How to compete with a loving doting MIL.

I am jealous of MIL and Dh relationship.  There, I admitted it.  It was a huge red flag when we were dating but I ignored it.   To start at the beginning I was jeolous.  I wished now I would have listed  but I didn’t I married him.  Lived here in an appointment but he really considered his home with mommy who was 88 miles away.  He would go every weekend leaving me here alone.  I thought well, he is not married to me or anything I guess he is taking care of responsibility.  He seemed obsessed on the family farm (70 acres) and getting that started.  He and his mommy were working side by side to get “the place” fixed up.  Occasionally, his friend and his wife would invite them camping so he and mommy would take a break with his buddies and camp.  Not so intelligent me was sitting at home, alone thinking one of these days he will figure out what a wonderful person I am and he won’t have to cling to mommy so much.  Boy was I ever wrong.  He took my virginity and that made me want to cling to him tighter.  I shamelessly chased him.  Finally I told him that if he wasn’t going to marry me, I was leaving.  He said okay, lets do it.  Well we had a rush engagement.  DH hated the idea of a wedding he had already been through that once. (This was his second marriage).  He was not very cooperative and kind of rude but I did get my wedding.  At some points in our courtship I thought it was sweet how he doted on his mommy I just wished I saw how dysfunctional it really was.  I think my first clue should have been when he was late for our second date because mommy called him bawling because she and her brother got into a fight. 

Anyway, it was so hard to keep MIL out of our business.  MIL balanced our check books, dh would take me and MIL out of a drive, all outings included MIL.  I told him that I think we should be taking care of our financial bus and dh said “no, mom knows how to do it and besides if I take that from her she won’t feel wanted. “  I asked, who did you marry, me or mommy.  Well MIL is not in our finances anymore.  She did used to go through our mail. I asked her if she was going to be a meddling MIL and she got mad and told DH and dh jumped my butt saying she is only trying to help and a few cuss words. (when the cussing started, I turned out). MIL was upset and she was going to take us to court. I guess she thinks she has rights to his money just like a wife would or more so.  They did have bank accounts together, cc together. 

Any, I cannot write a book.  Just a long story short, I try to put up boundaries and I am the villain. MIL is not a meddler, she is trying to help, she is only being a loving, doting,  graaaadmommeeee.  To get along, I  try to think of her as a break from the kids but the way she interacts with my children sends chills down my spine.  First she would say that is her baby, she didn’t want her baby doing this or that.  She did not want her baby to get sick so I couldn’t  take her outside. She wants to sleep in their room so she can take care of them, she would take my oldest dd in another room and shut the door and undress.  She wanted to take her to the public restroom, (It is like she thinks, DH child is her responsibility, I am just womb donor. It was driving me stir crazy.  She and dh would buddy up on our outings and leave me feeling like a third wheel. And with DD, it was like she, DH and my child were just one big happy family.  Gag. One time dh ask her if she wanted another baby, she said “I love babies.”  GAG.  Bad part is my oldest dd loves her.  She wanted MIL to take her to school this morning, not me.  She is 5 years old. 

• How to compete with a loving doting MIL. - Jeolous DIL.
  • "They" seem disgustingly dependent on each other. Why ask him if he wants a divorce? Just do i - And continue counseling, even if solo. GL! nm
  • how did this post above from 1/16/07 end up - are her babies (grandbabies)....s/m
  • I feel bad for you on many levels but your kids.... - are her babies (grandbabies)....s/m
    • oops - typo - should be niche, not nitch... - are her babies (grandbabies)....s/m

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My running with Walter is more for him than me... we do a 4-mile route during the week and sometimes 8-10 trail run on the weekends.  I'm kind of extreme.  I also do my own sprint work at the college track - they have an awesome rubber track and most of the high schools around here also have those.  And the football fields are turf... not grass - the fake turf?  Those are excellent for running.  I don't like treadmills either!  It feels even worse than pounding on the street!.  I use them for incline walking sometimes.  But the elliptical machines are great for the knees and feet.  Running is very therapeutic for me, obviously for my dog too! 

But health wise, running is pretty hard on the joints, so I'd keep it to a 3-4 times a week at most, cross training with weight training and some other cardio activity, walking, etc. 

I think those programs like you did, running programs, triathlon programs, especially the ones that are specific for women are fantastic.. and Running Magazine and Runner's World mag & their online forum are great places to get some advice- kinda like here. 

My fitness helps me in all parts of my life. It keeps my energy up for MT work, for my family, is kind of my version of therapy.