Here's what I think
Posted By: Just me on 2009-01-16
In Reply to: Need opinions on a situation. SM - anon
First, if your sister has no interest in him, more than likely she is telling the truth. Well then even if she did want to be with him I think she would tell you so you would leave and she could have him.
Of course he is denying it, what else is he going to do.
Now, what I am hearing here is that 17 years later you are having a hard time letting go of it. It seems to me that it doesn't matter how much time goes by, you will never be able to get over being hurt that much. But I would say I am 100% positive that if you haven't gotten over it yet, most chances are you never will. You may love him (I don't know you or how you feel), but I don't think you love him enough to just let it go.
Here's what I would do (again, this is only me). I would either 1, make arrangement to take my kids and move in with family or 2, find a way to live somewhere else, or 3, tell your husband he needs to leave the house you need time to work things out. Maybe a separation is all you knee and while apart you will realize whether you really love him and want him back and will forgive him for what he has done, or it doesn't work out for you to get back together and you both move on in your new lives.
If this was a one time deal (one sister only) that would be one thing, but the fact that he came on to your younger sister shows me he needs help. Maybe deep down he really wants to leave (not that he doesn't love you, but maybe he's going through a crisis or something), and this is what he really wants but doesn't want to admit it. I think you need to be in control of the situation (especially because you have children), and you determine the outcome of it. Don't let him try and conduct what will happen. He is the guilty one not you - and don't let him walk all over you sweetie - you take control, and tell him he has no choice in the matter. This is what is going to happen. His choice is either leaving on his own or being forcibly removed.
I really do think you need some time to yourself without him around and over that time you will come to realize whether you still love him and want him back or not.
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I wish you and your kids the best (PS - I really do not think your sisters are lying - sisters would not tell something like that to their sisters if it wasn't true).
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