How do you deal with unreliable but kind-hearted friend? (sm)
Posted By: Portia on 2007-06-22
In Reply to:
I have a friend who is so sweet and kind, wouldn't hurt a fly, but never has her act together. Chronically having financial issues, phone turned off, electricity turned off, borrows money, phone back on, phone back off, etcl, still more financial issues. Always cancellig plans at the last minute, sometimes with no call, because of course, phone is turned off. She has a fairly good job, and although I know money is tight, it seems she keeps overextending herself. But she is so nice and good-hearted. But I am still frustrated with all the no-shows and cancellations and constant issues. Have you ever had that type of situation and do you just keep dealing with them because they are sweet people or do you just stop dealing with it? Does dealing with it make you an enabler?
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I just want to say what a kind-hearted post this was!! (sm)
If only everyone in the world could be so understanding of each other!
What a good-hearted boy he is!
I'm sure he will grow into a fine man and some lucky girl out there will hit the jackpot, husband-wise!
Congratulations on raising a fine son!
Broken hearted. SM
Last Wednesday evening I called the police regarding dog barking right next to my house. It was just terrible all day, 12 hours the dog was at the door and they did not let it in, then they left. I kept leaving the house and coming back to avoid it. It was day off. This has been a problem with these people,who have beautiful dogs. Some days not bad at all, some just terrible. I finally could not take it any longer. I waited for the police to come out in front of theh house and the neighbor and his wife drove up shortly afterwards. When the neighbor first saw the police he apologized for his barking dog, which was still going crazy. When I, trying to be upfront and honest, told him I called and was sorry for doing so, things got bad. He was swinging his arms around, denying everything, etc. He said the next time my car is stuck in the snow I can just remember what I did to him. I never ask for anyone's help, but a few times he helped get my car out. I take care of myself and never, ever ask anyone for help. Now it is silent next door. I love dogs more than anything and just wanted the police to help me speak to him. The policeman said that the guy handled it very immaturely and told the guy he was blowing this out of proportion. I am sad and feel terrible living here now. Please help.
Marilyn...you are a big-hearted
woman and a positive role model for those children. I applaud you for stepping in.
I still find it hard hearted...
Comparing your father in law to a father is not the same thing. This woman is an adult and her father was there while she was growing up. I just think that raising children earns a little compassion and respect. Call me silly. I also think that it is a little unfair that we only get one side of the story. I just hope that she does not write him off and live to regret it. Heaven forbid we act as caring people during the holiday season.
it seems awfully hard hearted for people to say to ignore him...
After all, he is your dad. I do not know what you should do, but I don't think that cutting him out of your life is going to help him any. Sometimes, I think people do things for attention because they need attention.
Some of us are fortunate enough to NOT be cold-hearted shrews!
who care only for themselves and nobody else. We care deeply about our loved ones and it is extremely difficult to turn them out, even if it is the right thing and only thing left to do! It's not about backbone, lady! Where's your compassion? This is painful for her. She is watching her father sink further and further into mental illness and she feels helpless. She wants to fix him, take care of him, and make him better, but she is realizing she can't. That's a painful realization -- the realization that no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you try to help, it will never be enough, you will never succeed, and the only thing left to do is save yourself.
Curious Girl, will eventually do what she needs to do, but doing what is right can be just as painful as something that is wrong. What she needs are shoulders to cry on and people around her to tell her she's a good person NOT criticize her and tell her she needs to grow a backbone!
Rose, the good-hearted, animal-loving ditz!! But with
s
The drinkin kind or the rubbin kind?? sm
So....is that for me to drink so I don't notice or care that my hands are all splotchy black or to get the ink off?  Seriously though, do I use the rubbing alcohol - or like Jack Daniels?? and do I soak in it or what? I never heard of using alcohol but I'll try anything.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
I feel that is best too. I have been kind, very kind, to this ...sm
child since he moved here in March. I also am not one of those parent's that thinks my children are perfect. You never know what they might do out of your presence. I do know how I have raised them though and I am all for getting them all together when there is a problem and getting to the bottom of it but anymore that doesn't seem to work. The parents automatically get defensive and start making excuses, etc. I'm going to look for somewhere else to move. I've lived here for 2-1/2 years and we never had a problem until this boy moved in. His mother is a piece of work.
Big deal....
Let her call your home and wish him a happy birthday. Is she hurting anyone. There are children starving to death in other countries and women being raped and killed and you have a nice warm house and beautiful children. Just let her be and let things happen as they will. We are not in control of things to begin with.
I would much rather deal with this
So they pass gas or burp. Big flippin' deal! Better than drugs, guns, and the like that pass through the doors of a school! Cut me a break... You people are outta control here. Parents allowing it? So what if they do? They can teach manners, but let's face it, kids will be kids, and sometimes it happens. That is just plain crazy to think that because your child farts in class that makes him the next serial killer! Paaaleeezzze!
So what? What's the big deal? You act like they want to
X
If you don't know what the big deal is....
This is a long read but worth it........
A National ID Bill Masquerading as Immigration Reform
by Rep. Ron Paul, MD
by Rep. Ron Paul, MD
Watch Ron Paul deliver this speech to the House of Representatives on video.
Before the US House of Representatives, February 9, 2005
Mr. Speaker:
I rise in strong opposition to HR 418, the REAL ID Act. This bill purports to make us safer from terrorists who may sneak into the United States, and from other illegal immigrants. While I agree that these issues are of vital importance, this bill will do very little to make us more secure. It will not address our real vulnerabilities. It will, however, make us much less free. In reality, this bill is a Trojan horse. It pretends to offer desperately needed border control in order to stampede Americans into sacrificing what is uniquely American: our constitutionally protected liberty.
What is wrong with this bill?
The REAL ID Act establishes a national ID card by mandating that states include certain minimum identification standards on driver's licenses. It contains no limits on the government's power to impose additional standards. Indeed, it gives authority to the Secretary of Homeland Security to unilaterally add requirements as he sees fit.
Supporters claim it is not a national ID because it is voluntary. However, any state that opts out will automatically make non-persons out of its citizens. The citizens of that state will be unable to have any dealings with the federal government because their ID will not be accepted. They will not be able to fly or to take a train. In essence, in the eyes of the federal government they will cease to exist. It is absurd to call this voluntary.
Republican Party talking points on this bill, which claim that this is not a national ID card, nevertheless endorse the idea that "the federal government should set standards for the issuance of birth certificates and sources of identification such as driver's licenses." So they admit that they want a national ID but at the same time pretend that this is not a national ID.
This bill establishes a massive, centrally-coordinated database of highly personal information about American citizens: at a minimum their name, date of birth, place of residence, Social Security number, and physical and possibly other characteristics. What is even more disturbing is that, by mandating that states participate in the "Drivers License Agreement," this bill creates a massive database of sensitive information on American citizens that will be shared with Canada and Mexico!
This bill could have a chilling effect on the exercise of our constitutionally guaranteed rights. It re-defines "terrorism" in broad new terms that could well include members of firearms rights and anti-abortion groups, or other such groups as determined by whoever is in power at the time. There are no prohibitions against including such information in the database as information about a person's exercise of First Amendment rights or about a person's appearance on a registry of firearms owners.
This legislation gives authority to the Secretary of Homeland Security to expand required information on driver's licenses, potentially including such biometric information as retina scans, finger prints, DNA information, and even Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) radio tracking technology. Including such technology as RFID would mean that the federal government, as well as the governments of Canada and Mexico, would know where Americans are at all times of the day and night.
There are no limits on what happens to the database of sensitive information on Americans once it leaves the United States for Canada and Mexico – or perhaps other countries. Who is to stop a corrupt foreign government official from selling or giving this information to human traffickers or even terrorists? Will this uncertainty make us feel safer?
What will all of this mean for us? When this new program is implemented, every time we are required to show our driver's license we will, in fact, be showing a national identification card. We will be handing over a card that includes our personal and likely biometric information, information which is connected to a national and international database.
H.R. 418 does nothing to solve the growing threat to national security posed by people who are already in the U.S. illegally. Instead, H.R. 418 states what we already know: that certain people here illegally are "deportable." But it does nothing to mandate deportation.
Although Congress funded an additional 2,000 border guards last year, the administration has announced that it will only ask for an additional 210 guards. Why are we not pursuing these avenues as a way of safeguarding our country? Why are we punishing Americans by taking away their freedoms instead of making life more difficult for those who would enter our country illegally?
H.R. 418 does what legislation restricting firearm ownership does. It punishes law-abiding citizens. Criminals will ignore it. H.R. 418 offers us a false sense of greater security at the cost of taking a gigantic step toward making America a police state.
I urge my colleagues to vote "NO" on the REAL ID Act of 2005.
February 12, 2005
Dr. Ron Paul is a Republican member of Congress from Texas.
Anyone else had to deal with this?
My mother has suffered from arthritis for years. She just turned 80 in May of this year. She's told me during the past week that her legs have gotten increasingly more painful - to the point that she can hardly walk to get to the bathroom. Today, she said if her legs aren't better the next time she goes to the doctor, she's planning to talk to him about going in a nursing home. I am really distressed about this - realistically, I've known the day was coming, since her home is not amenable to her being in a wheelchair full-time. I live 1200 miles away from her in a second floor apartment, so even if she wanted to come stay with me, that's not possible considering my current living situation. In my head, I know this may be the best solution, and that I probably couldn't change things even if I lived closer, but my heart is hurting!
This is the deal...
She and he lived in Minneapolis and me way down here. I BEGGED her not to marry him, BEGGED her, and she didn't listen. She is extremely, extremely intelligent and NEVER listens to what I say. Even her little bro, who is 16, tells her, "You should just listen to Mom, she may be a b**** but she knows what she is talking about." She is SO smart she got a 4-year full scholarship at a University in New Orleans, so now she's down here with me and he has less control, which is making him more psycho, but "sometimes" he's nice. "Sometimes he acts like he loves me." The only good thing is that she didn't get pregnant. Oooh, I am just livid. I can hardly type and I have to sit here and work for 8 hours.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Dogs and cats can be criminal like that...torturing small animals just for fun.
Gross dogs though, let me tell you about gross. A friend was in bed, watching TV and having some tea and toast before taking a snooze with her dog, a Malamute, who also shares her bed. This lady was eating her toast while watching tv, not really paying attention. She thought she dropped a small piece of toast on the blanket, picked it up, and popped it in her mouth. Turned out to be a small chunklet of cat turd covered in litter, accidentally dropped there courtesy of you-know-who.
Yep, her dog, like mine, loves to sneak "kitty krunchies" out of the box and snack on them when no one's lookin'.
no big deal!
I think I would probably have a heart attack if I were ever bitten by a snake.. My dentist bought an old house that was inhabited by snakes. . he shot some, carried some out using sticks, played loud music and finally, after a couple of years, has managed to take over the house. . he has way more patience and courage than I would have.
What is the big deal??? They had to have
gas and he said he would put in 10. He did. When he gets gas for his car is his business. If he wants to stop every day for gas, how does that affect her??? If they fight over little things like that, doesn't sound like a good marriage to me.
I know I should not have to deal with this...sm
But see my mother refuses to talk to him. She doesn't take his calls. She will call the police if he comes on her property so she doesn't have to deal with him. I no longer answer his calls either. I don't answer my door if he knocks. But he will literally wait for you to go somewhere outside like he knows I have to leave an 2:45 to go get my son for school and that is his opportunity. It is can I use your phone? Can I have a bite to eat. Then its crying. When my husband is home he does not do this. He does not come over to my house at all. My husband is a truckdriver so he is away a lot. My mother has got on his a** multiple times for bothering me and my sister. She has went off on him. He doesn't pay any attention. She has went to the sheriff. My best friend's husband is a deputy. I have talked to him. As long as he is on his property and hasn't done anything they can't do anything. All I can do is move. Pure and simple.
to deal with her.
nm
Here's the deal
Ok, we'll start at first cousin, since everyone knows that.
Your kids and your cousin's kids are second cousins.
Your grandkids and your cousin's grandkids are third cousins.
The "removed" part comes into play anytime you're talking about different generations.
For example, you and your cousin's kids are first cousins, once removed.
Your children and your cousin's grandchildren would be second cousins, once removed.
Here's the deal..........
I did that for years. I was working all day and STILL felt because I was at home, I should be washing dishes, putting in a load of laundry, whatever needed to be done, but knew I had to work my shift as well or even my prn work....all the while the children were growing up.
Even my childeren got to where they thought if they needed something (not an emergency) or just wanted to interrupt, they could just feel free to do so... after all, if I didn't make my work a priority in my own head, why should they? Even my mother would call and say something like, "You still on that computer"?, as if what I did wasn't important.
I finally stopped all that nonsense. They got off to school, I sat down at the same time everyday (just as if I were in an office), no phone answering, no door answering. Even my husband would call asking me to look up something in a file for him as if I were his secretary (stopped that too!). You should have seen the look on their faces when they realized I was NOT going to have whatever piece of clothing they wanted washed that day, they would eat what I had time to fix and be glad they had it (no all day meal cooking). The door to the room was shut and unless there was an emergency, it was to stay shut until I came out.
I had already told my mother I wouldn't be answering the phone but if there was an emergency, I would always be screening the messages; otherwise, her chit chat time was on hold until my day was over and I had finished with what I had to do for the day. That woman would then actually get in her car and come across town to knock on my door, saying since I wasn't answering the phone, she would just come over, as if that was okay!! She just doesn't get it at all!! I'm at home, so I must not be actually working. The next time she done that, I didn't go to the door. She stood and knocked, rang the doorbell, even went around the house to the back door seeing if it were open. I didn't go to the door, she went back home, rang the phone off the wall several times that afternoon and when I called her back that night, she wanted to know why I didn't come to the door. She had called my husband at work to ask him why I didn't answer the phone or the door. he told her I had work to do and couldn't get it done jumping up and down all day long. He was finally getting it. He told her if I were in an office somewhere, I couldn't be sitting on the phone for personal calls, doing laundry, washing the clothes, or running an errand, and she STILL said she just needed to tell me something..... like it couldn't wait until later.
Sometime, you just gotta do what you gotta do. If you stop obsessing about what housework there is around and remind yourself you have a job to do, all the other stuff will get done AFTER your job is finished, not during, you will start feeling better about everything.
If you were outside the home in an office would you be doing any of that stuff? Trust me, it can and will wait. You will be more productive as well. Just stick to it.
My sister in law knows I'm swamped with work and she still calls in the middle of the day wanting to chit chat (she doesn't work and has PLENTY of money) about anything and everything, and when I don't answer the phone, she calls her brother (hubby) at work and wonders if there's something wrong, since I'm not answering the phone. Geeeze!
This is sooooooooooooo not a big deal!
I'd say just get over it and stop being so sensitive.
How do you deal with fatigue?
Do any of you suffer from fatigue? I mean being so tired, no matter how much sleep, you could just hit the floor and go into a coma? I thought it was the Lexapro I was on for about 6 months so I discontinued that. While there was a teensy bit of improvement (and that was well over a year ago I stopped it), the fatigue is back in full force. It is a year-round problem for me, certainly moreso during winter, but it is at its worst when I sit down to the computer.
Do you have any suggestions as far as if it could be something to do with my work space? It's clean and bright, almost always has a nice Yankee candle burning, and my chair is a typical task chair with no arm rests and I try to sit as upright as I comfortably can. My keyboard is a regular style, nothing fancy, but nothing hurts. Monitor is a flat panel LCD. I stay away from sodapop and only have 1 cup of coffee daily, otherwise it's water w/Crystal light, and I'm not taking anything for pills except a daily vitamin.
I'd certainly appreciate any tips or suggestions you might have. Thanks for taking the time to read this! 
So go over and have pizza..what's the big deal?
Not like she asked you to plan it or have it at your place and cook a meal. Maybe I'm not understanding.
And much easier to deal with
///
Also make a big deal
of the fact that he wears "big boy" underwear and that your toddler will get to do that too when he is big enough and potty trained. Apparently that worked wonders with me and my sisters.
I honestly don't see why this is a big deal
This is information which is already on file with the government. Every American citizen should have copies of all of this information.
When you hear something like this, always go to snopes.com and check it out. See the link below.
Don't worry about it. There is no deal.
The house doesn't meet your standards or needs, and you aren't interested.
Realtors are supposed to work for you. If you want to buy a house, she should be finding out what you want and bringing papers on homes to you for your consideration. Don't even think you have wasted her time at this point!
I had my Realtor show me every house in my price range in all of the north side of this town. She was great.
I have the same deal though mine are 7 and 9- sm
so in a few years it will get interesting, especially since the 7-y/o gets all the hand-me-downs (though right now she does not mind at all). She likes to help pick things out for her older sister because she knows in a year or so it will be hers (and still be in good shape too). I had to go and get the older one new pants, etc. for school and the younger one felt quite left out. I did let her pick out 1 thing (a dress she liked) and got her that; got everything on clearance/sale and walked out with a lot for $140. But for anything extra they want I make them earn the money and buy it themselves. They just pooled their saved money and bought a Wii, they also know even though they paid for it I control the play time on it (plus I am the rental agent on the games at the video store). Never too early to start teaching them to work for what they want.
Good deal...
I'm glad you talked to her and she at least seemed to be receptive. You certainly know her better than we do!!!
She's still a minor and it is your job to protect her whether she likes it or not. Hopefully she'll at least pick better boyfriends!!!
Maybe you and your mom could work out a deal - sm
where either she comes to visit YOU, (without the step-dad), or else she can arrange to have him out of the house, on a trip, etc. when you go to see her. Be honest and tell her that although you love her, and you know she loves the stepdad, that you and the kids are keenly aware that he doesn't like them, and it would be better for all concerned if they didn't have to have contact with each other. Then everyone could be happy, and there'd be no confrontations between the adults, and no emotional scars on the kids from his dislike of them.
Having the pain is usually no big deal,
lots of women have this and something excellent to take for this is Vitamin E- learned from a nurse, works almost immediately. I have suffered from that myself for years. I had breast biopsy (I located a big lump really right below the axilla, turned out benign). Of course it is usually scary but most of the biopsies, etc. turn out to be negative.
You have a lot to deal with here. I suggest (SM)
you take 1 issue at a time. You have a good list started...prioritize based on safety and legal issues. Re the will, POA, etc., download some forms from the internet or buy some...they are widely available. Fill out one of them as a draft, leaving blanks where he needs to give input. Then take it to him, go over it with him, and ask what he wants in the blanks. Then compile a final for him to sign and take him to have it notarized, if needed. Then move on to the next thing on the list. I wouldn't make a big deal out of anything, just make dealing with one thing part of your regular routine when you visit him.
Re the house, spend some time making a safe, clean space in it for him to live his daily life...kitchen, one bathroom, to start. Get and install any grab bars or other equipment he might need. Get him a medical alert necklace for his birthday. I found one at WalMart that doesn't require a monitoring service...it dials 9-1-1 in an emergency.
This is just a start, but that is what you need to do, just start. I hope some of these suggestions are useful.
I agree. What is the big deal, other
that exploiting yourself on TV wanting to be a man and then wanting to have a child. My brother calls them SHIMS. It's not a SHE and it's not a HIM. What is so hard to believe. The so-called man kept his female reproductive organs. . . end of story.
I know a fella who got a deal like you
The house cost him less than $300, the city sold for a fixer upper also. Bad section of town and endless money pit. I started out with less and eventually moved to more.
mascara deal for $125
Lots of earlier posts regarding the high cost of cosmetics. I got an ad from Ulta - use the coupons sometimes. The shocker for me was the $125 mascara. In this economy, is anyone really buying this? I think these companies selling this junk are going to have to get real. The way things are going I have to work 20 hours to make $125. Any chance I'm going to blow it on mascara?
you are not making a big deal out of it
Does he have an IEP? What she did is a real problem. Huge. You need to have an advocate at that meeting.
What's the deal, that site tries
to get people to vote for the bad ones so they can stay on the show?! That's not right...
you can deal proactively with the
I would suggest for the viewing, since you expect to have another panic attack, that you get a prescription for Xanax or Valium before you go, and get somebody to drive you. Hopefully that somebody to drive you will also be willing to be your advocate and help you leave early if you need to.
I agree with the others - you were more than generous to give them the deeds to 2 funeral plots. If they want to rest in peace next to each other, they need to help with the financial arrangements to make that happen. Do you have a recent estimate as to how much that would cost?
And like somebody else pointed out - your mom doesn't need to be moved right away. She can be moved to the other plot anytime before John passes for John and Joan to be next to each other. Just make sure that Joan is placed next to your mom, so that when the time comes to put the big stone in for John and Joan that Joan doesn't need to be moved too.
Since when do men deal with all the details of holidays and
x
Need some advice on this fibromyalgia deal
I am working and have already taken a half tablet of Oxycodone- do not want to be out of my gourd trying to work today. My back just up against the work chairs feels terrible, the ribs really hurt and I have some weight on me, gosh if I were skinny I would really be in trouble. Any advice out there as to how to sit here for 8 hours with pain?? Thanks
The big deal is your federal government....
You're absolutely right. They have some identifiable information on file about citizens, so why would they need to change anything and put more restrictions in place? I'm more confused as to why US citizens don't ask why? If they've got everything on us, then what could possibly be the reason to do this?
That is what I thought too...good deal. NM
NM
Well, your Realtor wants to close the deal.
Therefore she will have certain agreements with this guy, though I'm sure he would say he's independent.
I don't have a pop-up, but maybe I can put your great deal into perspective.
Waaay back in 1968, my parents bought a used Coleman pop-up for $800. Can you imagine what $800 was worth back then? And it was a very basic trailer. You cranked it up, pulled out the bunks, and that was it. It was pretty snazzy, though, because our particular model had a hard top and solid screen door. Back in those days, pop-ups were little more than tents with wheels. Of course, the table folded down to another bunk. My dad, who was a carpenter, built three nifty cabinets that held all the cooking gear and clothes and stacked on top of each other. There was electric hookup, but no potty and no stove.
I LOVED the whole camping thing growing up. It was great. By then, I was the last of the children at home, my parents were older, had no money, but still wanted to go and see things. I went to a lot of cool places and really enjoyed the outdoors in that camper.
To this day I enjoy camping. I went more hard-core after my trailer days with my parents. Today, I enjoy backpacking, and sometimes I do that without even a tent!
Enjoy your camper. I think you got a great deal. You've bought more than a pop-up trailer. You've bought yourself a lot of cool trips.
Oh! Do you want to know what happened to our little $800 Coleman Trailer, used, bought in 1968? Well, it was still in great shape when my dad died in 1983. My mom sold it then for $1000. They seem to hold their value!
Happy camping!
Wow congrats, sweet deal. - sm
Sometimes your local RV retailer has info on supplies and such; we get a "wish book" catalog from ours which gives us ideas.
We just got back from Huntington Beach State Park in SC. SC has good coastal camping as well as the rest of the park system, plus you can reserve online. Also I have been told that national forests all over are great places to camp.
Working too. No big deal, it beats...
being on the road with all the people rushing to get back. Getting lines and a half today, lots of work to keep me busy. Hubby working too. Just another day to us.
How is it not a big deal when there are kids involved? (sm)
He has a choice - I have given him 10 years and he just does not care about my opinion. Why can he not change at all to keep his family together?
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