Hey, no need to apologize to me!

It's totally cool if you don't agree with something I said!  You asked for other's opinions and that was mine--that maybe he just is concerned for your health.  However, if it's a control issue, that whole alpha male "I'm the one with a penis and it's your job to produce my children and be my trophy wife" BS, then I'd be looking for an out too.  That's mental abuse.  Marriage is about being a team and being supportive when the other is down and out.  If you've tried the counseling thing and you know he's being insincere, what is going on is totally unhealthy and life it too darned short for that, I agree. 

• If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter
  • Hate to say it but he sounds like a clone - sm -
  • he sounds like a jerk to me - a happy MT
  • If they fell in love with us, as we were...sm - PammyB
  • ""Love Must Be Tough" -- written by (sm) - No Name
  • Sounds very much like he is unhappy with HIMSELF! - mandy
  • 1/2 the equity is not enough - mammamt
  • See a divorce attorney - Malia
  • ask yourself this question . . . sm - maam1
  • Wow. - Misha
    • good post Misha!!! And to OP, know you're a better - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
      • Very silly question - I know but have to ask (sm) - Butter and clutter
        • No experience at all with this, just what I saw on a Dr. Phil one time - - mlt
        • not a silly question at all....sm - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
          • Thank you so much - it's gone on so long (sm) - Butter and clutter
            • Did I mention he's a horrible person? - Misha
              • Good post again Misha.......no msg - LorenaBobbitt
            • you're welcome............sm - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
    • That's good Misha - thanks :-) (nm) - Butter and clutter
  • Your weight problem may be due to your - bad marriage. Seek some psychiatric help.
    • In your shoes - siren
      • Pretty sure he's done that too - no proof (sm) - Butter and clutter
  • I'd tell him to hit the bricks sm - mlstoo
  • Sounds like he is a negative weight pulling you - down (sm)
  • Sounds like he's blaming everything that's wrong in HIS life - on you.
  • Your choices are to either be proactive and do something... - mtc
  • blatant emotional abuse - put him out
  • I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the - Wannie
    • bad marriage. don't live that way! - just me
    • I agree totally this this post, though I have never been married, - I do have a child. They should come first-sm
      • He refuses to do that. He says no way is he leaving (sm) - Butter and clutter
        • Not only is he treating you badly, - trose
        • I was not suggesting you live in the situation at all. I just was thinking - about the kids "leaving" their home-sm
        • You're right! You and your kids will do better w/o him - in a happier home where you all are loved. nm
        • Does he treat you badly in front of your children or is it - Wannie
          • occasionally blatantly in front of them - usually (sm) - Butter and clutter
            • Out of the mouths of babes - Listen to your son
            • The only reason I asked if it was in front of your children or - Wannie
  • Are you unhappy enough to leave? Your life is too short... - mtmetoo
  • I'd tell him to take half the equity and get out - sm - XXX
  • Why stay if there's no love there?!! You deserve a much nicer life partner, girl. - Get out and go for it! nm He's a creep!!
  • Take your share of the equity and go (sm) - nm
    • Take your share and go?? - Why doesnt he take his - share and go? - What about the kids.
      • He has agreed the kids should go with me (sm) - Butter and clutter
        • He doesnt want the kids cause they would mess up his - single lifestyle. nm
      • I tried hard for years - never good enough (sm) - Butter and clutter
        • you don't need therapy-you JUST SUMMED IT UP!! - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
  • Now he just came in and asked me to start over (sm) - Butter and clutter
    • ok he sounds like he has a sense of humor..LOL. - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
      • But we go through this routinely (sm) - Butter and clutter
    • It would just be more of the same. - nm
    • This sounds just like me and my husband! - Hayseed
      • Hayseed I usually love your posts but (sm) - Butter and clutter
        • Hey, no need to apologize to me! - Hayseed
          • You're not like him - different motivations (sm) - Butter and clutter
            • hubby - ortho mt
  • I think... - you know the answer...sm

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

Never apologize for your feelings.  They are YOUR feelings and they are valid.  Your FIL and his wife will find a way to gloss this over and of course their friends will believe them.  I think you rock for doing what you did.  That took cojones - even if they were angry cojones. 

Unfortunately, I have found that there are a lot of people like this who claim to be Christians.  They give the rest of us a bad name, IMO.  I worked at a church for a number of years and it left a very bad taste in my mouth for most organized religion.

As to your husband's situation, there are no words to express what you're going through.  Maybe your husband needs to know - when he's a little stronger - that Dad knows and did nothing.  Maybe that would help him with the final break from his family that he needs and set him on the path to building his own life.   You need to tell his therapist and let his therapist guide you in making that determination.

I personally would be inclined to terminate all contact with his father.  Sounds like your kids won't necessarily miss him and your husband may be healthier for it in the long run.

Good luck.  If you yourself are not already seeing a counselor, I would recommend it highly.  Your husband is going to be in long-term treatment as an outpatient and it would certainly help you as well.

It's a huge part of your life and there's nothing wrong with that!  We have the most wonderful neighbors who are crazy Catholic...I mean they wear rosaries bracelets, have multiple Catholic-esque bumper stickers, and they carry bibles the way most people carry a PDA.  However, they are the most genuine, sweet, and fun people I have met on my little street here.  I love having them over just to shoot the chit, share a bottle of wine, and love hearing them talk about their religion, which is a HUGE part of their lives.  They are happy, friendly, and they love life and that's what counts.  They know I am what I am (atheist) and while I know they say they pray for me, they don't make me feel at all uncomfortable and I think they honestly enjoy my warped view of the world.  Gives them some perspective of what else is walkin' around out there ;-) 

Nice people are nice people, no matter what their (or lack thereof) religious convictions may be.

It is my understanding there is a Vatican I and a Vatican II and that one is ultra-conservative and traditional and the other has sort of a more liberal (for lack of a better word) approach.  So I am sure that not all Catholic churches and all priests are like this one priest.

Also I apologize for the homosexual/molestation remarks I made in my original post.  That was uncalled for and was a terrible thing to say.  Not all priests should be categorized that way.  I was angry with this one priest and obviously didn't have a stronghold on my anger when I first posted.

Thanks for your responses and for not being offended.  It would have been very easy to tear into me for my generalizations.

I have one more question.  My son-in-law to be said something about if he and my daughter were to be married by a justice of the peace, they could still get married in the Catholic in the future should my daughter convert, but if they were to marry in any other church by any other man of God, there marriage would never be recognized in the Catholic church nor could they ever get married (again to each other) in the Catholic church.  Is this true?

This is all just too legalistic for me.