How much encouragement?

Posted By: Pacific on 2009-02-20
In Reply to: No, she needs a friend. Not judgment or condemnation. - AnonMT

The both of you constantly look for encouragement. Haven't you gotten enough? You expect people to say what they think and then you get mad about it. Well go figure it out then and leave the rest of us alone! The both of you just about break when someone says something you think is mean. You both show signs of being beaten down and unable to handle criticism objectively. No one was being mean to you!

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Thanks for your encouragement (sm)
Two kids - my family lives 500 miles away and is not in a position to really help. I know there are a lot of rules about not moving your children out of the state. I am not sure about friends I could stay with, would have to think about that one. I think I won't mention my state on here just in case anyone I know is reading and wondering if this is me :-)

I love your last sentence about getting myself and my children to the other side :-)

Not the OP, but thanks for the encouragement.
I'm going through it too.

Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.

I really have no worry that I would act on this. I just don't get any girl time with my friends to talk about these kind of things heart to heart. I was trying to be honest and acknowledge the weirdness of it and I was looking for someone who could say yes, they know what I am talking about, and maybe share their own experience.

Thanks again, you are a sweet lady.

Thanks Misha for the website and the words of encouragement!
.

Hoping for some words of encouragement on 16 YO daughter. sm
Hello everyone. The saga continues. We have had her grounded since Friday and I saw her Psy.D. yesterday who gave me some advice. She said the best thing to do is to try to be nice and try to work with her in a positive manner, but in small steps. She said that if she decides to leave, there's nothing we can do about it, which I already knew. She said to voice that to her and let her be the one to make that decision, but supposedly that would take the power away from her. She also said that it was useless to try to keep her away from her friends, as she would do whatever it took to be with them. So I came home and told her that I loved her, did not want her to go, but the ultimate decision was hers. I gave her the cell phone back and told her that for her to be able to keep it, she needed to be civil so we can keep a civil atmosphere in the home and no more call me names and cursing at me. She agreed. That was yesterday. I told her that we would take things slow and she would have to earn back her privileges. Well, that's just not good enough for her. She wants it all right away, her way and when she wants. Wants to go out as many nights as she chooses and since it is summertime it is not fair that we don't let her go out. Unbelievable. I told her that we were unwilling to do that and the grounding stood through to the end. After that we would see how it went and start with one night out a week. She can't seem to grasp the concept that at 16 she cannot make these decisions.

Bottom line, I think it will be inevitible that she will at some point leave. I made her an appointment to see this Psy.D. on Friday, but we'll see if I can keep her here long enough for that and whether she will be willing to go.

I am at my wits end. The counselor said I needed to be patient and to continue to be nice. I think that would be easy to do if I saw that my daughter was willing to do her part, which she is obviously not keen on. I almost feel like I am wasting my time and I am so discouraged by her lack of wanting to participate in this.

I guess I have to prepare myself for the worst. This is so hard.

Thanks for listening.