How far would you go (or would you) to find out if your husband/lover was cheating?
Posted By: Sheila on 2009-04-10
In Reply to:
I am married now and never even think of his cheating or even worry about it, just do not have a feeling like that but in the past married to a real dog. I then checked his pockets, his shirt collars (for lipstick, makeup), phone calls and on and on. How far would you go and what have you found?
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
I find it odd that you don't know how much schooling your husband has had.
.
Thanks everyone.....No he is not cheating
Last time he said he was "in love" with someone else, but she had her own family and stayed comitted to it, and he came back to me and has had nothing to do with her since. There is no one else this time, I am sure of that. I am almost willing to pretend that conversation never took place and if he is willing to stay with me for the kids, then that should be enough. But I don't want him unhappy, I still love him, and I suppose I deserve to be with someone I love too, but my kids and their happiness come first and foremost, before mine. I could be happy with him as long as he was content. I don't want him to stay though if he is just going to be an angry, unhappy person. I have thought of marriage counselling, he might be willing to try it. I am willing to try anything at this point.
Those cheating men
Over the last couple of weeks and especially in the last week 2 different families that have been much in the news, 1 family on a TV program and another family in government. Both husbands have been seen, caught, accused of having a child outside his marriage, another husband supposedly was going with a young teacher. Both of these men's spouses have taken their husband's sides, defending them, maybe even looking inward and seeing if possibly something the woman did was wrong. How would you react if your husband or significant other. Would you defend, get mad, get even or what?
Cheating men
Dateline tonight had a VERY interesting show on regarding this subject and people said as well it could be genetic - hmmmmm
Actually when my dad was cheating on my mom...sm
He has always left his cell phone laying around when home. Then she noticed he started keeping it in his pocket at all times. He even took it to the bathroom to get a shower. Or she actually found it hidden under a pile of dirty clothes one time when he was in the shower. He didn't want her to pick it up and see the calls on there.
What makes you think he's cheating on you?
p
Cheating spouses
I look at it this way, when you cheat on your spouse in the eyes of the Lord your marriage is dissolved anyhow. If my spouse ever cheated on me, I would definitely not stick it out for companionship or otherwise. It would just not be worth it to me because there would be massive trust issues from that point on. Just not worth it. For goodness sake, I would buy a dog before I would stay in a loveless marriage always wondering if my spouse was getting ready to cheat again!
Kind of cheating
At work our user names are the first four letters of our last name and the first two of our first name. Mine came out Horski which I kind of liked and on the boards, no one knows my gender right away too. I'm female by the way! You trying to pick something?
Cheating Spouse?
Have you ever caught your spouse cheating? If so, how did you catch him/her?
cheating spouse
I worked day shift and he worked 3-11 so for a few years we would hardly see each other at all. First, let me say that my husband is kind of messy. I would notice that when I came home from work, my home was in the same order that I left it in the morning. Even the curtains had not been opened yet. There were no dirty dishes. There was no sign anybody had been home all day. I would ask and he would always have an excuse..went to play golf before work, went to a ball game, had lunch with the guys, etc.
Then a woman started calling the house in the evening asking for my husband. I would say he was at work, ask if I could take a message and she would say no and hang up. She would call about 3 to 4 evenings a week. I asked my husband who she was and he would say he didn't know.
Then, HER husband called and left a message on our machine one day while we were out. He didn't say any names, just said stay away from my wife or I'm going to come over and beat your a$$. I asked who was that and my husband said he didn't know.
This all happened over about 4 months when he was offered a transfer with work out of state and we took it. He never admitted having an affair but I know he did. That was 16 years ago. We are still together and before everyone flames me, I will tell you that the man has paid dearly for that little fling. We've never discussed it because how can you discuss something he won't admit to? He didn't leave the house for years without taking 1 or all the kids with him, even to the grocery store or the post office. He never got to do anything he wanted to do, no more boys night out, no more golf weekends, etc. It got to the point where I was feeling sorry for him but he never said a word.
Now that we're in our 50s, I wish someone would take him so he'd leave me alone!
hubby cheating
I had a friend years ago who hid in the back of her hub's camper-cover pickup when she suspected he was going to see the other woman one night. He had a little *bed* in truck. She caught them and filed for divorce, later remarried and happy as a lark for 30 years now.
So corporate cheating is fine
You said - However, it does NOT justify lying, cheating, stealing insurance dollars and benefits just because you don't like it.
What do you call it when someone pays their premiums for years, they are told they are covered, then the insurance company decides they don't have to pay? Sounds like what you just described above. But it happens every day, and its supposedly OK, because its business, I used to do medical billing, outrageous how many claims were denied because the ordering physician didn't do a precert, the insurance company decided it was unneccessary, or some other little loophole. The providers didn't get paid, the patient ended up in collections,,,and IMO the patient was lied to, stolen from, and cheated out of his insurance dollars and benefits.
BTW, I do make my own money. I'm just not too pleased at handing large chunks of it to an insurance company, knowing they will diligently seek reasons to deny a claim, even if I play by all their ever changing rules and memorize my policy. And that includes the entire insurance industry, be it medical, LTD, life, auto, or homeowners insurance.
Cheating spouse/boyfriend, etc.
Many years ago I was married to a cheating spouse. I was pregnant with our second child when he took it upon himself to cheat with an underage girl in the back of our brand new station wagon. Well, I learned about this when a paternity suit came up with his name on it. Apparently he was so dumb that he did not know the girl had a boyfriend and being the sucker that he was he did not know that they would pin the paternity on him, and get money from him. Too bad it wasn't in this day and time because he would have been in jail because she was only 17, and he was in his 30s. This was only 1 in a string of women that I found out after the fact, and even contracted an STD when I was pregnant!! I also suffered spousal abuse, and have the scars to prove it. After 5 years of this I got out,and the only reason I stayed was for the children, but that was a huge mistake on my part. Now, whenever, I hear or see this on a program it makes me furious that these men think this behavior is okay. It is never okay and leaves many people, including children, to suffer much heartache.
Good for Kate! Who needs a cheating man.
x
I understand the problem with cheating by using phones
and my children do carry the cells to school but keep them turned off and in their locker....which kinda defeats the purpose of being able to call in an emergency but I do know the problem it can become. The kids are also not supposed to have them on field trips that are just for the day (they are allowed to take them on overnight trips). Well, my son was on a high school field trip to VA Tech on Apr. 16. If hadn't had a teacher that allowed them (just don't abuse them) we would not have known for hours that he was okay. I went to the middle school that very afternoon and spoke to the principal about my DD taking her phone on a field trip and the principal said that it would be okay. That's good, cuz she was taking it no matter what.
If I knew there was a history of cheating on former wives,
then my opinion would be different. I think that once cheating occurs, it is more likely to be repeated in future relationships. Not saying that this is your case, but it would worry me.
My rant: I agree cheating on one's spouse is never SM
acceptable. The one thing that REALLY bothers me, is that men claim that they have to cheat, since sex with their wives is no longer exciting and that their wife won't do what paid companions will and my thought is always the same "Did you ASK her?". If they ask nicely, I'm sure loving wives would be more than willing to comply. Within reason, of course.
Cat Lover - need your help
We have two cats, one male, one female, both have been fixed.
One of them, I suspect the female, has taken to spraying in the master bathroom. Is there anything I can do to get her to stop?
ICKY
I'm a dog lover too but...
Wouldn't this be funner through IM?
cat lover, too
My last cat had some sort of brain tumor - we think. Vet wanted me to take him to a specialist and have brain surgery - which I was not equiped to pay for, nor did I think he would survive the surgery. I didn't think he was in pain and he was eating, with some difficulty because he had some left sided facial weakness. FYI, vet told me that dying cats purr. Then one morning he apparently had a stroke (my diagnosis) and it was obvious. I was lucky enough to find a vet that came to my house and gave him the injection. He died on my lap and I don't think I will ever get over it. I had to get 2 to replace him. It's expensive, but they are important to my quality of life.
For the dog lover's out there...
WHEN I GOT MY DOG....
I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats.
I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing.
I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud;
I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.
I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
I was given a clown that I might laugh.
I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.
I got nothing I asked for,
But everything I need.
CAT LOVER
You bet. I have had Sheba for 7 years. She is a huge black spayed female. I got her when she was about 6 weeks old. She is very "opinionated" and must have her way. If I even shake my finger at her, she will come at me. My daughter's dog accidently came in the house one time, and my cat had a FIT and scared the bejeebies out of that poor Jack Russell, Luke. My cat is not very affectionate. She will not sleep with me, and she only sits in my lap for 5 minutes or less.
Well, I was wanting a small dog. My daughter talked me into buying one. He is a Pekapom named Ping Pong. My cat hisses at him and growls, but I have also seen her playing with him when she did not see me watching. My dog agivates her all the time, and she puts up with him.
Well, my next door neighbor moved and abandoned his black cat. He never tood very good care of him, and I would hear him crying during the winter and when it was raining. I could't hardly stand it. I would sometimes sneak him in while Sheba was in the other room, but she knew another cat had been there and would go around hissing and growling. Well, I started letting "Jeepers" into the basement on cold days and nights. Sometimes he would get into the house without my knowing it. Sheba does her growling and hissing, but she has never attacked him. I have to keep Sheba's food on a chair in my office so Ping Pong will not eat it. Yesterday I saw Jeepers up there eating her food. (I usually feed him in the hall way where the basement is). He has also started staying in my house and is sleeping on a blanket on my couch right now.
I never thought Sheba would tolerate this, and that is why I never got another cat. So, you see, it can happen. I would try it. Cats seem to work things out in their own way. If they hiss and growl, let them work it out. It usually takes about a week for cats to get to know each other. You may be surprised just like I was.
Cat lover #3 here.
I have 3 rescues myself. Could it only be when they are going #1 and the litter is so absorbant that they don't smell it to cover it? Or is it just random with jobs 1 and 2? I don't know, just a thought. We know how independent and mysterious these precious ones are!! That's why we love 'em!!
Strange question. I punched my ex when I found out what a cheating SOB he was. SM
I personally haven't been punched in the face since I was 20ish and I'd like to keep it that way. 
I am very sorry, being an animal lover, but
I really believe the final call on this had nothing to do with money. A horse, unlike cats or dogs, cannot support their weight only on 3 legs and I believe the people who owned this beautiful animal did everything they could to let him live. They knew he would never run again much less be able to live any kind of meaningful life. I heard he was not doing well yesterday and thought this would be the outcome. So sorry, though.
Sock lover too!
![Heel-Toe](http://scene.barenecessities.com.edgesuite.net/is/image/BareNecessities/fa14n105kar?$productpage$&extend=1,1,1,1&bgcolor=221,221,221") If you haven't tried chenille super-soft socks you don't know what you are missing! 
I am so, so sorry as I am an animal lover also
and can really feel your pain. I have 3 furkids of my own and my heart just goes out to you and your family at this time. These special animals are just part of our own families and I grieve with you.
Plum lover
Yep, I just finished #12. I know #13 is out there, but probably will wait until it comes out in paperback. I got all mine 1-12 on E-Bay, so as not to pay too much. Also have read some of Evanovich's other books, but they don't hold a candle to the Plum books. She always makes me laugh. Too bad they can't be turned into movies, but then the stories usually are not as good. Happy reading to you!
I am animal lover and get this
Spoke with my daughter last night. She owns her own home and rents out part of it. She tells me her roommate gone a lot- she intends to speak with him about his small dog. She tells me her dogs and this dog are not hitting it off too well but it is freezing here for the past 2 nights and the dog is outside without any shelter. I have written her a note and told her if she gets pis…oh well. I told her she is responsible for things that go on at her home and surely I gave her some compassion in her raising, otherwise I have failed miserably. I asked her how long does it take to bring the dog in, feed and crate it for the night? Surely as a human being you can not allow a poor defenseless animal to suffer because it belongs to your roommate. I am never confrontational- let her run her own business but I really hate this and if it puts a wedge between us then I guess it will have to. I keep my mouth closed but I could not this time. If it were my neighbor and they had small dog left outside, I would probably call the animal abuse people on them and someone there might do the same. I don’t worry so much about that as I do the abuse of a small animal. I asked her to find in her heart the right way to deal with this. I hope she is not as cold-hearted as she was last night.
animal lover
I would LOVE to be able to do that, or something similar. However, I barely make enough to pay for my own puds, much less any homeless ones. If I could, I would take in all the neighborhood strays, have them all neutered and whatever else they needed and give them a good home. Maybe one day I'll be able to do that. Until then, I'm so glad there are people like you !!
Yo, COFFEE LOVER sm
I, too, crave coffee that tastes like it smells. My son was a Starbucks manager and I know a lot about coffee as a result.
Growing regions:
African coffees are more acidic.
Colombian and South American coffees, whether robusta or arabica beans, will be earthy, muddy tasting.
Asian coffees are cleaner tasting, though can be very rich.
Kona and Jamaican coffees are often lower in caffeine and smoother, less acidic.
Roasting:
The darker the roast, the deeper the flavor. Dark roasts are said to have a bit less caffeine. Light roasts will be more acidic.
Ultimate rich cup:
Starbucks Gold Coast. It is Asian and dark roast. Not overly heavy, not muddy, not very acidic.
Sumatra. This is Asian, tends to be muddy in texture, but rich in taste. Usually dark roasted. If made in a French press, it will leave fur on your tongue!
Another good choice:
Verona. A blend of different growing regions. Dark roast. Hint of Italian espresso flavor.
Ways to make it:
I am a purist to the end. Must have freshly ground beans, I do at home. Must have filtered water.
French press:
Makes a chewable cup at times. It is espresso in texture, rich and heavy, oily in the cup. Have to have a rough grind, not a fine grind. You can't make Folger's this way.
Percolator:
Coming back as a popular way to make coffee. An antique or vintage one is better than the new ones. Has the advantage of sterilizing the water and the beans. Stronger than a drip maker, not as strong as a French press.
Drip coffeemaker:
Why? Do you want your coffee to taste like paper? Permanent gold filter is best. Tends to make the weakest coffee of the three processes I mention here.
While I like Bux coffee...there are some awfully good store brands of whole beans that are quite good.
I'll plug a local coffee brand too.
AmericanCowboyCoffee.com It is 100% pure Kona and at about $22 a lb, it is CHEAP for pure Kona. It is packaged in the oldest, continuously incorporated town in Wyoming, a place called Hartville. The store is literally right down the street from me. This is my special, after dinner, later evening, lazy Sunday morning in bed with the paper coffee.
thanks for letting me vent this!
One hint - when a dog lover can't visit or
travel places that others think are fun - its because the person doesn't want to do it! Best excuse in the world.... I know...
website for fellow dog lover
Hi. Its www.inthecompanyofdogs.com
when I was living in North Carolina I met a wonderful older lady at the vet who had her dog in a car seat and gave me the catalog. I Love this catalog. It can be on the expensive side, but the carseat was totally worth it. He loves it. When I get in car he goes in the back and jumps right in it. It took a little time in the beginning, so I gave him treats when he jumped in it. It has good restraints too. but there is another website called GWlittle.com that has carseats that are little less expansive than mine and pretty similar. 
oh dear! I'm a beagle lover and I know what
you are going through. Poor poor poor puppy. I know they grow up to be dogs, but I can't help it, they're all still puppies to me!!
Keep updating on the board!
Yay! You GO, dog lover and protector! Gotta
s
I'm a dog lover, and most dogs love me. - sm
I can be walking down the street, simply make eye contact with one and smile without saying a word, and the dog will usually rush up to me, wagging his tail like crazy and acting all silly and lovey-dovey.
In the past, some of the absolute sweetest dogs I'd ever known were pits & rotties. But that was in the ྌs, before the big 'gangsta-dog' thing became popular. Then people started breeding these dogs more for a surly attitude than for good temperament, and it seems to be a dominant trait that's getting passed forward, even when unintended.
So fast-forard to 2 weeks ago. I was out walking in my neighborhood, and was coming up a long flight of sidewalk stairs that go up the steep hill I live on. Halfway up, I saw a big brown pit bull standing there looking at me. I had seen him running loose on my street earlier in the day, and wondered whose he was, but then forgot about him.
He had an aggressive body-language that I didn't like. But I'm not afraid of dogs, and continuned on up the steps, and talked to him nicely as I reached the top. But then the dog totally went off, and began barking, growling, and making charges at me.
I knew to stand my ground, and first tried sweet-talking him. Didn't work. If I tried to slowly move away from him in any direction, he'd come around and try to come in at me from behind. There wasn't a soul around.
I tried scaring him off, but that only exacerbated the problem, so I decided to just stand there and let him do his thing. 20 minutes later, he was just as aggressive as ever, maybe worse, because his charges were coming closer and closer. The only 'weapon' in my possession was a single can of cat food in a plastic bag, that I'd walked down the hill to the market to buy. Considered whacking him with it, but didn't want to be in that close to him.
Turns out the owners were in an apartment right across the street. A couple finally came out and called off the dog, stating "Oh, we didn't know he was out." (I doubt that - the dog had been out all afternoon.)
Anyway, I told them I'd call the sheriff and/or animal control if I ever saw him out again. When I got home, I called animal control anyway, and filed a formal complaint, so that if he bit anyone in the future, there would already be a complaint against him, and he likely would not be released from the shelter. Animal control said they'd follow up with the owner, which hopefully they did.
In the meantime, I did 2 things: I programmed the sheriff's phone numberinto my cellphone, which I now slip into my pocket whenever I go out for a walk. Good thing to do, anyway. The other thing is I went to Army-Navy Surplus, and bought a cannister of professional-grade pepper spray. Not the wimpy, .02% 'dog-repellent'. I doubt that would stop a pitbull. I got the 15% stuff that will bring a 200-pound, raging crack-addict to his knees and keep him there for more than an hour. That goes into my pocket, as well. Now I can walk & bike with peace of mind.
Meanwhile, those pitbull owners should consider themselves very lucky that their dog went after someone who knows dogs, is not afraid, and didn't RUN. If a timid woman, or worse, a child, had come up those steps that afternoon, the resulting attack might have made the 6 o'clock news that night.
There are probably still some gentle pits left out there, but I think their numbers are declining because of the current fashion statement of being a 'big bad gangsta, with my big, bad gansta-dog'. They want their dogs to intimidate people, and then they wonder why they can't rent an apartment or get homeowners insurance to cover dog bites. In some cities you have to post a $30,000 bond in order to keep one. It's little wonder that unwanted pits and pit-mixes are clogging up our animal shelters. I feel sorry for the animals, but if I were adopting, I wouldn't want the financial liability of owning one.
If you google John and his lover,
you probably are going to pick up a man's name (as in the nanny you speak of). I knew the police were already involved. I am sorry for John and his wife as far as the loss of their child but there are very odd things going on here.
Stray animals and an animal lover
On Sunday, I was working when white fur flew by my window. On further inspection, I see neighbors in front yard observed ~five~ dogs running around the street, from house to house. I got them into my garage ASAP so none would be hit by a car. Placed ad in paper fully expected a response by an owner who had left the gate open - but, nothing.
Right now, they are in my backyard. Three males, two females, all under 10 lbs. None neutered. Two of the males are attacking a third, older male. Separating them has led to one howling in distress in my garage.
In the meantime, my 2 dogs and 2 cats are in distress from this. I feel so bad as I am now looking at the call to the SPCA and it is hearbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. In fact, I am near tears.
I had a vision of us all living reasonably well together until I could find homes with them but I am faced with the realization that it is too much for me and I feel like a failure. There is an animal rescue group but even they are overwhelmed with stray animals. In fact, one that I have is a stray that I was fostering and kept as she fit right in.
Not being an animal lover does not make one a bad person...
Huge animal lover here but I agree
I once had the most beautiful cat named "dumb cat" cause that was exactly what he was, but he knew he was loved and well cared for.
BTW, I live right out of the city limits but if I did live in the city limits I would not be allowed to shoot a gun.
because you're an animal lover....you will stay on this; so 2 pets don't get
nm
Find a lawyer, find out where you would stand - sm
in the event of a divorce/separation, regarding custody, house, etc. Custody was my main concern as well since I lied on numerous occasions about the finances. Where I am I was told that would not factor in to the custody at all. I can prove that I am my kids caregiver 90% of the time, I ferry they around everywhere, help with homework, get ready for school, meet at busstop, etc. I could also point out my husband is an alcoholic, self treats his depression with alcohol instead of getting proper medical treatment, has threatend to kill himself (or me) numerous times (though he always says he was joking and did not mean it.....that is his standard answer to everything, or that he never said that). Now I do love him enough to deal with all that because deep down inside my DH is full of it, luckily for me, he has never followed through on anything he says he is going to do. But I thought my confession would be the straw that broke it all and send him over the edge. He still is angry with me, I am sure he will be for a long time, but is keeping it together pretty well, though he has said the stress was going to kill him, now he know how I felt I guess. I am sorry your husband is such a smuck. I feel like a dog sometimes with the sex demands, have to do it the night before he goes out of town....he will be traveling a lot for work for the next 3-4 months, which I am more than glad about, much calmer here then, though it gets tiring for me but as he is not really helping much right now it really won't be much of a change. As for yours going on 5 day weekends.....have you considered having him followed, sounds like there may be some infidelity afoot, and if so that would strengthen your case in the event of a divorce and custody I would think. Sounds a bit fishy going out until 1 a.m. and his frequent trips. My DH fishes too, but he goes 2 miles from here with one of our male neighbors, they shoot the breeze and he gets to unwind some which I encourage. Very rare weekends with a buddy of his, I am talking once every 2 years, which again is fine with me. Start keeping track of all you do, when he is home, where he supposedly goes, with whom, etc. He cannot show he will be a responsible dad if he is never there or never interacts with his own kids. My DH would probably suggest I take our older daughter and he the younger, spliting them up, he has the same perception, the oldest is mine, the youngest is his. Our younger daughter is much easier to deal with, our older daughter drives him nuts and she is only 10. My younger one (8) knows something has been going one though, and worries we will divorce, which she does not want. She is very perceptive for her years. I hope that if you do go the divorce route, which would actually probably be best in your situation, that it all works out for you and you get your fair share of assets, etc. Make sure before you do anything like that you have all your ducks in a row, so talk to divorce lawyer. I talked to one for 45 minutes, cost me $160 but was worth it to set my mind at ease. Good luck.
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
Please let us know if you find it...nm
Insert smiley face with crossed fingers here.
How do I find out
where this person has his banking account? I cannot believe a person would just snub their nose at a court action. Had it been the other way around, I am sure I would probably be under the jail as we speak!!
i find that
exercising daily helps and stretching REALLY REALLY helps. sometimes my entire back feels as if i have been beat with a baseball bat. it is hard for anyone to understand unless they have the same condition. also, not eating sugar helps me, especially my joints. i take ibuprofen when i cannot stand it any more and then i take 600 to 800 mg every 3 hours for a couple days. that eases the pain. i do not take any other pain medication.
good luck to you and may you have more and more pain-free days.
cannot find this
Can you possibly e-mail with the info, I cannot access it as given for some reason. Thanks
What will they do when they find out
I would like to think he could find something
nm
Only way to find out if he is just not that into you.
x
Just find somebody else, have
the work done, and then send her the pictures of how beautiful it all turned out.
Be sure to tell her you paid a little more with this company, but it was worth it because they were so professional and quick with their service, but she was no "nice" and took such an "interest" in your welfare that you wanted to show her how nicely the project turned out. :oD
|
