Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM

• Need advice - urgent!!! - NC MT
  • Seems weird he would go to craigslist - dubious
  • Find out what state he is in as he - Be leery
    • Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM - Ditto
    • Thanks - good advice - sm - NC MT
      • agree - me
      • an idea that may help.... - PA MT

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

In addition, get out of the situation now, and don't even consider going back until he has been sober at least a year. He won't change until he is ready to. There is nothing - absolutely NOTHING - that you can do about that, except say, "Honey, I love you, but I can't live with you while you're drinking. When you get clean and sober, we'll talk."

Don't worry about what your coworkers think of you, or even what friends and family think.  This is YOUR life, and you have to deal with it as you see fit. They are not walking in your shoes. They don't know what you are going through.  By staying an "enabling" your husband to continue in his present behavior, you are doint the wrong thing for you and for him. By leaving, you will at least get yourself out of the situation, and hopefully once your husband figures out you're really not coming back, it will be enough of a shock for him to rethink what he is doing with his life.

But regardless - GET OUT, as soon as possible. Yes, you will be lonely. Yes, you will be sad. But it is the RIGHT thing to do.

Hang in there and best of luck to you.

Why is it some people think their dogs are just oddly shaped humans?

We had a lab cross puppy from about 7 weeks to about 4 months.  My daughter just brought her home one day and we knew we weren't going to keep her because we are moving in a few months.  We did take the time to crate train her, potty train her, etc., etc.  With a lot of patience a ton of praise, yet a firm voice and boundaries, she turned out to be great pup.  She was pretty hyper, but listened well and was very eager to please and she needed constant supervision.  We  thought we finally found the perfect family for her.  The first thing the new family told me, as they were leaving with her, was they thought it was cruel to crate the dog at night and told me they chose not to.  Big red flag! :)

Three days after the family took her they called me and wanted me to take her back.  I was accused of misleading them because the dog was not listening to them and was tearing their house apart and having accidents everywhere.  They let her have free run of the house and then locked her in a small room while they went to work all day with nobody to check on her.  I mean, what did they expect?  I told them specifically what she was used to right down to what time she went to bed in her crate at night and what time I let her out in the morning and they went completely against everything I told them and couldn't understand why she was such a bad dog.  And they only gave it THREE days! 

Hi XXX:  Read all your posts with Mom with girls.  Basically I agree with most everything you say.  I too took my daughter to Family Planning Clinic, where she was given BC pills.  I told her the facts of life and warned her about consequences of getting pregnant or some diseases too.  I left the decision up to her and the responsibility of taking the pills.  She was 18 at that time and already graduated from high school, so legally an adult.  She did become pregnant at 18 and went through pregnancy and gave birth, but not married.  The father came along and helped with money to raise his child.  They did have a stormy time of it, but now they are 31 and 30 with 3 more children.  She was lucky because her husband is very responsible now, building contractor and very good father.  he absolutely loves his children, so my daughter was very lucky.  Of course we know that not all girls have a happy ending to their story. 

All you can do as a mother is to support your children, give them guidance and proper moral standards that hopefully they will live by.  I have really tried very hard to not be judgmental or to criticize when the problems came.  I think that is probably the worse thing to do to your kids.  After all we all make mistakes.  Of course it is easier to give advice than the actual practicing of this advice.  Whatever happens to your kids, try to stand by them and love them. 

I was there - for 12 years - and my sanity was going - married to a passive-aggressive (oh and there are female passive-aggressives out there too *hint hint - his MIL*).....and I couldn't take it - when my child was 7.....and by 9, I cared more at that moment about what I was feeling (brink of possible loss of sanity/stability in myself) - and I chose to save myself - I, once again in life, became my own hero (I did the same at 17-18 when I chose to leave a shaky home)....I knew that I'd be an even BETTER mom if I didn't have him draining on me - and so it became!!  My offspring is nearly 27 and turned out great (no thanks to the DH and my D there isn't for DEAR but lots of other D's).....

Save yourself or your children will NOT be getting your absolute BEST.....

best of luck to you sincerely!!!

Signed:  Better to raise kids in a happy divorced family/house than a miserably married one......

7. Call the 3  national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert  on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.  I  had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me  an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert  means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen,  and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.   
By the time I  was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had  been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the  thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the  alert.  Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves  threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in).  It seems to  have stopped them dead in their tracks.


Now, here are  the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, etc., has been  stolen:
 
1.) Equifax:  1-800-525-6285

2.) Experian  (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742

3.) Trans   Union : 1-800-680-7289

4.) Social  Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

We pass along  jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.  

If you are  willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone.

will jeopardize her other benefits.  You should have an attorney who is well versed in this type of thing to go over all the ins and outs of the situation. 

I understand your disappoinment...I'm sorry you had to catch him in a lie...that's the worst.

Stick to your initial plan and don't give in....He's gotta regain/earn your trust back at this point before you let him have the car.  The end of the semester may seem like an eternity, but it's only about 8 or 9 weeks and then he'll be home for Christmas break.  He'll live and perhaps thank you some day.   

It appears the girlfriend's parents and you are on the same page.  That's a big plus.

Did you ever get that cell phone back?   Cat

I've been the trustee of my older sister now since 2001 when our mother died.  She is mentally retarded because she fried her brain on LSD and mescalin when she was a teenager, also is bipolar and on SSDI.  

She just called me to say she is on the edge of losing all of her benefits, including her state-funded housing, because her love toy went and blabbed to the housing authority that she was getting this "extra" money and it's a huge amount.  Well, it's not a huge amount by any means, not even $40,000 to last her lifetime.  I'm sure she and her benefits are protected via the whole category of "Special Needs Trust" but to say my blood pressure is up is an understatement of the decade. 

I just want to drive 8 hours to smack the sh*t out of her and her G-spot Johnny (did I mention she's also hypersexual?!) boy toy.  Now, I'm not a violent person, but the attorney told me that the government could also come after me if they feel there has been any sort of fraud here.  I'm not the one that did drugs, yet for some reason this responsibility was tossed in my lap.  Hmmm...could be that whole atheist thing and this is mom's retribution. 

So, anyone know anything about Special Needs Trusts I should be particularly concerned about?

Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

=============================

NEW DELHI, India (CNN) -- "I was a walking time bomb. I knew I had to get on that plane if I wanted to be around to see my grandkids."

Sandra Giustina is a 61-year-old uninsured American. For three years she saved her money in hopes of affording heart surgery to correct her atrial fibrillation. "They [U.S. hospitals] told me it would be about $175,000, and there was just no way could I come up with that," Giustina said.

So, with a little digging online, she found several high quality hospitals vying for her business, at a fraction of the U.S. cost. Within a month, she was on a plane from her home in Las Vegas, Nevada, to New Delhi, India. Surgeons at Max Hospital fixed her heart for "under $10,000 total, including travel."

Giustina is just one of millions around the world journeying outside their native land for medical treatment, a phenomenon known as "medical tourism." Experts say the trend in global health care has just begun. Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

Companies such as Los Angeles-based Planet Hospital are creating a niche in the service industry as medical travel planners. One guidebook says that more than 200 have sprung up in the last few years. "We find the best possible surgeons and deliver their service to patients safely, affordably and immediately," said Rudy Rupak, president of Planet Hospital. "No one should have to choose between an operation to save their life or going bankrupt."

Planet Hospital, which works with international clients as well as Americans, books patients' travel and arranges phone interviews with potential surgeons. Patients are greeted by a company representative at the airport in the country where they've chosen to be treated; a 24-hour personal "patient concierge" is also provided, a level of service that's standard among many of the top medical travel planning companies.  Watch Dr. Sanjay Gupta meet some medical tourists »

"Our patient concierge was amazing," said Giustina. "He came to the hospital every day, gave us his personal [telephone] number and after my operation, he arranged private tours of India." Just two days post-op, Giustina and her husband, Dino, toured local markets and landmarks including the Presidential Palace and the Taj Mahal.

"I was able to fix my heart and tour India, which is something I thought I'd never do."

Walk through a patient wing at Max Hospital in New Delhi on any given day and you're likely to see people from around the world. In one visit, CNN met patients from the United Kingdom, Nigeria, Jordan, Afghanistan and the United States. They're alike in choosing surgery abroad, but their reasons differ.

Many South Asians and Africans said they travel abroad because they do not have access to care in their homeland.

Some Canadians and Europeans said they chose to travel aboard, despite having national health plans, because they are tired of waiting -- sometimes years -- for treatment.

Patients from the Middle East said they come to India because the technology as well as the staff is more advanced.

For most Americans CNN spoke to, it came down to finding the best value. "If I could have afforded my procedure in the United States, I would have taken it, but that was not my option," Giustina said. "I had to get online and look for a Plan B." Read about hot destinations for medical tourism

The private hospitals in India market themselves as having upscale accommodations, Western-trained surgeons and state-of-the-art medical equipment.

CNN spent time at Max Healthcare in New Delhi and saw operating rooms similar to those in many U.S. hospitals. If fact, Max's neurosurgery room had an inter-operative MRI scanner, which is technology hardly seen at hospitals in the United States.

The lobby had marble floors, a book café, coffee station and a Subway sandwich shop. The patient suites were equipped with flat screen TVs, DVD players and Wi-Fi. This hospital also catered to families traveling together. The suites had adjoining rooms with a kitchenette, coffee maker and a sofa bed.

Max neurosurgeon Dr. Ajaya Jha said the hospital can provide high-quality care at low prices because the staff work hard to cut waste.  Watch Dr. Gupta visit an Indian spice market »

"I've seen hospitals in the U.S. where they open up something costing $10,000 and say, 'Oh it's not working. OK, give me another one.' We would never do that here. Even for 100 rupees (about $2) -- we would say, "Do we need to open this suture? Do we need to open this gauze?' We are very conscious of cost."

Hospital officials negotiate hard to keep costs low for high-tech medical machinery and other supplies, Jha said. "In the U.S. people are making careers out of carrying laptops and documenting things that are not really useful in the long term for the patient."

The salary of a U.S. surgeon is five times that of a surgeon in India. "We [surgeons in India] want to make a profit, but we don't want to profiteer. We don't want squeeze people and I think American industries should also think that way," Jha said.

Critics of medical tourism warn patients to be diligent when researching treatment aboard. "I've found that industry voices tend to crowd out those of us who are more cautious about the legal risks," said Nathan Cortez, assistant law professor at Southern Methodist University, who is conducting a case study investigating what legal recourse patients have outside America.

Patients don't think about their legal vulnerabilities, Cortez said. "Some countries limit patient access to medical records so they can't really learn what happened during the surgery. And a lot of practitioners in other countries just refuse to give you your medical records. So people have to weigh the risk versus benefits."

While most tourism patients from America are uninsured, major U.S. insurance companies are considering providing "medical tourism" coverage to their customers. Several have already launched pilot programs.

"I think what's really important about medical tourism is that you make the choice for what's right for you and what's important to them," said a spokesman for U.S. health insurer WellPoint Inc.

Experts say that every patient considering traveling abroad for surgery should inquire about postoperative care, legal rights and the safety standards and certifications of the hospital. Foreign health care providers should be willing to discuss the procedure and answer question ahead of time.

"What really helped me feel good about the process was that my doctor in the U.S. spoke to the cardiologist in India prior to my trip," said Giustina. "They were so open about everything; I knew I'd be in good hands."

Just weeks from returning from abroad, Giustina says she has only one regret, "I shouldn't have waited so long! I feel like a new person again, no more pain."