Hugs and good thoughts are being sent your way! nm
Posted By: trose on 2008-04-10
In Reply to: Update: I am waiting for doc to schedule an abdominal CT for me - sent my husband a message saying - Sick MT
!
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Been there...sending you good thoughts and hugs!....
Hope the day gets better.
So sorry - been there - thoughts and hugs
to you. I had to replace my last one who had seen me through a divorce and was essentially my significant other with two. I feel your pain.
Hugs with my daughter and son!! Can't go without daily hugs!!! nm
x
HUGS! Kim. nm
nm
So sorry. ((HUGS)) nm
nm
Hugs to you...
I hope you get through and hopefully he will change his mind. I feel your pain and no one can really truly knows unless they know your particular circumstances and have been in your shoes! Won't go into gory details, but suffice it to say my divorce was from a divorce attorney, one of the best in the area and pretty influential in most aspects of the community. No other attorney in a wide part of that area would even talk to me on the phone because of possible conflicts of interest in having to deal with him on court cases, even at the other end of the state! Finally did take the papers to an attorney, who said he wasn't afraid of him, looked them over to the tune of about $480 for an hour and said he could have been more "generous" but nothing really illegal in them and would wipe me out to pursue and would cost ex nothing. (Hey, at least I got my divorce free!!) I've always just tried to keep in my mind what is best for the kids, i.e, just let them live as peacefully as possible and know that I'm doing the right thing. I had many chances to bad-mouth my ex, especially with my oldest, who cried to me that "now we're just like everyone else, divorced," but I never have and never will, even though I suspected and know in my heart what was going on, and now they all get along great. Have I been down on my knees crying why is this happening to us and how I am going to live?! Yes. Would I do it again, yes, because my children were the best thing that ever happened in my life, even though it didn't turn out as I had expected. I have had more lies told about me then I can count from my so-called "friends" and when I moved to the "divorcee-haven" apartments as someone so kindly put it. People can be so cruel, and it really hurts sometimes when they don't really know what's going on. Hang in there! When your son is old enough, HE will be able to tell the court where he wants to go if you desire to pursue it.
((((Hugs)))))
You are not alone. My sympathies to you and your family. I hope you find a way to create a memorial that will honor your mother and help you feel some peace.
Big hugs to Cat!!
You made me smile - thank you!! :)
(((hugs))) to you too - so sorry for both of you (nm)
x
My hugs to both of you too....
I can only imagine how enormous the void must be, especially with the holidays. It's good you feel free to share your pain. Never apologize for that! It's real!! If anyone doesn't understand, that's all about their need to grow, not yours. I've heard other people say as you have that it never goes away. I pray you will find special comfort this year, special memories, ways to know your children live on, and ways to bless others because of what you've gone through. ((hugs))
((hugs))
(((hugs))) 2007 was like this for me; you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
((((((HUGS))))))
I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved cat. We lost our 9-year-old cat last year, and I know how heartbreaking it is. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
And some more hugs...sm
So sorry. I lost my 17-year-old cat in November. Your last sentence sums it up pretty well. (((hugs)))
Hugs to you and your family....
This saying is on the grave of one of Mark Twain's daughters, written by Robert Richardson.
Warm summer sun
shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind
blow softly here,
Green sod above Lie light, Lie light,
Good night, Dear heart,
Good night, Good night.
Hugs to you and your hubby!!
My best friend had a miscarriage in 1994 and she still gets a little emotional when she talks about, even though she went on to have 2 healthy daughters.
Cyber hugs! nm
{}{}{}
Oh, I had those hugs and loves and all
in earlier years, the works but you would be totally surprised what a chunk of money can do to a person. I never would have thought in a million years and I did instill good values in the kids and never for 1 minute have thought I have failed. I would bite my tongue off before I spoke to a parent of mine like this 1 did about my getting the money. You hear about families fighting in the courts about property left to 1 and not the other and money and things like that- it is not unusual and even though he got over $50,000.00 from this family member, he thought he should have the rest of what was in the bank which I got. It can happen. Oh, by the way, raised with stepfather that both seemed to be pretty close to. I know this sounds harsh but I will not take abuse from him, from my husband or any other person. His father did not give 1 red cent for his upbringing- I did that all. Oh, this son is married so he has his wifes family and that is all he thinks he needs anyway. I do not lose any sleep over this. Never a pushover here and do not intend to start now.
I will pray for you also. Hugs to you. nm
!
Sending you hugs - sm
I am so sorry for your loss. They are like our babies and it is so hard when we lose them. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to greive. Think about maybe a shadow box with your kittie's things in it as a memory.
How scary! Big hugs to you. sm
Take a deep breath, say the Serenity Prayer, Let Go and Let God, make sure you are taking care of yourself by eating and getting the rest you need. That's what Al-Anon has taught me and it has served me well. 
I know how hard this must be for you. Hugs to you! nm
!
I'm so sorry. That must be really hard...I'm just sorry ((hugs)) (nm)
x
Thank you also for your HUGS at this time.
Yes, my husband will be with me. My one son is at highschool today. Told him to say goodbye to his "Sister" today. That just did me in for sure. He was upset but I have been preparing him for this for the past couple of days. He understands about her not wanting to suffer. My other son, who is 20, just left for work and said goodbye to her. They both will be home this afternoon, so we can all say a final good-bye. At least she will still be close to us in the back garden. We will plant some flowers in the spring.
More hugs and condolances here too.
Oh how sad. They do leave quite the hole in our hearts don't they. What was his name? Lots of cat lovers here who know exactly what you're going through, myself included.
You know though, being an outdoor cat but dying inside is a sign that whatever it was, it was quick, as I have found that they usually try and hide, which is really awful to go looking for your missing cat and then finding them long after the fact. That probably doesn't help console you right now though. Seems that nothing helps the hurt to stop except time.
Take care of yourself.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to you trose...sm
I'm so glad you took him in. That's a very scary situation, and I think you did the right thing having him talk to someone right away. I'm very proud of you...it must have been hard, even knowing that you had to.
About the eating disorder, keep an eye out for signs. I did want to say though that my hubby and all his buddies as well as my son and all his buddies say they're fat all the time. They rip on each other constantly too. They just walk up and say, *hey fat***, been going a little heavy on the cupcakes?* They all do it--no matter how skinny they are. My 12-year-old is 5 feet tall and weighs 90 pounds. Skinny as a rail, but he says all the time, *gotta feed the fat* or *fat guy in a little car*.
Now, I don't mean that you shouldn't take it seriously and watch for it (especially if his friends are concerned), but I thought you might like to hear that sometimes boys are just dumb. We (the wives) always say how mean they are and can you imagine if we did that? Oh, hey mt, (doing my best macho tone) still carrying the baby weight, huh? Can you imageine saying that to a friend?!? We'd all be in tears!
Please keep us updated, we'll be thinking about you.
One more thing--you might be able to take him into the dentist just for his check up. When they are making themselves throw up, one of the signs is the enamal on the inside of their teeth being damaged or gone.
So sorry for your pain. I know how bad it hurts - {{hugs}}
nm
Hugs and prayers to you. I know your pain right now and wish
there was something I could say or do to make it better for you. Just know that all of us here are keeping you in our hearts and prayers.
What a lovely post. Hugs to you too! nm
x
Hugs to you all, I would cry everytime I would read one nm
nm
*hugs* I'm so sorry. I know the pain as it is still very fresh for me. SM
He had such loving parents these last months of his life and you did everything you could for him.
At the cremation place they gave me this card.
The Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water, and sunshine and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in or dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing, they each miss someone very special to them who had to be left behind. They all run and play together but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Their bright eyes are intent. Their eager body quivers. Suddenly they begin to run from the group, flying over the green grass, their legs carrying them faster and faster. You have been spotted and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...
Hugs & Kisses From Fred
Hugs and Kisses to all of Fred's new friends and well wishers. You have made both of us feel so much better about the predicament we are in. We thank you for your prayers and thoughtfulness, and we will let you know as soon as the deed has been done. Fred didn't seem to mind when my hair turned gray and my skin started to wrinkle, and I will love Fred unconditionally, tail or no tail!
xxxoooxxxoooxxxooo
awwwww give her hugs for me!
I just took my kitty to get her claws clipped again at the vet. She is only 4 yrs old and not declawed....anyone have any ideas/opinions on declawing? Pros or cons? She is an indoor cat but I would be afraid that if she got outside she wouldn't be able to defend herself. She is not wrecking any furniture, just does her bisquits (sp?) on the carpet with her front paws when they get longer. She won't let me touch them so I take her to the vet to do it. She lets them do it without a problem because she is scared of them. Any ideas?
Lopez. Kisses or Hugs?
.
Beach. Hugs or kisses? nm
they would take your hugs and kisses every time!!!
and give them right back. :) Thanks for the kind words
This is great news! (((hugs)))
My PCP also thinks I "type too much." LOL - I go in with the craziest notions sometimes, and he'll say "you have simply a sinus infection." LOL
We are just so involved in these medical reports that it seeps into our brains!
So glad things are working out for you! 
RE: So sorry about your loss. I've been through it also and know how you feel. Hugs to you all
\
virtual hugs to you "exhausted" one...sm (long)
Exhausted,
This is MY PERSONAL OPINION (for what it's worth)...things need to change and YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE who can change them.
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take.
NONE. NO YELLING. Yelling is unacceptable adult behavior. You are ALLOWING YOURSELF to be yelled at. He knows it.
I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one.
Congratulations. You sound like a very capable woman and dedicated to providing for your family.
DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that.
This is not helping. Nor is it parenting. This is selfish, abusive behavior.
He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper.
Again, this is not parenting; your husband sounds very passive aggressive. Has he EVER changed diapers for you?
He knows how to "play" you...to manipulate and control you...he knows you'll "cave in" eventually.
I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.”
Did you actually STATE THAT to him? Or did you just THINK THAT? With passive-aggressive abusive people YOU MUST SET YOUR BOUNDARIES AND STICK TO THEM.
He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red.
As he knew you would...all he had to do is wait. You "rescued" him again from having to take responsibility. He obviously does not care about the health and welfare of the child to let the child sit in soiled diapers until they're red....
Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed.
Congratulations again! You are finding the spots of JOY in your family despite all the dysfunction going on. WELL DONE!
Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream.
Again, this is passive aggressive behavior. Extremely self-centered behavior here, but he knows he can do this because he keeps succeeding....
I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling.
Yes, as long as you talk to him with phrases starting with "YOU" as in "you can drive, go get it yourself..." he'll just blow a gasket. You must SHIFT YOUR THINKING. CHANGE YOUR PARADIGM. Stating "I" messages is the only thing that works here. "I feel angry when you yell at me. I want you to STOP." Besides, who wants to have ice cream with a raving yelling husband? Ugh! That's supposed to be fun?
My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
Again, you are ALLOWING HIM to talk to you like this. Do you realize it's UNACCEPTABLE? Did someone treat you like this as a child? Perhaps you've fallen into a "behavior rut" it happens to a lot of us. The only thing wrong with you is that you allow him to talk to you that way....
I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
He is dominating the household through FEAR and intimidation. This is NOT a relationship nor a marriage...it's an "arrangement" and it's all in his favor at this point. That's why you're exhausted.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore.
GOOD FOR YOU! But even that statement, "I don't know how to" sounds WEAK to him...he knows you're trapped in a "behavior loop". YOU CAN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM...the question is, do you WANT TO? Do you want to change YOUR behavior towards him?
I feel he is angry with me or resentful.
Yes, because you make VALID DEMANDS for a relationship and he doesn't have a clue how to have one; self-centered passive aggressives DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us.
This explains a LOT. His mother controlled him 100%, probably still does, but deep down he's really ANGRY at her for controlling him (he just doesn't realize it) so he's subconsciously taking it out ON YOU!
She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing.
Again, you have allowed this behavior...It's okay, don't beat yourself up, but it CAN'T CONTINUE.
She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go.
This is totally dysfunctional. They're not best friends, they're codependent adults and it's a very difficult psychological situation.
When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving.
It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
YOU SET A VERY HEALTHY BOUNDARY! Well done! This reaction is to be expected. When healthy boundaries are put in place, these kinds of people BLOW A GASKET and use every trick available to get you back "in line" with their "program." The question is, are you willing to "play their game" anymore? Sounds like you've reached "game over" to me!
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this.
Typical passive-aggressive, codependent behavior. They tell you what you need to hear to keep you in their dysfunctional codependency.
My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
Ah yes, camoflage; another TYPICAL BEHAVIOR pattern. They are WOLVES IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING. There's so much you CAN DO, so many resources available to you, but I would start with something simple. Start with the way you communicate. Try
"I FEEL * WHEN YOU * I WANT *"
* fill in with your emotion/their dysfunctional action/change wanted
For example, "I feel angry when I'm trying to work and you won't change the diaper. I want you to change ALL the diapers when I'm working."
If he doesn't CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR, then move on to IF/THEN. "I feel angry when you yell at me. I want you to stop. If you can't stop yelling at me, then I want you to leave the room, (the house, the planet, whatever!)" etc. etc.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
i have to go too; wish i could sit and talk with you. i'd be happy to email you if you want some more suppport. been there, done that honey. you can only change yourself. question is, can you find the strength to risk the change?
hugs,
My thoughts
I hope you don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about having him tested for drugs? I work in a psychiatric facility and have seen first hand what methamphetamine is doing to this country. As a parent, I would certainly want to know if my child was doing drugs (hope this is not your case) but it's better to be safe than sorry. I would check with your local hospital, police department, prison or even psychiatric ward to see if there are any types of programs that would give him a first hand look at what drugs can do to you.
I advise you to take the upper hand. DO NOT let him threaten you in any way. In my opinion, the children of today could use a few good smacks. As parents, we should be allowed to discipline our children as we see fit (within reason). This is how it all begins, believe me I've seen it at my job. Parents literally have to put restraining orders on their children for fear of harm. Again, I hope this is not your case. I wish all the best.
Take care 
My thoughts -
It really sounds like situational anxiety to me. You have had a lot of life stressors hit you at once. I went through very similar feelings as yours with also waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep for hours on end and so jittery with my heart pounding during the day I thought I would trip over my own feet and/or have a heart attack. I chose to not use medication because I tend not to do well on many meds. What I did do was make SURE I left myself enough time each day to unwind. Nothing makes you feel worse than not enough sleep. Try a bedtime ritual of a bubble bath and hot tea. When you wake up in the middle of the night take huge, deep, relaxing breaths and force all thoughts out of your head. I call this self-soothing. It does work for me. Is there any way you can get a massage on a regular basis? You would be surprised at how much benefit that can have to your overall well-being. Remember, you are no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Best of luck to you. :-)
My thoughts. sm
If you have Jesus in your heart, no person, no store, no nothing, can take God out of your life.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Yes, I did wonder if may be he is doing something else. He did tell me that he gets a buzz from this. I have no idea why. I will have to "grill him" for more answers.
I know all about the college life. They are totally, for the most part, on their own. No Mom or Dad around to watch what they are doing. Since we had a problem with alcohol over the summer, I am sure he has been drinking at college. I can only talk to him about the dangers of this, that it is illegal since the drinking age where I am is 21 and all the other stuff that we parents tell our kids. It is a matter of will they listen and take our advice. I will keep talking to him, because I love my son very much, but in the end he is an ADULT NOW, as he has told me, and I can only so do much. It is HIS LIFE. The discussions and talking will go on.
Here's my thoughts ...
If they have been making partial payments, apparently they do not have enough income to continue paying the full rent wherever they are living. They should take this as an "opportunity" to get into a cheaper-rent location. This will also buy them some time on collections for the $1900 past due amounts.
I know how hard it is to be in financial straits. Having made a full recovery and living responsibly now, I can say without doubt that poor credit scores are well deserved. It takes poor planning or complete lack of plus poor spending plus poor budgeting plus living beyond means and not ensuring one has adequate compensatory skills to get there. It is very painful no-excuses realization to make in owning up to personal financial disaster.
This could be a great chance for them to evaluate how they truly got into this situation, what they could have done to have prevented it, what they can do in the future to avoid it again, and start fresh.
Lower rent right now, a change in spending habits, build savings, and increase income -- this is the only way they will actually change this living situation permanently. Anything else is just a quick but expensive (not to mention waste of charitable resources if they cannot maintain their current rental) extension of the inevitable.
Wish I could give an easier suggestion for them. If it hurts enough, they'll make changes and avoid it in the future and that can be the silver lining in this very difficult circumstance.
My thoughts
They have heroes! Unfortunately, they are Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Nicole Ritchie, Eminen, all those gang rappers, etc. : (
My first thoughts on this -
I have never personally had a 40-year mortgage. Get a mortgage calculator and figure how much interest you will pay over the life of the loan for both the 30-and 40-year mortgages. That alone might help with your decision. Is this to allow you to buy more house or just to get into the market at all with lower payments? If you are in a very expensive market then it might be the way to go. However, I am not sure I would want to pay all that extra money to the bank for a longer loan. Just my two cents. Good luch to you. :-)
some thoughts
Historically a lot of islands (Australia for one) were populated by undesirables transported from other places to get rid of them.
I had begun to think that (with all the mention of the people being found dead) the island was the afterlife - remembering existentialist (was it Camus or Sartre - No Exit) theory that He**ll is other people.
Still mulling a lot of this over - Locke may really be dead - they have gotten rid of less people this season thus far. More thoughts later.
my thoughts
Mobile homes are very nice nowadays compared to before -- and built better, but they just are not built as well as a home. It may work well for you, if you find the right place to put your mobile home, but you still have hassels of repairs, don't you? What about a reasonable condo or townhouse -- they're built better, safer in storms, and don't depreciate so much; and your condo association deals with some of those repairs, ie roof, and does the outside maintenance. If you go with the mobile home, might want to check out the used ones -- as they depreciate like a car, immediately!
Good luck.
My thoughts
It sounds like she is definitely good at planning an over-the-top wedding and honeymoon, but the fact is that that is between your dad and her. Sure, you can fume all you want and maybe what she is doing is not right because of the cost of it, but it is their life and their plans. Smile sweetly and wish them well. You will be seen as a much bigger person if you just go along with their plans rather than trying to insert your ideas where they are not wanted. Good luck with this. I had a similar situation several years ago. Confrontation does not pay off here. Trust me, being nice as pie will let you sleep easier at night. :-)
My thoughts...
No matter what I weigh, my toosh expands to at least the width of my chair.
my thoughts, as well.
nm
Thank you for your thoughts..sm
I am not one to take meds either and that is why I have stayed away from the family doc. When it first happened he wanted to put me on something, but I am of the belief that a pill only masks what is wrong and you have to learn to deal..and feel..with what is going on. Thank you so much for your thoughts and the hug! I have been looking into some counseling, but we live so far out in the country from where their offices are. Maybe when the kids start back to school I can do that. Thanks again.
|
