Guess talking with dying aunt over daughter just shouldn’t happen
Posted By: How on 2008-02-14
In Reply to: You need to read again, you did say should you disconnect - sm -
Yes I did say disconnect (have thought about that for some time just due to the excessive amount spent on land phone though and daughter suggested disconnecting also to save $$$) the fuss was the fact about others assumming something. I took what I considered to be the more important of the 2 calls- basically I talk with the daughter every week several times and the aunt - well what would most do?
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Talking about Graceland, guess when I was last there?
In approximately 1958 or 1959 when Elvis was living there. My father and my stepmother lived in Memphis and SM loved taking the younger kids there as Elvis had just made his first movie. Don’t know how it is like now but my father was able to drive his 1957 Chevrolet onto the grounds onto the circular driveway and I have a picture of me standing in front of the lion monument (had 1 on each side of the steps leading into the house). Elvis was living there then so we could not go in. Years later my stepmother told me in an unassuming voice she saw Elvis twice while living there, once at his mother's funeral when the procession was coming out of the home and another time when he was in the front yard riding on one of his many go mobiles he kept there. I did as a young girl like Elvis and then years later my grown daughter says she also thought was cute.
my daughter and I were just talking about this
I have made it very clear I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered to the wind. I don't even want a funeral, I think they're morbid. I told her, instead spending money on my funeral, I want you to go on a cruise with it instead, and scatter my ashes in the caribbean while you're there. now there's a way to remember me! Everyone I have ever known who has died or will die while I'm still here, I want to remember them living, not laying in a casket under the ground, and that is sure not where I want my remains to be! My mom wants to be cremated and her ashes made into a diamond, which I think costs about the same as a funeral. another good way to be remembered!
Well, I guess it's a necessary evil. I have a son in HS and daughter in 2nd grade.
In the HS, if their balance is too low to cover their lunch, they don't get to buy lunch. They figure high schoolers should be responsible enough to make sure they fill their accounts up. At the elementary school, they are allowed to be in the hole, although I'm not sure how deep they can go because I never let it get too far. The elementary school sends a pink slip home when your child is in the hole telling you how much. They never deny lunch, they just pink slip you and you know you need to fill up and I always do.
I realize parents should make sure their kids eat, but what some people don't realize and is some people's pay checks are stretched way too thin. There have been times when I've paid bills, etc., and then find out my kid is out of lunch money and I have to wait until my next pay check. I rely on the school to cut me a little slack. I make too much to qualify for discounted lunches, so I do what I can and I hate the idea of my kid having just a baloney or pbj sandwhick in lieu of a hot lunch!
Well I am an aunt and great aunt
I spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. Even though divorced still hear from the in-law niece and nephew. I know that they are all different, their likes and dislikes and do something special with them that entails their likes. Not much money but time. Used to do Christmas crafts with them and the older ones over 21 still remember it and the fun we had. Like I have often said it is not the money you spend but the time and knowing that they like, taking an interest in them. When they were little -- especially my great nephews and niece, they would call and say that they needed some "special time" which meant that they wanted time with just them and so no matter what I would have going on I always had them over. I also never broke a promise or a committment to them unless I was on my deathbed and I think that they remember that also. And now that they are older - as am I -- they do more for me -- my 20 year old nephew and his friends took off my paneling and put up sheet rock in my living room, office and kitchen and did not expect pay nothing but lunches and Gator Aid. I tell them aunts are a little special and unique creatures, No matter if a grandparent, foster grandparent, aunt, cousin a lot of these kids just want time spent with them and for you to know them -- it makes them feel special. I am taking my second great nephew to Disneyworld for his graduation -- took his brother to San Francisco. So looking forward to that this summer.
Im not talking about a check. Im talking about a positive administration working FOR Americans and
Not receiving a check each month to help us out is not what got us in this mess...
What's the difference between talking on cell and talking to person sitting across from you?
You should be ignoring people at other tables and MYOB.
What if he's dying right now?
Something more TERRIBLE is happening tonight. That poor dog may be bleeding to death internally or already dead and because you're a coward to tell them or even make an anonymous phone call and you ASSUME the police wouldn't help. They absolutely WOUD go to the address and tell them if you made an anonymous call, if you don't have the nerve to face up to it. This is 2007. People have a clue about animals. Well, most of us do....
It does not matter people whose fault it was to that dog. It does not help him to exchange blame. If you have to play those human games, then do it later, after he's helped. If he doesn't have tire marks on him, how are the owners even supposed to know if he's hurt? It's not like they can talk, you know.
This make me sick. I work rescue. I see and hear worse every day, but it just eats at my soul to know somebody is sitting there "feeling horrible" and "doing nothing" to help God's creature.
dying
I think it is a normal phase kids go through. My 5-year-old started talking about death last year. When I watch medical shows on TV she is very interested (which is great), but it also scares her. She is afraid of heart disease now because of a show I was watching. I try to explain it to her also, but she is still stuck on the whole dying/death issue. I really don't know what to say, other than keep talking about it and hopefully he will become more comfortable with it.
what do you say to someone who is dying
A life long family friend has cancer and chose not to take treatment. She is in her upper 80s. She has other ailments and was once very active but now all she can do is stay in bed and hurt which is why she chose to let nature take its course. The doctors only gave her 3 weeks to live. She lives with her son, he never married and is in denial.
This woman lived next door to my grandparents and I used to love to go over there when I was little. She had a little dog that I could play with. She had a piano that she would let me play on. She had tons of jewelry and I loved to go over there and play dress up. She has been good to my mom. Mom lost her house and she gave mom a place to live which is a trailer house next door. To me that was a big thing as she always kept her stuff neat and nice and picture perfect and mom, Gosh I love her, is a slob.
I am thankful for this woman and she will hold a very special place in my heart but I really don't know what to say. I don't want to be unrealistic but I don't think that talking like she is dying would be right either. I don't know what to say if that topic gets brought up.
She wasn't talking to you, BTW. She was talking about the 2 posters below! nm
m
I wish I just new someone who sewed :)) Seems like a dying art
and what a shame! I don't know how many times I have said in the last 20 years... 'if only I knew someone who could sew!' I can do buttons and great at hemming tape and have sewn in the past but way too frustrating for me!! Good for you!!
My grandmother is dying also
She and I are not exactly close, we live across the country from each other and always have. She was never very nice to my mother so I had a hard time getting close to her. My brother and I are the only family she has left and of the 2 or us I am the only one that keeps in constant contact with her.
When I do talk to her I reminisce. Not about our times together but about when she was younger. She loves to talk about herself.
If this woman feels like talking do that. Or maybe she just feels like listening and you could tell her how much you enjoyed playing her piano and playing with her jewelry. Just let her know she made a difference in your life. You don't have to outright talk about missing her, but I know she will get the message and I am sure it will bring her some comfort.
Thanks for the posts on my furkid dying
I posted on the 11th and my little girl, oh she went by several names, Kitty-Kitty, baby, sweet lamb and my little girl, but actually her name was Emerald, died at my home the next day, Saturday 1/12/2008. She was born at my home 18 years ago and how I loved her. She had some ID keys that she wore on a collar and everytime I would go to the powder room or the kitchen, she would always come in, when I returned home here she came with the little keys sounding off. Now the quiet is almost deafening in my home. I have 2 other furkids (cats, both males) my husband gave to me, knowing Kitty-Kitty was older and when she died the others would sorta soften the blow. Nah, I love them but she was my baby. My daughter claimed her but "let" me have Emerald when daughter married because she knew my heart would break if she moved her. I went to the vet the day before Emerald died and asked if I thought she was in pain, was there anything I could give her - he told me a baby aspirin every 3 days and also if she were not sleeping, could give children's benadryl to help her rest. I never felt she was in pain and I held her Saturday morning for about 4 1/2 hrs telling her I loved her and she could go, knew she was sick and had been for several weeks really bad. I made her comfortable, covering her with a light blanket on a pillow and she died later on that afternoon. I dug a grave for her in my yard so she would never have to really leave her home. I will always treasure her love and the joy she gave us. What a wonderful girl and she was just my little girl.
my freezer/fridge is dying
Like an idio t, i thought it was my imagination that stuff wasn't getting cold enough or frozen hard enough in my fridge/freezer so i haven't said anything to the manager of our townhous complex. around Wedesday I noticed my cool whip wasn't frozen. Now my "frozen" fish sticks are softer and easy to break. Are they safe to eat? what happens if a "keep frozen" food gets thawed out? Is it still safe to eat?? The office isn't open until Monday and he probably won't get here until Monday afternoon at the earliest so what do I do with all my food in the meantime??
I have to disagree. Marriage is not a dying
tradition. My parents just celebrated their 63rd anniversary. My husband and I celebrated our 30th anniversary this past June, so no, marriage is not a dying tradition.
I'm more afraid of dying before I have a CHANCE to get old. nm
x
Sometimes, though, it helps the person dying to know sm
you have accepted it and they can go on. My dad held on until my mom said I'll be okay without you, I know you cannot go on any longer. He died within the next few hours of my mom saying that to him. We, too were in denial, and I believe that is why he hung on so long. Tell her what an impact she had on your life and how much she has meant to you and you will love her forever. Is she right with Christ? Does she believe she is going to heaven? In my grief class after my dad died, sometimes you don't have to say anything, just a "meeting of the hearts." Just go over there and see her and let whatever happens happens. Let your heart lead you.
It's the images of dying people that get to me.. you must be out of the loop
nm
I hear you- I had a friend dying of AIDS
that I lived with and helped take care of so he could die at home. There were times it was so stressful and uncertain that I would sometimes wish he would just die already. I felt like the worst person in the world for feeling that way but now I realize I am only human and I did the best I could.
I have a friend who called me to say her 34 year old son dying
this past week. I was shocked but this is a kid who has never hardly worked, looked to his mother for most things- she is on retirement and sucks the life from her. He is in ICU with cirrhosis, liver and kidney failure, started on dialysis yesterday. He has sat at home, not working, something wrong with all the jobs, but now he did have a girlfriend who worked part-time. My friend tells me he sat on the couch just drinking until he could not get up but continued just drinking, not eating, everything tasted like cardboard, he said. Well you know who was taking him the beer, right? The mother of course. Last Thursday my size 4 girlfriend had to carry her son (who was 60 something lbs) out to her car and rushed him to hospital, he stopped breathing, been on vent since. This is a mother who does the above, gives all she can and runs herself out to help her boys (34 and 34) but she thinks she helps. She has almost helped him into his grave - oh he is still very, very ill and may not make it. BTW, the girlfriend is now at the hospital begging for gas money to go back and forth to see the boyfriend and yet the mother has no real income of her own. She feels like she is an excellent mother also. Really sad to see this and so irritating at the same time as she really does not get it, the damage she is doing (has done).
My heart is heavy -I think my older cat is dying
It is hard to type or even see when your eyes are brimming with tears. I have had this girl since her mother first showed up at my door pregnant with her about 17 years ago. She is a purr girl and she has been sick, had a stroke which she recovered from but now a couple of months later feel like she is living on borrowed time. Not in pain but seems to be sorta stuporous, will respond when I call her name by looking at me. I have hand fed her water (ice water which she likes) and also she took very little in in the way of food. I called my daughter to see if she wanted to come by tonight after she gets off from work and she said absolutely. I hated to tell her at work but so afraid this ole girl is not going to make it much longer. She has trouble getting around so I am her legs now. If she needs to go to the bathroom, I will take her there also. I have her laying on 1 of my fav sweaters now in my work room, held her lots last night and today also. My heart hurts.
My oldest furgirl is dying and I am crying
I have just called the veterinarian's office to see if there was anything they could give me to ease her pain, should she be in any which I do not think is the case. I have had her since she was born at my home so it is almost unbearable today. The vet had told me about a week or so ago that her organs were probably failing due to some lab tests she had. I gave her some water with a syringe and even tried feeding her some this morning as I do not want her to be hungry nor thirsty. She is laying on a blanket and I have a cover on her. Besides my having her put down which is really hurting my heart- she has been with me all these years- is there anything I can give her so she is not having a painful death and I just don’t know about it. Thanks everyone.
dying tradition would refer to the new generation
x
Thanks. I think mine is slowly dying. It sometimes gets a reddish tint all over it and I think the
refresh or whatever it does through the different colors isnt working right. I do shut it off when I am not working but I am usually working except at night. I paid a decent amount for this so thought I would get at least 3 years out of it.
You aunt....
It sounds like you have tried very hard to look out for your aunt and what is in her best interest. Maybe now that her son has seen that someone is trying more to care for her, he may be NOW aware of just how much he really needs to be doing for her. Sometimes it's hard for a child to admit their parent has become so disabled that they need to be taken care of the way their parents used to take care of them, EVERYDAY! I hope your aunt can find a nice place where you can visit with her but of course, your aunt will always love her son dearly and just wants to be close to him like any parent. I just hope he realizes that.
Elderly Aunt
Kimmie-
You are being extremely overly sensitive. Your aunt is elderly - have patience. Continue to be kind and forgive her for what you perceive as rudeness. Save the hurt feelings for things that are really important. 
Dipper
I would think that your aunt would be proud that
a man who was not a child's biological father would take her, love her and raise as his child, grieve when passes away and refers to her as his daughter. My sister and brother-in-law married when my sister's youngest child was 18 months old. That child is now almost 20 and refers to him as "Dad." Her biological father is alive but the relationship is strained because she had a child out of wedlock. The stepfather, however, loves the child that she had and refers to him as his grandson. 
Your aunt's comment....
''well, the doctors really do not want you to tell them what you think it is or what to do for any ailments.''
I don't understand why you are upset; she was talking about the doctors, not you, and her comment was pretty much right on. Unless I am misunderstanding.
I have some problems, probably fibro or a rheumatoid thing, and am going to doctors now for a workup. I do a LOT of research and I know a lot. But, in my experience so far, if you tell a doctor what you think it is, most will do everything in their power to prove you wrong or will just say no, if they don't think of it first. It's called arrogance and yes a holier than thou attitide.
So I guess I don't understand why this upset you.
What kind of aunt ?
You should have asked my brother about that. He did not talk with me for the last 5 years of his life because I married a black guy. He also decided to keep his children away from me. That was his decision. That was what he wanted. The SIL remarried, took her children away, had no contact with my mother hardly, their maternal grandmother (the mother of her husband, remember), no contact with the great maternal aunt of these children. Now go back and ask again what kind of aunt was I?
Dying girl denied more time with imprisoned father - please sign the petition (sm)
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Have-Mercy-on-Jayci
This child is 10 years old - this is national news, not a hoax of any kind. This child was healthy six months ago and now has very limited time to live. Her father is imprisoned and her dying wish is to spend more time with him - which is being denied. Please go to the above website and sign the petition asking the Nebraska prison system to honor her request.
Am not talking politics here at all, talking
about how she views the southern culture which apparently she knows very little. I do not care about her politics- what I care about is by making a statement like that only shows a persons ignorance. My maid is working today, has lived in the gettos all her life in a big city and when I asked her about it she said something she has not seen in maybe 30 years. In her neighborhood there is all sort of crime that goes on (well, that is about everywhere) but if anyone would see it she would be 1. Like I say, could care less about Whoopie's political views other than the fact she got that wrong. Neil Boortz also was saying the same,;he said she was probably still holding the south in such a light because of her inability to go into a upper class restaurant here in town dressing in blue jeans. Being as she was born in NYC, we southerns still say da.n yankees! So true here.
Maybe you shouldn't take any.
Curious as to why you listed biracial up there. What does that have to do with anything?
It doesn't sound like you really want any of them. Maybe foster care where someone wants to take of them would be a better place.
so therefore, i shouldn't have this cat and should get right of it
x
My aunt used to vacuum her cats.
She used to vacuum the cats, and they loved it. Plus, it got the dander off.
I thought it was the aunt. I'm confused now.
What did the grandmother do?
My aunt, who is just like my mother, told me
just this past weekend when her son sells his property, she plans to go live close by him and his new wife of about a year. I was kinda taken aback as she is up in years but always, always has been really self-sufficient and wanted to be. She broke her hip a year or so ago, recovered from that but still has slowed her down tremendously. She wants to continue doing her housework, gathering her groceries, etc. while having to use a rolling walker. I visit her out of state at least every 2-3 months and call probably every week. She would be moving to another state but the distance for me to travel to the other 1 is probably about the same distance I travel to see her now. I know in my heart she would never had said nor made this decision had it not been for her feeling the need to do so. My mother, her sister, has been deceased since the early 90s but she has taken me under her wing and now tells others I am her adopted daughter. She is really precious to me and I appreciate her being in my life.
Just read your post and my aunt the other day
was saying exactly what you were saying, was there not a good place that I could go to for a diagnosis on what my problems are. I do not know of a place like this at all. I can self-refer myself to a physician and usually do as I know about as much as the people I run into in the offices. After all my years of typing on all kinds of diseases, treatments and such, I do not need a person say 30 or more years younger than me to explain a diagnosis to me. I am sure I could tell them more than they could tell me. Just went to an urgent care place today for 1 of my problems and refused to weigh- the person taking history said I would have to because they would have to know my weight in order to give medication. I told them most medicines I know come in say 10, 15, 20 mg and I never weigh at any office and I see nephrologist, general, endocrinologist, etc. I refused to weigh, still got to see the physician and guess what, nothing prescribed! I probably have been in the medical field longer than this person on earth. on well, enough venting for the night.
My elderly aunt has just gotten 2 red marks
right under her eyes and she tried to see a physician today but was unable to, any thoughts on what this could be? She says bright red spots under both eyes.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I remember my aunt calling (sm)
to tell my mother that her boss had died. He was like a member of the extended family and the first person whom I knew well to die. I was maybe 11 or 12 and I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can only imagine your pain.
Sounds like you are indeed a Great aunt!
nm
carpal tunnel maybe......my aunt described
xx
I have an aunt that has it and she has to watch her sodium, did your sm
doctor tell you about that? (stay away from high sodium food).
We went to my husband's aunt's house once...
and they were having a get together because his uncle was dying of lung cancer. In rolls his three sisters and brother, all with their oxygen tanks and cannulas that they would have to take off to have their cigarettes. I found it fairly ironic and that is when I decided to quit smoking. Not the cancer, not the emphysema, but the ridiculousness of seeing people who can't breath because of smoking taking off what helps them to breath so that they can smoke. At any rate, I am not sure that I really have a point, just something that is interesting to me.
Did you at least show concern for her aunt?
See, when I read this, the first thing that jumped out was this woman had an aunt IN THE HOSPITAL HAVING TESTS DONE.
I hope while you were in the process of berating her grasp of the fine art of pronouncing various words that you at least inquired as to the welfare of her aunt.
I'm sure the woman had more on her mind under these circumstances than making sure she cleaned up her grammatical skills.
They shouldn't be treated the same
A 15yo and an 8yo should not be treated equally anyway. If the 15yo wants what the 8yo wants, tell him/her they can have the same bedtime, curfew, privileges etc. if they want everything to be fair.
You're right. I shouldn't
tell him it will be a long time before I die. I was just trying to comfort him. We have also talked about how everybody will die when God decides it is their time. We are regular church members. He has been raised in church and knows all that, I guess it's just now really sinking in. My husband will take care of my kids if I die. As far as if we both die, we have that taken care of also. We were married 18 years before we had them. They are definitely God's little miracles to us! I'm sorry for your loss, but you're right; you will see him again someday and I'm sure he has never left your heart! God Bless you and thank you for your kind advice.
Shouldn't I have a better self-definition by now?? sm
I am up early, not sure if this will interest anyone, but want to sort of wonder "out loud" on here for a moment. I am 40 years old, yet I still am ambivalent about my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, etc. I find myself not being steadfast either way...I don't know if that means I don't yet know who I am (though by now you would think I should!) or if that means that I am just always going to be a flexible thinker? I sometimes read posts on the liberal board and the conservative board and I can always see both points of view and find ways that I feel they are both right and sometimes both wrong so I never lean to far to either side. I grew up going to a Christian church and I believe in the general overall beliefs of Christians, but then I don't discredit other religions that others grew up with either. And I don't necessarily agree with everything that most mainstream Christians believe. Does all of this mean I am ignorant? Or is it ignorant to be too closed-minded to believe that others also have valid points of view, that I don't always have to be right, and that there is more than one way to be "right"? So sometimes I feel "undefined" and wonder how I can ever define myself...then other times I think I have defined myself exactly as I want to be. Does anyone else feel "undefined"? and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
What amazes me, though it probably shouldn't
is the number of people on this thread bashing someone for doing things right, when anon up above just suggests the OP file bankruptcy. What's wrong with you people? You think it's okay to just turn your back on the mess you've created? Not one of you commented on that poster's suggestion, yet you waste your time bashing someone who does have their act together. I would rather have PhillyChick in my corner anyday over anyone who thinks it's okay to just rack up debt and walk away. You people need to get your heads checked.
Before you say it, this has nothing to do with whether the OP has extenuating circumstances or not. The OP wasn't even asking about bankruptcy. The OP was asking for suggestions on how to pay things back, and for that, I applaud her.
well it shouldn't be. She should at least get to get a second opinion (sm)
I think she is being diagnosed to easily with something that can stay on her medical record and that is so unfair.
Maybe because no one has said to them they SHOULDN'T wear it...
nothing uglier than muffin top under too tight shirts, fat thighs in too tight jeans, sucking down an soda and eating a burger. Some people need to look in a mirror, or better yet, shop at a real department store, spend some money on good quality clothing, stop trying to dress like a teenager, and bring along a friend who will tell you how you REALLY look in the clothes you try on.
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
|
