Has he ever had to live within a budget? Truly supported himself w/o sm
Posted By: ChiaPet on 2009-03-20
In Reply to: I am 26 and he is 30....nm - southernmt
mamma's help? I would take a very hard look at my marriage with this man. If he is controlling now (and controlling where you go and how you spend IS control), this will not change. Financial carelessness is a serious issue; you will be saddled with his debt for many years if you are not careful. Do go to Suze Orman's website and/ or get some books by her from your library; I recommend "Women and Money".
It sounds to me like your warning bells are going off. Please listen to yourself and don't get burned. Take care and give us an update.
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Budget??
 What is your price range?????
According to DH, our budget is $1,000
But more likely I'll spend about $1350. We have 3 kids. We usually get them 1 big gift to share and then round it out with smaller gifts. This year, they're getting a trampoline. It'll probably run around $400 and then about $200 on individual gifts.
The breakdown of the other $350:
Parents $150, Grandma $25, Gift Exchange $60, Siblings (from my kids $20, Niece/nephew: $40, Teacher Gifts $30, Student Gifts: $15.
The remaining $30 will go to Toys for Tots! Each of my kids like to pick out a $10 gift to put in.
I have 3 siblings and 1 that's married, so we all put our names into a drawing and buy each other a $30 gift. My brother that's married also has 2 kids, so our kids exchange gifts. Of course, my 2 unmarried siblings also buy small gifts for my children, so we always get them a little something from them -- usually lottery tickets or a gas card for Sheetz. $10 used to fill 'em up, but now it'll probably just buy them a hoagie and chips. We do our exchange party on Christmas Eve. It keeps the kids entertained and gives them a little "preview" of what's to come. I have to say I enjoy Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. It's so much more relaxed, not as much work (we order pizza and wings), and the kids aren't as tired since they didn't get up at the crack of dawn.
Teacher gifts kill me. It's hard to find something nice for under $10. I usually go for a coffee mug with a Christmas scene or teacher saying on it and fill it with candy.
Of course, DH thinks I do all this for Christmas for $1000, but why tell him and spoil it? We do a Christmas Club for $1000 every year and I just buy the other stuff here and there.
We already got our Christmas gifts for ourselves -- a 46-inch LCD TV for DH and a Dooney & Bourke purse with matching wallet for me.
Now you all got me excited again about shopping next week. I've got my list ready and haven't cashed my Christmas Club check. I always wait until the day before Thanksgiving to do that so I know I won't spend it on anything else.
For those of you below who posted that you don't shop on Black Friday. Let me just say that I don't go out early for the best deals -- but rather just to watch the chaos of it all. I sometimes snag a deal or 2, but I learned a long time ago not to wait until Black Friday to get the most sought after items. Best to get them in Sept or Oct. 
How much is your Christmas budget? sm
Our family budget is $1000 and that covers gifts for 19 people, including "Santa" for the 2 kids. What about your house?
Christmas Budget
We usually spend about $300 on each chlid (2) and we don't have too many more people to buy for so it's hard to estimate how much more we spend on the others. Of course having a 12 year old that wants all the big ticket items this year, it gets kind of tricky.
I don't make a budget.
Only have 3 children and a very small extended family to buy for. I doubt I spend over $600 between them all.
Need to set up a budget for my 22-year-old DD.
She really overspends in this area and I need to show her how to manage a little better and about sacrifices. Bills first and then play. With the gas prices on the rise it is going to be tough having any left over.
You said budget? Do not think inside WDW
is for the budget minded. Maybe I am wrong but even eating in the park is $$$ most of the time. I would only stay inside the park if only going to WDW because of the fact you get to start earlier than the outside group and have maybe a few more perks. Lots of motels outside Mickey land offer buses that take you back and forth to the park. Oh, BTW, I am in my 60s and I have not outgrown Mickey and Minnie yet!
Christmas budget....
I never spend a lot at Christmas. I have one daughter to buy for and 2 nephews (a new one this year!). Other than that, the rest of the family members get something handmade. This year they will be getting wickless candles that I make and sell to sit on warmers (they got these and warmers last year) and I'm also embroidering flour sack towels. I'm hoping to find an iron-on pattern to fit each person. My family and my boyfriend's family love anything handmade and it really saves me. Plus, I hate to buy them something that they probably won't use or don't need. As far as the nephews, I will probably spend about $30. For my daughter, I pick a few things off her list and that's all she gets. I think this year is going to be a little more than usual for her, probably around $400, only because 1 of the American Girl things she wants is retired and I have to get it off eBay! My boyfriend and I do not buy for ourselves, but we may get another game or 2 for the Wii. For my daughter's teachers, last year we did candles and they went over well, so I'm doing that again. :)
No budget, but don't really buy gifts.
Hubby and I only give gifts to people we live with. Which means, we give gifts only to our children. But even for the kids, we don't focus on the gifts. They each get about three gifts and a stocking. Everyone is nearly grown now, ages 17, 18 and 20. DH and I haven't exchanged Christmas gifts in over 20 years. We simply go out and spend time together during the season. We'll have a really nice dinner somewhere, or go to a show, something like that.
I've tried very hard to stay away from the materialism at Christmas. It's just not what it's about.
we always vary the budget
We have no discipline. If we have a good year or bad year it shows. Sometimes the kids remember the bad years, but so do the grown ups!
Tell her they are on a tight budget and if she wants those people there
she can pay for them ;)
Our standard budget gathering is
meatball sandwiches, pasta salad, green salads. If I'm in the mood, I'll make the meatballs myself, but it's easier to buy bags of them from one of the big box mart type places. The giant cans of Don Pepino's spaghetti sauce are really good and cheap, too.
they always request more to cover what others don't send - plus what their budget won't buy -
x
My lunch-budget is however many lines I miss when
I don't keep track either. Poor budget planner. Spend way too much - around $2k. nm
x
the poster is seeking advice on lodging, on a budget
nm
Make a list of budget/spending priorities for your self employment income
Dave Ramsey's book has a irregular income planning sheet. Basically you list your expenses with the cash flow sheet. With any steady income you allocate it. For irregular income, make a list from the cash flow sheet of what needs to be paid first. Keep a culmulative total.
I do live in Arkansas - my parents live up in Branson so I'm in Missouri quite often!
x
Calling all you animal lovers - live and let live or intervene? - sm
I have a dilemma. I am an animal lover and have something I cannot come to a conclusion about. At a restaurant where I eat lunch every Friday with a friend of mine, I have noticed a young male kitty hanging around outside looking for food. This past week he ran up to my friend and rubbed her legs and quietly meowed. I purposely did not try to pet him because I knew I would get attached and ignored him. Well, ever since then I find myself thinking about him and wanting to rescue him. Meanwhile, I already have 4 inside cats (2 rescues, 2 Maine Coons) and hubby really does not want another cat in the house because a few years ago I promised we would never have more than 4 (had up to 5 at one point previously). I actually have a huge screened deck he could stay on indefinitely because I do not believe in letting cats run loose for their own safety. I could provide plenty of food, a warm place to sleep, and veterinary care. At some point I would even probably work him into our household, but I just cannot do it at the moment. Just not sure I would be doing right by that kitty because I am sure he would be upset and confused for a good while as to where he was and what was going on, but is that better than being hungry and cold? I know there are lots of animal lovers out there. What does everyone think?? 
I'm a live-and-let-live person but had to draw the line
after I found HUGE holes in the walkway between my house and barn. I thought they were just little mice stealing grain, but then I spotted one and it was a HONKIN RAT! My poor olderly cat was out there with me at the time and saw it, and he hissed at it and ran away!
I asked for advice on what to do at a local agricultural board, because I have other animals and didn't want to use poison and conventional traps weren't working. They advised putting a large pale of water out with some seeds floating in it, figuring the rats would go for the seeds and end up drowning. That was a no-go because the water just froze up solid. I wound up reluctantly going with Decon because I just can't have my house destroyed. I haven't had seen any more rats or evidence of them stealing grain, so I'm guessing they have died. The guy at the grain store promised me the rats would not die in the building and stink the joint up, rather they would crawl off and die outside. I don't know if I believe that, as it is still winter here and decomposition would be holding off until it warms up. We'll see, but at least the destruction has been halted.
Good luck and I too say have no mercy, because you just don't need them destroying hour house or causing a spark chewing wires and burnin' the place down. It is war!
 (How un-PC is this emoticon?!)
Make them live outside? This is so funny! Ours live outside, where they WANT to be. sm
Not all dogs want to be in "indoor" dogs, mind you. They have plenty of space to run around and play, fenced, and if they are brought in during bad weather they whine at the back door to go back out! So before you comment on outside dogs, you really need to get your facts straight. Seriously. Not all dogs are made or want to be inside all of the time.
Set my budget a year in advance, save all year and
nm
Where do you live?? I live in Atlanta
and have been to the symphony here and definitely no hats- you can never go wrong with black dress/slacks. I like to dress a little more for this but the rules are definitely not prim and proper here.
I come from the old school, but live and let live - sm
Well, I tried "cohabitating" with a boyfriend when I was 22. We dated for a year, and 3 weeks after we moved in together, he went back to his ex-wife. Never again. I've been married 18 years now to the same guy. Guess I lucked out.
I don't think it's right to do in a biblical sense (even felt that way when I moved in with a guy but my young hormones took over my common sense) but it's sad more people aren't married, they choose to just live together without a great commitment. Then again, as my atty (he lives at the end of our street so I see him often when walking the dogs) always says, his father told him it should be $5,000 for a marriage license and free to get divorced.
As far as the children are concerned, well, I think you should be married before you have children but again, live and let live. I just don't like seeing children have to grow up without the other parent if it can be helped.
The NFL network recently interviewed a former NFL player, Warren Sapp. He was asked why we have so many jerks in the NFL like Terrell Owens, Adam Pacman Jones, etc. He said they all shared a common factor - no father or father figure in their lives growing up. He said to look at players who are humble and don't cause trouble - they are the product of a 2 parent household. It's sad to me because it's commonplace now, not the exception to rule, which I think it should be. I graduated high school in 1985 and even back then, a girl in school who got pregnant got sent away "to live with her aunt for a little while". It was a shame to be pregnant and unmarried but it's a sign of the times.
I sometimes wish I could have grown up in the 50s instead of 70s. :-)
You have? Where do you live??? lol
x
that would be everywhere, not just where I live. nm
nm
don't know where U live but where I live the 80+ y/o.
I know plenty of 80+ y/o people where I live (and I'm 25 years behind them...kinda sorta)....who are MORE active than many I know much younger. I see them going to the airports to jaunt around Paris/Spain, or just several times a year flying cross country to spend holidays with families, etc, etc. So if you see 80+ as *old* or *very old* - think again. It's an individual basis kind of thing, in my mind - OH AND BY THE WAY, none of the people I speak of have had plastic surgery of any kind and look FABULOUS!.........GOD BLESS 'EM!!!! Good genes - genetics - 
I you live in the
Pittsburgh area I know where you can find someone. Elsewhere..no clue. It is an avenue worth pursuing though.
How can you live with him?!
Honestly, you say you can't live without him, but yet he is mean and horrible! And think of what this is doing to your kids while you stay! The effects of living with an alcoholic may not be so apparent on the outside of your children, but believe my they are hurting! Been there, done that!
Advice: Get out now for you and the sake of your kids. My father was an alcoholic and still is to this day. After 15 years of marriage to him, my mother finally left and took us kids. Best thing she could have done for herself and for us! It was rough at first, but looking back I am glad she did it. She proved to me she was a strong woman and what a great example that you did not have to put up with the abuse from another person. My brother and I to this day have minimal communication with him. Well, at least I do. My brother has written him off!
Resources: A good lawyer and counseling for you and your kids.
I wish you all the best!
Not sure where you live........but
You're wrong. In this state, the teachers are not that well compensated, just the administration. THey do pay out of pocket for resources that they have put in for and supposed to have available that is determined by the school system, but supplies have not come in and they have to go out with their own money and order this stuff. They don't get answers from adminstration but still have to make sure they have the supplies ordered by the school system to teach the kids. The amount of work they do here is from 7 in the morning until 5 in the afternoon....no, they cannot leave when they want to. Most work all summer, either tutoring or summer school, or find summer jobs elsewhere just to make ends meet. I suppose it depends on the state one lives in, but here no teacher is retiring with 80K a year pension.
Others ought to live by this
My mother told us sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you. To try getting back at something so minute is the reason today why people are in such a rage. Another thing she told me- consider the source. Enough said.
I also live in AL - try these -
Caladiums and hostas would do really well for leaf color. Bleeding heart is so pretty as well! Happy planting! :-)
Who'd want to live there? Yuk.
nm
Do you live so far out in the
sticks you don’t have people called BABYSITTERS? Glad you had such a good time.
I live in MID TN too.
Has been a mess with the heat and humidity!!!!
I don't see it here where I live
Unless it's being hidden, all my friends have been married for years with no cheating issues. I don't know of any divorced couples in my circle of friends and/or acquaintenances. My parents have been married close to 50 years and I've been married for 16, no cheating here. Not saying it doesn't happen, because I certaily know that it does, but it's just not that way here.(Again, maybe it's hidden or maybe I do live in that bubble).
Can she come live with me
I'd love it if someone else did my laundry. To me she's just being a grandmother, but then again, I'm not there and can't see everything she does. I'd be happy she was so involved and that your daughter has a grandmother. So many of my daughter's friends don't.
Where do you live?
Hayseed where do you live? I'm in St. George Utah and it is the desert here but it is starting to cool down finally! Been over 110 all summer!
Where are you?
No, where I live we have them here
it is a cross between a bear and a deer- so it is a beer. And to think, I don’t even drink. That is a HAHA for today.
I live in
North Georgia and I have a huge medical center all around me with loads of physicians.
Ha, yes, I live in the
middle of nowhere in North Texas! I don't even know our population, but it's small! Maybe a more than 400, though, but not much! I have only been to 2 WOF also. I can't pick a favorite either and they are akk good. I didn't go this year, but when I went last year, I got to take my 80-year-old mom with me. We had a great time together-have really never done anything togather like that my whole life. It was great. Me, my mom, my best friend and her mom all went with our church. I'm actually off this weekend! Have a good day.
You must live near me
Because that is going around in my area.
Live in FL too
I miss the snow, change in seasons, bugs that don't attack when you step outside! When it even gets a little cool here, I am in Heaven. Tonight the temps will dip into the 40s. I am originally from Chicago, grew up in Maryland, but have been in FL for almost 20 years now, and I still yearn for the North, although I have two children there and two down here. I also cannot afford to go to Disneyland in Orlando because they recently raised the prices again, but have done that once, among other things. I think it is great you have such a wonderful house with a pool. The humidity here in the summer months is horrible!! You just wilt when you walk outside. Those people I know from up North envy where I live, but trust me it's not all it is advertised to be. Just would love some snowballs for Christmas:)
I am with you! I live in Fla and see it a lot.
Bugs me every time.
So they all 4 live there?
Why then do you only refer to *her*? It's both the husband's and the wife's responsibility to pay the bills...are you on his back also?
Where do you live?
NM
I know what you mean. I live in
Louisville and the 2 weeks before Derby is nothing but parties. If you don't live in an area with things like that going on for more than a day you don't understand. Don't get to do as much as I used to.
Hi, I live here -- sm
Are you moving to the beach? I have been here for 20+ years, be glad to share any information I might have to make your transition easier. You can email me if you would like.. welcome to the sunny seashore that is Myrtle Beach!!
I don't live very far from this.
It has been watched for some time. We are just happy it did not turn out to be another Waco.
Some of the resturant owners are surprised that most of them did not know what steakfingers are. lol. They grew their own food.
You must live near me - nm
nm
WHAT where do you live!?
let's trade LOL
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