Grandparents are not involved much. . sm
Posted By: sad mom on 2008-02-07
In Reply to: grandparents - question
It's funny you should ask this question today. My mom, who lives 90 minutes away, came for a visit. We haven't seen her in about 4 months. My 2-year-old didn't know who the heck she was and was scared of her for the first day she was here. We only see her 3 to 4 times a year. I wish we could see her more. My dad died when my oldest was one. He had never even met him.
My husband's parents have little to do with the kids. They live 20 minutes away, and we hardly see them. It really hurts because they always have my SIL's kids. They are the same age as my kids and spend almost every weekend at their house. During the summer, they spend even more time with them. After a couple of years of this, I finally asked them why they don't ever have my kids over. They said they will try to spend more time with them. Last summer, they invited the oldest to spend one night, and the SIL's kids were there. I am giving up. Sorry this got so long. I am really sad about this right now.
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grandparents
I'm curious about how involved grandparents are in your child/children's lives........ how often they visit with them; overnight stays; extracurricular activities; babysitting, etc.
If you are a grandparent, how involved are you?
grandparents
My parents were very involved with my daughter when she was growing up - she stayed with them an average of 2-3 nights/per month. . She loved everything about them and everything they did. .they didn't spend a lot of money on her but always gave her tons of time. . as she got older, they would go to her school activities, etc. . After she could drive and after my dad died, she would take my mom places - shopping, out to eat, etc. . Mom died last May and it was hard for all of us. . My ex-husband's dad died before our daughter was born and his mother has never been much of a grandparent. . she lives in another state but still makes little attempt to be a grandmother - when my ex died (daughter's dad) her grandmother asked her what she could do to be a better grandmother. . she was told just call sometimes, send a birthday card, Christmas card, etc. . but she still made little attempt to stay in touch. . My daughter (who is almost 23 now and on her own) called me the other day because she was so excited she had received a letter from her grandmother. . In my opinion, grandparents can contribute so much. . I can't wait to be one!
Grandparents
My children are extremely close with their grandparents on both sides. My DH father passed away when my son was 6 months old and it breaks my heart that none of his grandchildren ever got to know what an incredible man he was. Both my children as well as my 3 nieces are extremely close with DH mother. She has always attended their school/sport events. When they were younger (there are 5 grandchilden in all) she would take one child out every Friday night and let them pick where they ate and what they wanted to do. They then spent the night with her. Last Sunday after church my son spent the afternoon with Granny just running errands.
My children are also very close to my parents. I lost my mother 3 years ago but they spent a lot of time with her and she was always at their activities, usually with DH mother. My father and stepmother don't seem to make it to very many of the kids events due to their schedule, but they are very mucha part of their lives. They are a lot better at being grandparents then they were parents. LOL!
What you say about how grandparents should do
My grandchildren are up some size and they could come see me. Do they? No. I did my part in keeping my children close to their grandparents as youngsters but my DIL so wound up in her own family, the paternal side just does not matter. I don't even try anymore.
I'm from KY and my dad and all 4 grandparents used
to eat scrambled pig brains every once in a while for breakfast. They slaughtered their own hogs, so they were available occasionally. That is one thing I never tired. We ate squirrel growing up too. And to this day still love fried country ham and red-eye gravy with homemade biscuits.
How far away from your grandparents do you live?
It sounds like it would be better for you to talk directly to your grandparents if possible, instead of your aunt or cousins. Just leave them out of the loop if they are going to act this way.
You have a right to name your child whatever you choose. I don't understand why these people are getting so upset. But sometimes people - especially family - will use the least little excuse to create drama. You don't need that in your life, especially not with a new baby to take care of.
If your grandparents live far away, do they have any neighbors are friends that they are close to who could help keep an eye on them for you? My mother had a couple of neighbors who all looked out for her and each other - if one was gone one of the others would watch the house and take in the mail, or if they hadn't seen one of them in a while, they would go check on them, things like that. If your grandparents have neighbors they are close to, you might do better calling them instead of your family. Sad but true.
Good luck. I hope you are able to see and talk to your grandparents. Don't let these other folks get you down. They'll get over it eventually.
Are your grandparents your father's parents?
If so, maybe they are angry that you named baby after step-dad instead of their son. They expect you to be loyal to your Dad but not your stepdad who I would assume was in your life as much as your real Dad if not more. Families can be such selfish hypocrites. Where is their loyalty to you and their gratefulness to a man who probably helped raise you. I would cut them off in a New York minute. If you have children and a sister, you have family. Take care.
Is giving grandparents a scrapbook
I think it would be, but decided to get opinions. Thank you in advance.
No kids here, but I grew up w/grandparents.
They actually lived in our childhood home with us. Our mother was a single parent trying to get off welfare back in the 60s...going to night school to become an LPN and rearin' the 5 of us during the day. I have no doubt her parents saved her tuckas by doing all they did for her (and us!) back then. I have nothing but incredibly fond memories and miss them all immensely.
There's something to be said for families that pull together like that when times are tough, or even not so tough. Some days I regret not having one of my own, but I'm just waaaay too selfish and I know I'd make a horrible parent. Plus, I have no social support at all and I would be 100% on my own...certainly not the ideal way to raise a kid or two.
Fantastic assets grandparents can be...so long as they're not criminals or anything.
Grandparents are Heaven on Earth
I have no kids so can only give you a viewpoint of how my grandparents shaped my life. I grew up very close (personally) to my grandparents (grandma was my second mom). My grandparents (moms side) lived up the road from us (about a 5 min walk with an open field between us). In the mornings we would walk outside and if she was out we would yell "hello up there" and grandma would yell back "hello down there". She took care of my sister and I during the day while mom worked. We went everywhere with her every day (hairdresser, butcher, stores, errands, church activities, her friends house, etc). She taught us how to whistle with a blade of grass, play "here is the church & here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people" with our hands. We ate every Sunday supper with them and then she and grandpa moved the living room furniture and taught us how to polka to Lawrence Welk. We also ate there often during the week. Once a week we would spend the night at their house. Grandpa had a lawnmower repair and sales business but anytime I was having trouble in school, he would come in and after supper sit down and help me (mostly with math), but he didn't even think twice about not helping. He was the most unselfish person in the whole world. When I was feeling down about my grade on a report card or test (I was a C & D student, occasionally a B and very rare an A) he would ask me if I did the best that I could and I said I tried really hard but I just didn't understand. He told me as long as I tried the hardest I could he was proud of me. We grew up in the country and g'ma taught us about wild flowers, quilting, and other country type stuff. During the winter we would have sled parties at her house for my girl scout troop and she would bring out hot cocoa with mini marshmallows. Just a couple years ago my best childhood friend was telling me she had just been thinking about that sled party and my grandma bringing us the hot cocoa, and I just have so many wonderful life memories the list would go on and on. She died when I was 16 (30 years ago), grandpa died a few years ago. I miss them so much it still hurts. My dad's grandparents lived 15 minutes from us and we spent every Sunday afternoon with them and when I was old enough to drive I would go up on my own during the weekdays and sit at the table and talk and talk with grandma for hours. I miss them both so much too. I think grandparents are the most wonderful gift a child could have. I was blessed to have mine live so close to us. They spoiled us rotten and we loved it!
Oh how I dream of being young again and having my grandparents to talk to. I'm now 48 and live alone with husband. All my grandparents and mom are gone, dad lives across the country and I see him once every 3 years. I sure do miss them all. I hope all kids have a chance to be close to their grandparents the way I was.
My mom (when she was alive) and dad all have fond memories of their parents (they both told me they had the best parents anywhere).
So the only way I can sum it up is that "Grandparents are Heaven on Earth".
kids visiting grandparents over the
you choose to not work nights so you could have time for you? LOL.... does anyone else see the craziness in this?
Bringing my issue with grandparents and cousins to the top
I am sorry, I got myself out of town for the weekend to get away. I am still at a loss. I have tried contacting my grandparents numerous times to no avail. I emailed my sister, and she talked to my grandmother who said she has simply "missed my calls." Thank you all for letting me vent Friday and giving me opinions. I will not stoop to their level. Also, to the poster who asked why I think the baby's name had to do with it, it is because she kept saying, "Figure it out, Daddy's girl" and because when I asked if that was it, she said, "What baby, did I say something about a baby" and "aren't you a little Einstein."
Thanks again all!
I might add that grandparents on paternal side are deceased so
only ones around are mine but that doesn't seem to matter to them.
My grandparents swore by it for LOTS of things
xx
I used to give my grandparents gift certificates to the local grocery store, sm
they would use them to buy special things like shrimp or other things that might cost a bit more that they wouldn't normaly buy for themselves. My parents are that age and I have given them restaurant gift certificates or if they have family out of town, prepaid phone cards, because I know some folks that age don't like paying for long distance calls.
Not involved
NM
I would have never ever gotten involved with my
I only did because he accepts my biracial son and is a father to him. I guess you can say I settled. He loves me totally and completely but I cannot love him and will not marry him. ever.
What is sadder is the grandparents live in a small home, 3 bedroom, and filed bankruptcy 2 years ago
nm
And I was involved with a CASA
before for stepgchildren and personally I did not find them to be that hot. They actually played a part in giving back the children to a strung-out mother who lived off the welfare system, never worked, lazy, good for nothing but they feel like "kids should be with their mothers." Ok, so they went back and last I heard the mother was gone and the kids out on the streets, oh well you live and learn. Mothers around not always the best.
Has anyone been involved with Meetup.com?
I've been thinking about starting a meetup group to get my daughter together with other girls her age who enjoy art and crafting. But I'm a little hesitant to start one because I don't have any experience with being involved in a group this way. I really wouldn't want to hold anything at my house right away with complete strangers, that would be something that could happen later on as we all got to know each other better. I would love to hear about experiences that people have had with any type of group that has met this way. Thanks!
There's a landlord involved here?
You have rights - if he is violating the rules and/or the law with respect to noise violations he either fixes the problem or moves. Check out the law in your state.
I didn't say I was getting involved - sm
I simply told the background and asked for positive thoughts for her and her son. That's it. I'm not going to tell her what to do.
Right now I am involved in about 15 things and I'm trying to sm
find a way to cut it down to half. If you are older and you don't have small kids, then I suggest getting involved in church more. I have 3 young sons so we are constantly going from ball practice to ball practice. In between that I teach 2 Sunday School classes, attend a mid-week Bible study, have lunch with husband every Friday, work out 4 days a week, work 25+ hours a week at MQ, visit friends and family out of town quarterly, PLUS I am involved heavily in 2 other major ministries at church - Pastor prayer partners and the Invitation Team.
If that isn't enough, I scrapbook like crazy and take lots of pictures.
I also write notes to people I haven't seen in a while, or I'll just write cards to people in general and tell them I'm praying for them and that takes an hour or so.
Oh, did I also mention that I am a freelance writer for a Christian publication?
I also write material and Bible studies for our church.
I used to bowl every Thur. morning, but quit that. May take up an evening league one night a week. I love to bowl.
I am up LATE every single night and hit the ground running early in the morning to start homeschooling. The only time I have to myself every single day is after 10 o'clock every night. If I need 2 hours I take 2 hours. If I need more sleep, then I'm in bed by 10:30. I take whatever time I need for myself every single day.
Find something you enjoy and just do it. Take a class at the library. Learn to quilt. Learn to sew. Learn to play an instrument. The key is doing something you enjoy doing: cooking, reading, etc.
Life is too short to waste doing nothing or sitting around wasting time. There's work to be done!!!!!!!
guess you'd say I'm really involved!
I was close to my mother's parents as a child. They were my second parents and I probably lived half the year on their farm. I see it as being a good thing for me. My GP lived way out in the woods and never drove "to town," so they only left home to attend weddings and funerals, otherwise my parent(s) took me there.
When my daughter was pregnant, I lived 1000 miles away, but we talked on the phone almost daily. When my GD was born, I was able to visit when she was 2 weeks old and I knew I had to move back to the area. She is a manipulative person and I had long ago set limits that I would do anything for her out of love that didn't involve money, so I kept my GD every other weekend and more if asked. I supported my daughter emotionally in every way I could. If she asked my opinion, I always tried to give a balanced opinion and never interfered when my opinion was not asked, although if something came up later I would try to offer options for a situation. When things fell apart for her, I am glad I was there to catch my GD so she was not lost to CPS. I am now adopting her.
I am blessed to be a grandmother...although I hope this is the only one :)
Involved with grandsons
age 15 and 8.... My DH & I sold our home as did my daughter and SIL. We bought one together. My daughter could not "bear" it if something happened to us so she pretty much decided this four years ago. So far it has worked out pretty well except I can't be involved with the grandsons spiritually as they are into another "type" of spiritual organization than I. That has been and probably always will be the most difficult task I have ever encountered to share my beliefs with them. I just continue to pray that everyone will be on the right path TOGETHER in the end.
CPS does tell if lawyer gets involved. have had every detail given to me before sm
when they were called in me for my kids riding their bikes in the neighborhood streets like every kid in the neighborhood did. we hired lawyer, refused the one on one investigation at school with the kids, and had the "meeting" at the laywers office. never allowed them in our home, but our lawyer got every detail of the report, which was passed onto us. we had the date, the name of the person who called, their address, everything.
I did try to get a consumer advocate involved
but no luck. Called 1 day and would not take my call, guess he had more important ones that day. I agree totally with you about getting a news channel involved, I just decided maybe if I went the court way might would stand a chance, knew I could go after their banking acct or garnishment if the courts on my side and it turned out that way. The price they owe me has gone up over $100 just for my court costs and now they owe those in addition to what it was in the first place. The courthouse steps is the way the county does where I purchased the furniture. We could have it at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, just as long as I retrieve what is owed.
How is it not a big deal when there are kids involved? (sm)
He has a choice - I have given him 10 years and he just does not care about my opinion. Why can he not change at all to keep his family together?
You talk like the only ones involved with big taxes
My father got killed in an accident, left me his property, I sold and for upcoming year MY taxes on that ALONE over $13,000.00. I did not fuss, I did not oh woe me- just put that money in the bank to draw interest until tax time. Know I owe and have that set aside. That does not count all the other taxes DH and I pay for the year and I sound like a grinch? Sure don’t get that remark. I am as much into keeping all that I can but EVERYONE (unless on welfare) has to pay their share, until and if they change the laws. I would be glad for any bonus he or I either one got but not happening here, so where does grinch come in?
Unless your son was involved in the incident, they probably would not inform you.
If the schools had to inform all parents of every single incident that occured between students, that could be a full-time job unto itself for 2 or 3 people in some schools. It sounds like the school took proper measures in disciplining the students involved in the incident.
As far as the post below regarding the 4th grade girl and her lies, I am sure that the boy in question knew what she was saying and may or may not have told his parent(s). At any rate, that would be a matter for the families of the children involved.
Illegal and all involved should be prosecuted.
NM
apologies heal all involved --
acknowledged or not.
I am inspired.
If you care about your kids, you will be involved sm
in the drama of high school life! I am very involved with my kids and their "drama" because I am a good listener and care about what my kids have going on in their life. I am there to listen to them and give them advice. Isn't that what parents are for?
I would throw the son a b-day party and if girls came, they came. If not, you can still have fun with just the boys. Do a campout for them. Sounds like the girl needs to get a life and get over it! She is just jealous.
Does not really matter why, especially if there are children involved
x
My understanding is that both parties involved are black. nm
x
Since there are kids involved, I'd think long and hard (sm)
about leaving him. It's quite easy for others to tell you he needs to be dumped, but they sure won't live with the aftermath.
Take the 100k and remodel the house. Forget adding on. Spend the money on creating a fabuous kitchen with hearth room, fix structural defects, redo the kids' rooms; totally redecorate exactly the way you want with no regard to his taste, and get a nice new minivan to haul the kids around to play dates.
Oh, spare a little money to build a bedroom in the barn. He loves the yard and barn so much, he can live there.
See, this way if you stay and work on your marriage, you'll have a beautiful home you can live with. If his selfish ways finally push you beyond tolerance and love for him, you'll have a great house to put on the market. With your half of the sale, you'll finally be able to have the home you've always dreamed of. It's a win-win for you.
That is precious. It really is. Too many husbands not involved these days! nm
.
For the sake of her family. There are children involved.
nm
I don't understand the ethics of the doctors involved
xx
I agree with letting him go...if there are no children involved (sm)
and you are still young, get out now while you can. Don't wait like I did. I was married to someone very similar for 15 years and finally separated, but now I am older and I have two children who rely on me. I would much rather have left him early on, found someone new, and have children with a stable home.
Just started Healthy Performance..cooking involved though.
It has been just a little over 24 hours. I CAN do this. Sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to get me moving in the right direction and I think this is gonna do it. Good luck to you!
Normal. I think jealousy is involved & also that his hormones are starting
s
Dog killing and mayor involved in letter writing
I am really in a twizzy this morning. Shirley Franklin, city of Atlanta mayor, wrote a letter to the judge involved in the Michael Vick dog fighting/killing asking for leniency as, how she put it, Vick had done a lot for the community and helped folks out. Phooey!!! I hope personally he never is able to return to the Falcons or any other football team. I think whatever he was able to accomplish was blown by the fact that he participated in the killing of dogs. How inhumane is that? I hope PETA gets out and strikes each and every time (if he is rehired by any jackoffs) he is supposed to be playing. Came from the ghetto and I suppose the thug still in him. What a shame. Never made a million in my life and he made mega millions and then threw it all away for ??? I am vexed by her doing such a deed and will send letter stating my feelings.
Talk to DFS, Juvenille Officer involved in the case (sm)
and if the children are appointed a CASA or Guardian Ad Litem, also make yourself known to them. When these children are taken in as wards of the court suitable family placement is always looked at. From experience I will tell you there are many, many wonderful foster-adoptive families out there just waiting for these babies.
By the way, if you are awarded custody of this child and the child does have special needs, the state will steer you towards getting assistance in getting what help you need.
It would be lovely if all the children could be kept together and sometimes this is possible. You will find out much more after the initial hearing I suppose.
Good luck to you and the children. Bless their little hearts, they only know mommy is mommy and have no idea of what a good mommy should be. I have seen children who have been physically and verbally abused and neglected by parent who still love and want to be with them. They don't know anything different.
Once again, good luck.
Abusive to women, animals - thank goodness there are no children involved. (sm)
get her out of that situation before any more harm comes about.
Youngest daughter once dated a guy and we discovered she was afraid to not be ready on time, to wear something he didn't like, etc. Soon we found out there were bruises on her upper arms and near her breasts. Needless to say, we marched her to the courthouse, got an ex parte. He broke into our house after that when he thought she was home alone, we pressed charges and had that young man paying court costs for quite some time in addition to going to anger management classes.
We were lucky, we got her out before it was too late. He had her emotionally beat down to the point she couldn't stand up on her own. Heaven help those without a support system.
Sounds good to me. Glad girls are involved in video
xx
Gays march for their rights to be involved with their long-time partners
health care should a drastic decision be made. It is usually a family member...even though we are the ones who take care of our partners when they are sick or dying. We fight for the right not to be thrown out of a shared house by the partner's parents. We want to honor our partner's wishes when they die as we are the ones who have spent years with them - not the family. These are just a few examples.
As far as your comment that we influence young people - that is absurd. All we want is to live our life and as pxmt said, be able to walk down the street without abusive comments, being assaulted, ridiculed, etc.
The school system is not segregating gay children - they are making it "gay friendly and teaching tolerance". Suicide is very high in gay children because of the parents who teach their children that it is evil and it is okay to bash a gay child. These schools are just trying to save the lives of young children.
As far as your comment that Christian's homes and churches are burned, sorry but I cannot recall one incident that I have read or saw on the news. Temples yes. As far as being assaulted for your beliefs, could it be because you stand in front of abortion clinics and gun down the doctors and nurses that come out or go into the clinic? Could it be that you bully the 15 and 16-year-olds who have been raped and want an abortion?
Sorry to say this, at least we (gays) are not violent and just want to be left alone.
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