Good advice. As my sister says sm
Posted By: omt on 2008-06-19
In Reply to: Eeek - Quitefrankly
Why is it some people think their dogs are just oddly shaped humans?
We had a lab cross puppy from about 7 weeks to about 4 months. My daughter just brought her home one day and we knew we weren't going to keep her because we are moving in a few months. We did take the time to crate train her, potty train her, etc., etc. With a lot of patience a ton of praise, yet a firm voice and boundaries, she turned out to be great pup. She was pretty hyper, but listened well and was very eager to please and she needed constant supervision. We thought we finally found the perfect family for her. The first thing the new family told me, as they were leaving with her, was they thought it was cruel to crate the dog at night and told me they chose not to. Big red flag! :)
Three days after the family took her they called me and wanted me to take her back. I was accused of misleading them because the dog was not listening to them and was tearing their house apart and having accidents everywhere. They let her have free run of the house and then locked her in a small room while they went to work all day with nobody to check on her. I mean, what did they expect? I told them specifically what she was used to right down to what time she went to bed in her crate at night and what time I let her out in the morning and they went completely against everything I told them and couldn't understand why she was such a bad dog. And they only gave it THREE days! 
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I have a sister who NEEDS my advice all the time.
I have a mother-in-law, well, all my in-laws, really, who think I just sit here and eat bon-bons. My MIL wants me to take her to doc appts ALL THE TIME!!! I had to be stern with them, but my sister keeps pushing the boundaries. If I don't answer her, she keeps calling. I don't know how to handle that one. She just doesn't listen.
Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
Very good advice
In addition, get out of the situation now, and don't even consider going back until he has been sober at least a year. He won't change until he is ready to. There is nothing - absolutely NOTHING - that you can do about that, except say, "Honey, I love you, but I can't live with you while you're drinking. When you get clean and sober, we'll talk."
Don't worry about what your coworkers think of you, or even what friends and family think. This is YOUR life, and you have to deal with it as you see fit. They are not walking in your shoes. They don't know what you are going through. By staying an "enabling" your husband to continue in his present behavior, you are doint the wrong thing for you and for him. By leaving, you will at least get yourself out of the situation, and hopefully once your husband figures out you're really not coming back, it will be enough of a shock for him to rethink what he is doing with his life.
But regardless - GET OUT, as soon as possible. Yes, you will be lonely. Yes, you will be sad. But it is the RIGHT thing to do.
Hang in there and best of luck to you.
Good advice
Yours is the best advice I have seen so far. If it is not critical (and hopefully she knows if it is or isn't) maybe she can just save a little money in case it gets critical and she needs to move her teepee to a new village. I think what I read about the church guy is scary (he sounds like a creep) and her husband even scarier. Blocking the door is a form of control, but is subtle in comparison to some forms of control. Having known women who have been severely injured and worse because they kept going back or remaining in a marriage that endangered their wellbeing, I think she needs to seriously address this problem for her sake and the sake of her children and she needs professional help and assistance in doing this. They can help her assess her individual situation and any lethal behavior issues. I wish her good luck and I hope she takes your advice first, just in case, while she pursues her options.
That is good advice, but may I also add...
There is a government-sponsored (I think) credit counseling system that will help you for free. I am not sure what it is called, but I am sure you could Google it. It is legit. I had a family friend who was way behind and used a company that he paid. As the other poster said, they just paid all his bills as a lump sum and they kept paying them late as a lump sum or not paying them at all. So, I suggest the free one...worth a try anyway.
Good luck!
Good advice! nm
xx
Thanks - good advice - sm
I am being very careful - he knows nothing about me - not even my real name is on my email address. I will not allow him to contact me by phone or any way other than through this anonymous email address. I had not thought about the fact that he might be lying!! I had thought about him being mentally ill or at least not in a normal state of mind presently. But I will not under any circumstances give him any info about myself. thanks for the reminder
Good advice! sm
Thanks! 
Thank you so much for the good advice.
Something we have not discussed is the committment one takes on with a pet. I know she feels like I do, that pets are "kids" and treated as a true family member. I think that might be the key that will fit in this scenario. She brings up these discussions as "news" of his condition arises, not me pushing it on her.
She did have to make this decision with a childhood pet and it was not a difficult decision for my mom, but that was before her other losses. I feel that this is more about her feelings than the dog. Thank you for recognizing that this is not about me wanting to push her into a decision but it is about wanting to help her through what I know is a difficult decision and the loss after but something that is inevitably coming. I have offered to come and do it for her or with her and my sister has done the same.
Thank you for the advice anon. Hopefully after the holidays pass I will have another opportunity to discuss this with her and approach it in this manner.
Very good advice -
When I picked her up from school today, she made it a point to tell her father and me how grateful she is that we have always worked at home so she's felt safe. She also said she spent first period crying this morning because her friend's father had cried in front of her friend for the first time in her life. It's such a tough time.
That is good advice, but we tried
that last year. I mentioned below about my son with Asperger's being bullied at school. We asked for my husband and me to be able to take turns going to school with him until he could work his way out of the EBD class he had been inappropriately placed in (this was part of the bullying of us by the school that I mentioned). The Assistant Principal of Special Education would not allow us to do that. She said it would be too much of a distraction to the other students. I think that, at least in part, they are trying to keep a parent from babying their children too much, which may be appropriate in some situations, but in ours, where my son was being bullied in a classroom of emotionally and behaviorally disordered children and the teachers were doing nothing, I think we should have been allowed to attend with him and I think her excuse was just that, an excuse. These children, to our understanding, would be in general education classes but for some outside influence (divorce, poor family situation, death of someone close to them, etc.) that has caused them to begin "acting out" and behaving badly. They saw my son's reactions to their taunting, and it made it all the more fun to taunt him. The way the class was structured, it would have taken 25 consecutive positive school days to get out of the class, and we were willing to use all of my husband's paid time off and I would have worked at night or whatever it took, but they just would not allow us to go to school with them. We really were at their mercy, and they had none.
thanks for all the good advice...
I didn't know that about financing the land. Guess I figured I could get a 30 year mortgage. It is getting very hard to even get a loan now for a house plus I too have a house that will be hard to sell. Unemployment in our little town is about 18 percent and getting worse daily it seems. Good advice too about the high speed internet. I see a lot of satellite dishes on the homes already built in the area.
Thank you for all of the good advice...
It means a lot. I will pass all of the information on to her. I feel a little helpless as I live over 7 hours away from her. I felt horrible when my Mom called and told me my sister's fiance might not make it. He is only 29. They are way too young to have to go through this. I am hoping his family will be supportive. Part of the reason I had no problem moving away is our parents were never very supportive. Although they weren't alcoholics, my sister has always ended up getting involved with someone who was.
My sister and I have different fathers and were both raised by our Mom and her Dad (my stepdad). My Dad, who was an alcoholic, only contacted me when he was clean for quite a while. He said it was his close brush with death that made him turn things around and want to get to know me. I was 21 at the time he contacted me, and I was 26 when he passed. I was really happy and proud that he was able to turn his life around. While he always worked, he was eventually able to buy a nice house, but sadly he only was able to enjoy everything for a short time. Everyday I wish he could be here because after I got to know him, he was always there for me. It might sound mean to the parents who raised me, but my Dad actually helped me more and was more supportive than my parents ever were.
Well, time to go back to work. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your advice. I'll let you know how everything goes. I guess he had a liver biopsy today. I don't really know her fiance very well as she became involved with him after I moved away, but something that has crossed my mind is I am afraid of how he might be when she won't run to the store for him anymore to get his gin or whatever else. I told her if that happens to make sure she leaves. I have never dated an alcoholic, but I have always ended up in abusive relationships, and I'm afraid that hers might turn this way, also.
Good advice - second opinion
Getting a non-military second opinion is a good piece of advice. Ask the docs or nurses at your infirmary or base hospital who they would go to or send their spouse to and make the appointment and go to them. She could have a-fib as well and feel like a dish rag. Godalmighty, everyone wants to cut!!
Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM
xx
Very good advice, "tired". sm
I don't think I could be that good a person. I'd get rid of all of them and let that be that. :D
Good advice for your daughters.
Hi XXX: Read all your posts with Mom with girls. Basically I agree with most everything you say. I too took my daughter to Family Planning Clinic, where she was given BC pills. I told her the facts of life and warned her about consequences of getting pregnant or some diseases too. I left the decision up to her and the responsibility of taking the pills. She was 18 at that time and already graduated from high school, so legally an adult. She did become pregnant at 18 and went through pregnancy and gave birth, but not married. The father came along and helped with money to raise his child. They did have a stormy time of it, but now they are 31 and 30 with 3 more children. She was lucky because her husband is very responsible now, building contractor and very good father. he absolutely loves his children, so my daughter was very lucky. Of course we know that not all girls have a happy ending to their story.
All you can do as a mother is to support your children, give them guidance and proper moral standards that hopefully they will live by. I have really tried very hard to not be judgmental or to criticize when the problems came. I think that is probably the worse thing to do to your kids. After all we all make mistakes. Of course it is easier to give advice than the actual practicing of this advice. Whatever happens to your kids, try to stand by them and love them.
yes, this is good advice: It is cheaper to go to the
supermarket and buy the cheap stuff on sale, then plan what to cook and buy the additiional necessities.
more advice - you'll be no good to those kids if
I was there - for 12 years - and my sanity was going - married to a passive-aggressive (oh and there are female passive-aggressives out there too *hint hint - his MIL*).....and I couldn't take it - when my child was 7.....and by 9, I cared more at that moment about what I was feeling (brink of possible loss of sanity/stability in myself) - and I chose to save myself - I, once again in life, became my own hero (I did the same at 17-18 when I chose to leave a shaky home)....I knew that I'd be an even BETTER mom if I didn't have him draining on me - and so it became!! My offspring is nearly 27 and turned out great (no thanks to the DH and my D there isn't for DEAR but lots of other D's).....
Save yourself or your children will NOT be getting your absolute BEST.....
best of luck to you sincerely!!!
Signed: Better to raise kids in a happy divorced family/house than a miserably married one......
Some good advice, but mine is much simpler....
Stay away from the ones that have children!!! ; )
You ladies all know so much and give such good advice, that I will ask here. sm
My daughter's room has been painted and now the expensive custom made draperies that were in the room no longer "match" the room color. I wonder if there is a place I can take them to have then "painted" or dyed to match. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Very good advice. I stayed for the sake SM
of my daughter, until she finished high school. I don't regret it and I'm very happy now, but I'm older. Women today tend to end things and I honestly don't think that is especially bad.
Good advice, Southern Belle. nm
xx
Good Advice (new to board, so hope this is the right place)
Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday.
A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company. Maybe we should all take some of his advice!
1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put "PHOTO ID REQUIRED".
2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "For" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.
3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks (DUH!). You can add it if it is necessary but, if you have it printed, anyone can get it.
4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc..
Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more. But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know.
5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll-free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.
6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc. were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important of all (I never even thought to do this.).
7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.
By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.
Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, etc., has been stolen:
1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680-7289
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.
If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone.
My heart goes out to you and your children - I wish I had some really good advice to give you; I
understand your situation. I remember as a child how my mom would exhibit similar behavior, especially when she did not get her "way". I will never forget how it made me feel, and to this day I personally despise those who use manipulative destructive behavior to get whatever they think they want from others. For the sake of your sanity and that of your children - please find the strength to get this man out of your life. Children are very perceptive, even when we are doing our level best to protect them from situations such as this. God has not forsaken you or your children and neither have the majority of us on this board. I don't want to come across as being sappy but even though I don't know you, I love you because you are my sister in the eyes of God, and I will be praying for you and your children. You are all your children have and you are much stronger than you realize. I wish you peace and prayer in this troubling time in your life.
Good advice. In this economy, lay low. Sounds like a PT job may be in order to increase income. (
dd
Okay, my sister and I are doing Thanksgiving this year and since my sister can't cook, that means
I'm doing the cooking. My sister gets equal billing cause we're doing it at her house. :) Soooo, I'm looking for some vegetable ideas. I am about sick of green bean casserole! Does anyone have any really tasty recipes for vegetables side? Any kind of vegetables. I'm looking for something different and fabulous.
I had a corn casserole at one potluck I went to, but never got the recipe. Anybody got a good corn recipe?
Thanks Ladies!
Good advice was given here. Suggest vet check-up for kitty needs vet check. sm
I've had 2 females over the years who developed stones/crystals in urine or UTIs. Both of them started spraying inappropriately. Never had a female spray inappropriately other than in these instances. They go into spasm and can't help themselves. If it is a urinary problem, eventually you may see slight pink-tinged spray if it gets that far untreated due to the irritation from constantly trying to pee. One more thought is if the kitty is not sick, maybe the other cat won't let her use the litter box for some reason. Maybe set up another box for her.
My sister did
My sister changed her OB in the last 2 weeks, but it was because she moved. She had an appointment to see an OB in her new town, went in and took her records, did some paperwork. Then, she went into labor the day before her appointment was scheduled. So, she met her new doctor in labor and delivery.
But, it was her 4th baby and the first 2 were born in military hospitals, so she was up for anything.
How are you supposed to contact your OB if you go into labor if they don't have an answering service? This is very strange.
My sister-in-law comes
About every 3 weeks and does a good cleaning. 2 bathrooms, 1 bedroom, kitchen and living room. I pay her $40/visit. Hubby's bathroom can get quite bad, so she gets a $5 or $10 tip if it's worse than reasonable. Then I just run a vacuum and keep the dishwasher and laundry caught up between.
I hate housecleaning and she needs the money, so it works out for us.
My sister is one
Had to break any ties with her 8 years ago. She recently contacted me and still does not understand while I will not speak to her. She is upset that she has missed my children growing up. But they are the reason I finally broke ties with her. She was bringing too much trouble and grief to my family and saying inappropriate things about our mother to them. She is 53 and still is fixated on all the wrongs done to her when she was 5. I finally said enough is enough. Have never been happier.
My sister and I both used it
I had good results initially, but then not so much. I didn't feel it was worth the money. My sister had fantastic results and it even faded a lot of her scarring on her chin and jawline.
My sister says it does (sm)
She lost about 40 pounds recently and says Hoodia helped her a lot. In fact her doctor told her to continue taking it. She has diabetes and is very overweight. I am trying to lose too! I have used hoodia before but didn't think it helped much. I just started taking Cordyceps mushroom capsules and am going to try Curvelle as soon as I can find it available somewhere. Good luck to you!
My sister . . .
made her hungry all the time, bloated and gained 10 pounds. Other than that she feels way better.
me ex-sister-in-law
totally different situation -but sounds the same in that maybe the child's mother is in denial????
I'm with ya sister....
unless you want predispose your child to becoming a ne'er do well, not to mention looking like a girl. Might as well get the mullet for the complete look!
My sister
has PMDD, and she takes Prozac with great success. I believe I just have PMS, but Prozac is not a good drug for me because of the side effect of apathy I get. If you take it and find yourself wading through dirty laundry, you'll know what I mean, LOL. I'm dealing with perimenopause, so I tried a soy-based estrogen-like product. It helped some, but then I changed to one that contained black cohosh. Wow, did I feel great. No PMS at all. Unfortunately, I lost my appetite and have stomach discomfort and dropped a significant amount of weight while taking it.
This site promotes it:
http://www.connecticutcenterforhealth.com/black-cohosh.html
However, I also read a site that said it could cause GI trouble and even a liver condition, so I quit the black cohosh a week or two ago. My appetite and weight are still not improving much. I'm 5ƌ and my weight is fluctuating between 118 and 120 now. I can do physical activity fine, but yet I'm having a feeling of low energy in my chest area and the stomach discomfort continues. I just had a bunch of lab work, which was all normal. Really weird.
Yes, my sister does it, and
it's quite fascinating (and addicting, apparently). She has traveled from AZ to VT and also WI to check headstones. If you go to her Facebook page, she actually has photos of family trees or something - I haven't clicked on them yet. I just saw them today.
My sister does.
I figure I have to go to the grocery store for fresh veg and fruts once a week or so anyway so I just buy what I need. My sister likes to buy in bulk and picks up extra when at a warehouse store and keeps it in the freezer. She says the milk is just fine after. I'm sure we have drank it too and had no idea. She goes through about 5 gallons a week with her family.
PS - about my sister sm
Diagnosed at Thanksgiving, chemo for Christmas, dead by Easter. No symptoms. Don't let it happen to you. I care about you. Give yourself the best holiday gift ever (not to mention the people you would leave behind who love you).
don't you think you sister would want you to
x
Your Sister Would Want You To Have Them
I think she would be pleased that her husband gave them to you. What an incredible act of love. :-)
P.S. My condolences on the loss of your beloved sister. Mine passed away 2 years ago and I still miss her very much.
Right on sister
Well said
My sister....sm
is one of my best friends. Not to say we didn't have to work to get here, because we did, but it was worth it.
Actually it was me and my sister
who joked about writing the whole note (about what an awesome gift) and neither of us minded at all. We just like to try to get laughs.
Of course, I don't know what was going on in everyone's head, but I would think the only people who might have an issue with such a thing is if they didn't know the person (whom the shower was for) very well or something.
My opinion is that it is a silly thing to get hung up on, and I certainly didn't mind it at all!
my sister does hair
and one of her clients bought her a jogging suit that says "i run with scissors!" she thought that was too fun! of course, depends on the personality.
I would never sue my family. We are out the $$ and out my sister.
Maybe I could've forgiven her for putting her hands on me, but now she is 100% lying and saying that didn't happen. This I don't think I can forgive.
I'm done with this and am going to move on. Unfortunately, my family dimensions are different now and that is sad.
Best wishes for your sister's
speedy recovery. Not a nice diagnosis especially at this time of year, but hopefully prayer is the answer. I don't know you, but will think positive for you. I think it is great that you have come here for support, and I think you'll find that the people here will be very supportive. God bless!
I do have a half-sister out there somewhere?
My father was married before he married my Mom, but his ex-wife ran off with his daughter. We have never met her, and he never looked for her!
AMEN SISTER!!!!
You would think that she cured AIDS by the way people are talking about her. I'm tired of it already. If she was not a celebrity, nobody would give a crap. I never wished bad upon her, but in my estimation, this is no great loss to humanity. I think we will all survive.
My sister and a friend of hers both did it.
After having 2 kids in her 20s, she had her 3rd at around 40. Then she got pregnant again, and miscarried. The miscarriage rate is higher than for younger women. Also, my sister wasn't exercising a lot, and has very loose ligaments anyway, and it was much more uncomfortable to carry a baby. Didn't help that it was a big baby, of course. But that child is 7 now, and she has a great life, just a tad spoiled by her parents who now have more money, and her now-retired grandparents, LOL.
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