Had my feelings hurt, how to handle?
Posted By: Kimmie on 2007-05-25
In Reply to:
About a week ago my elderly aunt called and told me she was having problem with her scalp, asked what did I think she should do, dermatologist she asked. Told her I would be happy to check on an ole timey medicine to apply to scalp, used for daughter before and worked. Distributor no longer made but phamacist suggested something else. I took to her and did not want money for it and told her so. Today I get the cost of the medicine back and then she goes on to say what a terrible smell, stung when she first put it on (says so on the directions which I am sure she read), awful smell, could not go out anywhere, had to wash her hair, just terrible putrid smell. Now, except for a doctors visit every one in awhile, she does not go out and that is not every week. I did this out of kindness and now I feel hurt, not only about her returning the money but most of all how she went on and on and on about how she could not use. She is not senile, has plenty of sense, although elderly still drives and no kind of problems except I think she was kinda rude to me. Any ideas? Should I say something, let it go, not involve myself any more??
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Honestly, it would hurt my feelings...
I've always had a key to my parents' house and if they asked for it back, it would hurt my feelings. It's kinda like saying you're not welcome here. Every time my parents move, they have extra keys made for me and my siblings, and it makes me feel like the door is always open. I live less than a mile away from them, but I make sure to always call before I come over. You might want to explain why you took the key from your son and make sure he didn't take it the wrong way and that he's still welcome to come back just to make sure he's okay with it.
I don't let people hurt my feelings any more sm
Was told years ago by a very good psychiatrist that we can control this ourselves - it is all about expectations. We let them hurt us - you had a higher expectation of her and when she did not deliver - she hurt you - so lower your expectation - realize she is weird (!!) that it was rather insulting - but don't let it hurt your feelings - and move on!! Kind of confusing I know - but it works
People that hurt dogs should be hurt themselves in the exact same way. I HATE sm
cruelty to animals.
How would you handle it!
My mother has this friend who she knew in highschool “Mary”. My mother moved away very young, but after we moved back (40 yrs later) they started talking again. Mary used to call my mother and they would go and eat dinner and such. My mom is 70 and this lady is around same age.
Just for a visual. Nothing against the weight…My mother is 6’2 and average build and very modest and clean. Mary is about 5’5 and about 300+. She has food issues and will just pile food up. I’m sorry but she is disgusting. She just wants to sit around and eat and sleep.
Mary had started calling to go out and eat or for coffee and then not pay, expecting my mother to pay for everything. My mother has taken food to this lady’s house when she cooked a big meal or pot of soup etc. and this lady never returned bowls. Well one day my mother went and got her and they went to dinner. When she dropped Mary back off at her house…as my mother says…”She passed gas 4 times, and did not bother to say excuse me!”  My mother is a very well mannered, modest lady and that thoroughly disgusted her. She refused to take any more of her calls. She would speak to her in passing or if she saw her at a restaurant but tried to avoid her.
Mary just gets bigger and bigger and wears the same clothes days in a row with food spilled down them and will not bathe! It is disgusting. My mother and friends have talked with her daughters about getting her some psychiatric help but she has all of her faculties. She just says she can’t get in the tub and out. Well, sit on a chair and bathe. Now she only takes a bath once a week, yes once! This is when and if her cousin will come and bathe her. This has become just sorriness. I have seen these super obese people who can bathe themselves. She can manage to get up and down and walk and drive and go to restaurants. If she manage that much she can change her darn clothes! She is not disabled or so morbid that she cannot manage this, she just does not care.
I went to see my mother Sunday. She said Mary had called the day before and asked to meet for coffee. First time in over a year. My mother agreed. She never, ever talks during this time. During coffee she asked if mother wanted to go and eat at a particular restaurant, being cordial my mother agreed, 6:00. Mary called at 5:00 she was ready, then wanted to go get coffee again. Getting up to go and pay Mary proceeds to gas my mother out again! Too which my mother again is thoroughly disgusted.
Well I had spent the night Sunday night, cleaning for company to arrive. Mary calls. My mother who is sick was in other room and I did not recognize number. Mary asks how she is and I say sick. My mother had already told her she was sick and would be busy getting ready for company. I told her she had gone to the store. Within 5 minutes this lady was banging on the front door!  We were trying to ignore her, assuming it was her. I was trying to look out window. Mother usually keeps the door locked for this reason but I was in and out mowing lawn and cleaning. This heifer (no pun intended) just walked right in, “Hey, how are you” and sat down. Mother and I mad as fire!!!! My mother would try not to hurt anyone’s feelings unless they push her. I was floored. It was her house and I did not want to say anything. Well she has on the same clothes from the day before and she is reeking with BO! Had to Febreeze that end of the couch! Well she sat on that couch, did not say a word, then proceeded to sleep in my mother’s nice air conditioning for 3 hours! Snoring like a freight train. She then woke up and helped herself to an entire box of Cheese-It snacks. Finally after waking up good at 7:30 p.m. she asked if my mother wants to go eat. My mother laughs and says sure why not! Just to get her out of the house. My mother expressed fears that this lady would come over every day while my family was in town.
Company arrived yesterday morning. I called today my sister says “well we had unexpected company POP IN today!” I told her to tell her not to do it again. She said same thing, peeping out window and this lady walked right in. Sat there sleeping. She waits for someone to cook for her! My sister said whoo she smells and this is supposed to be “bath day”. That lady had the same clothes on since Saturday with the same food spilled down the front!
Not quite sure how to handle this one, other than my mother ignoring her and not answering the phones again. She is just too good hearted.
Feelings
are neither right or wrong, they just are, but I don't just feel that way, I believe it.
This was not a small child. This was a teenager. Think back to when you were one. Now, think back to what you were taught as a child. Can you honestly see yourself actually hanging yourself to death because someone insulted you on an internet site? I say there was a lot more wrong there than is public knowledge and the persons who would best (or should best) know that would be parents. I am not cold and unfeeling. I care. I do believe that suicide is a permanent soluion to a temporary problem and I brought up my children to believe that too. I also believe I have a right to my opinion and, unfortunately, have personal experience with this problem having had a relative's child in the family commit suicide as a teenager. I still believe that the parents need to train children from childhood on up about this and many other topics that seem to be left out of child rearing these days including manners, appropriateness, religion, drugs, sexuality, and work ethic. We all need to put more into our children and families at home. This includes extended family.
Sorry you have such a closed mind about my opinion and hope I have not hurt your tender feelings with my front-on approach.
I am really, really sorry because I know your feelings
I recently lost my beloved pet of 18 years but I have also lost animals to parvo in the past, really sad. I so feel for you and hope your heart will mend before long. We just love these little ones so much and does not take long for them to have us wrapped around their little paws. Sorry in your loss.
I'm with you. I don't think I could handle that
either. I think even though you choose to forgive and go on, would you ever be able to really feel the same after that? I think once trust is broken it is difficult. I admire couples who work through this. Maybe in some cases it makes the marriage stronger.
Why is okay for you to have your feelings but
I'm the one who started the Tolerance thread.
If I don't want to like or condone or support immorality, I don't have to. It is my choice, my right.
If you want to sit there and be happy about it or accept it or whatever, fine for you.
And it's not fine for the schools or government or any other group to determine what I or my children are allowed to think is acceptable or not. That is MY choice and MY right.
how to handle
Hi,
Wow. I'm not really sure what to say, but you sound like you really need some support. Have you tried AL-anon or some other support agency for families of alcoholics? Maybe they can advise you, or maybe a lawyer. I think if you call a lawyer, at least the initial consultation is free, but check when you call. I wish you luck and hope things improve for you. Hang in there.
How would you all handle this? sm
My SIL and BIL moved to town in November. So far I have arranged every get together during the holidays, Super Bowl, picnics, birthday lunches and dinners, and call her on a regular basis. She has called once. Yet every time we get together we have a ball and talk for hours on the phone and she says yes she will call, but never does. I mean, her phone dials to my house, right? Not even sure what to think here and would hate to lose her friendship, but do I always have to make all the effort? Is there something I could say that would not sound rude but let her know it would be nice if she made plans once in awhile or picked up the phone? 
Very normal feelings.......sm
I went through the same feelings with both my children, my daughter being the oldest. She had to take a drivers course at our local high school during the summer, then she got her permit. She drove with that for a few months before getting her license. But that first time she went with a girlfriend just down the street to a local burger joint made me crazy. I knew she would go slow and be very cautious, but that feeilng was still there, bordering on panic. She's 23 now. My son came next....he had to take the same course. He's was a little more pushy about the license, but didn't make a big deal out of it. But, unfortunately, within the month after getting them his dad said he could go to his girlfriend's.. it was rainy and I was not happy. She lives on a dead end street which is good, cause a dog ran out in front of him, he dodged it, and ran over the neighbor's utility box and tore up their beautiful grass. He was scared to death. Well, that got fixed and I guarantee he went slower after that. He's 20 now and as I notice a lot of guys do, he drives faster than his sister, but not as fast as his girlfriend, thank goodness!! He drives her car cause he tells her she goes too fast, won't use blinkers, no signals, makes me nuts. But they are grown and made it through those early testing times, and so will yours. By the time my son got his license, my state had graduated license, so he could only drive between certain daytime hours, and not past 7 at night for a few months. Check your state laws...a lot of them have these now.
I understand your feelings, too. SM
Our school district lost 4 kids last year (2005-2006 school year) to car accidents (2 in one accident), and it's not a big district, as well as a young father of 3, who was killed by a drunk driver. But my daughter turned 16 last November and she went for her permit and got her license over the summer. As much as I would like to put all three of my kids up on a shelf so nothing ever happens to them, I know I can't. I pray for them daily and hope their father and I have set good examples for them as far as being behind the wheel.
My daughter also drives a very distinct looking car and her older brother also drove it, so everyone in the area knows who's car it is and the kids know I WILL hear about if they do something dumb.
what's PH? Posting Handle?????
posting handle!!! lol
Mixed feelings
I had extremely harsh and unforgiving feelings toward ANY sexual misconduct/abuse situation.
Then, one of the young boys in my family was found guilty of such.
It has split and torn my entire family apart.
The agony of loving this young man and despising his act is killing the soul. His parents are especially suffering.
Before I was in this situation, I simply felt we should put them all to death. Now, I'm not sure what to believe.
I do believe he should pay his consequences and I am relieved that the court has to do this terrible job. They can be objective. It is harder when you know the individual.
I want him to suffer the consequences of his actions. I want him to rightfully bear the conviction, the shame, the social retribution for it.
At the same time, I want him saved, rehabilitated, redeemed.
He is mortified of how he will be treated for the rest of his life. I remind him that one reaps what they sow.
I have great sympathy for him, for his victims (this was sexual misconduct, not rape), for all of us in this situation.
I'm not sure why I'm even posting this other than remind everyone: The persons who commit these acts are someone's child, too, regardless of age. Someone loves them, too.
You asked how others handle it. They sm
handle it by being the grandmother who stays out of it. You sent me a nasty email saying you weren't interfering, and did not wish to be judged, but you ASKED, how do others handle it. Others handle it by letting the parents, not the grandparents, handle it. Nuff said. Please do not email me again.
I understand your feelings sm
but I say definitely go and enjoy. My husband and I have left our children (now 14 and 16) many times over the years since about the ages of 5 and 7. We could only go on short trips like 2 to 3 nights but I think it really helped them to learn a little independance. The first time my daughter went away to camp she was 11 and it was for 2 weeks. On the second night she broke her collarbone and begged us not to come and get her. Kids don't suffer near as much separation anxiety as parents do.
You know my feelings also, but you get blasted
when you feel like this, on this board you do. Mine are grown also. I think lots on this board maybe with young babies, children and the like and have not reached the point to where it is not as coochie-cho as it was when little. Not a happy ever after type thing. One child self-reliant but into their own little self and the other 1 had to close the bank on that one. No more hearing from that 1, not even a call on Mothers Day. Have not talked to them in over 2 years now and live in the same town. Oh, loved them as babies though. Didn’t last a lifetime.
Yes, I understand your feelings
My Mom died in 1981, my dad in 1984. I was in my early 30s, not married, no kids, all my other siblings had their own families. I lived with my parents for about 8 years longer than any of the rest of them.
For about 15 years, I missed them so much it physically hurt. I still miss them, but I've moved along enough in the grieving process that now I am more balanced about it. I still miss them deeply, esp. on holidays which were always celebrated by the entire family together but not since Mom died.
The emotional scar tissue gets thicker but grief is a life long process and anyone who says otherwise is not being honest. There will always be a void.
mixed feelings
I have mixed feelings on this subject. I think a lot of it has to do with the owners but maybe there is something about the breed too - not sure. But yesterday a friend of ours had to shoot his neighbor's pit bull. . The dog was known to be mean and is usually kept inside but it was out and came after our friend's 2y/o grandchild. He got the child inside and when he looked out, the dog was going after another neighbor's child. He got his gun and shot it. . However, I will say, the owner of the pit bull is a known drug dealer and not a very nice person, so that could be why the dog was so aggressive.
Mine comes from the job and my feelings at the end of the day. sm
I have done transcription and/or typing of one type or another for years it seems. So the MT is what I do for a living (and the way my brain feels) and the "worn out" is the way I feel after doing my job all day and then my 2nd job on top of that.
I understand your feelings
My in-laws won't even do what your family is doing. They insist that everyone should get a gift. Well not even that but they say to just "cut back" which means what exactly???? I don't know. I didn't grow up with big Christmas presents and all that...family and dinner was emphasized. It makes me wish xmas was just another day. We can't afford it this year but when trying to talk to anyone about it they act like we have no head.
If you want to participate, I would do the flat $25 in a gift card for dinner or groceries and leave it at that. How can they get upset when you stick to the agreement. If they don't like your choice, that's too bad. Maybe they shouldn't participate next year if they have such high standards.
the mammas handle
I have a dad exactly like this. We are estranged 10 years now also. Truly, truly your mom needs to step up to the plate and handle daddy. Her hiding out is cowardly, forcing you and your husband to even discuss daddy on the lawn is unbelievably rude. Your life is not a Jerry Springer show! You're the kid in this. The girlfried can handle him or your mom. I think if you put it to him this way, his pride will get the better of him and he will get off the porch!
I feel your pain! Hang in there!
The handle are coming off ...
and DH has welded a few back on. This set is about 10 years old, but it shouldn't be doing this.
Feelings may be temporary sm
We work in a very stressful profession. Just think about it for awhile. I stuck my marriage out and am glad I did now. Sometimes you have to talk directly to the person, tell him how you feel and ask for his cooperation. Truth be told, I don't see any "perfect" marriages. Leave the religion out of it and look at the marriage, the consequences, and where you will be in 10 years from now. Don't exchange one situation for a worse one. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, but people lie a lot! Think hard before you do something you may regret. I'm glad I stayed.
Here's how I handle finances ...
I am doing well when I see others are not but it takes some priorities and discipline.
I have a budget set. I follow it religiously. It took time to develop it. It includes expenses for maintaining the car and home, clothes, gifts, haircuts, emergency saving, long-term saving. If I have a fluctuation in income where I have excess left over - it goes to savings, not in my spending fist.
I have everything I can set up on electronic banking. It helps keep you on track if you cringe at the thought of being overdrawn and messed up on an electronic withdrawal problem!
Income is direct deposited into 3 accounts: Household checking, personal checking and savings. Household checking is where all expenses are paid out of. Savings, self explanatory. Personal checking is the allowance I have for myself from each paycheck. It is my personal spending.
Once the bills are paid, each payperiod I have a set amount I withdraw in cash from household checking. This is for gas/groceries. That is it. When we run out of cash for gas/groceries, we run out.
Don't carry credit/debit cards or checks with you.
Single most important staep you can take: Live below your means. Whatever your income is, subtract 10% for your savings and then live on the rest. No exceptions. No matter what changes you have to make, if you do not do take this one most important step, you will never have any savings and never get ahead.
If your mother does not handle this
You will all be on the news. This is your mother's problem that she is refusing to handle. She is lucky to have such a responsible daughter as yourself. But not dealing effectively with your father is just sticking her head in the sand. I hope he can't get a gun, because it sounds like he is slowly getting up his courage...
How to handle mama cat.
A few months ago a stray calico started coming to my door. I found her to be very friendly and so I let her in when I am working. I started feeding her. She keeps me company. I haven't really taken her to the vet yet as I was still wondering if she might be a neighbors cat but none will claim her so I guess she is officially mine. H agreed to keep the cat outside. He doesn't want house animals of any kind so I feed her outside but I will let her in during the day time and H has agreed when the weather is cold she can stay closed up in the Utility room at night. Anyway, she had 4 kittens in the neighbors wishing well a week ago. I am taking her to the vet to get her fixed as soon as she quits nursing. I don't know how long that will be though. The neighbors said that she and her babies can stay as long as they need to. Anyway, as I was typing along I heard a mew mew. I looked behind me and see mama carrying one of her kittens into my girls bedroom. I have my door open and she can get through a hole in the screen. My girls would love that but I know H wouldn't. What should I do?
The cleverest way to handle the situation is to
I know exactly what you are going through. I think that the great majority of us who work at home and who have children have gone through this. You'd think that this mom would be more understanding if her husband works at home, but apparently not. I also know that parents who work outside the home have all sorts of scheduling/transportation issues to deal with, as do we work-at-homes. But, I think that over time, they ask so often for these little favors that they become completely oblivious as to how rude they are. Maybe they get this way out of desperation, but once they get a "yes" from someone, they return again and again asking for favors.
I have three teenagers, but I've gone through this with neighbors and "friends" when the kids were little. The only way you can get it to stop is to firmly say no. Simple answer: "No. I'm sorry that I can't help you, but my work schedule does not allow me the time to do that." Then quickly finish the conversation. If you are there in person, say that you have to leave and turn away. If you are on the phone, say that you have to go now. Good-bye. Hang up. Don't give her the opportunity to ask why or to say something like, "But it's only a few minutes out of the way, etc." Just end the conversation.
She'll get the message very quickly, and even if she's very dense, she won't ask more than a few times.
I know you feel reluctant to do this. No one likes a confrontation, and you don't want to be rude. But by being short and to the point, and then politely ending the conversation, you should solve the problem. AND the beauty part is... after you've done this once or twice, you will feel empowered and will be able to do this again if someone else wants to impose upon you.
People don't understand that work-at-home does not mean "totally available". They should understand, but most of them don't. You have to stand up for yourself and educate this demanding woman.
PS: *Gut feelings* are usually correct in my case! -nm
.
Not so much jealous, as they just can't get a handle on why things
m
Exactly, like when people say God will not give you more than you can handle?
How about asking the parents of a 4 year old with terminal cancer how they feel about that?
People amaze me sometimes.
I think it's called brainwash?
They are adults and can handle it. After all, this is the tradition
with your husband's family. If they don't want to go, then let them stay home. Surely they were aware this is what your husband's family does on Christmas Eve before inviting themselves to spend the night. Don't ruin family time with your family and your husband's family.
I agree with your feelings, except the PETA
part. That is a very strange organization whose actual weird agenda they keep out of sight. I am for protecting animals, but not PETA. They would have people release their pets into the wild and let nature take its course. But they don't advertise that side of their beliefs. You would have to look into the origins of the organization.
The part about you hoping never have same feelings about your son
I would have never thought in a million years I would ever be alienated from my son but am and it has been at least 3-4 years since I saw or talked with him. He tried and I say tried, to say things that he should have never said against me. I wish him the best but I would never stand by and hear what came out of his mouth to come out again. I cut any and all ties with him and his family.
I agree with your feelings and opinions.
I LIKE MIKE, too. Wish he had a "snowball's chance".
Honestly I have mixed feelings on this.
On one hand...I feel it is your body, you can do what you wish. Who should say what you do with your body. Providing it is willing, agreeing, consenting adults, that should be their choice.
On the other hand...I think some, if not many, who get into prostitution, it is a bad life...they have low self esteem, no respect for themselves...and they are at their lowest and do not know what to do or where to turn. Many times they are so involved with drugs and alcohol, they can not think clearly.
But at the same time...the ones who are "low", are going to do what they can to make money....whether it is prostitution, selling drugs, stealing....illegal or not, they will do it if they are that desperate.
Heck, there are women and men out there selling thier bodies, making good money...or at least money...why not make it legal so you can tax them!
How do you handle being jealous of stepkids?
Big problem, girls! I have a stepdaughter that I am so jealous of I cannot see straight most of the time when she is here. The child is 9 years old and has her daddy so wrapped up that when she is here I am just pushed aside completely. He does not see it, thinks I am just overreacting and is even to the point of starting to take her and spend his visitation time somewhere else and not bring her around me.
I do not begrudge her getting her daddy's attention... I just feel that I should be involved more. If they are watching a movie, he loves on her and holds her while I am pushed over to the recliner by myself, when its time to go to bed, I go to bed alone while he sleeps with her and if I want him in the bed with me, I have to wait until she goes to sleep and then go wake him up and ask him to come to bed with me. We cannot close our door when she is here because she will get upset and start banging on it and crying and he will run right out to her (even if we are in the middle of a conversation), we cannot sit together on the bed and watch TV even if she is in her room by herself because as soon as she knows he is in the room with me she starts hollering for him and he runs to her and then proceeds to crawl up in her bed and watch TV with her. If they are going somewhere it is usually just the two of them and I am not invited because they need to spend some time together.
Granted, he does not get her on a regular basis (his fault, not mine) and he wants her to know that he loves her, but why can't he see that I should be included too? He wants me to love her and spend time with her and do things with her (especially when there is a football game on he wants to watch, or somewhere he wants to run with the guys for a little while), but then he makes it where I don't want to because once he is ready for her back, I am just pushed aside.
She calls me "She", not my name; she does not acknowledge me when she comes in the door until he forces her to speak to me; after our living together since she was 4 years old she gets very upset and says that I am not her daddy's girlfriend and that I am just a "friend" and she tells everybody that. I feel like he enforces that idea when he pushes me aside and he says I am just being ridiculous and selfish by wanting him to spend more time with me when she is here. I don't even ask him to forego time with her, I just want him to make some time for me (maybe give her a bedtime and have grownup time with me after she is asleep even?).
Am I just ridiculous as he says, or am I right in feeling the way I do? Help, please...
You sound like you share my feelings for
all these wondeful creatures. Please know I said Monster in the most loving way!!! We laugh at her constantly when she manipulates and tells us what she wants! She is bound to get it, too. If we give her something and she doesn't want it at the moment she will throw it out of her beak onto the floor and then sit with her head turned with one eye staring at it. She sings because I sing to her a lot and that is just adorable. She actually puts the vibration in her voice! You are so right on about the emotions of animals. They have needs and wants, and need to be loved and have companionship. I think many times over about her future. I wish I knew you and could work with you in caring for birds. I think they so very special. Keep up what you are doing. You are really making a difference.
how to handle a pet you do not care for anymore
In October we got a 7-week old cat from a local vet. We loved her, she was a sweet ball of fluff. She is mainly an indoor cat but does like to go out a few times a day. A few weeks back she started eliminating (both) on my down comfortor, which is a PITA to wash!!! I thought it was just the comfortor so I would just put it away every day after i woke up. I thought maybe it was the litter so I have changed the type of litter I used and that seemed to help. But last night she peed on the bed itself, not the comfortor. The mattress is only about 6 months old, i'm very upset about this!!
Consequently to me disciplining her for this, the cat does not like me anymore. She does not allow me to pet her, she will no longer sit in my lap. The only time she is friendly with me is when I am making food in the kitchen and she comes and rubs on my legs because she wants food. The only thing I did was take her and put her outside when she eliminated on the bed. I use a spray bottle to keep her off of the table and now to completely keep her out of my room. She does not eliminate anywhere else in the house but my bed and the litter pan.
Besides this she plays rough. She is always biting and scratching. Maybe it has just been too long since I had a kitten and forgot but do they normally do that? she is not very loving. This makes me sad as I wanted a lazy Garfield type cat LOL. I know it's not fair for me to expect her to act a certain way but I can't help being dissapointed. She is ruining my bed. I have started putting her outside more but my youngest gets sad when I do as he thinks she won't come back and that is a battle.
Anybody had problems like this? I know there is a spray you can buy so they will not eliminate on certain places but won't she just find somewhere else to do it?
What's your opinion on the Monster handle?
I've been researching steam mops, and this one has lots of good reviews. The only negative that I'm finding is that some people find the handle to be flimsy, and a few have noted that they've snapped the handle when they've pushed too hard. I'm on the verge of buying one of these, but I'd like to know about the handle. Thanks!
she is just expressing her feelings, do NOT BASH HER FOR THAT..
YOU HAVE SOME NERVE !!!!
If you can handle the rent payment,
then let him move on and do not give him any money. Let him figure it out for himself.
he did not handle money at his last job with a bank.
Just because a person has bad credit, does not mean he's dishonest. He did not bounce checks. He did not live beyond his means. He got caught in a layoff. It's a huge stretch from being jobless to embezzlement for crying out loud. There are many jobs at a bank that do not have anything to do with money.
The way things are going with this economy, some of you might be in this situation. I'll be sure to thumb my nose at you when you start wondering what happened.
Can you get him to the PCP? They can handle this type of depression most times -nm
:-)
But you are more concerned about her feelings than the life of your cats
Sounds like you care more for her dog and her feelings than your cats. Sorry if your feelings are hurt for people getting upset with you but that is a lot less than what your cats felt. There is no suggestion you can give her as it is apparent that she will not take them. Plain and simple -- it will not stop and if you get more cats you are asking for it. So either accept the situation as it and beware that it may next be you or your child or your dog or do something about and that is getting rid of the dog or keeping it in a fenced situation.
Because it seems as though you are more concerned about her feelings than the life of an animal
Since you no longer have any cats there should be no problem until they attack a member of your family and then we can go through all of this again. Why are her dogs more important than your cats -- because she treats them like children -- come on get realistic. Not only were your cats providing a service for your family they were older and had been there longer and deserve better treatment and loyality than what you are giving them. Again, since you no longer have cats and do not expect to get any more why do you need any solutions until these dogs do it to someone elses animals that will take action against them or your SIL. And putting them in a 8 x 12 foot run is not that bad -- lots better then letting then "run at large". Again I am just going by what your attitude --not much concern about the death of two cats but really concerned about hurting someone's feelings. Good luck.
I am ashamed of doing this, but now how do I handle the information I found?
Yes flame away about how I acquired the info. I know it is WRONG but my instinct told me he was not being truthful.
You see, the man I love has an addiction problem. Through our years together, we have gone through alcohol, drugs, porn, and gambling. Each time my trust is instilled back in him because he proves these are OVER with. I STUPIDLY obviously forgive each time as I love him dearly and the guilt I feel after trying to leave him is tremendous, and he is SHATTERED if I ever go...
Well we have been doing real well lately but we are long distance right now. We got in an argument and I know this is always his breakdown. So I checked his email. I KNOW I KNOW... awful. no it's not the first time because how else do you think i knew before... (and knew that he stopped)... and there it was, the transaction approved for his online gambling request.
I was hoping instead of being flamed, someone would give me some real advice. People say you should NEVER snoop and I agree to an extent, but how else would i know if he is LYING to me when i straight ask him about it? He says NO HE HAS NOT BEEN GAMBLING and then i KNOW not only is he gambling, he is LYING about it. If it is a form of entertainment it is one thing, but I am afraid this will skyrocket into how he used to be (he became very much in debt due to gambling, but that was while he was drinking as well, and i know for a FACT he isn't drinking)
Anyways I know what I did was wrong, I accept the fact people will be mad at me about it... but I do not know how to end it with this man knowing that he can't kick this addiction, without telling him what i have done, or without feeling the MASSIVE guilt for finally leaving after so many years.
NO man is perfect, and I am reminded this by my family. This man is a very good man (i know some will say not if he is doing these things) but i have truly felt that he is the only one that will love me forEVER even through stretch marks, babies, and whatever else i throw his way as he has done a lot for me.
I dont know what to do.
How would you handle a manipulative person who threatens
suicide every time you say you're leaving? I have been married, for a VERY long time, to a man who has refused to hold down any kind of job, who is an alcoholic, and who is also bipolar.
He refuses to help himself, take his meds, quit drinking, go to AA, etc. Over this past year, I have decided enough is enough and I want out. I have to think of the kids. I have tried to help him to no avail. Every time we have the conversation about us separating, he gets drunk and then threatens to kill himself. The first time he took some pills, claiming he took a whole bottle, when the truth was he took like four. He freaked out and rushed him to the ER. This scenario replayed again with him shoving a handful of mystery pills into his mouth the next time when I refused to take him seriously. Again, he was taken to the ER by the police that time and then was allowed to leave the ER AMA. Next, time he cut his wrists superficially and that incident landed him in a psychiatric facility for four days and then they let him out. Which brings us to today when I noticed he had been drinking again and still hasn't looked for a job and so I have bought him a one-way plane ticket to go be with his father. He is now drunk, asleep in his truck, and took a bottle of pills with him threatening suicide. I have checked on him and he is breathing and I don't think he's taken any of the pills.
And quite frankly I almost don't care if he has. I'm so tired of this game and it really angers me that he continually tries to manipulate me with this crap! I want him gone. I don't want my kids to see this anymore. I want peace. I want quiet. I want to sit down at my computer and just work without having to deal with all this drama!
So, now I'm wondering do I let him just lay out there in his truck or do I call the police to go check on him and perhaps take him to the hospital? One thing I know for sure, I am done going to the ER and filling out papers and watching him act like a complete lunatic to the nurses and doctors and watching them having to put on the soft restraints because he's a drunken fool! If I call the police, I want to be left out of the loop. I want them to take care of getting him to where he needs to go. Is that realistic or do the police have to talk to me because he's legally my husband and I made the call?
And what do you do with a crazy person who refuses to leave your home? He's not threatening me or the kids. He hasn't hit me or done anything like that. He's just a complete crazy man claiming he's going to hurt himself!
I feel like I'm on the verge of exploding! I want to scream! I want to just punch him in the face! God I'm miserable!
I just wanted to vent for a little bit. It sort of helps me to just pour it all out. Defuses my temper a bit. Thanks
Totally agast, unwelcomed guest, how to handle
Last Christmas my husband's nephew was invited for Christmas breakfast and his friend came along. They were from out of town. They about ate us out of house and home and the friend after breakfast helped himself to the remote, changed channels and then spread across the couch and decided to go to sleep. These guys have no manners (older group here and they are hip-hop type guys). They later went to another family's home where they again were unmannerly. Get this, now the nephew calls (we had invited some other people) and he told husband he said he would be glad to give these people a ride! I know he probably is planning to have another dinner here (now not only his friend is in town but also wife and 4 kids). I would be so mortified to have all those folks show up, I probably would be very, very rude and it would be Christmas. My husband is not confrontational and did not say anything when his nephew said he offered to bring others and from another state. Ok, what would you do in this situation? Thanks!
FEELINGS. . . SOOOO sick of that stupid thing! NM
xx
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