How do you handle being jealous of stepkids?
Posted By: anon on 2008-10-09
In Reply to:
Big problem, girls! I have a stepdaughter that I am so jealous of I cannot see straight most of the time when she is here. The child is 9 years old and has her daddy so wrapped up that when she is here I am just pushed aside completely. He does not see it, thinks I am just overreacting and is even to the point of starting to take her and spend his visitation time somewhere else and not bring her around me.
I do not begrudge her getting her daddy's attention... I just feel that I should be involved more. If they are watching a movie, he loves on her and holds her while I am pushed over to the recliner by myself, when its time to go to bed, I go to bed alone while he sleeps with her and if I want him in the bed with me, I have to wait until she goes to sleep and then go wake him up and ask him to come to bed with me. We cannot close our door when she is here because she will get upset and start banging on it and crying and he will run right out to her (even if we are in the middle of a conversation), we cannot sit together on the bed and watch TV even if she is in her room by herself because as soon as she knows he is in the room with me she starts hollering for him and he runs to her and then proceeds to crawl up in her bed and watch TV with her. If they are going somewhere it is usually just the two of them and I am not invited because they need to spend some time together.
Granted, he does not get her on a regular basis (his fault, not mine) and he wants her to know that he loves her, but why can't he see that I should be included too? He wants me to love her and spend time with her and do things with her (especially when there is a football game on he wants to watch, or somewhere he wants to run with the guys for a little while), but then he makes it where I don't want to because once he is ready for her back, I am just pushed aside.
She calls me "She", not my name; she does not acknowledge me when she comes in the door until he forces her to speak to me; after our living together since she was 4 years old she gets very upset and says that I am not her daddy's girlfriend and that I am just a "friend" and she tells everybody that. I feel like he enforces that idea when he pushes me aside and he says I am just being ridiculous and selfish by wanting him to spend more time with me when she is here. I don't even ask him to forego time with her, I just want him to make some time for me (maybe give her a bedtime and have grownup time with me after she is asleep even?).
Am I just ridiculous as he says, or am I right in feeling the way I do? Help, please...
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Not so much jealous, as they just can't get a handle on why things
m
stepkids
Anyone have any experience with the sudden reappearance of adult stepchildren.
I received to cards in the mail today from my 25-year-old stepdaughter. One for my anniversary which was a month late and one for my son which was a month early. This is the first time she has ever sent us any kind of cards before, and she works in a Hallmark store. Hmmmm......wonder what is up? Change of heart or out of change?
Do any of you have probs with your stepkids?
I absolutely cannot stand my stepchild. I know it sounds evil but that is the most spoiled, selfish brat I have ever come across. I did not know that marrying someone with a kid would be so difficult. I married my husband after having known him for only 2 months so we moved fast, but his little boy seemed to be sweet in the beginning. After we got married, things changed. My husband makes me sick over him. He lets him do as he pleases. He is almost 6 years old and I hate to see how hateful and defiant he is going to be when he gets older. My husband never disciplines him. His son is disrespectful, backtalks, does not listen and my husband does not seem to care. I have come to the point now where I cannot and do not say anything about the child because if I do my husband jumps down my throat. It's like the only thing he cares about is that child. I will never be as important to him. I'm not asking to be number 1 because I know he loves his son, but I would like to be as important to him as his son because I am his wife. There are so many times that his son has done something that does not make any sense and the most recent was yesterday.
My husband was in the bedroom napping and his son was sitting on the couch playing video games. A few weeks ago I got a puppy. Now his son is here Thursday evening through Monday morning and anytime he wants to play with the dog or take her outside I let him. All he has to do is ask. Well she went to the door and wanted to go out. So I put her on her leash and we went outside. I tie her up outside so she can run and play around without me having to hold her leash. I come back inside and see hubby's son lying on couch with his head in pilows. I did not really pay that much attention to it because I thought he was playing or something. I grab the phone b/c I am gonna call my mom. My hubby gets up and goes in there and his son is crying for some reason. I could not hear everything b/c I was on the phone. I hear him asking why he is crying and he won't give a reason. Next thing I know, my hubby gets mad (he has a terrible temper, when he does get mad he feels the urge to hit something which really scares me), kicks something and goes outside. I tell my mom I need to go. I'm going to try to find out what is going on and calm my hubby down. He comes back inside and I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing. And I tell him he is scaring me b/c he is hitting and kicking stuff and he just says he is sorry and won't tell me what's going on. I go outside b/c I want to get away from both of them. When I come back inside, hubby and stepson on couch cuddling (i think it's weird for father and son to be so affectionate, I mean my dad and bro have never been that way...they like to act tough.) I walk by hubby and he tells me to come to him. He apologizes for losing his temper. I told him he scared me acting that way and he said that he does not like being told that someone does not want to be here. So I guess stepson implied he did not want to be here. He prolly just said he wanted to go to his grandma's. See my husband is so weirdly jealous over him. He does not want his son to say he cares about his real mom, or say he wants to stay at his grandma's....it's weird i think. I ask my hubby why stepson was crying in the first place and he says well the dog scratched him. Wait a min. how could the dog scratch him when she is outside??? And secondly, there were no scratch marks on his son. So i tell my hubby that when I took the dog outside his son was playing video games and everything was fine, so the dog couldn't have scratched him. But he does not say anything. Doesn't he realize his son is lying? I don't know but I went into the kitchen just to get away from them and I heard my hubby bribing his son with getting a toy and all kinds of stuff. He does it every time. I think that his son has him trained. He knows that if he does the crying crap, my hubby gets mad, loses his temper b/c his son is crying for no apparent reason, and then he will feel bad and get his son a toy or something. Early yesterday his son was asking for a toy and my hubby told him that after he goes to grandma's today and she gives him some money for one they will go get one. But his son wanted one yesterday and I think that is why he did that crying stuff. I swear one time before when he did the crying stuff (he will do it for no apparent reason and I think he does it just to make my hubby feel bad) afterwards he had this look of satisfaction on his face. I don't know but I just think that my hubby and his son both need therapy and both need to be on medication. I think they are both bipolar. I can't suggest anything to my hubby though especially that his son needs help b/c he will get mad at me. I am always the heel around here anyways when his son is here. I would like your thoughts on this though. I feel like I am going to go crazy. When it is the days that his son is not here, things are great and fine.
Update on jealousy/stepkids...
Okay, the man in my life with the kids did not come home until 5:30 this morning and at 5:32 AM I was telling him that I had taken all the disrespect from him and his kids that I was going to take and that we were going to have to just end this relationship.
Don't know how long I can stick to it - but he's gone for now. And ya know what? I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest...
How much to spend on stepkids Christmas gifts.SM
I have two stephchildren, 26 and 23. They are very sweet and we have a good relationship. Every year I have given them $50.00 each cash for Christmas. Needless to say, I'm an MT, so you have some idea of how much I make.
I have one daughter. DH will ask me to buy a gift for him for her, which I have done. That is out of my pocket.
Does this sound right? No, really. Is this typical? Very honestly, I think Christmas is for children and that adults should not be exchanging gifts at all. Any thoughts on this whole matter? Thanks.
How would you handle it!
My mother has this friend who she knew in highschool “Mary”. My mother moved away very young, but after we moved back (40 yrs later) they started talking again. Mary used to call my mother and they would go and eat dinner and such. My mom is 70 and this lady is around same age.
Just for a visual. Nothing against the weight…My mother is 6’2 and average build and very modest and clean. Mary is about 5’5 and about 300+. She has food issues and will just pile food up. I’m sorry but she is disgusting. She just wants to sit around and eat and sleep.
Mary had started calling to go out and eat or for coffee and then not pay, expecting my mother to pay for everything. My mother has taken food to this lady’s house when she cooked a big meal or pot of soup etc. and this lady never returned bowls. Well one day my mother went and got her and they went to dinner. When she dropped Mary back off at her house…as my mother says…”She passed gas 4 times, and did not bother to say excuse me!”  My mother is a very well mannered, modest lady and that thoroughly disgusted her. She refused to take any more of her calls. She would speak to her in passing or if she saw her at a restaurant but tried to avoid her.
Mary just gets bigger and bigger and wears the same clothes days in a row with food spilled down them and will not bathe! It is disgusting. My mother and friends have talked with her daughters about getting her some psychiatric help but she has all of her faculties. She just says she can’t get in the tub and out. Well, sit on a chair and bathe. Now she only takes a bath once a week, yes once! This is when and if her cousin will come and bathe her. This has become just sorriness. I have seen these super obese people who can bathe themselves. She can manage to get up and down and walk and drive and go to restaurants. If she manage that much she can change her darn clothes! She is not disabled or so morbid that she cannot manage this, she just does not care.
I went to see my mother Sunday. She said Mary had called the day before and asked to meet for coffee. First time in over a year. My mother agreed. She never, ever talks during this time. During coffee she asked if mother wanted to go and eat at a particular restaurant, being cordial my mother agreed, 6:00. Mary called at 5:00 she was ready, then wanted to go get coffee again. Getting up to go and pay Mary proceeds to gas my mother out again! Too which my mother again is thoroughly disgusted.
Well I had spent the night Sunday night, cleaning for company to arrive. Mary calls. My mother who is sick was in other room and I did not recognize number. Mary asks how she is and I say sick. My mother had already told her she was sick and would be busy getting ready for company. I told her she had gone to the store. Within 5 minutes this lady was banging on the front door!  We were trying to ignore her, assuming it was her. I was trying to look out window. Mother usually keeps the door locked for this reason but I was in and out mowing lawn and cleaning. This heifer (no pun intended) just walked right in, “Hey, how are you” and sat down. Mother and I mad as fire!!!! My mother would try not to hurt anyone’s feelings unless they push her. I was floored. It was her house and I did not want to say anything. Well she has on the same clothes from the day before and she is reeking with BO! Had to Febreeze that end of the couch! Well she sat on that couch, did not say a word, then proceeded to sleep in my mother’s nice air conditioning for 3 hours! Snoring like a freight train. She then woke up and helped herself to an entire box of Cheese-It snacks. Finally after waking up good at 7:30 p.m. she asked if my mother wants to go eat. My mother laughs and says sure why not! Just to get her out of the house. My mother expressed fears that this lady would come over every day while my family was in town.
Company arrived yesterday morning. I called today my sister says “well we had unexpected company POP IN today!” I told her to tell her not to do it again. She said same thing, peeping out window and this lady walked right in. Sat there sleeping. She waits for someone to cook for her! My sister said whoo she smells and this is supposed to be “bath day”. That lady had the same clothes on since Saturday with the same food spilled down the front!
Not quite sure how to handle this one, other than my mother ignoring her and not answering the phones again. She is just too good hearted.
I'm with you. I don't think I could handle that
either. I think even though you choose to forgive and go on, would you ever be able to really feel the same after that? I think once trust is broken it is difficult. I admire couples who work through this. Maybe in some cases it makes the marriage stronger.
how to handle
Hi,
Wow. I'm not really sure what to say, but you sound like you really need some support. Have you tried AL-anon or some other support agency for families of alcoholics? Maybe they can advise you, or maybe a lawyer. I think if you call a lawyer, at least the initial consultation is free, but check when you call. I wish you luck and hope things improve for you. Hang in there.
How would you all handle this? sm
My SIL and BIL moved to town in November. So far I have arranged every get together during the holidays, Super Bowl, picnics, birthday lunches and dinners, and call her on a regular basis. She has called once. Yet every time we get together we have a ball and talk for hours on the phone and she says yes she will call, but never does. I mean, her phone dials to my house, right? Not even sure what to think here and would hate to lose her friendship, but do I always have to make all the effort? Is there something I could say that would not sound rude but let her know it would be nice if she made plans once in awhile or picked up the phone?
I am jealous of you
I am jealous of all of you......
I have 2 of the most standoffish cats on the planet. Lucky is my 3-year-old female that I rescued at 3 weeks of age or so when her mother abandoned her and her sibling. I bottle fed her and everything...most pitiful thing you have ever seen.. You'd think she'd be a little grateful. No, she's not. At least she has stopped biting now that she is more mature. I accidently tripped over her in the dark one night on my way to bed...she raced me upstairs, ran under my bed and bit my foot as I was getting into bed.
Tripp is my almost 1 year old male and he a little more sociable. Right now, he is sleeping on the couch in my office, which is what he usually does in the afternoons. He loves to play, but hates to be handled or petted. He actually ducks when you go to pet him. We've had him since he was a kitten, so no history of abuse. Just needs his space, I guess. I've always had cuddly cats it the past, so these two are a disappointment to me in that department. But I love them anyway.
I'm SO jealous!
I'm in Texas and we are pushing 90 degrees! 
jealous
I'm probably the most jealous, insecure woman in the world. No way would my husband be that close to a woman, job or not. I'm ashamed of the fact now, but DH and I had a very long-term affair before we divorced and married each other. He is a bartender and I know exactly how people stray. Has everything to do with both the person and the environment. Put anyone in a conducive environment and see what happens. No one is immune. If people think so, they are fooling themselves. I'm not a kid anymore - 52 - talking from experience. Blast away, ladies - like I said, I'm ashamed now, but still remember vividly!
I'm jealous!
Here in the south, we can't even get rain, much less snow! Enjoy some for me...I'm jealous...
I AM SO JEALOUS!!!! nm
nm
I'm Jealous!!!!!
x
Sorry, that was mean. I'm just jealous
mm
what's PH? Posting Handle?????
posting handle!!! lol
You asked how others handle it. They sm
handle it by being the grandmother who stays out of it. You sent me a nasty email saying you weren't interfering, and did not wish to be judged, but you ASKED, how do others handle it. Others handle it by letting the parents, not the grandparents, handle it. Nuff said. Please do not email me again.
the mammas handle
I have a dad exactly like this. We are estranged 10 years now also. Truly, truly your mom needs to step up to the plate and handle daddy. Her hiding out is cowardly, forcing you and your husband to even discuss daddy on the lawn is unbelievably rude. Your life is not a Jerry Springer show! You're the kid in this. The girlfried can handle him or your mom. I think if you put it to him this way, his pride will get the better of him and he will get off the porch!
I feel your pain! Hang in there!
The handle are coming off ...
and DH has welded a few back on. This set is about 10 years old, but it shouldn't be doing this.
Here's how I handle finances ...
I am doing well when I see others are not but it takes some priorities and discipline.
I have a budget set. I follow it religiously. It took time to develop it. It includes expenses for maintaining the car and home, clothes, gifts, haircuts, emergency saving, long-term saving. If I have a fluctuation in income where I have excess left over - it goes to savings, not in my spending fist.
I have everything I can set up on electronic banking. It helps keep you on track if you cringe at the thought of being overdrawn and messed up on an electronic withdrawal problem!
Income is direct deposited into 3 accounts: Household checking, personal checking and savings. Household checking is where all expenses are paid out of. Savings, self explanatory. Personal checking is the allowance I have for myself from each paycheck. It is my personal spending.
Once the bills are paid, each payperiod I have a set amount I withdraw in cash from household checking. This is for gas/groceries. That is it. When we run out of cash for gas/groceries, we run out.
Don't carry credit/debit cards or checks with you.
Single most important staep you can take: Live below your means. Whatever your income is, subtract 10% for your savings and then live on the rest. No exceptions. No matter what changes you have to make, if you do not do take this one most important step, you will never have any savings and never get ahead.
If your mother does not handle this
You will all be on the news. This is your mother's problem that she is refusing to handle. She is lucky to have such a responsible daughter as yourself. But not dealing effectively with your father is just sticking her head in the sand. I hope he can't get a gun, because it sounds like he is slowly getting up his courage...
How to handle mama cat.
A few months ago a stray calico started coming to my door. I found her to be very friendly and so I let her in when I am working. I started feeding her. She keeps me company. I haven't really taken her to the vet yet as I was still wondering if she might be a neighbors cat but none will claim her so I guess she is officially mine. H agreed to keep the cat outside. He doesn't want house animals of any kind so I feed her outside but I will let her in during the day time and H has agreed when the weather is cold she can stay closed up in the Utility room at night. Anyway, she had 4 kittens in the neighbors wishing well a week ago. I am taking her to the vet to get her fixed as soon as she quits nursing. I don't know how long that will be though. The neighbors said that she and her babies can stay as long as they need to. Anyway, as I was typing along I heard a mew mew. I looked behind me and see mama carrying one of her kittens into my girls bedroom. I have my door open and she can get through a hole in the screen. My girls would love that but I know H wouldn't. What should I do?
Jealous of what? Because she can drive
NM
I'm jealous, I wish I had such an account
as a secret one so I could sock away some extra $$ !!!
Sounds like he is jealous (sm)
It sounds like he is craving your attention and just jealous of the younger sister to me. I think it is normal for kids their age to talk like that. I can't even tell you how many times my cousins and I and my sister and I said that about each other and there was anywhere from 1-5 years age difference. It was almost always over someone getting more attention and/or praise or something like that.
Aw - Poor Lil Ole You - Jealous, huh? (nm)
x
jealous...congrats wish it were me
Keep me posted...I want to know everything.
People get jealous sm
If you are doing well, I find people, especially other women, get jealous and mean. I literally knocked myself silly for a neighbor, I cannot tell you how many things I have gone overboard for her because the family was going through tough times. I even lost valuable time working and had to pull all nighters. She called me one day and said, "We can't all be you up in your office."Various other things were said that cut me to the core. I helped her run a fund raiser when she obviously did not know how to do it and it was a huge success and she took all the credit (at church). I was a true friend to her and gave my all. A plain thank you note or word would have done. The worst scenario was when I went in for surgery on my breast and she never called to see how I was. I called her and told her my biopsy was non-cancerous as the first came back DCIS, and she just said, "hmmm" as if "who cares." I'm done with false friends. From now on I only depend on myself or my DH, hurt too many times. She also told me she does not make thousands of dollars at a time, well, you have to work your buttocks off and by the time Uncle Sam and all the rest get paid, it's not always thousands. They are jealous because we are entrepeneurs in our own right, I guess. If they only knew - but they don't!
and I have to confess, I am a little bit jealous of them.
I think it would be so much easier to live with a woman than a man. No more History Channel or freakin Dirty Jobs!
Had my feelings hurt, how to handle?
About a week ago my elderly aunt called and told me she was having problem with her scalp, asked what did I think she should do, dermatologist she asked. Told her I would be happy to check on an ole timey medicine to apply to scalp, used for daughter before and worked. Distributor no longer made but phamacist suggested something else. I took to her and did not want money for it and told her so. Today I get the cost of the medicine back and then she goes on to say what a terrible smell, stung when she first put it on (says so on the directions which I am sure she read), awful smell, could not go out anywhere, had to wash her hair, just terrible putrid smell. Now, except for a doctors visit every one in awhile, she does not go out and that is not every week. I did this out of kindness and now I feel hurt, not only about her returning the money but most of all how she went on and on and on about how she could not use. She is not senile, has plenty of sense, although elderly still drives and no kind of problems except I think she was kinda rude to me. Any ideas? Should I say something, let it go, not involve myself any more??
The cleverest way to handle the situation is to
I know exactly what you are going through. I think that the great majority of us who work at home and who have children have gone through this. You'd think that this mom would be more understanding if her husband works at home, but apparently not. I also know that parents who work outside the home have all sorts of scheduling/transportation issues to deal with, as do we work-at-homes. But, I think that over time, they ask so often for these little favors that they become completely oblivious as to how rude they are. Maybe they get this way out of desperation, but once they get a "yes" from someone, they return again and again asking for favors.
I have three teenagers, but I've gone through this with neighbors and "friends" when the kids were little. The only way you can get it to stop is to firmly say no. Simple answer: "No. I'm sorry that I can't help you, but my work schedule does not allow me the time to do that." Then quickly finish the conversation. If you are there in person, say that you have to leave and turn away. If you are on the phone, say that you have to go now. Good-bye. Hang up. Don't give her the opportunity to ask why or to say something like, "But it's only a few minutes out of the way, etc." Just end the conversation.
She'll get the message very quickly, and even if she's very dense, she won't ask more than a few times.
I know you feel reluctant to do this. No one likes a confrontation, and you don't want to be rude. But by being short and to the point, and then politely ending the conversation, you should solve the problem. AND the beauty part is... after you've done this once or twice, you will feel empowered and will be able to do this again if someone else wants to impose upon you.
People don't understand that work-at-home does not mean "totally available". They should understand, but most of them don't. You have to stand up for yourself and educate this demanding woman.
Exactly, like when people say God will not give you more than you can handle?
How about asking the parents of a 4 year old with terminal cancer how they feel about that?
People amaze me sometimes.
I think it's called brainwash?
They are adults and can handle it. After all, this is the tradition
with your husband's family. If they don't want to go, then let them stay home. Surely they were aware this is what your husband's family does on Christmas Eve before inviting themselves to spend the night. Don't ruin family time with your family and your husband's family.
how to handle a pet you do not care for anymore
In October we got a 7-week old cat from a local vet. We loved her, she was a sweet ball of fluff. She is mainly an indoor cat but does like to go out a few times a day. A few weeks back she started eliminating (both) on my down comfortor, which is a PITA to wash!!! I thought it was just the comfortor so I would just put it away every day after i woke up. I thought maybe it was the litter so I have changed the type of litter I used and that seemed to help. But last night she peed on the bed itself, not the comfortor. The mattress is only about 6 months old, i'm very upset about this!!
Consequently to me disciplining her for this, the cat does not like me anymore. She does not allow me to pet her, she will no longer sit in my lap. The only time she is friendly with me is when I am making food in the kitchen and she comes and rubs on my legs because she wants food. The only thing I did was take her and put her outside when she eliminated on the bed. I use a spray bottle to keep her off of the table and now to completely keep her out of my room. She does not eliminate anywhere else in the house but my bed and the litter pan.
Besides this she plays rough. She is always biting and scratching. Maybe it has just been too long since I had a kitten and forgot but do they normally do that? she is not very loving. This makes me sad as I wanted a lazy Garfield type cat LOL. I know it's not fair for me to expect her to act a certain way but I can't help being dissapointed. She is ruining my bed. I have started putting her outside more but my youngest gets sad when I do as he thinks she won't come back and that is a battle.
Anybody had problems like this? I know there is a spray you can buy so they will not eliminate on certain places but won't she just find somewhere else to do it?
What's your opinion on the Monster handle?
I've been researching steam mops, and this one has lots of good reviews. The only negative that I'm finding is that some people find the handle to be flimsy, and a few have noted that they've snapped the handle when they've pushed too hard. I'm on the verge of buying one of these, but I'd like to know about the handle. Thanks!
If you can handle the rent payment,
then let him move on and do not give him any money. Let him figure it out for himself.
he did not handle money at his last job with a bank.
Just because a person has bad credit, does not mean he's dishonest. He did not bounce checks. He did not live beyond his means. He got caught in a layoff. It's a huge stretch from being jobless to embezzlement for crying out loud. There are many jobs at a bank that do not have anything to do with money.
The way things are going with this economy, some of you might be in this situation. I'll be sure to thumb my nose at you when you start wondering what happened.
Mexico is jealous of Miss USA
Speaking of bilingual signs....call any customer service number, including Social Security, and what do you hear.
I say press 1 for English, otherwise hang up!!!
I have a MIL who was jealous of any time I spent - sm
with my family. It caused a lot of hurt feelings on her side, and just made me angry for the most part. You don't sound anything like my MIL though but it sounds like you did not push the issue and fight for the right to see your grandchildren. In my situation, I married 1 of 2 sons. The other has never married or had any children. We have the only grandchildren for my MIL. She was manic that we have kids though she was vastly disappointed when we had girls and has remarked on this several times in the past. It is true we trusted my mom over her in terms of childcare, etc. though my mom rarely watched the kids as she lived 4 hours away. I did visit my mom at least 4-6 x a year, but I would drop in and visit my MIL and my FIL almost every time as I literally drove right by their house on the way up to my parents. My DH rarely calls his parents, I usually call his mom once a week and chat for a while. She used to never call but lately has taken to calling every 2 weeks or so. We also used to see his parents at least once a month for at least 5 years (now it is every 6-8 weeks), day visits, while my parents only saw the kids 4-6 x a year, though I would stay anywhere from 2-5 nights when I visited. This where the jealously came into play. I was/am very close to my parents and my brothers, much like your DIL I suspect. But I was exceptionally close to my mom, when she died almost 3 years ago my world fell apart. But my MIL was always jealous of my relationship with my mom, it drove her nuts I think. My DH tried to explain to her how close were were but she just could not understand and it caused her (and me) many problems. I would catch such grief from his family when I told them I was going to see my parents/friends, it was as if they wished I did not have a family. Holidays were horrible though we did do an alternating schedule though she would argue with me about that. Things a lot different now as she now gets to be the only grandma, which I am sure she loves. My stepmother is actually better with the kids though and has a great time with them, though I will never be close to her either. My in-laws get just about all the holidays now since my mom is gone and my stepmom wants to be with her kids not her husbands, so I don't get so see my family much anymore, maybe 2 x a year. Much more complicated these days, though we still don't let them (my in-laws) have the kids as they lack in common sense bigtime when it comes to what is safe and smart for my kids. I am not saying that is the case with you as I don't know your particulars of course. But it sounds like you just gave up. I would not try buying your son's love as it sounds like you did try. I know my in-laws tried though we were up front with them with one money gift they gave us that enabled us to pay off our truck in 1 year instead of 4, that it would not buy them weekends with the kids, etc. We told them that if there were strings we did not want the money. Money does not buy love as the Beatles said, very true. I would write back your granddaughter and say you would like to have a new beginning with her and the past is over and done with , and if she ever does want to know the real story, tell her. As for your son, have you even called him and invited him to your new home, it does not sound like it. Sounds like you expect a lot and are upset because they don't do the same for you as they do for the daughter's parents. The daughter controls the kids for the most part (as do most women) so it is to be expected that her family gets their "favor" more. You need to step up and be assertive. My in-laws do do most of the visitings here (we have actually never invited them here, they just call us and say that they are coming down on such and such a day, kind of aggravating), we rarely go up there as my DH just hates going there and really does not like his parents due to a bad upbringing. They really did a number on him. Does your son have any anamosity towards you? Did something bad happen in the past? You are long overdue for a long talk with him though. But I work hard to keep the lines open with them as much as I don't like doing it, I do it. My kids love them and I would never deprive them of that. I hope you take the first step and write to your granddaughter again, and call you son. You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. Good luck.
Jealous is not the correct word here
Not a jealous bone in my body. Reading what was said under mine, like no one ever had sex, OMG, victorian like posts to this one where it seems okay to join in and tell how often you indulge. Some joker even saying it should be banned. For what I have no idea. I did not cross any lines and now this. Like one who answered said, they had seen much worse on these postings and so have I. My life is so rich not enough time to be jealous of anyone or anything.
Don't be jealous of those who are thin...most CAN do something about their weight if they tried.
NM
Can you get him to the PCP? They can handle this type of depression most times -nm
:-)
I am ashamed of doing this, but now how do I handle the information I found?
Yes flame away about how I acquired the info. I know it is WRONG but my instinct told me he was not being truthful.
You see, the man I love has an addiction problem. Through our years together, we have gone through alcohol, drugs, porn, and gambling. Each time my trust is instilled back in him because he proves these are OVER with. I STUPIDLY obviously forgive each time as I love him dearly and the guilt I feel after trying to leave him is tremendous, and he is SHATTERED if I ever go...
Well we have been doing real well lately but we are long distance right now. We got in an argument and I know this is always his breakdown. So I checked his email. I KNOW I KNOW... awful. no it's not the first time because how else do you think i knew before... (and knew that he stopped)... and there it was, the transaction approved for his online gambling request.
I was hoping instead of being flamed, someone would give me some real advice. People say you should NEVER snoop and I agree to an extent, but how else would i know if he is LYING to me when i straight ask him about it? He says NO HE HAS NOT BEEN GAMBLING and then i KNOW not only is he gambling, he is LYING about it. If it is a form of entertainment it is one thing, but I am afraid this will skyrocket into how he used to be (he became very much in debt due to gambling, but that was while he was drinking as well, and i know for a FACT he isn't drinking)
Anyways I know what I did was wrong, I accept the fact people will be mad at me about it... but I do not know how to end it with this man knowing that he can't kick this addiction, without telling him what i have done, or without feeling the MASSIVE guilt for finally leaving after so many years.
NO man is perfect, and I am reminded this by my family. This man is a very good man (i know some will say not if he is doing these things) but i have truly felt that he is the only one that will love me forEVER even through stretch marks, babies, and whatever else i throw his way as he has done a lot for me.
I dont know what to do.
How would you handle a manipulative person who threatens
suicide every time you say you're leaving? I have been married, for a VERY long time, to a man who has refused to hold down any kind of job, who is an alcoholic, and who is also bipolar.
He refuses to help himself, take his meds, quit drinking, go to AA, etc. Over this past year, I have decided enough is enough and I want out. I have to think of the kids. I have tried to help him to no avail. Every time we have the conversation about us separating, he gets drunk and then threatens to kill himself. The first time he took some pills, claiming he took a whole bottle, when the truth was he took like four. He freaked out and rushed him to the ER. This scenario replayed again with him shoving a handful of mystery pills into his mouth the next time when I refused to take him seriously. Again, he was taken to the ER by the police that time and then was allowed to leave the ER AMA. Next, time he cut his wrists superficially and that incident landed him in a psychiatric facility for four days and then they let him out. Which brings us to today when I noticed he had been drinking again and still hasn't looked for a job and so I have bought him a one-way plane ticket to go be with his father. He is now drunk, asleep in his truck, and took a bottle of pills with him threatening suicide. I have checked on him and he is breathing and I don't think he's taken any of the pills.
And quite frankly I almost don't care if he has. I'm so tired of this game and it really angers me that he continually tries to manipulate me with this crap! I want him gone. I don't want my kids to see this anymore. I want peace. I want quiet. I want to sit down at my computer and just work without having to deal with all this drama!
So, now I'm wondering do I let him just lay out there in his truck or do I call the police to go check on him and perhaps take him to the hospital? One thing I know for sure, I am done going to the ER and filling out papers and watching him act like a complete lunatic to the nurses and doctors and watching them having to put on the soft restraints because he's a drunken fool! If I call the police, I want to be left out of the loop. I want them to take care of getting him to where he needs to go. Is that realistic or do the police have to talk to me because he's legally my husband and I made the call?
And what do you do with a crazy person who refuses to leave your home? He's not threatening me or the kids. He hasn't hit me or done anything like that. He's just a complete crazy man claiming he's going to hurt himself!
I feel like I'm on the verge of exploding! I want to scream! I want to just punch him in the face! God I'm miserable!
I just wanted to vent for a little bit. It sort of helps me to just pour it all out. Defuses my temper a bit. Thanks
And I think someone is jealous, what's wrong, no male attention for you? lol
I totally agree with the OP. I too have been inappropriately treated by men, uncomfortable staring or smiling or flitatious comments and it gets a little tiresome. The problem is that men never grow up. They would do this into their 90s if they could still see!
I'm jealous that you have garden food ready now...sm
Good luck keeping the critters out so you can eat it all yourself!
I think it's rude (and they're jealous) if they tell you to cut your hair due to age
If your husband likes it, and you like it, who cares what anyone else thinks!
I wish my mom (age 75) would let hers grow a little. She wants it cut really short all the time and I think it looks awful.
Also, your ears never stop growing, the older you get the larger they get, so why not keep them covered? LOL
I did want to show you guys my mom's FIVE dogs..I'm a little jealous of them..sm
They are so spoiled, as you can see....She doesn't have time to MT because she has to watch them all day long!
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