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How old is your child/children and when did you decide he wasn't worth the effort? nm

Posted By: trose on 2007-06-19
In Reply to: Just from experience and just the truth - Yvette

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I just don't see why any parent would just allow a child decide to move out
It makes no sense to me. He is 16 years old and still a child. I guess I just don't understand how you have no problem with him deciding to move out and not even try to do anything about it other than take his house key. It sounds as though this 16-year old is running the show here. The whole thing is very disturbing to me.
Poor child. It's so awful when children have to go
through something like it. Just said a prayer for Matthew and his family. I pray that things will get better for him and that his dad will realize what a blessing he has in his family.
About "not worth remembering" - do your friends feel they are worth remembering? (sm)
It's a two-way street. I have some friends who always expect me to celebrate their occasions, but they always forget mine. If you have been avoiding friends, they may think you don't want to hear from them.
So I probably need to make even more effort to see my own (sm)
I think my MIL is already getting plenty of attention. Now that I think about it, it's mine who is getting shafted.
Re the amount of effort
OMG - I had two teenagers who were 19 months apart.  Yes, it was hard and sometimes I just had to turn my head and pretend that was not my child.  The effort and sacrifices are great, especially at prom time and when they start driving.  I am glad I had mine young.  I think it helped me get through it.  I do believe that kids/teenagers are going to get in trouble for something.  That's their job and it is a way of life.  I just tried to put myself in their place when I was that age (I did much worse things actually).  That is also another reason why they could not get by with much.  I had done it all and knew what to expect.  Even so, no matter what my kids ever did and whether I trusted them or not, I always let them know and told them I loved them more than anything all the time (even if they had hurt me).  I gave them my all and taught them to appreciate it.  I put them through college and they put themselves through grad school.  I was not sure the youngest would even graduate high school.  They always knew I loved them with all my heart and I believe most of the time that pays off.  One day all that effort and sacrifice will be worth it.
What are you talking about? Effort? Just because he doesn't
live here with me by no means says I didn't make the effort. When you divorce, the kids either go with the dad, the mom, or in our case, it was both. We are extremely close and he wants to live with us.

I really regret this post now. I certainly did not need people like you responding to a very delicate situation and one that is very close to my heart. You sound really evil.
a question of amount of effort
If I had to do it over again, yes.

But I am having a hard time seeing where the amount of sacrifices I made is paying off in these "teenage years."

I think the payoff for being a good enough parent just might be raising "good enough" kids who become "good enough" parents, so you don't end up raising your grandkids....(and end up with a second chance to get it right).

Most rewarding parts require most effort.
x
i can't get this list to print out for nothin...last ditch effort.


























































































































































































































































































































































































































































  Name and (party)1 Term State of
birth 		Born Died Religion2 Age at
inaug. 		Age at
death
1. Washington (F)3 1789–1797   Va. 2/22/1732 12/14/1799 Episcopalian 57 67
2. J. Adams (F) 1797–1801 Mass. 10/30/1735 7/4/1826 Unitarian 61 90
3. Jefferson (DR) 1801–1809 Va. 4/13/1743 7/4/1826 Deist 57 83
4. Madison (DR) 1809–1817 Va. 3/16/1751 6/28/1836 Episcopalian 57 85
5. Monroe (DR) 1817–1825 Va. 4/28/1758 7/4/1831 Episcopalian 58 73
6. J. Q. Adams (DR) 1825–1829 Mass. 7/11/1767 2/23/1848 Unitarian 57 80
7. Jackson (D) 1829–1837 S.C. 3/15/1767 6/8/1845 Presbyterian 61 78
8. Van Buren (D) 1837–1841 N.Y. 12/5/1782 7/24/1862 Reformed Dutch 54 79
9. W. H. Harrison (W)4 1841 Va. 2/9/1773 4/4/1841 Episcopalian 68 68
10. Tyler (W) 1841–1845 Va. 3/29/1790 1/18/1862 Episcopalian 51 71
11. Polk (D) 1845–1849 N.C. 11/2/1795 6/15/1849 Methodist 49 53
12. Taylor (W)4 1849–1850 Va. 11/24/1784 7/9/1850 Episcopalian 64 65
13. Fillmore (W) 1850–1853 N.Y. 1/7/1800 3/8/1874 Unitarian 50 74
14. Pierce (D) 1853–1857 N.H. 11/23/1804 10/8/1869 Episcopalian 48 64
15. Buchanan (D) 1857–1861 Pa. 4/23/1791 6/1/1868 Presbyterian 65 77
16. Lincoln (R)5 1861–1865 Ky. 2/12/1809 4/15/1865 Liberal 52 56
17. A. Johnson (U)6 1865–1869 N.C. 12/29/1808 7/31/1875 (7) 56 66
18. Grant (R) 1869–1877 Ohio 4/27/1822 7/23/1885 Methodist 46 63
19. Hayes (R) 1877–1881 Ohio 10/4/1822 1/17/1893 Methodist 54 70
20. Garfield (R)5 1881 Ohio 11/19/1831 9/19/1881 Disciples of Christ 49 49
21. Arthur (R) 1881–1885 Vt. 10/5/1829 11/18/1886 Episcopalian 50 56
22. Cleveland (D) 1885–1889 N.J. 3/18/1837 6/24/1908 Presbyterian 47 71
23. B. Harrison (R) 1889–1893 Ohio 8/20/1833 3/13/1901 Presbyterian 55 67
24. Cleveland (D)8 1893–1897 N.J. 3/18/1837 6/24/1908 Presbyterian 55 71
25. McKinley (R)5 1897–1901 Ohio 1/29/1843 9/14/1901 Methodist 54 58
26. T. Roosevelt (R) 1901–1909 N.Y. 10/27/1858 1/6/1919 Reformed Dutch 42 60
27. Taft (R) 1909–1913 Ohio 9/15/1857 3/8/1930 Unitarian 51 72
28. Wilson (D) 1913–1921 Va. 12/28/1856 2/3/1924 Presbyterian 56 67
29. Harding (R)4 1921–1923 Ohio 11/2/1865 8/2/1923 Baptist 55 57
30. Coolidge (R) 1923–1929 Vt. 7/4/1872 1/5/1933 Congregationalist 51 60
31. Hoover (R) 1929–1933 Iowa 8/10/1874 10/20/1964 Quaker 54 90
32. F. D. Roosevelt (D)4 1933–1945 N.Y. 1/30/1882 4/12/1945 Episcopalian 51 63
33. Truman (D) 1945–1953 Mo. 5/8/1884 12/26/1972 Baptist 60 88
34. Eisenhower (R) 1953–1961 Tex. 10/14/1890 3/28/1969 Presbyterian 62 78
35. Kennedy (D)5 1961–1963 Mass. 5/29/1917 11/22/1963 Roman Catholic 43 46
36. L. B. Johnson (D) 1963–1969 Tex. 8/27/1908 1/22/1973 Disciples of Christ 55 64
37. Nixon (R)9 1969–1974 Calif. 1/9/1913 4/22/1994 Quaker 56 81
38. Ford (R) 1974–1977 Neb. 7/14/1913 12/26/2006 Episcopalian 61 —
39. Carter (D) 1977–1981 Ga. 10/1/1924 — Southern Baptist 52 —
40. Reagan (R) 1981–1989 Ill. 2/6/1911 6/5/2004 Disciples of Christ 69 93
41. G.H.W. Bush (R) 1989–1993 Mass. 6/12/1924 — Episcopalian 64 —
42. Clinton (D) 1993–2001 Ark. 8/19/1946 — Baptist 46 —
43. G. W. Bush (R) 2001– Conn. 7/6/46 — Methodist 54 —
we can make a quiet knowledge group effort to eliminate him
nm
I made concious effort to stop yelling & pointed that
x
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
Let us know what you decide - nm
nm
I think you should tell them and let them decide what they want to do.

My husband died six months ago suddenly and unexpectedly.  My niece, who just turned 12, has always been extremely close to my husband and me, and spends a lot of time at our house.  LIke your children, she had never experienced death in a close relative before.  The day he died, my brother and sister-in-law picked her up from school and broke the news to her.  She was sad of course and she cried for quite a while. 


Her parents gave her the choice of what she wanted to do in regards to go to the funeral home and/or attend the funeral.  She chose to come to the funeral home and sit with me, and to attend the funeral. 


She later wrote on the subject when the class had to write an essay at school about a life altering event.  She wrote about how much she loved her uncle and she felt that was her last chance to say goodbye, as she didn't get to say goodbye before he died.  She was sad that he died suddenly and she didn't know ahead of time, and that seemed to hurt her a lot, even though nothing could change that.


As for me, her presence at that time made me feel a little better.  My husband's death has made she and I even closer.  She's very smart and mature for her age.  She knows sometimes when I get a little sad, that I'm thinking of my husband, and she totally understands, cause she still misses him too.


I know this is kind of rambling, but I hope it makes sense.  I think kids want to be a part of our experiences, the good and the bad, and I think to exclude them, even when you think you're protecting them, makes them feel left out. 


Good luck to you and your family.  My prayers are with you.


 

So then why take any drugs at all? Or why not let's just decide which
x
Couldn't decide whether to
laugh or vomit with that story!
if you decide to give
my suggestion would be to get something bigger than 0-3 months. they go through that stage so quickly and lots of people give that size.
How do you decide to have a baby?
This is different for EVERYONE I'm sure, but in general, if any of you are mothers... did you decide the time was right, did it just happen... did you plan?

I've been told if you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them...

The predicament is this. my future husband is ready to have a baby now. He wants to be a father, and as much as this makes me fall in love with him all over again, I joked with him that his biological clock was ticking and he said in all seriousness, that he guesses it is. However, mine is not. Not now. Will this happen to me? Does it happen to every woman at some point? We are in our late 20s, but I am just asking in general, how do you compromise on something as big as having a baby? I do want a family and children, but I guess I'm just looking for people's stories on this one... Thank you!
How do you decide to have a baby?
This is different for EVERYONE I'm sure, but in general, if any of you are mothers... did you decide the time was right, did it just happen... did you plan?

I've been told if you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them...

The predicament is this. my future husband is ready to have a baby now (when i say now, we would wait until after marriage). He wants to be a father, and as much as this makes me fall in love with him all over again, I joked with him that his biological clock was ticking and he said in all seriousness, that he guesses it is. However, mine is not. Not now. Will this happen to me? Does it happen to every woman at some point? We are in our late 20s, but I am just asking in general, how do you compromise on something as big as having a baby? I do want a family and children, but I guess I'm just looking for people's stories on this one... Thank you!
Easy for men to decide

Some guys are good dads - willing to pitch in and help take care of the child's needs, and give it plenty of time and attention.


There are quite a few guys out there that like the IDEA of a child - as long as it doesn't cramp their style.  This means it all devolves upon the mother - care of the child 24/7, criticism from him and his family if you aren't doing it their way, but of course any bragging rights are all theirs.


Then there are the demands of academia - when your child gets sent home with a backpack full of paperwork to review on a nightly basis, whose job will that be?


Another thought is the possibility of divorce down the road - what happens then?  Quite a few dads who let mom do all the work suddenly become superdad when the thought of child support comes along, and they will do anything to win custody so that YOU have to pay THEM.  Even if you win custody, the head games with visitation schedules, daddy's new girlfriend pushing her way into the picture, etc. never end.


Be careful.  Having a baby to stroke a man's ego can get very messy very fast.  Its a huge responsibility and too often the mother does all the work and the father takes all the credit.  Take the worst case scenarios into consideration before you decide.

So who gets to decide what is illegal and what is not? You? sm
That's a slippery slope. Like the poster below who wants sugar taxes - actually that's not a bad idea since sugary drinks and snacks are making our kids fat. Let's see - then we should tax fast food or control the amount that fatties can eat, right?

Where does it end?
Still trying to decide whether to have a hysterectomy. See message
I posted last week about my dilema about whether to have a hysterectomy or not after my left ovarian cyst (which was removed along with ovary) came back with a pathology report stating papillary serous tumor, borderline. Doctor says I should have hysterectomy for "insurance" and preventative measures. However, according to their group discussion, my tumor was borderline, but "more on the benign side". I am so confused. I'm 42 and I don't want to have a hysterectomy, but yet, I don't want to have a problem with cancer either. I have the option to follow every six months. Is this safe? Am I better off getting a hysterectomy? I just don't know what to do!!!!
So even animals help decide our fate???
Where did you read this or learn about this? I've never heard that animals will speak for or against us on judgement day...interesting.  Guess I'm in the clear, I don't do animals, don't own them, don't abuse them, don't like 'em!
Be careful if you decide to wean
and hand feed with formula and syringe.  Don't know about your type of birds, but I have a parrot that I hand fed with a syringe and the breeders instructed me and watched me do it myself to be sure I was doing it correctly before they let me take him home.  Apparently you can kill them if it goes down the wrong way, but it was really easy feeding him.  Maybe there's somebody in your area who is a bird expert you could talk to?
I re-read, so you do live together - you have to decide if he is (sm)

going to function as a dad or not, and if so, you need to BOTH be involved in decisions, not just him.  If he is not going to function as dad, he should not be involved in conferences at all.

Mercy is for God to decide - she should rot where she lays
I posted below - but have more to say. She needs to rot where she lies. That may sound harsh but I have no compassion for her and anyone else involved in those horrendous crimes they committed. "Charles Mansion brainwashed me" or whatever it is she claims. Oh brother - let me get my violin out. She knew what she was doing. You would think at some point while she is in the act of doing the horrendous things she did she would think somewhere in her pea brain - wait a minute, this is not right, and she could have easily sneaked out or called the police or something. I lived across the whole country (east coast) and still felt the horror that happened to them. It was hard growing up knowing that those pieces of garbage were out there and it could have happened to any of us just as easily. They just happened upon that house. I had nightmares because of it. Between that and the Hillside strangler and all the other creeps out there, it was hard not to have nightmares. She committed the crimes and she needs to do her time. She had no mercy for Sharon Tate and her unborn child and she so much as said so. Why she would think the court should have mercy on her. Brain tumor? Good and I hope its a very painful death for her. I always say do unto others. If she committed torture, then she should be tortured. The only one she should be asked Mercy for is from God. Maybe she should contact Roman Polanski and ask him if he thinks she should be let out early. "I would like to be out one day" Give me a break! I'm sure Sharon Tate and the other people would have liked to live. They should tell her and her family that they have no right in asking to be let out. I don't care if she can't sit up in bed. That is her problem. In fact I think they should post all the crime scene photos in her cell and let her look at those day after day and say until she dies and tell her this is why you are not being let out. Besides, if she has brain cancer who knows what she will be thinking as it progresses. Well I'm glad she's "not the same person than when she went in". But then again that's what all the prisoners say too. She did the crime - do the time (and I hope she suffers. I have no tolerance for what she did).
Is that good? I can't decide whether this would be tasty or not? nm
.
Well in my mind lust is when you decide

to give in to something and enjoy it, which I have not and will not do in this case. 


The puzzlement for me is how the attraction comes out of nowhere like that, and of course this time when it happened it is more troubling because he is so young.  It must be pheromones.  I think that's the best explanation.


 

Yep, some oldies decide on invitro
to have kids but I don’t want to have a kid in college just when I would like to retire. I see advanced maternal age listed all the time when the mother is only 34 or so, so wonder what category 41 falls under. Too many birth defects possible as the mother ages. Others can have their kids if they want at past 50, just not my cup of tea.
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
funny thing about when you decide to give up...

on men/relationships...That is when the right one comes along! That's how it happened for me. I, like you, had decided I was done with men, too many bad experiences, and then I met THE right guy for me.  That was almost 11 years ago and we have been married for 7-1/2 years. We have a happy marriage and a beautiful little 15-month-old girl. It's when you stop looking that the right one comes along!


The most important thing, though, is to trust your instincts. They will never steer you wrong. From your description, it sounds like a good thing, but if there is a doubt that nags at you, don't dismiss it. Just don't let prior bad relationships cloud your judgment, because they are all different.

when u decide on a city, suggest contacting....

I'd call the Chamber(s) of Commerce of whatever city you decide to stay in and ask them the condition(s) of the area(s)  post-Katrina.....just my opinion.


Have fun on vacation!!!  :)

Hi, Kelly, in case you decide to use Rogaine,
please check with your doctor first because of your thyroid issue!
Changes of a Down syndrome baby go up with age, though. You'll need to decide if an amnio & its
s
DH not happy = his prob. Let him leave or stay or decide
d
I'm 36, married 5 years, and still can't decide. I wish I had an answer for ya. But you're
x
Maybe if she sees the baby, she'll decide not to have it sucked out of her and thrown away like t
x
stick to your guns and let the bride and groom decide who they would like at the wedding(sm)
Twenty years ago there were 150 people at my wedding.  I knew MAYBE 20 of them.  My parents INSISTED on inviting every single long-distance cousin and relative, most of whom I (and certainly my husband) did not know and had never met.  Granted, MA and Dad were paying for the wedding but I've always felt like I missed out on having MY wedding because, in order to stay within their budget, I only invited about five or ten friends.  And my husband and his parents felt like they COULDN'T invite anyone because of the budget restraints and my parents' guest list.  We ended up with about 20 people on my husband's side of the church (basically his immediate family), three of his friends, five of mine, and the rest were mostly my distant, DISTANT unknown relatives (with a few close relatives scattered among the many distants).  I look back now and wish that I had taken better charge of the situation.  It certainly would have cost my parents less money because I wasn't going to invite that many people. 
OMG - but she's worth it!!! *S*
 
Yep, 24 hrs worth on TBS.
xx
My DD just did and we think it was worth it.

She still ached the first 2 days but after that she seemed to bouce back faster than if she hadn't taken it.

Well not everyone has the self-worth that you have sm
And sometimes we get so busy we forget that we matter too. It is not a matter of playing the victim.

By the way, you know where the devil lives, right? ;-)
Over the bra. It really is worth it! nm
//
for what it is worth
I understand where you are coming from. Your child was hurt through (probably) no fault of her own. . Their dog was loose and injured your child... The authorities in your town should have made them keep the dog up for a period of time and fined them for having a dog on the loose - most areas have leash laws. . They should have paid the medical bills. . If my dog bites someone (we live in the country and he runs loose some) I will be glad to pay the medical bills. . I'm sorry you were bashed on this board. . If you had rushed to sue when it first happened, it would be different - you gave them ample time and what you were asking was reasonable...
It's definitely been worth it for us...

We only have experience with Veterinary Pet Insurance (just go to Google and type in 'VPI' for their website), and we've been very happy with them.  It's more than paid for itself with our male Rottie who had bone cancer, and our little female Rottie who just recently had immune-mediated thrombocytopenia (!) of all things.  I guess if you're dog/cat never had any expensive illness or injury, it would'nt be worth it, but we're not that lucky. 


Our dogs are like our kids, so we will spend whatever is necessary on their vet care if they get sick or hurt.  Having the insurance gives me the peace of mind of knowing that no matter what the treatment costs, we will be reimbursed at least part of it, so that's what I like about it.  It doesn't pay for everything though.  It's not like an HMO where you just have a small co-pay.  LOL  You go to the vet you want, pay for services, then fax (or mail) the claim form and receipt and VPI mails you a check pretty quickly for part of the cost. 


We just pay for the policy once a year from out tax return, but you can make monthly payments if you want.  You can chose less coverage (lower cost) or more coverage (higher cost) and optional routine coverage for vaccines and stuff.  I think you can still get an online quote.  It is expensive if you want a policy on a senior animal, which is why I didn't have insurance for my senior dogs, but I don't think it would be that high for your 7 year old. 


My one regret is that I never had VPI insurance for my Siberian Husky, Wiley.  I spent so much on his vet care over the years with his chronic tooth issues and then cancer and joint disease.  I'll be paying off that credit card bill for (gulp) years...  Insurance would have saved me a fortune. 

which is definitely worth it IMO
We have rechargable battery packs for the Xbox 360 and used regular rechargable batteries for the Wii. Otherwise we would be spending a small fortune on battieres, not to mention the environmental cost of using disposables
Not worth $3 to me. I don't buy any of those
Paparazzi would go broke relying on me buying the magazines with their pics!
It was well worth it to me.
I went to a large university in a major city. I moved to the city and lived in an apartment (cheaper than living on campus at that time). I had grown up in a very small town, so everything in the city was new to me. I paid every cent of tuition and living expenses on my own. I worked on campus, so I spent 9 hours a day on campus either working or in class. When I came home, I studied every night from 6 to 10 p.m. I studied and worked every weekend and school break. It was hard work, the hardest 4 years I've ever been through in my entire life. I had a great job offer in my field even before I graduated, and I began work the day after final exams. In fact, I had to take a day off from work to attend my commencement. I worked at that job for 4 years and enjoyed it very much, but once I married and had children, I didn't want to be in an office anymore, so I changed direction and began work as an MT so that I could stay home and be available to my family. That was more than 20 years ago.

While I don't need my degree to be an MT, and while I don't make piles of money, my college education has enriched my life in so many ways. I had wonderful experiences, my mind opened to all sorts of possibilities. I met great friends, including my husband, who enrich my life to this day. And the feeling of accomplishment, of having made it through tough courses, paying for it myself, graduating with honors; that feeling of capability has stayed with me always. I never question what I'm able to do. That feeling of accomplishment made me a better mother, a better neighbor, a better employee, a better everything. You don't find that sort of thing in a classroom. It's not written on a degree hanging on a wall, you don't get a self-esteem bonus in your paycheck. But knowing that I am a capable person, able to set goals and work hard to achieve them is the priceless result of my college education.

That said, college is not for everyone. It's not a guarantee for a big paycheck. There are lots of kids who go to college simply because they want to get away from home, or because they are expected to go to college, or for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with their future or a conscious thought of their personal development. And everyone should remember that colleges are in business and must make money, too. Of course, they market their programs and living arrangements, and sell their product to parents, who sometimes shell out every penny to kids who sleep through classes and party all the time. I don't think that sort of college experience has much value at all.

College isn't for everyone.

Oh, my! I'm rambling, and I really could go on and on. But my point is that college can be a wonderful experience, but it's no guarantee that life will be one big paycheck after another.
Sure he's worth more now. Think of all

the royalty money that will be flowing into the estate now. Amazon.com stated they had the biggest day in sales yesterday due to everyone buying up MJ's songs.


I haven't been on ebay yet but I'll bet that place is be-bopping with a bunch of sales not only for MJ for for FF.


When Elvis died, I had gotten a letter from the estate offering to SELL me one of his scarves at a very high price. Of course, I had to turn it down.

But you should enjoy yourself. It is not worth
it always putting up with evil people and not enjoying the holidays the way YOU deserve. I am nearly 50, and wasted 30 years or so before I realized that I do not have to be a part of this insanity. Even if it is just 1 person, its so not worth the time and good memories for you. We cut ties and never regretted it once. And my kids are grown now and have shared with me how grateful they are that we stopped doing the sick holiday visits, etc. We really bonded as our own family and are healthy mentally. Sometimes you do have to think of yourself first, though I know that can be hard. Merry Christmas to you.
Do you have any idea how much she is worth?
She is one of the richest women in entertainment. I was pretty shocked. They had a special on TV and showed her up there in the ranks of Christina, JLo, etcetera. They showed pics of her with her family. She has a ton of grandkids! She also has a house in Florida and flies via her jet to her tapings in California I think and has a yacht.
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