He should have respect for his father and
Posted By: Backwards typist on 2009-02-12
In Reply to: I wouldn't talk about it again with him, period. - Yes, he owes you an apology. sm
I did tell him last night that he was the one who made the decision to quit school, not us. We went as far as to walk him to the bus, watch him get on and when he got to school, he would go in one door and out the other. Sometimes he would even slip off the bus during another stop. When we went to court the last time, the judge gave us the option of emancipation after he looked at the records, so we did that. That way, he was responsible for himself and we would not be dragged into court again (it was our 4th time).
As for my DH not working, he states that he could find work if he tried. (He owns a tri-axle and we all know what kind of highway work is out there right now.) If he wants to get another job around here, it would have to be a coal mine or as an over-the-road truck driver being gone for weeks at a time. My gosh, DH will be turning 62 this year. Do I want him to do the above 2 jobs? He was an OTR for 32 years and he's all I have now, so that's not an option..
It's bad enough when he's gone from 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. when there is work, so he's no slouch and he has even gone to work when he had the gout so bad he could barely walk, while the son takes off work every time he gets a cold.
I was going to call him this morning (he's laid off right now) and tell him he owes his father an apology, but I think I will let it go for one last time, although DH stated last night he's done with him. I certainly don't want this to get any worse.
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and he should respect her the same way
by not giving her a hard time for going to church. It has to work both ways, or marriage simply cannot work at all. What a difficult decision, I hope it works out for them.
With all due respect ...
to you, children *deserve* food, clothing, shelter, medical care, education/instruction and LOVE. Anything else is out of the goodness of their parents' hearts and what the parents can afford. This sense of entitlement is why so many children are growing up spoiled, self-centered and unappreciative.
No respect for new name...
I have a friend who decided several years ago to change his name. His family knows his name (not far from his old as say used to be Michael and wants a shortened version say Mike.) The problem is his family does not honor his wishes to be called his new name and refers to him in the old name. Here recently he had an aunt out of town who died and my friend's brother was getting some flowers to be delivered to the funeral. The friend said be sure and use my name, the other one and the brother would not, saying no everyone knows you by your other name and the friend let that go through. I have told the friend he needs to take a stance on this but how would someone else handle this? His name change took place over 10 years ago and still they do not honor this. Any suggestions?
respect is
x
With respect . . .
Having grown up in a devote Catholic family, and forced to go to Catholic school all my life many, many years ago I have studied many, many religions in my search for Truth. Even as a small, small child, I could not buy the teachings of the Catholic Church. It is an organization bent on interpretation of Christ's teachings, run by men, and a control tool for the public, especially women. The idea that the Catholic Church is the one true church is ridicuous. Again, the key word here is its interpretation. Interpretation is going to be different to different people and different cultures. The Catholic Church was the greatest proponent of reincarnation until the 15th century when St. Augstine thought it afforded mankind too ample a time for salvation. It was a mystical powerful church, but felt that imparting sacred mystical teachings was only for the select few at the top, not their lowly congregations. It plundered and slaughtered thousands of humans to convert them. But then so have many other religions in the name of God. This is the problem with any organized religion. Don't get me wrong, there are many fine Catholics, and many fine people who believe in it. There is but ONE sacred bond that involves onto two sides, you and God. Nothing could be more sacred. You do not need an organization for that. It is a sacred private matter, just you and God. No one else. No one needs to belive or follow an organization, or think that the only way to God is through that organization. That is ridiculous, and a means of control.
Not really about respect for yourself always (sm)
Getting over caring what everyone else thinks about you is a major milestone in life. Wonderfully freeing. I wear shirts that are too tight sometimes because like I said, I can't afford to replace everything at once and am hoping to lose the weight and not need to replace everything. Meanwhile, I do have some things to get dressed up in for those times that I do care how I look. But on a daily basis, I really don't care what anyone else thinks.
With all due respect, and I mean that honestly, (sm)
You insinuated that just because one may not communicate every gory and painful detail of his/her past to the spouse, love is missing from the marriage.
Relationships are complicated and I find no problem with someone whose past doesn't interfere with the relationship not communicating it. If the relationship thrives status quo, then that's between them.
Respect is what I deserve.
NM
With all due respect moderator
I really do not think this is the poster. I have read her posts and she has always been very nice and compassionate. Not that it matters anymore, the poster that was starting arguments went under the handle of Z. I admit I was also nasty as she upset me by calling me a "goof" and kept escalating the discussion which then became a heated argument between the two of us. I apologize for my involvement in that thread and should not have let someone get the better of me over something stupid.
He doesn't respect your
mother, and doesn't believe she will be "mean" to him. Therefore she will end up having to do what he doesn't believe she will do IMO.
We are lucky in that respect
If we lose power it is usually only for a couple hours. My in-laws lose power all the time though and usually for 24 hours or more.
We live on a county line too. Funny less than 2 miles down the road is where 1 county turns around. It is like a straight line the plow draws across the road.
I hope you don't live in Northern Michigan. That is sure to be a mess for your daughter to travel to. I hope she doesn't push it. It can be dangerous out there at a moments notice.
Respect or giving up your free will.
If she wants to go to church, and have that church a major part of her life, why should she give that up. He shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to either. Sometimes divorce isn't a sad/bad thing.
I do appreciate life and have respect for animals.
I just don't think they should be shoved in my face.
I agree - there are many children in stores who should be taken outside to be handled. However, people are NOT animals.
Unfortunately, most doglovers cannot appreciate this difference.
Respect your opinion, but should only be last resort.
meow
I respect your opinion, but that beach is SM
very very small. During the week would be no problem, but forget about weekends.
Favorite South Florida beaches for me are 15th beach on South Beach, (but you have to have a great body! :)) and Hollywood Beach. That really is a lovely beach. Kind of cheesy boardwalk, but great beach.
North Fla, St. Augustine beach.
Sanibel Island also have really nice beach, but watch out for sand flies and red tide.
...staying when there's NO love and no respect for YOU. nm
s
Sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you if he can't
s
Fear, not respect. It's not the same thing.
And the fear only lasts until they are bigger than you are and can hit back. You'll probably be surprised when that happens and can't imagine where it came from, but you're the one who taught them that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems. Some other things it teaches are that it's OK to pick on/bully/hit anyone smaller than you who can't defend themselves in order to get what you want and that once you're an adult, anything goes.
Think about it. You spank a kid for hitting a sibling while telling him it's not nice to hit. You break the hair brush/ruler while paddling your kid for breaking something but you suffer no consequences for breaking something. What you get is confusion and fear, but not respect. Maybe the kid turns out OK; after all, there are other influences in his life. Maybe he doesn't. And if he doesn't, I hope he doesn't have a gun.
I really lose a lot of respect for the candidates
that talk back to the judges. I know that Simon can be very mean, but it is not like these kids don't know this. I think the singers should bite their tongue and just try to take the comments and try to improve their singing next week.
Yeah, E! is a little outdated in that respect!
Sometimes it cracks me up.
No,. that's not me. My children love and respect me.
and vice versa.
They know that they can come to me with all their problems and we talk about it and we sort them out together. They know exactly that there are boundaries. I would never forsake my children, never! And neither would they, because I set the example.
...You do for one another out of love and respect, not because you feel you "should"
s
I agree, they should receive more respect from students
and parents alike. I just don't believe they are underpaid for the actual hours they put in.
Agree. He's a pig and has totally no respect for you. Move on. nm
s
Be strong - your parents should respect you as an adult
Instead it seems like they are treating you like a child, expecting you to cater to their whims.
You can respectfully but firmly say to them that while you appreciate having extra time with them, the plans to go to your in-laws were made long ago and you have to respect them, also.
I'm sure your parents were aware of all this when they changed their plans. Just don't let them guilt you into doing something you will regret.
Stand strong, sista!
Respect is earned, not demanded, and certainly not an entitlement. nm
f
All spanking does is make kids respect you to your face (sm)
it does not teach them anything at all. When my kids were very young and I could not reason with them, they did occasionally get a swat to get them to listen to me, but once they are old enough to reason, there is no reason to use physical force on them. I am telling you, all it does is raise sneaky kids.
spanking builds fear that you mistake as respect
A child who has been abandoned by both parents has no trust in anyone. Why do you think spanking is the right way to build trust? We just need to agree to disagree on this issue. I trust the counselor's recommendations more than yours as hers have proven to work. Spanking does not _make_ ALL kids do good. Sigh.
The purebred was a rescue. The others are half-husky. I respect
several books on wolves. They're not "pets" like most people have, she has a sanctuary.
Deeni, I respect your opinion, but I held both my sons during circumcision......sm
my dirtly little secret, I used to be an LPN and CMA, used to surgical technology. It takes seconds, and while I had silent tears and I worried and fretted, but they were fine, and Nola is not misinformed here, being in clinical practice for years, and working for general surgeons, I saw many men, some in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who had infection after infection because they could not retract the foreskin the right way, phimosis is painful and can become precancerous, and yes, we had some gentlemen with penile cancer. As I said, I was able to snuggle and nurse my baby boys both times right after circumcision, no problems. Men's anatomy is so different (!!!!) from female's (duh), so you cannot compare the unsterile, crude labial circimcisions done in third world countries with what is done in hospital for our baby boys. Anatomy just dictates this. I was so glad when my daughter was born, it was not even anything to worry about!
I think she said the father did not want her around
so really she should take that same stance. I think you just cannot sometimes may an enabler understand what they are doing wrong. My deceased husband, I talked to him about his enabling with his daughter and he told me he would do until his last breath and he did. She was a total invalid after that, did not have a clue (at 30 something) how to make her way. Oh well, glad I wasn’t the mother.
You ask about my son's father?
The father came around after the son grown and now lives with him. No money ever from him while my son growing up, not a penny, nothing. I have nothing against the father, just always thought he basically did good to take care of himself but not a father figure at all for the son. He was able to work, chose to live on the streets and finally got too old to be out there and my son and his family took him into their home. I was there but people have to understand what money does to people, especially if a lot of money, thousands and thousands. My son was upset about my inheritance and that is what happened. It is sad but not my fault he would choose the love of money over his mother. Wish him well.
your father
This is a touchy subject. Yes, it sounds a little like he may be trying to "take the easy way out" but really, what he is doing is self degradating and really desperate. I believe he needs help. Of course, he is not going to see it or admit it himself. That's WHY he needs help. He has threatened to take his life and spoken of wanting to die. I think you should call 911 or see if your town has a crisis team and tell them that he has said he is going to kill himself. Have him taken by ambulance or let the crisis intervention team figure out the transportation. Once he is at the hospital professionals will evaluate him and decide whether or not he needs to be committed against his will or long term treatment. They will give him counseling and even point him in the direction of how to start managing life again. The worse that could happen is that they say hes fine and send him home (which they will not do without at least providing him with information for outpatient treatment and other local agencies that can help him).
However, how will you feel if, God forbid, he does hurt or kill himself while you thought he wass just bluffing?
And even if it doesnt go that far...he will continue to harass you and your mom.
He needs help of some kind and as his daughter I think you should find a way to help him.
How do you know her father was
there for her? You are assuming that. As far as writing him off, it might be the best thing for her. Toxic people are very dangerous. Obviously you had a story book childhood and until you go through something like that, it is impossible to understand. Because it is a parent, it does not mean you have to put up with emotional and mental abuse.
Father in law
My father in law is an ok guy. One problem. He likes to come to our house and watch TV. On Saturdays and Sundays, I am off work, and I like to relax on the couch in Pjs and watch my TV. My husband drives an 18-wheeler, and a lot of times when he comes in if it is on weekends his dad will come over that morning and sit here ALL day long. My husband said last time you know I love dad to death and like for him to come visit but after a couple hours it is time to leave. Well now my husband isn't at home and he comes over to visit my son who is 11, and tells my son lets watch a movie or something. Well this is my weekend to relax and lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. He doesn't have satellite at his house so he wants to sit here and watch. I am so fustrated. He needs to go home. I think he uses the excuse when my husband is gone to come see my son so he can sit here and watch movies. I would like to watch my own TV. URRRGHH! Any advice?
My father in law tried that with his indoor cat
and once they got outside the cat totally flipped out like a crazed wild animal. It was a very scary experience from what he described. So just be careful.
I do not live in 1 but my father had 1 and
when you pull the carpet up as I did when I got the trailer it only had cheap plywood underneath it. Having said this I was going to rent it out as eventually wanted to sell for the land it was on (6+ lake front acreage) so we put down linoleum (spelling?). A trailer is mostly made from the very cheapest you can get, thus the cheaper prices most of the time than homes. We took inexpensive commercial carpet for some of the bedroom floors and hubby put that down. These are about the cheapest you can do, don’t think your idea of a faux finish will work with the plywood but then you can always check on that. By the way, do you have to tar the roof of yours? Most trailers require this- did not know until after I had in possession- the only difference is a regular roof was put on this 1 - most are flat on the top and require tarring.
Actually he is a wonderful father...
who takes time out of his sleep schedule to be with them, eat dinner with us, go to kids' sporting events and the usual things people do without missing a beat because everything works out for their schedule. People who sleep during the night have no clue how hard it is to sleep during the day when it is light out, loud noises outside like lawnmowers, snowblowers, leafblowers, construction and more than you could realize. Nobody schedules meetings at 1:00 am so you have to get up after a few hours. Going to church on Sunday with your family and having family day requires less sleep because he works Sat. and Sun. night.
I feel sorry for you that you can't have an open mind enough to see that not everybody has the same life, same feelings, same jobs. If I can make him more comfortable including having a dark bedroom then I will and I asked for help in achieving this goal, not to have someone who doesn't know him or our family come on here and insult us. Not once did I say this was something he told me to do or makes me do..I am doing it because I love him. If he gets home in time in the mornings he gets the kids ready for school. Marriage is about give and take.
Your father was a 1 in a million.
A lot of men would have left being walked on and demoralized but your dad didn't want to leave you to suffer it alone. Usually, even when a mother isn't fit to raise a goldfish, mothers still get custody of the kids, and that's sad. There are a lot of great dads out there and they really need to be given the praise they deserve. What a great dad you had. I can see why you cherish him so much.
From what I can gather, he has only seen his father twice ....sm
in his entire 11 years. I think his great-grandmother raised him and also raised his mother (which would be her grandmother). Well, I think this lady just recently died and the child came to live with the mother and mother's boyfriend. The mother's 5-year-old lives with his father and I have noticed that the mother has him every other weekend. All of the kids except for 1 are from single-parent homes, including my own. I have been divorced for 5 years. I do not think that should be an excuse though. I am a very involved, hands-on, in tune, on top of things mother and I work my butt off to have what we have. My daughter sees her dad every other weekend sporadically. Yes, it does put a lot of responsibility, worry, etc., on the custodial parent but that is our job, not the neighborhood's job. There is another single mother who lives here and her husband is in jail. Her 2 sons are very well behaved. Then there is this mother and the single mother of the 2 girls who just suck at parenting. You rarely ever see them and they both take "nerve pills" and "sleeping pills." I've just never been that type of person and I have hard time understanding how you can bring children into the world and not take care of them. I don't expect the rest of the neighborhood to raise my daughter. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Father-Daughter
I don't know that one. Now I'm curious and have to look it up and hear it!
Can you talk to your son's father about this?
Can you discuss this amicably if you are on good terms, perhaps approaching it from the angle of what's best for your son.
father/daughter
My take on this whole situation is they are playing us. They probably both knew they were going to be in the house, so I would not take it too seriously.
Child should have father's last name SM
and should see father, unless he was abusive. No matter what a woman may think of the guy, it will be disservice to child to not let him/her see father.
A divorced woman can keep name or change back to maiden. Doesn't matter. I kept my married name, since I had it for 30 years.
My father was also child #5 and
12 years younger than the #4. He was always told he was not an accident but a suprise. I watched Jesus Camp and don't agree with that way of "religon" at all.
You did not mention if a father of your son
is around or involved in any way. I think your first attention should be towards your son, not the BIL because apparently your child is doing some acting out and it tends to escalate. When parents of young children oohing and aahing about them, I think about how it turns like your story now a lot of times. I had somewhat similar bad behavior (although never went against my telling no), some drugs involved. I just told my son would send to my daddys home- would have been worse than prison for him and I knew that- ole timer- early to bed and early to rise, take no junk type person. My son turned around because I always told both my children I did not have time for crap- I had to work and make a living for them and I would never put up with backtalking, walking away and doing what they thought they could so, swearing, hitting or the like.
My father-in-law after many years
was able to figure out his trigger and it is citric acid. He has to read every label because it is a common ingredient.
I'm confused. Who is the father?
x
I was my father's TV "remote"
I was very young and never questioned what my parents said to me and one day I asked my dad why he couldn't get up and change the station on the TV, to which he replied, "Because I have a bone in my leg." Seemed like a logical reason to not have to get up and change the television; until one day it occurred to me that WE ALL HAVE BONES IN OUR LEGS!!!!! I have told my kids about this and they just cannot believe how incredibly DUMB I was. I agree. They still tease me about it and, as unhelpful as that phrase is, we still toss it around in our home. LOL.
We do believe, thanks to Grandma, that every time you get the hiccups, it means you are growing. My kids have asked me on the few occasions when I have had the hiccups, what that means for me and I just tell them when you get older, you don't grow UP, you grow OUT. LOL.
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
So, so sad. Especially Father's Day weekend.
He will be so terribly missed, especially during the election coverage. I will remember him with the white board and writing all over it. I always enjoyed watching him. He sure knew his stuff. Way too young.
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