Gifts given from love. Not for your pleasure of seeing
Posted By: gift used or thanks you think you deserve. nm on 2008-01-21
In Reply to: How do you deal with people who always return gifts or sm - Anon me
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My Pleasure - Hope it works for you. Love that kneading feeling! - nm
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I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles.
We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time!
I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that.
But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother.
Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.
pleasure
To me, pleasure is fleeting...
Happiness is lasting...
I have had the pleasure...
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home.
First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand.
If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night.
If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents.
If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can.
What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into.
If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out.
All my best to you and your mother.
pleasure versus happiness
Pleasure pertains to the senses. For instance, it is pleasurable to eat something you like. Happiness is a state of being which may or may not involve the senses, as in desires fulfilled. For example, it was a pleasure to eat the chocolate cake. I'd be happy if I could have the pleasure of doing it every day.
Happiness is a heart thing; pleasure is a head thing.nm
I LOVE love love shallots! I use them in everything that calls for an onion and/or garlic. Mmmmmm. n
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American Idol - Love, love, love Adam!!!
I think he'll make it til the end! At least I hope so!
16 yo gifts
some ideas: A set of weights and a jumprope for working out,a gift card for tunes for his ipod, the complete set of all Rocky movies. My 15 yo is an athlete too and works out constantly. He loves our weight set more than anything.
I appreciate all my gifts. sm
I wear what I don't like. I set out for all to see what I don't like as well. I use everything whether I like it or not. I never put anything in the closet that I get. I never take anything back. I only exchange what doesn't fit for what does. I believe that if someone is nice enough to take the time to get me something, then I should take the time to wear/display it. JMHO.
If it says no gifts
then I don't take a gift. If you want to give her something privately at another time, you could probably do that.
no gifts
Will this be a high-end catered party or could you help the hostess with all the running around to different stores picking up ingredients, cake, decorations or prepping in the kitchen? I would honor the no gifts request. Cat
No gifts
How about a donation to her favorite charity in her name? You wouldn't be giving a gift per se publicly but she would probably appreciate the gesture.
re: no gifts
AWWWW get a gag gift then! Thats what we've done for friends of ours. A friend of ours was turning a bit gray when he was turning 40 and so we all showed up with white hair spray paint in our hair to tease him. He laughed and said we were all cruel! LOL funny thing is now mine is gray!!! lololol
gifts..sm
How many in your office? Are you the PR person in the ofc with the budget from petty cash and going out to buy all the gifts? If that is the case, I would suggest getting everyone Kooshballs in different colors. Who can't resist a new toy on their desk? Just don't peg anyone in the eye when you have your Kooshball fight! Cat
Gifts...
Package of mini-Sharpies, they come in different colors; gel pens; Post-It note cubes, there are some cute snowmen, Santa ones; gift card from video store; ornaments.
No more gifts!
Sick of all of it, going to spend my money where it's needed, no more "stuff". Plenty of others out there who really need it. Been there!
gifts
There are complicated metal puzzles that are not expensive, but are very entertaining for adults and teens. I have also found extravagant adult coloring books. I think that times are changing and in the future there will be less emphasis on gifts, but for now strange and unexpected can be just as good as expensive.
http://www.mindwareonline.com/MWESTORE/Home/HomePage.aspx?&SG=PMDG1
Did everyone like their Christmas gifts or are there any you don't like? sm
I like all of mine except for the one my stepdaughter insisted that she get for me. It's an Italian charm bracelet and while it has a bunch of cute charms on it, it's not really my style of thing to wear. She ended up spending almost $4 00 on this thing because a lot of the charms were custom made or special order items, all bought on eBay, so I'm stuck with this piece of jewelry. My husband tried telling her that I wouldn't care for this type of thing but she thought I'd really like it and talked him into not receiving a gift from her so she could get this for me. Maybe it'll grow on me over time.
The other gifts, including those of jewelry from my husband, are things I like and will enjoy using around the house or having.
What I did - Christmas gifts
The year after I got a vacuum cleaner for Christmas -- I picked up several things that I wanted -- clothes, jewelry, perfume and wrapped them and put them to him and when he unwrapped them I told him his present was to see me in these things, or smell the perfume, etc. I also got him a few things for the house, ie. towels and low and behold that was the last time that I did not receive something personal for Christmas. They really do not understand and unless we communicate to them and accept the treatment it will continue.
Yes, you need 2 separate gifts - sm
I have not been to one of these in so long I do not remember. I generally went with something more personal with a bridal shower gift but we are talking about best friends, and then something for the 2 of them with a wedding gift. You can always give money for both though. Surprised though they are doing a shower, they should have everything they both need by this time in their life. Maybe some nice kitchen towels or knives or something of that nature if you do not want to go personal; for the wedding gift maybe a gift certificate to a local restuarant (something useful you know they will use). If you do not attend though, you do not have to send a gift though a card would be the nice thing to do.
When it says no gifts, I always take a card. nm
!
No budget, but don't really buy gifts.
Hubby and I only give gifts to people we live with. Which means, we give gifts only to our children. But even for the kids, we don't focus on the gifts. They each get about three gifts and a stocking. Everyone is nearly grown now, ages 17, 18 and 20. DH and I haven't exchanged Christmas gifts in over 20 years. We simply go out and spend time together during the season. We'll have a really nice dinner somewhere, or go to a show, something like that.
I've tried very hard to stay away from the materialism at Christmas. It's just not what it's about.
Iraq gifts sm
Again, cannot emphasize enough the importance of these guys and gals giving their lives so we can live free. Just imagine some terrorist knocking at your door! Gosh, these guys are OUR guys who are offering their lives for us, and will not ask for a thing. The operative word here is NOTHING, is which they ask for. Let's send them lots of SOMETHING! My opeative word is FIRST which is them. Let's get some dialogue going. No negative postings please! Let's just emphasize our GUYS AND GALS who will not be home for CHRISTmas!!!!!!!! I'm ready to give, are you?? Only legit please, we have a brain!
Guy/Girl gifts
We have this every year with one side of family. Last year I bought the girl gift that everyone was wanting!! JCPenney was having a sale of the hair care products and I bought Biolage brand of shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, etc.... it was buy 2 get 1 free. So they got 6 things for less than $40. Guys we have done golf course passes, movie tickets, sports stuff and restaurant gift cards.
Opening gifts
I don't have kids, but when the nieces and nephews on one side open gifts, it is this chaotic scramble, everybody opening at once. That's not how we did it when I was a kid, or on my side of the family today, and I really feel it cheapens it. I don't get to see these kids often, and it would be so enjoyable to have each one open a gift with the rest of us looking on, to see the reaction, talk about the gift, hear the thank-you at the time the gift is received so they comprehend who gave them what. Otherwise, what's the point? Might as well just bring in a dump truck and dump a bunch of stuff on them. I want interaction, not noise.
Is that so wrong?
Silly gifts....
My hubby tries! He got me 2 pair of socks and a pair of slippers! He did not read the package the socks came in....They were for foot odor! Haha I won't let him live this one down for a while! He made up for that with an iPod docking station though! As far as food, I am sooooo stuffed I cannot eat another thing. I am still playing with my kids' toys. The toys out now are so much better than the ones we had growing up!
funny gifts are the best
We used to do an adult exchange gift for no more than $5 and we had more fun with that than anything else, it was amazing what we could come up with for 5 dollars. Some cheapskate refused to participate because they thought it was a waste of money, so we stopped. I still have most of the gifts and won't regift or throw them out, they make me laugh when I need one. One of my faves is the 20 foot yacht, a small plastic boat with 20 little plastic shoes.The last one I got was an ornament of the leg-shaped lamp from Christmas Story.
Already got my husband's gifts
I got him a nice new pair of shoes since he is on his feet all day at work as a nurse (some new Nike Shox), as well as a couple of Wii games that he has been wanting. We will also probably go out to dinner since he is off for Valentine's day.
Appreciation for gifts
Do you have your children (let's say over the age of 8) write thank you notes or call to say thank you when they receive a gift? I have always tried to make sure my child knows the importance of the small gesture of saying thanks when receiving a gift. Of course I have never made the child write a stack of 20 after a birthday party but when receiving a St. Patrick's day card with money from his Aunt or grandma....an extra special gift because he did well in sports or school...things of that nature I have made a point for him to say "thank you" in some way to that person. I am a little hurt that my sister has not once had her children call to say thank you or send me a post card, a picture/drawing, nothing. I know that I am very old fashioned and martha stewart-ish so just wondering if I'm a little loopy on this topic or if others do this too.
Baking gifts
Do any of you give baked goods during the holidays? What are some of your favorites? I get tired of making the same ole bread, cookies, and chocolate covered pretzels every year.
I will say that last year I put peanut butter between 2 Ritz crackers and then covered them in baking chocolate (white and semi-sweet) and they turned out really well. I put sprinkles on the white ones (they showed up better than on the semi-sweet ones).
tricky gifts
Whatever your specialty is in a nice bag or basket.
Coffee mix recipes with chocolate and cinnamon are good. I made chocolate dipped plastic spoons and those came out good too because you can use really nice chocolate.
There are a lot of ideas out there!
Christmas Gifts
We have two daughters 5 and 14. It's harder with the 14 year old because now she wants all the high end gifts. We usually spend about $300 per child and we're probably going to do about the same this year. Luckily they're about the only people we buy for any more. If we had a lot of family members to buy for it would probably be a lot less. Now that the nieces and nephews are older and some married, we don't get them gifts and the few relatives we do buy for we usually don't spend a whole lot. My husband and I already got our Christmas gift for each other, a big flat screen TV so we're basically done with ourselves too.
we don't exchange gifts either
We stopped exchanging gifts about 30 years ago. When my husband and I first approached the subject, we met with some resistance, but we stood our ground and said we would not be buying gifts. My husband is the oldest in a family of 7. By the time they all married and had children, the number could have been quite staggering to buy for. I was a surprise baby, my sisters being greater than 11 years older than I am, so when they began their families I was too young to buy anything to buy for them and so never started doing so. Now both of our families agree the holidays are much more enjoyable without the stress of the gift buying, worrying about what to get, how much, will the like it, can I afford it, etc., etc. The true gift of Christmas is the love we feel for our families and all we ask is time with them, and everyone agrees on this. We usually bake or take small treats to the families are who have misfortune of spending Christmas at the Ronald McDonald House in our city due to the illness of a child. Often the other kids in the family (the healthy ones) get lost in the shuffle of caring for a child with cancer. There is no gift one can give as great as giving and bringing joy to a family in such a situation. Anyway, my point is that there may be others in the family who will feel the same way, that it is just too stressful, and you may find that they will appreciate the holidays much more if the gift stress is taken out of the equation.
I should add here, I do buy something for my own children but usually one or two things and my grandchildren because, after all, Santa still comes (!) and I do think Christmas gift giving is for children. Watching my little ones open is a gift a truly a fun thing to do and makes me happy. I do ask my kids not to buy for me or my husband because they have young families and can't afford the extra money. I have always told them I would rather they spend time with me any day then go out and buy a gift.
I have 2 gifts that fit this bill.
Back in the 80s my mother made 2 quilts, one side silky and the other side imitation fur. You talk about warm! Have used those since. The best gift ever was not Christmas but my husband (actually called first to make sure ok) and then bought me home my 2 tuxedo cats- they were really small when he first got them but they have grown into big lovable guys. One a Christmas and the other just a gift. I am blessed.
I have 2 gifts that fit this bill.
Back in the 80s my mother made 2 quilts, one side silky and the other side imitation fur. You talk about warm! Have used those since. The best gift ever was not Christmas but my husband (actually called first to make sure ok) and then bought me home my 2 tuxedo cats- they were really small when he first got them but they have grown into big lovable guys. One a Christmas and the other just a gift. I am blessed.
senior gifts
Not sure why, but a senior once told me they love getting writing paper and postage stamps.
Puppy gifts
Training pads - and plenty of them!
Gifts and celebrations
Mine is 24 and still lives at home while at college...I stopped inviting the whole family last year but my inlaws and sisters still celebrate with us and any member of our family is welcome. My bil's significant other asked me a couple years ago when we stopped giving Christmas and Bday gifts, 18 was good wasn't it and I told her that I would give gifts as long as I wanted to do but she was free to do what she wanted, last year she asked my sil the same thing and got the same response.
Gifts from the kids on Mother's day??? (sm)
This is one that I never understood. Do you have very little children?? I raised my kids by myself and they never had a dad around to make sure they got gifts for me. They made things in school when they were little. Then as they got a little older (like even just 6 or 7) they would say they didn't make anything in school that year, and I would tell them, well then it would be nice if you make breakfast or supper for me! They always did it themselves, and I ate whatever they made. I just never understood buying something for your kids to give your wife. It's the kids' mother, not the husband's.
gifts are Never to be expected--what happened
Food, clothing, shelter and love is expected. Gifts are superlatives to life, not an expectation or the receipient will lead a disappointed life. JMO
Shower/Wedding gifts
The only time that I give money or a gift card as a gift is if I am traveling to the wedding and then it is just easier than trying to pack a gift, get it through security, etc. When I take a gift, if it is something that is duplicated or something the couple does not want or need - I leave it up to them to return it - I let them figure out where it came from and how to return it with no gift receipt. Today's brides and grooms are a bit too greedy and ungrateful for my taste - I can't count how many thank-you notes I have never received - so I make them work if they want a return - which now days usually cannot be for cash.
I think it's okay. It's a gift. Gifts don't have to be brand new. sm
I thought it was the thought that counted. When I was pregnant, my mother in law bought me the cutest baby clothes, put them in a cute gift box and they were clearly used - gently, but I did not care! My son wore them over and over and I loved every one of them.
A gift is a gift, new or not.
My friends and I always say "no gifts" but...
we usuall bring gag gifts to each other just for laughs. We're kind of a bawdy group, so the gifts are usually pretty outrageous, but you can get a gag gift that's more tasteful.
gifts for the older ladies sm
Usually older people have "enough stuff" and gift cards are great, Perhaps you could present them in a little basket or a teacup with some non-caffeine tea. Make sure it's to a place they can get to without any problem. Usually by this age they have enough lotions and soaps to last them until they die. Stamps, now they have "forever" stamps which are pictures of "bells" I believe and supposed to be good even if postage goes up, This would be nice with a box of all occasion cards. I checked with a local deli who delivered and paid them ahead and gave them a paper menu and a card stating they had - X-amount of dollars paid up. Older people are funny, they hate to even spend YOUR money, so it's very hard. I think transportation is always the problem, just be sure they can get to where you're sending them. How about Netflix, or the local movie store, but be sure they have a DVD. Tough choices.My mom used to ask me to record movies for her, she didn't care that they were secondhand. Paid-for manicures - probably don't get there on their own, they have them in Wal-Mart and all over now. Food is so expensive, the local market gift card would be great. Nice of you to think of them. I'd say certificate for a delivered pizza, but they would have to like it.
Did anyone get funny or strange gifts? This is
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Stop with the expensive gifts.
Do gift cards and such, but don't knock yourself out.
Case closed on gifts - sm
I received the replies I needed. Thanks to those who understand. Obviously others haven't been there. Gift cards are not acceptable, it is a couple who are very different, as one of them wants "something to open" or a gift they "need" in which case it takes a trip to the store together for what turns into a high ticket item with no regard as to how much it costs. The other is appreciative of everything and anything. The answers I received reflect the personality differences I expected. It takes all kinds. I should know better.
i feel like that on birthdays and gifts
I used to go all out, get gifts and dinners but then nobody would even care when it came to my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want a lavish affair, but heck, 2 years ago my did didn't even wish me a happy birthday after I had given him a birthday dinner. So I stopped doing all that. Why stress myself out when it's apparent it's all one sided. Maybe I annoyed them by making a big deal out of their birthdays?
anyway I said all that to say--I know exactly how you feel and a I sympathize.
Christmas gifts will be practical sm
Fortunately, was able to start today but bought warm, fuzzy clothing, will put a little something to play with in with that to lessen the blow of clothes! I have grandkids and they don't want clothes. Kohls had some great lounge pants at 50% off, Guitar Hero, Mario Bros., etc. Used another 15% coupon off. The grownups are getting warm PJ's,etc., working DIL will get something to wear to work.
I was poor as a kid, and I can remember getting a 16-color paint set and thought I'd hit the lottery. I went to Michaels Craft Store and bought some craft kits instead of toys today with coupons. I don't think I'll be too popular this year but I'm being practical. I know it isn't what the holiday is about and think many are going to be suffering. I can remember my mom rooting plants early on, buying white cotton cloth, and every grown up got a beautiful plant and a home-sewn apron. I know what it's like to have lean Christmases and if you can start now, you can come up with something basic if possible. I hope the house of cards does not blow down any further for us. I feel for those struggling to make ends meet, everything is affected. I will probably spend much less. Church bazaars are good for some things as well, every little bit helps.
Gift for transcriptionist? HoMedica's heated rolling massager on sale, helps with the back problem and husband uses it also,best gift I ever received (aside from home made cookies and brownies).
I hope some positive change is in the air for everyone so no one goes without this holiday season, especially the children.
How much do you spend on Christmas gifts?
Is it the same budget every year, or with the economy the way it is will you cut back? If you have small children, do you spend more than on others?
Just curious to see what people do moneywise.
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