Good grief, lost of people get married and don't have children nm
Posted By: anon on 2008-12-29
In Reply to: If you are both mature and desire a child sm - anonamiss
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Basically just lost my son when he married into
my DIL's family. Just sucked him clear in. No time for our side of the family after that, not his g'parents, his maternal side, aunts, uncles, cousins, no one. It was all her side that mattered. I got charged for any work around the home I needed done by my son, he did her family's for free. I tried to be there but never barged into their lives and now not in their lives at all. I do not worry about things anymore, no use in it and just try to work and live my life to my liking. His marriage just kicked me to the curb and it used to hurt but not anymore. I have accepted I do not play a part in my son's life nor his childrens.
good grief.
By the way, meant floor above.
I'm not "troubled" or a psychopath. Are you trying to say that if you get stalked by a psycho ex, then there must be something wrong with you? I think not.
Oh good grief.
Good grief...
On Regis and Kelly they showed a picture of her from a newspaper and she had an alcohol ankle bracelet on.
Good Grief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
x
good grief! nit pic ..nm
nm
good grief how did you get mean spirited out of THAT?!
x
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost children (sm)
Your stories probably inspire others to go on.
My children lost their father when they were 8,4,3
It is a very tough position to be put in as a parent. My advice for the adults is do not drag these children into what should be adult grief. Several members of my kids' father's family tried to do this to them. They are children and are resilient just the way God made them and thankfully for them! They have a right to live happily and without guilt because they are happy. I'm not saying your family will do this, but on top of everything else, it was hard to watch this being done to my children. I am very sorry for their loss and the loss to your family.
Good grief. That was supposed to be *psychopath*... sm
not *physiopath* or whatever I typed! LOL
Good grief, they deserve a safe sm
plce to live! They are not going to remember the big house, etc when they are grown. They WILL remember the abuse you subjected them to and did not get out.
Good grief. Do parents not teach their
kids ANYTHING anymore?
good grief! If living in a place sm
with an HOA means living next to snooty people like you, I would rather live next to the renters! You act like a person can just up and sell their house like you would sell a car.
Think I will stay where normal people are and not the hoity-toity snot faces like yourself!
Good grief, I thought it was funny...nm
NM
good grief!!! I have to go to the store!!! Thanks for the remind!!!
I am trying to not buy so much because I am taking my first vacation in 4 years next Friday, but I think I will have to break down and get groceries!!! GEEZ!!! I want pizza.... YUMMMM
Good grief, we didn't even go to either of my niece's graduations
and they both live here in our town. We love them both dearly and are very close to them but they both said it didn't bother them. They go to different high schools and there is limited seating at one of them. Each graduate only gets 7 tickets and after parents, grandparents, and siblings we really couldn't go. We did go their grad parties and they were more excited about what was in their card anyway. LOL Your husband needs to let his sister know that he plans to have a vacation with his entire family, so it is either go see them a week later, or go wherever you choose.
Good grief - I hope not!!! Mine was not pretty! nm
..
I married the 10th of 11 children
so there was none of that You took my son stuff. It was more like Thank God, you took my son! MIL was a single mother from the time #11 child was in kindergarten when she kicked out the no good bum. As long as you are kind to her and show up for most holidays, you are accepted by her. It is also about accepting his family and all their many quirks and personalities. The rest of the family just accepts everyone else because you get used to dealing with all the different personalities.
There are now 16 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren, so you really have to marry into the family at this point for most of us to bother to get to know your name. There are just too many boyfriends and girlfriends coming and going to keep it all straight.
I have a feeling you are neither married nor have any children..
your advice is horrible...
These people just lost their son and they already
have to start answering to the press. Sure, discuss it with the police, but let this people try to catch their breath without them having to prove anything to total strangers. Look at all the speculation already, was being monitored, wasn't being monitored, (is it a law that he had to be?), John is gay, mariage is a sham. You know that if there was any foul play or not someone is saying in their ear, don't say anything. Give this family the respect they deserve. Just imagine, heaven forbid, that you lost and child and had to do it in the public eye.
Have people lost their frigging minds?
Just heard about the astronaut who supposedly accosted a love rival of hers after the astronaut put on a diaper so she would not have to stop on her journey, driving over 1000 miles from Texas to Orlando, catching up with the rival at her job, pepper spraying her and in rival's car when stopped she had rope, knives and the like. With all her background, her experience, her $$$$ pay, why does not 1 stop and wonder, hmmm there are more police than me, I probably would be caught doing something like this. I just cannot image throwing my life away, never.
Please tell me, is either 1 of these people married
Either Helio or his dancing partner?
I have seen people get married from meeting..nm
Have seen it both ways, have seen marriages bust up over people meeting OTHERS online and I have seen people meet and marry from meeting online but I must say the former (marriages busting up from meeting OTHERS online) far outweighs the latter......been online nearly 13 years now.
People living together but not married
There's an article in TIME magazine (May 25 edition) about this subject. They're called CU's--Committed Unmarrieds. Here's a couple of interesting stats from the article:
Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins professor, says that unmarried parents in Europe stay together longer than married parents in the U.S.
Rutgers University's National Marriage Project says cohabitating couples are at least twice as likely to break up as married couples are.
Nonmarital births have increased the most among women ages 25 to 39, doubling since 1980.
The majority of cohabitants either break up or marry within five years, says Alison Hatch, a grad student at the University of Colorado, who is doing her dissertation on committed unmarrieds.
More than 5 million unmarried couples cohabit in the U.S., nearly eight times the number in 1970 and a record-breaking 40% of babies born in 2007 had unmarried parents, up from 25% from 2002.
Some married people have separate accts just like
my husband and I. I don’t know what he has, what he makes each week- the only time we know really is when we do our taxes. He and I have our own banking accts but we are signed on just in case the need arises. It might work for her- does for me.
I personally know 4 people who met and married via dating websites - sm
I was shocked at first when a good friend of mine in her 30s said she had met the most fantastic man on eharmony and was VERY skeptical, but I met him and he is very nice. They have been married 6 years now and baby 2 is on the way. Two of my husband's friends from work met women this way and both are now happily married from what we can tell. Lastly, my husbands 47yo cousin has met a man she is very serious about. They are flying back and forth from CA to NY every few weeks to spend time together. Maybe it does not work for everyone and there probably are some real losers there too, but I have seen firsthand that it can work. Just something to think about. Best wishes whatever route you take! 
I feel so sorry for the people whose children don't help sm
my stepfather was married to my mom for 5 years and visited with us one weekend a month after the divorce. He had given my sister and me his name when he married my mom and he paid child support for us and our brother (his son) until we were 18. Once I grew up I only talked to him on the phone a couple of times a year (he is not a big phone talker and I moved out of state). Yet two years ago when he needed help, I felt a responsibility to help him. It seems the least we can do. Some people don't seem to realize that some day they too will be old and may need help. Sad.
Can someone tell me with children when do most people usually wind up taking their
vacations. I am having a hard time right now getting a hotel and am thinking once the Summer vacations start dwindling it may help.
People who let their children wander in the store or mall-
one with no one around" and I dont mean that in a perverted way. Just scares me to death that these parents dont pay attention to these small children. I once sat on a bench at the mall and watched a mother walk 20 feet or so in front of a toddler, for about the distance of 3 or 4 store, not once looking back. I was disturbed by that a little. Granted, I live in what one would consider a small town, but there are creeps here too Im sure.
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
Married good friend of my deceased husband
I knew him for over 30 years and yet didn't know him. He is very quiet, reserved, shy and when husband died called after 12 days to invite me to the zoo- I had no idea he had ever seen me to tell the truth. Bottom line months later he told me had loved me since the first day he saw me and "just waited."
Good idea - I hate that children suffer (sm)
Because of their parents' behavior. If I just give them food at least I know the kids can eat!
my vet told me shitzu's and pugs are very good with children.
.
My heart goes out to you and your children - I wish I had some really good advice to give you; I
understand your situation. I remember as a child how my mom would exhibit similar behavior, especially when she did not get her "way". I will never forget how it made me feel, and to this day I personally despise those who use manipulative destructive behavior to get whatever they think they want from others. For the sake of your sanity and that of your children - please find the strength to get this man out of your life. Children are very perceptive, even when we are doing our level best to protect them from situations such as this. God has not forsaken you or your children and neither have the majority of us on this board. I don't want to come across as being sappy but even though I don't know you, I love you because you are my sister in the eyes of God, and I will be praying for you and your children. You are all your children have and you are much stronger than you realize. I wish you peace and prayer in this troubling time in your life.
For those people with school aged children when do vacations start to dwindle and you start getting
ready for school. I usually take a vacation when things slow down at the end of Summer and I am just wondering when in August most people start getting into school things and less vacations are taken.
people mimic good taste, but
I would have been really hacked off about that. I do not like my MIL at all! I would have blamed it on her haha. Ill share one of my many many horrible MIL stories....
When my daughter was little, it took forever for her to get hair. She had said over and over how I needed to get it trimmed. I told her we will but we make a deal out of their first haircuts, and we would do it. We lived 5 hours away. Anyway, my husband and I left our kids with her for the weekend, and when I came back, she had trimmed her hair. I was furious... of course my husband didnt notice and couldnt figure out why my face was 6 shades of red. He asked her about it, and she said "she is my granddaughter."
I have plenty more to share, but I have a job and kids to feed lol....
Glad he had good people for the end. I know he appreciated it.
Hugs
I have trouble seeing age in other people...which is good, until I see a photograph. sm
I still perceive most of my friends from high school looking like they did then when I see them now in person. When I look at a current photo of them, I often think "wow, he looks older!" Even people whom I've known ONLY as adults look younger in person than in photos, even if its a nice photo (not just the unflattering ones). I guess movement has a lot to do with it, whereas a photo captures the wrinkles and keeps them locked in, LOL.
that stands as good reasoning, huh? "because of other people, that's why
good grief
That was a very good post. I wish more people shared your opinion-
x
oh good lord! what next! people just LOVE and LIVE to -sm
gossip and start vicious rumors! At this point, who cares! The woman is deceased and her poor daughter has to face a lifetime of continuing vicious gossips and rumors. Gossip mongers need to find something better to do!!!
I am sorry for your grief.
I lose my Belgian when he was only 6 to sand colic, had to have him put to sleep. That was over 15 years ago and I still miss him.
I have 3 old horses that are rescues. I am sure they would go to slaughter. But they are still rideable and very good with children. I love them so much. They are like big puppies and follow me all around their pasture.
Keep saving one at a time!
I feel for your grief!
This really helped me find my bearings in watching my dad reject my mom for someone like the person you are describing. No it doesn't make sense... She had him totally bewitched. Mom had be so loving and faithful... It blows my mind how he could trade what he had for something so cheap.
It matters not if cherished friends
On whom I leaned in vain,
Have wounded me in word or deed,
And left me with great pain.
What matters is, can I forgive,
Again and yet again?
Its not have they been true, but Lord,
Have I been true to them?
Twill matter not when evening comes how rough the road I've trod,
If only I have walked with Him,
And led some soul to God.
For when I wake to be like Him
Who saved me by His grace,
Earth's pain will vanish when I catch
One glimpse of His dear face.
(author anonymous)
It shook my faith to watch my preacher dad do something so awful. But but the storms make the trees roots grow deeper. I can't say I like storms, but I'm thankful to find God faithful when nothing else seems secure. Look to HIM! He CARES!!! And above all, FORGIVE your dad. Unforgivness is like poison, as deadly to the soul as cancer to the body. It simply is not worth it to hold a grudge. God will deal with the rewards of the wicked, and I think we can feel compassion when we reallize what that means. How sad!
Maybe during this time of grief, s/m
John is not remembering things correctly. That would be quite understandable. If you explained everything to your aunt and she is on your side about what was said in the past, then so be it. I would let that drop right now.
Even with Joan dying, your mom does not need to be moved right away. I feel that John should pay the cost for moving her as well. You GAVE them the deeds to the plots, they should be grateful.
I would go to the viewing. But if he does start anything, do not argue, do not defend, walk away. No matter what you say will be wrong. He needs to get through his grief first. Being that you suffer from panic attacks, you should just limit your time there. My DH suffers from them as well, but sometimes there are things that we just have to do.
Best of luck to you.
Has anyone ever used online resoureces to help with grief? sm
I am having a lot of issues regarding the passing of my mom. It will be a year this fall and it still seems like it was just yesterday. She was not only my mom, but my best friend. I feel like it was a double whammy. She passed suddenly, so there was no preparing...not that you really can prepare. Anyway, I have had people tell me it is time to move on and I should snap out of it. I keep it together for my kids and try to make their days fun and enjoyable, but all I do is think about my mom and when alone I cry for her and the pain I feel. I would like to look for some type of help regarding greif and dealing with it. Has anyone ever used online help to deal with greif? Thanks.
Grief counseling before the fact SM
I am under a lot of stress with an elderly mother who has a grim prognosis. She is 90 years of age and has CHF with another recent hospitalization last week. She is home now, but her doctor called me the day of her discharge and gave me a complete detailed summary of her condition and prognosis. I have been more anxious since the discussion with him, although he is to be commended for his frankness and the sensitive way he handled the situation.
I know counseling is beneficial after we lose someone close to us, but I feel I need some help now just dealing with this now. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say I feel like I am carrying a bomb and not able to put it down. I know what will happen and still not able to prevent the inevitable. The nurse told me last week at the hospital that the normal BNP level is not to be above 50. My mother's BNP this last time was over 4600. The doctor told me the same value on the telephone and told me it almost blew his socks off, in his words exactly. They removed 5 1/2 liters of fluid this admission. She also has chronic renal failure. I am blessed to have her this long, but it makes it no easier to let go. I have such a heaviness in my heart. Thank you for listening.
Is there a grief support group in your town?
xx
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
I married the same man 3 times and still married to him.
Together for almost 29 years now. 
I should mention that I am 42, have 2 children and done with having children. nm
nm
You must a) not have children or b) your children are young
I don’t see them as being spoiled- I see lots of kids in the age group of one (30+) who are totally in the me scene, not just the 1 I have- she married and her husband same - a me type person. The other not spoiled but just got nasty when he did not get the money left to me and he thought he should. Just to think, this was my chosen 1 if I had to choose. Oh well, live and let live is the way I see things now.
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