Hoping for some words of encouragement on 16 YO daughter. sm
Posted By: need help desperately on 2008-07-22
In Reply to:
Hello everyone. The saga continues. We have had her grounded since Friday and I saw her Psy.D. yesterday who gave me some advice. She said the best thing to do is to try to be nice and try to work with her in a positive manner, but in small steps. She said that if she decides to leave, there's nothing we can do about it, which I already knew. She said to voice that to her and let her be the one to make that decision, but supposedly that would take the power away from her. She also said that it was useless to try to keep her away from her friends, as she would do whatever it took to be with them. So I came home and told her that I loved her, did not want her to go, but the ultimate decision was hers. I gave her the cell phone back and told her that for her to be able to keep it, she needed to be civil so we can keep a civil atmosphere in the home and no more call me names and cursing at me. She agreed. That was yesterday. I told her that we would take things slow and she would have to earn back her privileges. Well, that's just not good enough for her. She wants it all right away, her way and when she wants. Wants to go out as many nights as she chooses and since it is summertime it is not fair that we don't let her go out. Unbelievable. I told her that we were unwilling to do that and the grounding stood through to the end. After that we would see how it went and start with one night out a week. She can't seem to grasp the concept that at 16 she cannot make these decisions.
Bottom line, I think it will be inevitible that she will at some point leave. I made her an appointment to see this Psy.D. on Friday, but we'll see if I can keep her here long enough for that and whether she will be willing to go.
I am at my wits end. The counselor said I needed to be patient and to continue to be nice. I think that would be easy to do if I saw that my daughter was willing to do her part, which she is obviously not keen on. I almost feel like I am wasting my time and I am so discouraged by her lack of wanting to participate in this.
I guess I have to prepare myself for the worst. This is so hard.
Thanks for listening.
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Thanks Misha for the website and the words of encouragement!
.
Words that aren't words. Top of the list? Conversate.
PLEASE!
Makes me cringe and shudder in disgust.
Thanks for your encouragement (sm)
Two kids - my family lives 500 miles away and is not in a position to really help. I know there are a lot of rules about not moving your children out of the state. I am not sure about friends I could stay with, would have to think about that one. I think I won't mention my state on here just in case anyone I know is reading and wondering if this is me :-)
I love your last sentence about getting myself and my children to the other side :-)
Not the OP, but thanks for the encouragement.
I'm going through it too.
How much encouragement?
The both of you constantly look for encouragement. Haven't you gotten enough? You expect people to say what they think and then you get mad about it. Well go figure it out then and leave the rest of us alone! The both of you just about break when someone says something you think is mean. You both show signs of being beaten down and unable to handle criticism objectively. No one was being mean to you!
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.
I really have no worry that I would act on this. I just don't get any girl time with my friends to talk about these kind of things heart to heart. I was trying to be honest and acknowledge the weirdness of it and I was looking for someone who could say yes, they know what I am talking about, and maybe share their own experience.
Thanks again, you are a sweet lady. 
Well, isn't that what she was hoping ; ) lol
x
I'm hoping for the best here . . .
also agree about the lay-out, I like this board.
I am hoping you get the help you seem like you need
You have yelped and yelped about something you know nothing about. It sounds as if you were missing some money. My brother's wife remarried 1 YEAR after brother's death in 1973 which was 31 years PRIOR TO my father's death. His wife WOULD NOT HAVE ANYTHING for her. SHE WAS NOT AN HEIR. Last known living in Knoxville in 1973 - has someone wronged you on inheritance that you are so absorbed in what has gone on here. Please try to relax and get the help you need. Take a chill pill.
Don't have whole story...was hoping
some of you guys did!
Most are just hoping to have some joy for their kids sm
We're all in a hurry trying to get our work done so the kids can have a nice holiday. Perhaps we are hasty and hurried, as well as tired. Look at what we're going through. Some little kids only have the Santa thing to look forward to, even though the rest of us know it's all fantasy. They do put it together at a certain age and it's all a personal family decision what to do regarding Jolly Old St. Nick. We had an older kid who spoiled our Christmas party because he thought it his business to "out" the Santa thing to the younger ones as he was, bless him, highly intelligent and was told the truth from birth. Had some kids crying at one point. I think the point is, do what's right for your own family and try to have something for the kids to look forward to in these hard times especially. There is no right or wrong, just all interpret things differently and we're all very tired of all this bad news going on in the world. Have to look forward to something! Happy Holidays, no matter how you celebrate! We adults know the reason for the season. Bottom line - be happy! Life is temporary, imagination is wonderful, it takes us away from the bad news for awhile. Joy to the world and to each his own. As long as the older kids keep the secret to themselves, they also should enjoy the excitement of watching the little ones have fun with it. It's all good.
Hoping they all get arrested
Easter Sunday here in major city 5 people killed in an accident, 3 children and 2 adults with the person causing the accident leaving. There has been an intense manhunt since that time with a tip coming in yesterday about the vehicle involved. The vehicle had been hid in a home gargage since the accident. A 22-year-old lady now arrested but 5 counts of homicide by vehicle but get this- her mother and grandmother were advised what had happened 2 days after the accident and they did nothing about calling the police. I hope now they have to pay the piper because they were involved in a coverup.
Hey, all of our central FL MTs out there! Prayers for you and hoping sm
ya'll are doing fine! I just heard that some twisters produced winds of more than 300 mph. Unbelievable. Even stronger winds than a cat 5 hurricane.
Lots of people out there need our prayers and supupport. Let us remember them today at all of their devastating loss. May God give them rest and peace today........
The part about you hoping never have same feelings about your son
I would have never thought in a million years I would ever be alienated from my son but am and it has been at least 3-4 years since I saw or talked with him. He tried and I say tried, to say things that he should have never said against me. I wish him the best but I would never stand by and hear what came out of his mouth to come out again. I cut any and all ties with him and his family.
We were hoping she would've moved them by now
Because I was in and out of the car last night counting little furry heads but I guess it didn't bother her. Guess I'll go find a box. Thanks!
I am so hoping something finally brings this
case to an end, and those who loved her can somehow go on. I cannot believe that Casey Anthony continues to rant on and on with the same stores and act so concerned, saying all she cares about is Caylee. Dear God, help the parents when they get the final news if this is Caylee. I believe to her dying day Casey will never admit any wrong doing. Everything she has said from the beginning has been a lie. If my dog, literally, were missing I would be a mess and unable to work. Her child was supposedly taken from her and she is out shopping and partying and draping her naked body in the American flag. She makes me ill.
I am hoping to find out the answer to this soon - sm
Now that we are not using the heat much, and it is getting warmer outside I will be hanging out the clothes. Electric $150 a month November thru April, but jumps up to $250 when using the AC, which I suspect we will keep rather high this year in order to save some money. So my hanging the clothes out will help offset the AC as well. If I can keep it at about $150 a month with the AC on I will be quite happy.
Hoping you had a great 1st date and wondering if you are still on it???
Details! lol
Thanks for the update! Hoping the meds work
for your pooch!
Apparently, producers are hoping Sanjaya
z
Mazel tov! Hoping it really is a dream come true for you! :)
s
I think she is hoping to help save his political career so (sm)
she tries to appear supportive - for future money for herself probably. To keep him from going completely down the tubes so he can support his children. Won't work in this case I'm sure though. But it also could be that they feel sorry for the guy...I mean not only does he have to deal with his betrayed wife, he has to face the entire country and lose his career. He's probably near suicidal. I would probably have to feel sorry for my husband if he were in those circumstances, just a a basic human compassion.
I'm starting my own line of kid's soaps, hoping it will take off
:)
I was hoping I heard wrong this morning.
I was watching The View where they were showing some previews of the interview with Ryan that is going to air tomorrow night and near the end of the show, Barbara W. stated it would be a tribute to her.
It was the same at our school with the boys and the pictures and girls with the hairdo. Nothing like being an individual back then. 
What's even sadder is that she finally said yes to getting married.
Are you hoping to milk a sexual harrassment lawsuit out of this?
xx
Hoping his spirit continues to run free. Amen. nm
s
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
I thank you all for your words.
It is going to be tough when we go back to the dog park and people there ask about her. I walked Sasha today, even though it was pouring down rain. We will have to learn a new way of living now.
there are 3 little words
that I say to my little pup - coffee and cookies, and he is ready to charge out the door! I then put him in my jewel beaded doggie bag and in we go for our order! This makes his day! Everyone that see him laughs. One girl that works at the coffee shop took a picture of him on her camera phone to put him on a college paper she was doing! there are days when he barks in a very different tone to try to get me to take him! You have to see it to believe it!
so in other words--sm
she got herself pregnant, did not want to pay the consequences of HER actions, but still wanted DADDY to pay for her college expenses, and she is now profiting from ending a life....yeah...that sounds reasonable to me (not)! Maybe she should not have had sex, not gotten pregnant, and had the gumption enough to have paid for her OWN college expenses. She would still be in the position she is in now and she would have earned it ON HER OWN! JMO
no words particularly but
I hate when the doctor calls the patient elderly and they are in their 50s, or middle-aged and they are about 35 or so.... elderly primipara...
I cringe when I type a mastectomy or some kind of radical surgery on the vulva or a pelvic exenteration..
There are no words....
 You had me on the floor with the instructions...but that picture is just freakin' awesome!!!
There are no words
Thank you for posting this. I will surely pass it on - as soon as I stop crying!
Way with Words
I snuck into the Bathroom last night, put a color on my hair, the works, did a facial, shaving, showering, etc., blow dry and style, put on a new modern blouse and leggings, Came out and guess what Slim (DH) Oh bout time you stopped wearing that sock cap, your hair looks da* good. Bout time you got out of them sweats... I was getting ready to go to my grandson's music recital at grade school! I thought that was mighty funny!
Can't do this in 6 words
//
Six (6), six words. nm
x
I really appreciate your words
You have no idea. I painted a dining table and someone we knew offered me $1000 for it but I could not give it up because that meant that we didn't have one. My hubby says "so, we will go get another one and you can do another one". But they never are the same.
He offered to sell my headboard I painted. I have this huge 5 x 8 headboard I painted with a picture of a beach scene and has palm trees for the posts. He wanted to sell that off too. I was a little heart broken, cause I made it for my bed, not someone else's. I am not sure how to get past that.
So in other words, you really cannot
afford to travel elsewhere?
Beyond words
I'm SO sorry to read this. I can't imagine how humiliated and embarrassed you were, especially in front of his friends. I have my 'bad' moods and days where I don't feel so well, too, but it would never occur to me to take it out on my husband or daughter. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, and I'm glad he left to go play golf...and I certainly hope he comes home realizing how crappy he was toward you and shows his appreciation!
Every time I read a post like this, my heart goes out to the poster and I go give my man, whom I take for granted WAY too often, a big hug and a kiss.
Hang in there, girlfriend, and don't let him bring you down ~HUG~
Xtra words
They are probably smarter than we think - extra characters?
any words of wisdom?
We have opened our home to a lady and her son (formerly our neighbors) who have been left homeless after her husband left her for another woman and stopped paying rent, thus they were evicted. She is functionally illiterate, but she is trying to find work, and has worked in the past. We are doing our best to make her feel welcome and be a support system during this difficult time.
Before she came to stay with us, I made sure the bedroom (actually my daughter's bedroom, who is now sleeping in the spare bed in her brothers' giant bedroom -- really no problem there) was comfortable and furnished the bed with an electric blanket, a down comforter, a quilt, and a trunk with extra blankets, as this bedroom is at the corner of the house and if the door is closed it gets quite chilly. When the weather dropped down to subzero, I got out a little tabletop fan/heater to warm up the room before she went to bed, which I do in my room also, because I can't sleep with a cold nose. However, now I am finding that, even with the temperatures in the 30s outside, she is running this heater all night long! I'm scared to see just how much this is going to raise our electric bill, and I don't feel it is necessary with an electric blanket. I don't want to offend her or make her feel unwelcome. She is in a delicate spot. Do you think I should just let it roll off my back, or should I ask her to turn the heater off before she goes to sleep? What would you do? It's not going to break me, but things are really tight around here anyway, and more so now that we are feeding the two of them and providing transportation for them as well.
Your thoughts?
I do not have any words of widsom, however...
What you are doing for this lady is just amazing--bless you! The world needs more compassionate people like you
Just a thought though, maybe she is afraid of the electric blanket? I have one friend who refuses to use one, even though her own home is absolutely freezing. She said one caught on fire when she was a kid (like 30+ years ago) and she will never use one again. Is privacy an issue? Could she leave the door to the room open at night so the heat from whatever the other source is can warm it up a tad?
Again, I think what you are doing for her is just AMAZING
says who? you, with all the capped words?
lol
I never said that - don't put words into my posts....
no need for sarcastic posts
I said pot.....
all you mentioned is most assuredly highly addictive...
been there, done that - need no lectures from an anonymous sarcastic poster 
Thanks for those words, yes, I am looking forward - sm
to some road trips next Spring and Summer; and maybe this Fall as well. This one sounds just like what you had; same set up inside, beds pull out, bed over the table, whole thing cranks up with a turn handle on the outside. It does have a stove, sink/water; with the hook up outside. Very basic but what else do you really need. Probably cook outside most of the time anyways (have a portable coleman grill too) and I have camp training from Brownies too as a co-leader so open fire cooking is not a problem. We have laptops for movies if necessary to have the kids chill with while we chill outside maybe; and for comfort will put in AC/heat eventually, but we would never use it it the heat of the summer probably, more Spring and Fall so we can do w/o the AC. My DH is so excited about this, as I said he has been really wanting to do this for years. He never got to do anything with his parents (they never went on any summer vacations) so he is like a kid all over when he gets to do things he never did before. I am hoping now that we did get this maybe to do a road trip next summer for at least a week, maybe the Smoky mountains down in TN(after we have AC), or head to NY or maybe Maine, go places we have never been and do whatever. It is getting poured on right now so I will find out tomorrow when I pick it up if it has any leaks at least!
Thank you for all your responses and words...
...of encouragement! I've always been strong and considered myself to be a 2-legged workhorse, often out lastingmore limber 'kids' and even men when it comes to doing heavy-duty tasks, so to be completely worn out after only a few minutes of mildly strenuous activity is a major bummer to say the least.
When I say 'crippled up' I guess I mean more stiff and sore than physically crippled wtih limbs and joints I can't straighten out. However, the pain is so bad I can't even get out of bed without almost falling down and the snap, crackle, and pop when I move around first thing in the morning can even be heard by my husband.
I do sleep like a log though...nothing wakes me up...I'm down at 10 p.m. and up at 7--and only because I have to pee, otherwise I'm sure I'd sleep until almost noon. I used to only need 6-7 hours of sleep a night and was a morning person...the annoying kind who could jump out of bed, get dressed, and have chores done, house cleaned, and all ready to sit down to work by 7 a.m...now I absolutely dread getting out of bed because it means I'm gonna be a hurtin' unit all day.
I've been tested for Lyme and that was negative. The other blood test did have letters...I'm thinking it was that ANA thing but not 100% sure.
The only thing I've taken for pain relief is Tylenol or naproxen but neither work really well and that naproxen just eats my gut away. This early winter certainly isn't helping and I've been dreaming by visiting Realtor.com of finding some place else that's not as artic.
Oye. Time will tell. I have another appt this Friday so we'll see what happens then. Thanks a bunch for listening and offering me advice and well wishes. They are all appreciated like you have no idea!!!
Thank you for your kind words - NM
NM
Thanks so much for your kind words
Under my first post, I wrote what the reasons were for that counselor to be so grouchy, and the principal apologized. No matter. The kids are happy to be back at our old school and so am I. Your note here did cheer my day!
Probably just put together the 2 worse words
x
Have you said those exact words
to him, asked him outright what is the problem and how you can BOTH enjoy it? Or..guide his hands and/or touch him the way you want. Otherwise I'd say he doesn't care and maybe you should move on.
Thank you for your kind words...nm
nm
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