Have a talk with your son
Posted By: see message on 2006-12-20
In Reply to: EX in-law problems - need advice
Any discussion or decisions about your son's feelings should be done with your son. This is an ideal situation to guide him in a positive direction. First of all, you are his mother and always will be. She may be doing the parenting tasks for now, and should be respected for giving of herself, but she should not interfere in your relationship with your son. Unfortunately that happens too often in families of divorce these days.
Ask how he feels about what is being said. Ask how he responds to it...or does not not respond at all. There may come a time where he listens to the garbage, then can stand up to her and say, "Aunt _____, I appreciate everything you are doing to help me with letting me stay here. There are some people who would not do what you are doing for me. But, my mom is my mom and I love her. She is always going to be my mom and you are always going to be my aunt. I feel I am lucky to have two different mom figures in my life that I can count on to help me learn how to deal with adult problems."
This sounds really dorky and I'm sorry others were as harsh towards you. I hope you put your own feelings in check and focus on your son's feelings as those being the ones that should be focused upon. He will be coming back to you one day, and everything that happens while he is away will stay with him. How you react is going to have more of an impact than what she says/does, especially when it is negative.
I know something of what you are going through. I am raising my grandchild. My ex's family did not speak to me for 10 years, but now that I have custody of my grandchild, for my ex's sake, they have been more genuinely caring and welcoming to me than my own family. There are a lot of words from the past being swallowed by my ex-SIL. I have proven that beyond myself, my decisions first reflect the best interest of the child. Everyone, even the child, feels it and knows it to be true. From that, respect is being rebuilt.
Good luck to you and your son.
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Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk?
As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...
So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about. Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast. I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal.
...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month. Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment. I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year. In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week.
I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health. Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there.
Go try it, talk, talk and listen sm
Counselors are trained to "listen" and direct you to talk (not them). I have transcribed many, many mental health reports. They do dig deep and keep it going for a very long time, very long, usually (perhaps not for you). But if you both don't tell the truth, you are wasting your money, so why not just get it all out on the table and get it over with and get on with your lives? Don't pussy foot around, get it all out and deal with it. Gosh, life is too short to put on a show, it's not a dress rehearsal, it's life. Go forward, forgive, forget and forge ahead. Don't need a degree for that!! But a little help can't hurt. Might help.
I would talk to him/her
about the symptoms you are having and any family history of illnesses - more than likely they'll do some blood tests to rule out other things first. I had 11 of 18 trigger points on the day of my first visit - you can Google trigger points and it will tell you where some of them are and base it on that - but if your doctor suggests that it is all in your head and you continue to have problems please see another doctor - thankfully my doctor was very understanding and after I kept a log for 3 months of all my symptoms he then referred me on to a rheumatologist and this doctor has been wonderful - I see him every 3 months for routine blood work and medication adjustment if needed - they don't just dope you up on a bunch of narcotics - he also tries behavioral modification along with medicine - so I'm pleased .... Again best wishes.
Definitely talk to him
Sit down with him and tell him very calmly that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and ask him why he feels the need to do this. No matter what he says, keep your cool, and do your best not to say anything to make him feel defensive. Just be very clear about your feelings and your desire for him to stop this behavior.
To be honest, I doubt very much he will change, and I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this situation. The reason I am suggesting that you talk to him about it is to make it clear to him exactly what the problem is so that if/when you seek a divorce, he cannot claim that he didn't know there was a problem.
Internet addiction, particularly internet porn addiction, is a serious problem and is not easily "cured". I'm glad the two of you don't have any children. That will make things much easier, at least when it comes to legalities. Emotionally I know it is devastating, and I am very sorry you are going through this.
Not to talk about it
I have NO problem with the "poor" being treated medically or otherwise -- what I as an "American" have a problem with are ILLEGAL immigrants coming into this country and expecting things to be handed to them on a "silver platter." I have lived in Southern California, Nevada and NOW here in Miami and let me tell you if you DON'T speak Espanol in Miami, you are SOL!!!!!
I have also worked for state and federal agencies where I have seen minorities (excluding Caucasian women) getting preferential treatment.
Granted, this country was built on people immigrating to this country, however, it has now gotten to the point where our children and grandchildren have to learn to speak Spanish as THAT has become "the language of our country" and we as citizens are having all of our rights and laws taken from us -- for example, do a search at the state laws that "passed" as of July 1 -- Virginia's being the worst by far -- as AMERICAN citizens as well, we have by CONSTITUTIONAL law, the right to defend ourselves and our property, but those rights are slipping away as well.
Why? Because "All We Like Sheep" -- we need to learn that doctors and healthcare professionals are like we are -- I had one resident whom I kidded and joked that with his handwriting, he would never make it as a doctor because his writing was too clear -- stand up people for what you believe in -- look at the laws that have been passed and take it to your representatives, and forward -- THEN maybe when the voice gets strong enough, we can be heard as MTs and make a difference
Off DE soapbox for now
Talk
To the teacher, principal, someone at school.
Well of course I have tried to talk to him (sm)
For years...talked and talked, went to counselors, read books, prayed, begged, cried. It's not like I just pretended there wasn't a problem and started talking to other men.
talk a lot,
determine where your hearts and committments are. You can get past this and have a marriage better than ever, if it is what you both determine to do. Time and effort, not to mention prayer, can heal.
I think your best bet would be just to talk with the
facilities themselves. My daughter just had a $5000 medical (ER) bill that my interim insurance chose not to cover because of an exclusion rider (started new job, did not take Cobra but a private policy). I just talked to the hospital personnel and they sent us paper work to fill out to maybe help with the bill. Also, you can set up a payment plan of only $10 a month. As long as you pay it every month, they cannot come after you with bill collectors, anything like that.
Our local news had an article on companies that will negiotiate bills and the like for you, but a lot of them charge fees and are not totally on the up and up.
All this talk below
where my husband and I stand regarding number of times per week/month... whatever. We are in our early 40s and we do at least 3 times a week and he seriously thinks it should be daily. I think he gets it more than most; maybe not.
Talk about HOT!
Man is he hot! What's not to like about him. I heard shortly after he and his wife (don't know if they were married at the time), but they were selling something called "butt art". Like finger painting but with the other end. HA HA HA.
Anyone now a days in Hollywood that will come out and admit they have a problem and get help for them I commend them, unlike policians who hide it. :-)
I just saw him on David Letterman last week. He is still looking great with all the gray. Still as hot as when he first came on the movie scene.
You need to have a talk with him, and tell him what you need.
Regardless of the risk, the choice to take it or not should be yours. Tell him that you NEED this, it's important.
I think you both need to get out and help others, and you will probably get more help out of it than they do. Can you volunteer someplace where there children, or elderly people? Homeless people? You need to stop moping around going oh dear, oh dear all the time, and go help someone who really needs help. It will definitely help your mood and make you feel better.
Do you have any friends, or good neighbors? You don't sound like you have much of a life there, other than working and listening to your husband whine.
do you talk about it?
This place is what I mean....
Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!
I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?
Please...I need someone to talk to...sm
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professional's help, but I figured I'd start with you ladies first as you're my "free therapy."
I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I "should." So, here's the story. My dad is an alcoholic. He kept it from my mom and I for about 10 years. See, he left when I was in 6th grade and not in the typical "dad just up and leaves" sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didn't want to move so the "agreement" was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max.
I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!
I really would not talk to her or help her
in this case. Would you drive her to the bank to deposit you SHOULD have had?
Did you talk to your mom about any of this?
I would talk to her about getting a restraining order against him and possibly pressing charges for the threats and harrassment. I know this may sound extreme, but your dad sounds pretty unstable. I get the idea that maybe you don't want to be the one to turn him in, that's why I suggested you talk to your mom about doing it and go together to do it.
If I remember correctly, you're married, right? Is your husband at all willing to get involved and maybe tell your dad to stop. Maybe he could get through to your dad a little better.
For the short term with the phone calls, I would answer it the first time he calls and tell him before he even starts talking that "I'm working and I will call you when I'm finished." Then hang up and when you are done, call him. Lay out the ground rules during that callback -- i.e. talking about mom is off-limits. Be firm. If he continues to call you after you tell him you'll call him back, turn the ringer on your phone off. My phone still lights up, so I can see that someone is calling, but there's no constant ringing to interrupt. It might take a few times, but be persistent and hopefully it will work.
When he is gone, we talk at least once a
day, maybe more, just depending on what we have to say. He travels out of state 3-4x weekly and a day without talking to him would be a day without sunshine to me. We are extremely close and spend lots of time together when he is home.
The more you talk against him.....
Your mom is going to try to defend him, so I think you may need to really tread carefully there. It's like when you have a kid (or were a kid) if Mom said do this, you did that, just out of sheer orneriness.
Now as to him sending her his debit card number, I'll be shocked and surprised if any repair shop accepts just a number like that for payment.
Have you tried going to the local police to see if they have any info on him or if they know of anything similar happening to anyone else? You could tell them the bit about the debit card - maybe there is a way to find out if it is stolen or not.
Beyond that, I really don't know what to tell you. Mom is an adult. I'm assuming she is a mentally competent adult, so you can't have her committed or anthing like that. Does she live alone? This is far out there, but is there a possibility you could get to her computer and put a filter of some sort on that would block him ? I don't know if that's possible or feasible.
Good luck.
Talk to your roommate!
If he's a friend, surely you can talk to him!
1. He may want you to leave.
a. Too chicken to tell you.
b. BF took it upon himself.
2. He may NOT want you to leave.
a. BF assumed.
b. BF took it upon himself.
3. BF may be jealous, and wants you gone without your roommate knowing about it.
In any case, the only way you'll know is to talk to him.
Let us know how it goes.
talk about failing
My stepdaughter attends school in Baldwin County, Alabama. She has failed all of her classes with a D or F for the past 4 years (with the exception of PE or chorus). Due to her age, it does not matter what she makes now, she is socially promoted to the next grade. (She is now 17 years old.) She will be placed in the 11th grade next year and only has a total of 5 credits to her name. There is no possible way she will graduate.
Her mother and stepfather do not try to help her, nor does the school other than to keep her medicated for ADD (which she now uses to help her lose weight). The school system just recommends summer school (which is only 2 weeks..go figure!) We have tried to obtain custody but the court felt she would do better to stay where she was ...that a move would just cause more problems ..trying to adjust to a new school, etc. I have offered to homeschool...but that was a no go. Now we are trying to convince her to get her GED and attempt a vocational course so that she may get a job that pays a little more than minimum wage. Unfortunately, she is no dummy. She knows as long as she remains in school, she does not have to work. She also knows that if she fails, no problem...she will be promoted to the next grade anyway. This is a true example of NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND don't you think?!!
Talk to your pediatrician, I am sure they can help you - sm
if not their lactation nurse should be able to. Either that or tell your son that the well has run dry and no more milk (get medication if you have to to stop lactating). He will drink out of a cup if he gets thirsty enough, if not after a trip to the ER for a saline IV might just change his mind. Good luck.
I recently had a talk with my ex
I am the grandma, but I'm raising my granddaughter. Both parents have supervised visitation, but don't visit. My ex-husband, my GD's only grandfather, comes to get her every couple of months for a visit either alone with her or with his family. When this happens, she gets loaded down with presents. Even though there are other children in the family (although she is the youngest), none of the others are not treated equally. They all feel "so bad" for what has happened to my GD (granted it HAS been bad), but a special extended family dinner, huge bag of toys and candies for Valentine's Day was just too much for me. I asked him to please consider and talk to his family about these excesses. I reminded him that if he/they continued to treat her as "damaged," she will consider herself as being "damaged" and will always have a victim attitude and have the expectation that she should be treated differently. Once he thought about it from point of view, he understood better and things have cooled down. They still visit, but the gifts are fewer and not as over-the-top as before.
I think the same thing happens to children of divorces. The noncustodial family tries to over compensate for not being there as much as the custodial parent. I don't think your daughter needs to speak to the new "wife", but should try to have a reasonable and nonthreatening talk with her ex about always trying to think what is best for the child...not the adults. Every time I need to make a decision, I always ask myself "is this in her best interest." I've had to make some hard decisions, and this philosophy has made everything easier. Good luck.
I have had so many people talk
bad about the rheumatologist, but compared to where I was a year ago - mine has been a godsend. He has me taking tramadol for generalized pain and when it gets severe I take hydrocodone (I've only been in treatment since January), he says we'll keep me on this for now as long as its managing the pain and when it doesn't work then we'll change it (so far so good - pain comes and goes - the fatigue is the worst by far and like you said nothing can be done for that), I take 900 mg of Neurontin for the tingling/numbness in my legs/feet, 150 mg of Zoloft and Zanaflex for the muscle spasms. He also has me walking 30 minutes a day, stretching exercises and once my pool is opened for the summer he has given me a instruction video on some water aerobics to work on to help the muscles. I really hate that so many people have had failed attempts with the rheumatologist becaue mine has been great - (let me knock on wood that it stays this way)...thanks for the advice though in case something should change and he not be an advocate for my health in managing my pain, etc..I know where to go..
Can you talk to your son's father about this?
Can you discuss this amicably if you are on good terms, perhaps approaching it from the angle of what's best for your son.
Can we talk Wills?
I just bought a Will through Suze Orman's site (love her!), but was wondering about the part where you need to bring 2 witnesses with you to get it notarized. Has anyone done this or know how to go about getting this all done? The people I would trust to go with are in the Will, so what do you do? Can I go to the library or Currency Exchange? I watch her show and finally cracked down to get one since I am 39 with a family. Any experience or advice would be great. You can also e-mail me.
Thanks!
Thanks, the medicine you talk about
was also mentioned by the veterinarian but I gave
Ms. Thang her medicine (2 capsules 2x day) this morning - she also has some type of infection going on- and she did good with the oral route. I hope soon she will be on the way to recovery as far as the thyroid but like your kitty, she is an older cat but still my loved one.
Talk about blessed
Go to myfoxatlanta.com and watch the video of a construction crane collapsing on a woman's car. Miraculously, she was NOT injured...wow!
I would talk with the teacher first
some of the above posts are wanting to tar and feather- it is NORMAL having a period. Do you stop your life when pregnant?? I was talking to the post about why get an excuse from a physician to lay out when on a period. These children now are a lot more advanced than we were in years past and boys, even in their immaturity, know about periods and such. Kids are going to sex classes together long before 13 and OMG, they learn things such as this. I would never ever listen to a child before talking with the adult involved and make sure the story is straight- then and only then would I either talk with the teacher 1:1 or if no satisfaction then, talk with highers. I posted to the listing above saying to get excuse from physician. That is laughable.
I will try to talk sense to the ex
Tomorrow's my day off, and I will see if the ex is receptive to reason. We have real problems communicating about most any issue, his general attitude is "don't you dare try to tell ME what to do, biatch!". It is the policy of his household to have all calls put on speakerphone and let anybody in his household at the time I call horn in on what I wish could be private phone conversations with my son. I have repeatedly complained to the court about this practice, the court has ordered him to keep the speaker phone off when I call, but he ignores it, and even if I go to the trouble of recording/submitting every conversation to the court, they aren't going to do anything about it.
He is deeply involved with people (who I knew very well back when) that are paranoid hypochondriacs who have abused antibiotics to the point that no antibiotics work for them any more. Since he mentioned their name when he barged into the last phone conversation, I am assuming they have his ear and have influenced him into this overreaction. Since I disagree with his actions he is likely to become hostile and tell me to shove off, but I guess I'll try and see if there's any hope of making him see reason. I suppose it'll all be about timing - if there's a houseful of ne'er do wells shouting comments when I call tomorrow, I'll know whether to try or not.
Yes, it is hard to talk to them sometimes! (sm)
No way will husband do it. He always agrees with her. He thinks the kids should go whether they want to or not.
Talk about a lawsuit!!
We had a family file a lawsuit here because a teacher told another parent that a student in her class was on a certain ADD medication.
This parent was asking the teacher about ADD medications, she was reluctant to put her son on any, and the teacher was telling her of the success of one little boy in her classroom who was on the same medication. He was doing so much better with his grades, no behavior problems, etc.
Long story short, the parents of the boy the teacher named somehow found out that the teacher told another parent about their son's medical condition, and sued the school board. The teacher almost lost her job, but thankfully so much of our community supported her and the school, the other family was finally able to work something out and dropped the lawsuit.
Bottom line, the teacher or school cannot and should not tell other parents who the child is that started it or can't get rid of it. In today's society of suing for anything and everything, they are just asking for trouble if they share that information with anyone.
Yes, I think it is okay to send home a generic note..."Dear parents, a child in the third grade has lice, here is what the Health Department says to do about it. The school nurse/teacher/secretary/somebody will be checking EVERY CHILD IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL tomorrow". How hard is that. That doesn't identify anyone. Oh, I forgot. I'm just a mom with common sense, not a school administration. BTW, our school administration is a man, and doesn't even have kids!
Talk with the teacher
I would schedule a meeting with the teacher. Tell her your daughter handles the tasks concerning her with no problem at home and ask what exactly is going on that has her concerned.
I would also talk with your child to see if any of her comments shed some insight into how things are going at school and the type of interaction with the teacher.
If you love him, talk to him
My heart goes out to you, but like the poster said, this has nothing to do with you. I think you need to talk to him gently and with kindness. If he is gay and doing this, he is probably feeling ashamed. If you really love him, talk to him. I know that you are really hurt by finding this out, but it really is better that you did find it, because at least you can discuss it. Some women get blind sided and one day their husband say their gay and leave. I know a guy who always knew, but was so afraid of living his life gay because of all the ridicule, he fought it and was he was miserable. He wasted so much time and so much of his life. You dont want that for your husband or for yourself. Its devasting to you, but he is living a lie.. and he needs to open up to you so that you can go on with your lives. I found regular porn on my husbands computer and a call to a phone sex line...I never said a word to him and then about one year later I found out he was cheating. Never in my wildest dreams would that man have ever done that to me, but he did. He loves me to death, but it happened. God bless..Hope is all works out.
CAN YOU TALK WITHOUT SHOUTING???
NM
I can talk on this subject because
I can almost guarantee that if your child asks you this, when they are out on their own they would never return the same. I know, have an older daughter who asked me about my earlier life. She is now in her 30s and if I kiddingly ask I get the reply none of your business and it is not really and have told her as long as she is safe, no problem here. Your past is yours, no one elses.
I was always told the more you talk against
the more it made people want to do just what you are talking against. I used this when my child growing up- never talked against someone I happened not to particularly like- did not want them to suddenly be the opposite because of how I felt. Having said that, I understand everyone has their own opinions- you would have thought he might have put more thought into what was being said- made me think about voting opposite of what was being said. Just nature, I guess.
You two definitely need to talk or go to marriage - sm
counseling, or both preferably. Your sex life shouldn't take that much of a hit until you get pregnant and have kids. We did it around 3 x a week before kids, now about once a week, have gone a month or more too, it varies. My DH would have it more if he could, he generally takes care of business w/o me once a week or so, I can tell if he has a tapes in the VCR though he is better now about leaving them lying about as we don't want the kids to see them. I don't think we have had sex now for about 3 weeks but that is because he got sick after a recent trip and he is still not sounding great so he is not getting near me yet, nor has he tried though, which doesn't bother me as I can take it or leave it. As for orgasm in sex w/o any stimulation, don't think so, need him to either be doing that or I am, don't be shy about touching yourself if he won't. I cannot orgasm any other way generally, though I have 2 x in oh 24 years, so obviously that is very rare and it is for most women. As for being a little overweight, yes that affects some guys, but most don't care. I have gained 70 pounds since we married and he still wants sex with me. I know he is not happy about the weight gain but it does not stop him. We rarely have long sessions though, 95% are quickies of less than 5 mintues, but I prefer them short, 20 minutes or more is way too long in my eyes (get sore and bored). As for snuggling that is nonexistant for us. It did not help that we spent our first 2 years married with him only being home on the weekends. He sleeps either on the couch or in my daughter's room (he kicks her in with me). I cannot even remember when we last did that, no kissing either (he is a germaphob) though we do sometimes but it is a rare thing. I am okay with how things are for the most part, we have other issues, and as stated below if you are not happy get out now before kids, before financial issues, etc. If it was not for my kids I would have left a long time ago, now I am stuck for the most part, though I am currently working on things so I have things covered if things between us fall apart any time soon which I think is a distinct possibility. You do not want to be in that position believe me. If he won't go to counseling or see a doctor, may low testosterone?? then I would get out. I hope it all works out for you.
Can we talk about Shampoo....
It is really a bit annoying to me to try and buy shampoo these days. I just want a bottle that says "Shampoo---for clean hair", but trying to read all the labels and pick out a bottle is kind of getting on my nerves. First, you have to find the one that says "shampoo" and that isn't easy since it is written in 2 different languages. (And let me say right now that immigrants that speak Spanish do not bother me in the least bit--and I don't care whether they speak English---just to get that out of the way, cause this isn't about that at all.) Then you have to read whether it is for frizzy hair, dry hair, colored hair, hair that needs hydrating, hair that needs dehydrating, permed hair, gray hair, shampoo & conditioner (which I do not want).......!
I mean can't there be just "Shampoo" and that's it?
Is it just me, or anyone else out there having this problem? Maybe I'm getting to be a bit crabby in my old age, but I would rather spend that time doing something else instead of studying the dang shampoo shelves.
Can we talk about bras?
I am a 36-D...or so I think. The 36-part is okay, but the D-part is the problem. Any style of bra I try, I get the "muffin boobs" out the top and it drives me insane. A DD is too big...is there a size in between a D and a DD that I'm missing? Any particular brand that might fit better? Thanks y'all!
I would definitely talk to the teacher -sm
and have your child moved aware from this nut case. When I was in 2nd grade a boy came up to me on the playground and stabbed me with a pencil in my forearm, nice puncture wound.....I do not remember anything being done to him in terms of a punishment, cannot ask my mom as she died a few years ago. I hated that kid from that day on though. Get this, he is now a doctor.
No I never talk about the board its self
I mention I read on the internet yadda yadda.
No specifics.
Hang in there and talk to others.
Don't jump on the bandwagon of calling anyone "alcoholic", I'm not saying he's not but he may be a problem drinker or have a drinking problem. I have been to ACOA meetings and went home crying every time, it was too painful because it brought back all the fighting and nightmarish things there, although it did help to talk to others. It's tough to do but helped. I would not confront him with that word as it is a diagnosis and a label. I might say, "Gee, Dad I wish you wouldn't drink in front of my kids, I hate to see that, we try not to." Confronting sometimes depresses them into drinking. I was fortunate, my dad went to some retreats and quit cold turkey and my kids never knew it, in fact, they hate me to ever mention it, as they idolize him. So he died in my arms at 81, told him he was a "good man" and I am not sorry. My bros. hated him and I feel sorry for them. I feel peace. He has to think about it but don't lecture him, just casually bring up that you hate drinking or you hate your kids to see people drinking. Tell him you care about him though.Perhaps if you believe in it, you could pray. It's a very lonely, hard place to be, I know. I will never be sorry I forgave my father. My mother would nag him enough about it until he finally "got it", I think it's more her place than yours. I do ache for you. People who don't walk that walk don't understand, I find they look down their nose on you and you don't need that on top of what you're going through. Have faith. If it gets bad, just pick up the kids and say, "Gee, gotta go, Dad, gotta get these kiddos home." Perhaps he'll get the message, I hope so! Only he can save himself, not you.
Sometimes you have to talk "medical." sm
Tell them you had blepharoptosis of the contralateral lid last visit and you and your "clients" are concerned it is more serious. I went through a ton of visits for a "rash" and was blown off by my MD and his associates. I went to the next state derm clinic and spoke to a doc in "terms" and he was impressed and asked where I went to college. He listened, I talked, got two Rx's and was cured in a day. You have to keep "shopping" until you get an answer. Good luck!!
Talk to a lawyer first - sm
I had the exact situation listed here above, house in DH name, family 4 hours away, no money, etc. In my state, VA, it is a equiable distribution state, meaning they divide it fairly, it is not an automatic 50/50 they take in each persons contributions, etc. So in my case the house would have been 40% mine as he put down the 20% on the house from the sale of his house. Our debt would have probably held where it was about 55% mine versus 45% his, or actually I might have ended up with more as my name was listed as a user on one of his accounts and I did deceive him. In my case, I was hoping he would leave, go live with his brother in MD or rent the apt. next door (neighbor has a vacant apt. over garage, tenant just died), but he would not have done it willingly. Even now after we have worked through everything, he said the other day if I screwed it up again he was taking the kids to his parents, leaving me, and would burn the house down so I got nothing. Sweet. (then again he'd be in jail and I would have the kids and the insurance money if there was any--doubtful since it would be arson). Like I said it has not been all roses but it is going well for the most part. In my case I am glad it was not the end of my marriage though I thought it would be; I talked to a lawyer in anticipation , $160 for 45 mintues, but well worth it.
I don't why people don't talk about this...
...but we should talk about this more. so people know what to look before marrying these guys. society just focuses on the wedding day and having the cute little babies and family. I think many Christians frown on divorce so it can be hard seeking help from church.
I am sorry for the things you have gone through. It really breaks my heart. You must really have an attachment to him to stay. This one you may have to get counseling from people who can help you leave. who can help you gather evidence against him so you don't lose your kid and who can help you stay safe from him. These type men don't want to pay child or spousal support so are quite dangerous from my observation . I wouldn't try to salvage this marriage, my persoanl opinion of course.. I am really upset by your post. No one should endure this kind of treatment. You need to come up with a plan. Not just for your dignity and self-respect, but for your saftety and your child's safety, a happy momma makes a happy baby, not parents who are together but are unhappy.. . He doesn't have any respect whatsoever for your or his own kid. He obviously doesn't respect or love himself. Can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself. This reminds me of that cop who keeps marrying 20-something yo and they keep coming up dead or missing. He is now engaged to another 20-something. Coo-coo!
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/12/17/national/main4674299.shtml
Talk to your vet about sunscreen.
You will need to use vet-approved sunscreen to protect the skin. Cesar adopted out one of these dogs, and he taught the kids how to put it on every day.
She needs to talk to a lawyer before doing - sm
anything. Before I confessed to my DH about our debt back in Oct./Nov., cannot even remember when now, I talked to a lawyer as I wanted to know what my rights were and where I would stand in the event of a divorce. She was quite clear about not taking the kids out of the state. Once your friend has a custody agreement in place then maybe, obviously the lawyer and courthouse clerk could best advise her on that, but there are a lot of things that need to be done prior to that or he can call the cops, etc. He sounds like a primo A-hole. She needs to move fast before they lose their house though.
wow...talk about drama, sm
First with the phone calls, I would use an answering machine and screen all calls, or maybe unplug the phone while you are working. Can you get one of those cheap pay as you go cell phones, give your dad the number and then change your home # and don't tell him?
It sounds, at least to me, that your dad needs immediate psych help. Is there a Baker Act or something where you live? Does your mom have a restraining order on him (it sounds to me like she needs one). There's only so much you can do for someone that doesn't seem to want help. While I loved my parents immensely, I would have sent them to an MD or shrink if one of them started doing this. Sometimes there's a role reversal in parents and adult kids where the parents are acting more like kids which leaves the child to be the adult and make them do stuff they really don't want to. I've had that happen to me while my parents were sick, and while it wasn't any fun I knew I had to force them to do things (take meds and see MDs) they didn't want to.
Good luck. Hopefully someone else might have a better solution
Then definitely talk to your carrier
Talk to your carrier about the options for blocking the call completely and sending it directly to a message that you will not take the call.
And then, quite frankly, I'd take the phone off the hook. Tell people to call you on your cell phone if the phone is busy and its an emergency. That's the quick and easy way to get peace at least for one night.
Or, if this were me I'd consider getting rid of the land line completely and just using cell phones. I use cable for my internet, so I don't need a land line and have only had a cell phone for years. I also don't have a husband and kids, so my situation is much different. It's something to think about, though.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Be very clear with your dad that you're not having any of his drama any more and you will not be answering his phone calls. Period. If you do answer when he calls, don't engage in conversation and don't offer any options for him. Say "that's nice. I have to go now. Bye." Then hang up. He's only doing it because he's able to suck you in at least part of the time.
I hope things calm down for you.
We just had a long talk with him --
I asked all the normal abuse questions (didn't suspect anything but just wanted to be sure) and there's no worry there.
Then we began the hygiene talk, and I think that's where it all came together. He's been a little more active of late, getting ready for baseball season, and sweating a little more. He's slightly overweight and got a little chaffed in the butt area. Since he's been taking showers and it was chaffed, I think he held his butt cheeks close together in the shower and didn't really get too clean in that area. If he had been taking baths, this would have been a nonissue. Now he's developed a very red, painful rash and I think the leakage was more like weeping from the infection that came through when he passed gas. No blisters. I'm taking my youngest to the ped's tomorrow, so I'll ask him about it then. I think we caught it early enough to handle it, but I'm going to have to keep a close on it.
I had him sit down and take a bath tonight and then patted it dry. Then we had him lie down and applied A&D healing ointment to it along with some cornstarch powder. I put him in loose boxers to sleep in. Hopefully, we'll get it under control in the next day or so, but I think I'm going to keep him home from school so he doesn't embarrass himself with a "wet fart", not to mention how painful that must be.
He did make me laugh tonight. When he first told me about it and I asked him what he thought it as, he said "puberty". I said what, where'd you hear that at? He said he heard the older kids on the bus mentioning that word. I had to laugh. I told him I didn't think it was puberty as much as hygiene. But we did talk a little bit about the physical aspects of puberty. Oh the woes of growing up!
Sad she doesn't talk to you sm
Then don't say much to her either and maybe she'll get the hint. It will all blow over, don't let it bother you.I know it does but I go through the MIL-DIL thing all the time but I'm the MIL, so I can't say. I just know how I "used" to feel when I was the DIL. My MIL didn't like me either, but she's dead now and I realize I should have just overlooked her crazy behavior. If she were to come back for the day, I would be glad to see her for some silly reason. Although if she moved in with me, I'd have to move out! I don't understand this MIL-DIL stuff, too much negative stuff on TV about it, it seems to "sell" and they always portray them as not getting along. My MIL used to compare me with a soap opera character she watched and everytime this character did something wrong, she'd be mad at me, and here I was, working my butt off to keep a roof over her son's and grandkids heads. You can't win either way. Just pray about it if that's doable for you. Good luck with it, it's sad.
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