfare tickets for anywhere in the US. I'm looking for an all-inclusive resort (room, meals, activities), but am having a hard time finding one. Can you help me out with this? Thanks!
My husband
used this for his leg pain due to fibromyalgia but had a very bad reaction to it so was not able to continue to use it. He found a natural supplement online that has helped. Best of luck!!
So, you would be okay with your husband
nm
This is what my husband (sm)
told me last night. I really hope that isn't what is going on. I am going to talk to her again about it again today. She has a cell phone (very near and dear to her heart!) I like for her to have it, so that I know she is okay when she isn't home, but since I now know that she is still smoking, I think I have very good reason to ground her. Hence, she won't be needing the cell phone.
Thanks for the input everyone.
My husband only uses
regular lotion, but he does like to take baths sometimes. He was glad when we moved and got a garden tub so he could soak. He doesn't go out of his way to use bubbles, but he will take one with me with bubbles.
Met my first husband when I was 5, LOL - sm
First crush was Greg. I met him when I was 5. We played together at church. We started "going together" when I was 13. We got married when I was 18. We got divorced when I was 32. Tried again several times. Finally called it quits when I was 37...sigh.
Then there was Stacy....we were together for two years.
Then there is Tommy, we have been together for three years - married for two years.
My husband was the one who
donated the sperm and had it washed, the doctor performed the IUI, and nature created twins. It was a WE effort in my case.
This is your husband
If there's one person in the world you should be honest with, it's your husband. Don't lie about this, this is BIG...just explain to him your feelings and if he loves you and you love him, you can work it out and make both of you happy. But lying WILL come back to bite you in the a$$...trust me, I know...good luck!
My husband was gay
We've been divorced for a while now, but it still hurts like crazy. I don't know anyone who has been through this. Is there anyone out there who's spouse came out to them?
My husband did!
He had to have surgery because otherwise the muscles would have atrophied. Because lifting was required for his job, he was out on disability for 4 months. However, soon afterward a radiologist I knew had it done, and he only took 1 day off and then was back at work, not complaining, and not taking strong pain killers. My hubby is a big guy, and it was hard on him, but he's able to work fine now. He has also had cervical spinal fusion, and the rotator cuff was worse for him, oddly enough.
Husband and I have dog and cat instead!
Kids...no thank you! Decided at around 12-13 or so that I didn't want any. I'm 30 now and haven't changed my mind and don't plan to.
I AM SO MAD AT HUSBAND
I am so mad with this man. Last night he made a comment that all I have to do on my job is sit on my A_ _ and stare at a computer screen. He thinks this job is cushy. I transcribe every foreign doctor known to man for 8-10 hours 5-6 days a week, achieve OVER my line counts and bring home more money than he does and I work from home. What in the world does he think gives him the right to talk down to me? Even though I love it, this is one of the most taxing jobs I have ever had in my life. The mental drain is incomprehensible at times. I was so mad when he came up with that, I would have thrown him out if he would have had anywhere else to go!
mad at husband
Do what I do..i put him in my chair with my own keyboard, a set of headphones and told him i would be back in 30 minutes. And I gave him one of my best enunciating docs to boot. Needless to say....no more sit on my a** comments any more. I put the son in the chair too. Good luck.
Which one, the husband or dog?
He, he!
What do you do when your husband says
He does not love you anymore after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids? He left once about 3 years ago, but came back saying he missed us and loved me and that he was just going through a tough time and he knew he was making a bad choice. I thought we were okay, not smart of me, then he started getting distant and grumpy all the time again, and he told me last night that he tried really hard these last 3 years, mostly for our kids sake and because he cares about me and does not want to leave me high and dry, but he does not love me and is not happy with me. He says we have nothing in common anymore, which we really didn't in the first place, but it was okay until recently.
I don't know what to do. All 3 kids are extremely close to their dad, and he loves them so much, but I feel I should move to where my parents are (next town 20 miles away) but it will be harder for him to see them and also rent is so much higher for housing there. I just feel like I want to be closer to my family because here, I have NO ONE. I moved here because it was his hometown and he was happy. I also have the kids in preschool here, again cheaper than in the town I want to go to. My son will be in first grade and needs speech therapy for developmental delay and I like the people who have been working with him as they know his history. Am I being selfish wanting to take them away from here? I am lost and don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. 
What do you do when husband...
Ditto totally trose. Permanently CLOSE his door except when dealing with/talking about children. Work hard at your job, totally concentrate on YOUR life and family. God is your refuge..will keep you safe and won't lead you wrong. You are strong (else you wouldn't be an mtmomof3) ... you can do this. Will remember you in my prayers.
husband
he sounds like a pig... i say move on
My husband will be right over! LOL!
xx
Is my husband
Because I think we are married to the same guy. Here's my rule: I don't tell him everything, but when asked, I tell the truth. Except when I buy my son an $80 pair of shoes, I shave a few bucks off. Other than that I tell the truth. I know how you feel though. When he comes home if I hear squealing tires on the driveway or the door slams just right, I think, "Uh-oh. What did I do now?"
Is there anyone who has a husband...
like mine...he is an adult and acts like one, he respects what I do for a living, thanks me for working as hard as I do, would never expect me to do everything around the house without him helping out, and is generally a fabulous guy. Sounds like a lot of women are married to self-centered whiners who think THEIR job is the important one. I truly am blessed!
My husband...
I was going to post something similar to this...reading these threads about jerk husbands makes me sooo very grateful for mine. He's handsome, sexy, funny...works doggone hard for us so I can work PT, and still helps around the house in the evenings after work. Guess that's why I've kept him for 20 years---today!!! 
Oh, did I mention he's the bestest dad ever (as our DS puts it)...I could go on and on, but I won't...I am sorry for those who are not blessed with a wonderful man, it truly is a gift!
why the MIL and not your husband?
You are going after the wrong person. Your husband should be beside you all the way 100%. It is his job to talk/deal with his family. If he doesn't or won't, you've got a bigger problem with him than with the outlaws.
Your husband should say something
You are to cleave to husband and wife. If the MIL is not going to handle the situation your husband should definately stand up for you and say if you dont show some respect to my wife stay away. I have a SIL that does not like me either because she married into the family first and thinks I stole some of her thunder, but thank goodness my husband stands up for me. The MIL probably wants to keep peace that is how mine is, so I would talk to your husband about getting the situation resolved. Some people can be so dumb to act that way. Good luck, hope things get better.
What did your husband say about it?
xx
ex-husband
Well, Pammy,
I think you would fit right in with me and my friends' "board." We meet once a week and "discuss things." We all share the blessing of an ex-husband except one. Maybe ex is just so blissfully happy he forgot to tell you, or maybe he is just TOO CHICKEN - you think. In any case, the "board" meets tomorrow night. I'll be thinking of you.
LOL! My husband said she was just doing her job. It was probably on sm
the paper! LOL
My husband became an RN at age 43.
He thought he was too old and not smart enough because he did poorly in school. Not true! He certainly wasn't the oldest in his classes. Go for it!
Well, it is for me because my husband
is a whiz at navigating, and he can't understand my problem AT ALL. My problem is not just at night - it's all the time. I never worried about it as a kid. I was just one of those passengers that paid no attention to how we got anywhere, but no bid deal when the city is laid out in a grid. Then we moved to the South, where there is no such thing as a logical grid, and instead of being able to see for long distances and get your bearings, you are hemmed in by trees. I love trees, but must they be so dense you can't see through them??
Oh, and if you're downtown you have to pay attention to which are one-way streets. What a nightmare for a navigationally challenged woman. I can hardly wait to have Magellan on my side. DH says this model can even adapt if you take a wrong turn. Yeah!
Husband gets mad
Send him back home to his mother and let her deal with him. I would show him the door. My husband has total respect for me and the fact that I work at home. He just told his 2 children that coming to our house for Christmas on Friday the 21st will not work and that they have to come Saturday after 3:00 p.m. because I work at home and that isn't fair to me to have a house full of children and grandchildren (all step by the way) while I'm trying to work. They live 2-1/2 hours away and will be staying overnight and we are celebrating our Christmas with his side of the family Sat/Sun before Christmas. He has never and better never, if he knows what's good for him, refer to me as a _itch. I'm always referred to as "baby" or "babe". He does a lot around the house, inside and out, to help me as do I because I am a very neat/clean person and like my entire house, cupboards and closets kept that way. He cleans up after himself and last but not least, he is not a "slob" in the bathroom. God love him.
Where's your husband?
Tell this kid to get out of your house. Don't let him back in until he learns some manners. Since he doesn't think he owes you and your husband any respect, let him get out there on his own and see how the world will treat him.
Don't ever let your 8-year-old go anywhere with him. Obviously, the stepson has no sense of responsibility.
You and your husband need to tell him together that your house is no longer his home, that he is not to plan on spending summer break at your house. If you want to continue helping him with college costs, okay, but he cannot be allowed to treat you, your son or your husband so hatefully. He's teaching your son to lie, cussing at you in front of your son - good grief, what are you waiting for?
The fact that he doesnt treat other people that way says he knows he can get by with the bad behavior - he's manipulating you and your husband. Don't let it happen anymore.
Ah okay - I bet my husband knows who she is. I don't get
a chance to watch much tv - maybe an hour or two a week but he watches it constantly while he is out of town. I will make mention of her to him. Thanks for the info!
Me too. I know everything about my husband.
Even his social security number!
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