How much should I have to do?

I need to vent for a minute and get some opinions. 

I have a grown son (19 years old) who keeps moving from house to house to whoever will take him in because he just will not work.  He is applying for jobs, but only jobs that he is definitely not qualified for and knows he will not get.  The rest of the time, he is either lying on somebody's couch or piled up in the bed on the computer, watching TV, talking on the phone, etc.  His only money comes from Army Reserves and is about $180 a month.  He has conveniently managed to get back into my home and now I am responsible for feeding him.  He has left repeatedly mad and gone to live somewhere else, but whenever that person kicks him out, he always comes back.  Yes, I resent very much having to take care of him.  I have worked EVERY day since I was 15 years old and I need a break.

Then, I have a 23 year old daughter who is living on her own with 2 children.  She calls me every night crying about how she cannot pay her bills and is going to be homeless.  Last month, I gave her $700 to pay her monthly childcare.  I am now BROKE!!!  She just called wanting me to commit my whole summer to taking care of her oldest child so she does not have to pay childcare for him, which will only save her $250 because the baby's weekly fees go up if there is not a sibling enrolled in the school also.  She says her bills amount to more than $800 over her bring-home pay.  She was getting child support until her exhusband just left the military and of course now he does not have a job and is not sending her anything at all.  I feel horrible, but I do not want her to come live with me.  She moves in and she reverts to being a child.  I end up cleaning up after her and her kids and taking care of her kids like they were mine when she is with me... plus, it would not be like this is a temporary situation.  It would end up being long term and she also is only wanting to give me like $250 a month to move in --- she would just be blowing what she saved by moving in.

How much am I expected to do?  My income is not great anymore, I go to school full time, and I am exhausted emotionally and financially...  but at the same time, how do you just turn your back?  I just know that on top of my son, if my daughter and the kids moved in, I would become suicidal quickly --- and that is not a joke!  But how do I sit back and watch my kids suffering also?

• How much should I have to do? - anon
  • It's called "tough love." What about when something happens to you? - deb
    • She was getting a lot of child support before and -- - anon
  • Tell him you want $100 a month of that $180 he gets for rent. nm - Fingers
  • Let them grow up - Patty
  • As soon as you stop enabling them - sm - renee
  • parents are suppose to be there for their kids, but he needs to get his s**t together - tabby
  • take a look around the - corner of time
    • Let me explain more- kind of long winded - sorry! - anon
      • I have a friend like you - MTer
      • Don't beat yourself up........... - sm
        • His father is his problem - - anon
          • Yep, I thought daddyo might play a huge part in - all of this...... been there! nm
      • what does it matter - corner of time
    • Your mother gave you the best gift of all - SM
    • This mom is lifting more than one finger - BTDT
  • you can say no, it really is okay - BTDT
  • my kids aren't grown yet, but - thinking i'll stay ex-MQ
  • You have to learn to say - SM
  • I had the same problem wtih both sm - MT forever it seems

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