Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Posted By: MslaMT on 2008-01-29
In Reply to: I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm - a little torn
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
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I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Happily married for over 20 years.
aklfjlajfljfdlaj
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Vonage without a single problem for the last four years
Love my vonage wouldnt trade it for the world.
I even have a local phone number so my family five states away can call me locally.
Sadly, I work because I'm a workaholic..too many years of being a single parent..
Most days it helps keep my sanity, and quite honestly, I do have older children from another that I choose to help put through college and pay their bills until they are out of school. That is something I contribute. My husband pays for everything else and we do like cruises..and just traveling. We have a place in Hawaii and Las Vegas is one of our favorite places to go..and even then, I take my computer along and work. Nothing better than working away from home, change of scenery. My husband hasnt "worked" in probably 20 years..he owns commercial property and manages that which there is not a lot to do with. His sister and he own the property and she does the bookkeeping part leaving him with not a lot to do..but I keep him busy  . It is hard because he has always traveled and likes to go all the time..whereas I like working..The property is up for sale so I guess if it sells then I might retire..maybe..I'd probably go nuts sitting around, and even when I'm on vacation..I freak out if I am not working.. Yeah.. it's an addiction..bad.. I wonder if anyone else in this biz has the same problem. I've always worked 2-4 jobs..but the obsession has gotten worse when I started working at home..Anyone else not being able to relax and smell the roses???
Actually I am happily married
I have experienced this though with my in-laws. Grandmother divorcing grandfather as a matter of fact. She said she did not want my husband, nor I, nor my children talking to him simply because she was tired of him. She now calls him herself. But with such loss in our family grandparent-wise, I just did not think it was fair to the children to cut off yet another superb figure in their life. So, whatever their problem was belonged to them, not Pop-Pop and my children. It is just so often that children suffer in this manner. Family members just yanked from their lives because the parents have a hang-up. It just sounds like more of a jealousy issue on the mother's part in this case. Maybe she has a hard time accepting the fact that her ex has these girlfriends and her only pawn are the children. It happens over and over again. I am not a product of divorce, but my husband is and believe me it is no lie that children suffer even into adulthood for that matter. I just think that we as women need to be above this type of nonsense. Unless there are founded facts that the girlfriend is abusive in some manner, then why shouldn't she be allowed to call? Oh well, mute subject, I guess. I just feel bad for the children. Have a nice day!
Oh, thanks but happily married - but usually I
do not see a guy who makes my head turn such as the case when I was there. I don’t touch but darn, sure did look!!!
Happily married
We've been married just short of 17 year and have two daughters. We were engaged after 3 months. He's a great husband and father and he helps with all the housework including laundry and always has a project in the works. He doesn't like to sit still for a second. Granted there are a few things I might change (LOL), but not many.
My mom is 8 hours away - but they happily stay with her (sm)
When I go visit my family, my kids stay with my mother while I go and visit other friends, etc. The difference might be that they have cousins there to play with and my mother jokes and plays with them and is affectionate. In-laws are not that way. No kids around my in-laws. I really don't know exactly why they think it is so horrible. I have asked them. They just say that they are bored, grandma is strict, she won't make any adaptations to things she cooks and makes them eat whatever she makes, she takes them to all-adult functions and makes them sit through things. They also have a farm and sometimes make the kids work very hard digging potatoes or whatever they are doing at the time.
Happily married. Will stay together. I tell DH I cant
x
A Lottery winner so we can be happily unemployed.
?
For those of you happily married, where did you meet your spouse? sm
Just a curious question. I am single and I am thinking if I stay in church, that might be the best place to meet a good man these days when one finally comes around. It really gets me that some people meet their spouses in a bar and then wonder how they married an alcoholic, lol! 
Nope, thank God! Happily married for 24+ and haven't had to bail kids out...yet..:) nm
s
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
I'm with you 50 and single..
I too have sworn off relationships and very happy being on my own. I cannot and will not go through it again. Both my ex's were two peas in a pod. Unfortunately, I seem to attract the same type of people. At 52, I am quite happy being alone but also having a great circle of friends. It far outweighs being unhappy, angry, always hoping things would get better when they never did.
I am not a single mom but...
I was a single woman when I bought my house. It is one of the things I regret the most right now.
BUT ONLY cause I wasn't settled down, no family, things came up and i wanted to move. I also bought it right before the market crashed 2.5 years ago, and now I am in an interest-only ARM on an upside down mortgage.
Now, considering this probably wont happen to you because the market has already crashed, there still might be room to wonder if it could fall more, depending on where you are looking to buy. My advice is if you are going to stay there and that is your home, your job, etc. etc. then buying is a great idea and when you mention you are responsible for anything that happens to the house... well that is the chance you take. Depends on what kind of home you buy, how old, and if there are HOA dues. I still dont know how I feel about homeowner's associations, even though I belong to one. However, they will be responsible for anything exteriorly wrong with my house, but for $80.00 a month. you know? so you definitely have to weigh your options.
My main advice would be DO NOT RUSH. that is what I did as I was young and excited to be a home owner at a young age, but now all that money i worked so hard for since the age of 15 is gone. I no longer have the 50K I put down on the house. That is something REALLY tough to deal with.
I love being a homeowner, but I hate that I bought when I did. you know? I know I am not the only one in that boat of course but it is still very very tough.
Good luck!!
well, I'm a single mom....
I've been divorced for nearly 8 years. I have taken care of my son completely on my own. I do not have a huge social circle, but I know what I like to do, and I concentrate on my son, but one day that child will (hopefully) grow up and be on his own and so it will be just me. I know what I like, do what I like, but sometimes, having that special someone would just, for me, make things better. But, now this is the odd part, having been married to the wrong man, I would be perfectly content to have a "significant other" without ever going to the "married" stage. I am fine and have been fine on my own the last 7 years, learned a lot about myself. Now at 35, I feel like I want someone in my life, but I dont necessarily have to be married. Sounds odd, and most of my friends are the opposite. But, I'm also one of those people that never had a lot of boyfriends, etc. I was not the girl in high school who had crushes on a lot of guys, I chose to date and not have a serious relationship in high school because I thought I was too young for that, haha. I've seen both ends of the spectrum, I've seen completely happy couples, my own mom and step-dad for example, if I was to ever get married again, I want a relationship like theirs. They are each other's best friends, and still so in love, but they also make a point of doing things separately because they are, after all, 2 separate people; and I've seen people in my life who are in their 60s and still perfectly content to be single.
I'm in the middle of that spectrum, haha, I would like someone to share in parts of my life, but I don't have to marry him if that never happens either. :)
I do know that I'm picky on friends, and I'm shy, and I don't date much, its just hard to date. I'm a single mom, I work from home, I live in a small town and have only been here 6 years, but only made 2 friends, well, people I would consider friends, I work midnights, sleep during the day, and spend time with my son in the evenings and with our family on the weekends, so I really don't even have time to date, so its a darn good thing I am happy in my life, haha, or I'd be a lonely mess. Sometimes it does get lonely, but in an affection way, not so much in a socializing way for me, I don't know how else to word that.
A single woman
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
So happy to be single.
Sounds like he has a huge stick stuck somewhere uncomfortable. Big hugs for you!
were you a single parent
x
It was not my attempt to single anyone out
is simply curiosity about some of the posts I've read. Has nothing to do with Huckabee, constitution, declaration of independence, etc.
As far as the nice day goes... right back at ya! :)
Question for single MTs
I am divorced now for awhile. I am finding that I have absolutely no interest in dating! I look at the online dating sights occasionally but no one attracts me. There seem to be slim pickens if you know what I mean. Anyway, I seem to be very happy on my own. My question is, do any of you feel the same? I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather stay single.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
Single Mom Survivor here ... have
Looking back over my experience as an owner and as a renter, raising my children alone with limited resources:
Renting is easier and more cost effective for you than buying.
Pro's of renting:
1. Low deposit to get in the door.
2. Rent is usually reasonable and oftentimes contract won't go up if you are a good renter.
3. MAINTENANCE is the responsibility of the management -- you are not out for those costs.
4. You can leave with a 30-day notice.
Pro's of ownership:
1. You are building equity.
2. Tax breaks.
3. If financial crisis, it takes about 6 to 9 months to get to foreclosure so you do have some time to find another place.
Con's of renting:
1. May require a background and/or credit check.
2. Although evictions are subject to some jurisdiction (they must give you a 10-day notice), it can be quicker to evict you from a rental than from your own property.
Con's of ownership:
1. ALL maintenance and repairs are up to you. Can be very costly.
2. You cannot get out of this very easily - especially in this market.
Hope this helps.
She's not a single person
The cnn article is worded a little confusingly, but the woman is married and her husband is the one who is scheduled to return to Iraq, not her father.
I have no idea why she was taking fertility drugs when she already has 6 at home - unless they are not biologically hers. The doctors should be sued for malpractice for implanting that many embryos. The ethics guidelines these days state that they should not implant any more than two at a time to avoid situations exactly like this.
And now you see why they're single!
I think the internet is partially to blame. Guys start trolling for women and never stop the conquest. Supposedly hot babes to flirt with, who wants an average girl in real life?
If you could force the creeps to tell the truth:
"Sorry I blew off our lunch date, but I was busy having spur-of-the-moment cybersex with a stranger."
"Oh, I never intended to actually MEET you, I only enjoyed the challenge of seeing if you would meet ME. I prefer fantasies to reality."
"Disappointing women gives me a power rush. Score!"
"Quantity over quality, honey. Now describe what you're wearing. And what WAS your name again?"
Definition of a single man...
... I heard this and told it to my then-husband, who, oddly enough, did not find it funny. (Perhaps because the shoe fit all too well.)
Anyway... this lady said that many men basically had their d*ck in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other, and were looking for a place they could plug them both in....
Is he single?? LOL - not many good ones left. nm
x
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
I assume you're single.......
You need to call this guy. Call him at the office with a "question" and see where the conversation takes you.....Good luck!!!
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