Getting there early and staying late, time spent on phoning
Posted By: parents, conferences, etc?? nm on 2007-04-26
In Reply to: Do you mean the actual hours of school. or also time spent - grading papers, going to functions, getting there
il
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Cat early riser/ late sleeper
!
Some time spent with them would be
a gift only you could give.
I probably could have spent my time, money, everything
on me because I gave them so much and now it came down to money. One is a me type person and the other, if all they care about is the $$$ and would talk nasty to me, I can wipe my hands of anyone and I mean that, who does not respect me after all I did for them. Most of the posts you read here are mothers who have younger children and most are ok when babies, toddlers but the real life comes as they get up and supposedly have some sense. I did my job and thought I did a good job. Now time for me, me, me.
I have a MIL who was jealous of any time I spent - sm
with my family. It caused a lot of hurt feelings on her side, and just made me angry for the most part. You don't sound anything like my MIL though but it sounds like you did not push the issue and fight for the right to see your grandchildren. In my situation, I married 1 of 2 sons. The other has never married or had any children. We have the only grandchildren for my MIL. She was manic that we have kids though she was vastly disappointed when we had girls and has remarked on this several times in the past. It is true we trusted my mom over her in terms of childcare, etc. though my mom rarely watched the kids as she lived 4 hours away. I did visit my mom at least 4-6 x a year, but I would drop in and visit my MIL and my FIL almost every time as I literally drove right by their house on the way up to my parents. My DH rarely calls his parents, I usually call his mom once a week and chat for a while. She used to never call but lately has taken to calling every 2 weeks or so. We also used to see his parents at least once a month for at least 5 years (now it is every 6-8 weeks), day visits, while my parents only saw the kids 4-6 x a year, though I would stay anywhere from 2-5 nights when I visited. This where the jealously came into play. I was/am very close to my parents and my brothers, much like your DIL I suspect. But I was exceptionally close to my mom, when she died almost 3 years ago my world fell apart. But my MIL was always jealous of my relationship with my mom, it drove her nuts I think. My DH tried to explain to her how close were were but she just could not understand and it caused her (and me) many problems. I would catch such grief from his family when I told them I was going to see my parents/friends, it was as if they wished I did not have a family. Holidays were horrible though we did do an alternating schedule though she would argue with me about that. Things a lot different now as she now gets to be the only grandma, which I am sure she loves. My stepmother is actually better with the kids though and has a great time with them, though I will never be close to her either. My in-laws get just about all the holidays now since my mom is gone and my stepmom wants to be with her kids not her husbands, so I don't get so see my family much anymore, maybe 2 x a year. Much more complicated these days, though we still don't let them (my in-laws) have the kids as they lack in common sense bigtime when it comes to what is safe and smart for my kids. I am not saying that is the case with you as I don't know your particulars of course. But it sounds like you just gave up. I would not try buying your son's love as it sounds like you did try. I know my in-laws tried though we were up front with them with one money gift they gave us that enabled us to pay off our truck in 1 year instead of 4, that it would not buy them weekends with the kids, etc. We told them that if there were strings we did not want the money. Money does not buy love as the Beatles said, very true. I would write back your granddaughter and say you would like to have a new beginning with her and the past is over and done with , and if she ever does want to know the real story, tell her. As for your son, have you even called him and invited him to your new home, it does not sound like it. Sounds like you expect a lot and are upset because they don't do the same for you as they do for the daughter's parents. The daughter controls the kids for the most part (as do most women) so it is to be expected that her family gets their "favor" more. You need to step up and be assertive. My in-laws do do most of the visitings here (we have actually never invited them here, they just call us and say that they are coming down on such and such a day, kind of aggravating), we rarely go up there as my DH just hates going there and really does not like his parents due to a bad upbringing. They really did a number on him. Does your son have any anamosity towards you? Did something bad happen in the past? You are long overdue for a long talk with him though. But I work hard to keep the lines open with them as much as I don't like doing it, I do it. My kids love them and I would never deprive them of that. I hope you take the first step and write to your granddaughter again, and call you son. You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. Good luck.
Perhaps if mother Spears spent more time
parenting and less time pimping her kids all over Hollywood, this might not have happened.
Do you mean the actual hours of school. or also time spent
ol
Posted below about daughter phoning
Did a follow up for all the posts, good and bad. It is really a shame when a person cannot post without really rude answers, such as don’t think you're the most intelligent (never swore to be), bad mother, glad they don’t have me for the same, and so on. Every family is different- no one can use a magic wand and make their family be what they would like them to be but as I said below, have loved for the most part my life, worked really long (since I was senior in high), not hoping to retire, and people should realize all families are not the Cleavers, far from it. I am pleased with my being able to raise my children. What they do in adulthood is up to them.
Craig Ferguson, Late Late Show
Such a great interviewer and SO handsome!
What would you do if your doc was always late with an appt and you were late arriving?
Took my daughter to our family doc today - we were late a half hour but this doc is always at least an hour behind in seeing patients. I have been going to this doc for 15 years and love him. The last time I saw him I waited over two hours. The receptionist reminded me we were late (geez, as if I didn't know that already). I apologized and gave her the reason why. She then said "they would try to fit us in." After waiting for an hour, I asked when did she think we would be seen. Another 15 minutes went by and we were called by the nurse. After waiting in the exam room for over a half hour, I took my daughter's chart with a check for our co-pay, brought both to the checkout desk, and then left. I realize emergencies do come up but I feel my time is money as I work as an IC and with sitting and waiting for the doc to show up I'm losing money. I'm already thinking of changing docs but this one is exceptional. Maybe I just need to vent. Any opinions or similar experience?
Both my parents took it early but I mean 5 years early - sm
as you are only talking a year I would wait as you will get more money in the long run, versus taking it a year early. Remember it stays at whatever it will be when you take it early the rest of your life. So if it is $500 at 65 but $600 if you wait, I'd wait. My mom started drawing it at 62, she died at 68, so if she had waited she would not have made up the difference; so in her case it paid to take it early, but most of us don't plan on dying shortly after retiring.
School's right, late is late. However...
*if* these things were legitimately said, about your son and your "bad parenting" particularly, I doubt you would be here posting. You would be contacting the highest school official you could right now. It sounds like you are rallying support over feeling chastised and exaggerating, frankly.
As for the book report, if your son needs to do it instead of the play, he also needs to be able to approach the teacher. I find it unlikely a 2nd-grade teacher would assign a book report, then not explain it in any way. Most 2nd-graders are doing fill-in-the-blank book reports on forms the teacher provides. Is it likely your son should already know this?
About being late, it doesn't matter if your tire was flat or you drove in a fog or it takes you 40 minutes. Children are to be at school on time.
Stop making excuses. Get the children to school on time. If someone lost their cool at the school and said these things, you have legitimate grounds for taking the next step. You are wasting time and energy whining here.
If you are not happy with the school, take your children's education into your own hands and educate them yourself, via homeschooling. Then your children don't have to be in lock-step with all the other little soldiers the schools are raising in their institutional setting.
Thank you all so much. I spent about 6
hours last night researching this man and his family via Google and MySpace. I am horrified at what I found - its a troubled family for sure, but they look great on the outside - no what I mean? The house is perfect - the guy is OCD about working in the lawn, etc. Always the appropriate holiday decoration - yet underneath the exterior they are monsters. I found the teenage daughter's MySpace and read thru postings all over, on other friends' boards, etc., and this kid has threatened to do physical harm to many kids - she alludes to bombings, and her screen name has her name followed by Kills. She has lots of posts about bomb threats at her school and sounds bragging about it. Her town name she chose has comments on bombing. Wonder where the kids are getting it from? This is way sicker than I ever imagined. I am mounting my evidence, documenting all this stuff, and just praying that nothing happens to me or my family. I would love to move - just isn't a possibility right now. I am going to research the nursing tonight, but sure got side tracked on the MySpace stuff. The mother/wife even has her own sick site. Its unreal. And its unreal how easy it is to find people on that place. Oh well. Will keep you all posted.
I spent over $64.00 on
green queen sized olives yesterday, eat them like candy.
that is really sad - spent my honeymoon on
Padre Island - guess the beaches went the way of my marriage - down the tubes!
I was out before 8:30 and spent about an hour
shopping- I do not like to shop at all and mostly this morning bought things for me, like some flannel PJs and some sweaters at the outlet store. The crowd not bad at all- only 1 ahead of me in the checkout. I shop over the net quite a bit but had received flyer and things I wanted I got.
Last month I spent $321 for 3 of us.
It's just DH, 18 year-old son, and I. We live in the Philadelphia area. We generally eat far less meat than most American families, but we aren't vegetarian. My son commutes to a nearby university and works there, as well. He provides his own lunches, and probably only eats breakfast at home half of the time.
Now, if you want to factor in what we pay for the meal plan for our son who lives away at college, well then... that's a whole other story! KA-CHING!
Okay, I was staying out of this until now
Philly Gal, people like you make me sick. You are working for the same reason the rest of us are, to make a living, regardless of what the money is used for. I've worked with women like you my whole life who act like they're working just to give themselves something to do. Face it "Honey," you have bills like the rest of us and if you didn't work, your perfect little life would not be nearly as wonderful.
My SO is staying here a while
before moving in permanently. The last time he was here, he always left his cell phone around - which I never checked and did not even think to do so. I heard him talking a minute or two while I was in the shower today. Then he went out for a walk but returned a short time later because it was too hot - he loves the hot weather. I have noticed that he carries that cell phone around as though it is attached to him - takes it to the shower, etc. Am I being paranoid? Any input would be appreciated!!
Then WHY are you staying? NM
b
Money spent and nothing to show for it
I paid a little over $600.00 for a dinette suite the first of April. They had to order and I called time and time again and finally told the store in August I wanted my money back. No reply. I took out a small claims against the company and the guy did not even show (although he got the complaint because he called me at home and said "I had fallen thru the crack." Yeh- right ! Anyway, by this time had bought another set and asked for just the return. No response to the file and now have gotten a judgement just for his not showing up. I am given a list of several things to collect my money, i.e. file Fi. Fa. which places lien against losing party and any property they own, 2) file garnishment against his paycheck, 3) file garnishment on his bank acct, 4) levy against real and person property (this I would have to contact lawyer for) and lastly turn judgement over to attorney or collection agency for collection. Please, anyone have any ideas on what steps I should take? I would like to not have to spend a lot of money if possible. Thanks
how I spent my Monday morning...sm
Just wanted to say how much I missed this community while I was away...take a look at the picture I've linked...that's my neighborhood during our mandatory evacuation from the Marek Fire in California... Didn't know if I should post this here or on the mental health or prayer request boards LOL! Grateful to have my home...and my home office...next time you dread Monday morning...keep this as a reminder to renew your perspective! javascript:editor_insertHTML('text','');
We paid cash, spent about
$1000 total for grandkids and gifts for each other. We are debt free except our house. There is nothing like being able to sleep well at night and not be afraid to answer the phone should it ring. We have lived this way for many years, have learned to save money, pay cash for what we want. This has been to our benefit as we haven't had our CC companies drop our limits or increase our percentage rates at all; in fact, our limits keep rising even though we only use them once or twice a year. The thought of having to pay for something many months and years later is baffling to me.
How is them staying together better for the children?
It would have been best for the children if these too goofs had used effective birth control and not brought innocent people into the mix, but since they did the best thing for those kids is to get K-Fed out of their lives as much as possible and hopefully Britney has the sense to hire a good nanny because she's no prize either.
I say mandatory sterilization is a great idea for these two clueless, selfish, immature, irresponsible people who had no business reproducing.
My secret is staying out of the sun
and wearing a hat or slathering on a crapload of sunscreen! I got totally fried when I worked for a nursery (plants) back in the early 1990's and my ears burnt so bad they they actually got a tad deformed around the edges! I love outdoors time but I'll be darned if the sun is gonna be the cause of my demise!
Besides, I'm a superfreak when it comes to medical stuff. I love researching all sorts of medical crap and that nasty IUD just stuck in my head from my days in Anatomy and Physiology 101.
I also have a fetish for bugs too and someday, before I die, I'd love to play entomologist or something queer like that.
But- she is still questiong about staying?
What is the question? He was an older guy trying to molest children- what question does she have? None that I can see.
Just spent an entire week in FL with brother sm
and his whole family - wife - 3 kids. To make a long story short, my sister in law does not like me. I'm about 7 years younger than she is. She is very jealous of my close relationship with my bro. Always. This trip she made it very clear how much she does not like me at all. I cried a lot this trip. My feelings have been so badly hurt. I've never done anything to her personally - she just hates me. My brother was very standoffish this trip and I know why. He has a very jealous wife. They would just get up and leave and not tell us where they were going or invite us. They NEVER used to do things like that. The whole time, if ever I had a suggestion for dinner or entertainment she would shoot it down with, "I don't want to do that!" I'm talking everything I came up with. What's even sadder is that they have 2 girls - my nieces - 13 and 15 - who used to love and adore me - their aunt - and this trip they were so ugly to me. I haven't seen them in over a year. We stayed in a 2 BR condo on the beach. Pretty small unit. They got the master BR. While walking to my room one evening the 3 of them (sister in law and 2 girls) were just berating me in gossip - talking about what I wore to the beach, the way I styled my hair, just stup*d things. Just gossiping so bad about me. I wanted to cry.
After I heard that about mid-way through the trip, I completely shut down emotionally. I only spoke when spoken to, didn't suggest anything at all to do, and was cordial, but not overly friendly like I usually am. Today when we left, she walked right by me in the hall and didn't say a word. Got into the car and they drove off. I had already said by to the kids and my bro. I cried when hugging my bro. He had his sunglasses on - he probably wanted to cry to. We lost our dad growing up and our mom pretty much abandoned us. We've stuck together until he moved out of state and started his family. I did too. He gets along GREAT with my husband and my kids.
What compels women to act like this? I don't understand it. Why would you want to live in your own prison of hate and bring everyone around you down? I can't stop crying! My brother lives about 2,000 miles away. I want to be close to him and his wife and kids. She won't allow it.
I know I have to just accept this is life and the way it will be. I am having a pity party. Can I say this eloquently without you taking offense? I am hating women right now. No matter how kind and nice I am, I always get slapped in the face. Always. I am a very kind and nice person. My mom always said I had wishbone but no backbone. I guess I just expect others to be kind, too, and when they aren't, I get hurt and I don't understand it. 
Save your money, other ways better spent
NM
spent NYE playing Rock Band for PS2
a lot of fun though discovered I'm never going to be a drummer (or a singer) :) So I guess I won't quit my day job.
What's your trick for staying awake? (sm)
I don't sleep well at night, even with taking a pill, and during the day lately I'm finding it harder and harder to say awake. I've had 2 caffeinated beverages but that's not helping. Smacking my face isn't helping. It's killing my line count. Right now I have a clothes pin on my earlobe causing just enough pain to keep me momentarily alert, but I don't expect this to last. Any suggestions?
How about staying overnight at somebody's house
or even in a hotel, and not being able to figure out the shower controls. I don't know why a shower fixture designer would be so mean as to hide basic controls, but one design that has stumped me turned out to be a little ring that appeared to be a nonmoving part of the faucet, that had to be pulled upward. If you couldn't find it, you couldn't get the water to go from the lower faucet up to the showerhead. Furthermore, all the control it gave you was on or off, instead of being able to control water pressure.
Sheez, why the secret? It's not as if it is even an attractive design!
Trouble staying awake - what do you do?? (nm)
x
...staying when there's NO love and no respect for YOU. nm
s
That was my thought, too. And have her eat well, staying away from junk
s
you did the right thing staying by the child...sm
and addressing the parent...I did worse than that...took the child, brought him to the front of the store and called out "lost parent alert"...Boy, that man was upset!
It's a shame that there were so many "nm" people out there replying to your post.  Cat
Sometimes staying is worse for the kids
I was in a similar situation for a long time. Our home became almost never peaceful due to their father's irrationality. It was an emotionally unsafe place for our 2 daughters. I'm not saying divorce is easy or always the answer, but in our case, we have had a friendly one, we are both still totally committed to co-parenting our children and everyone gets along so much better with him under another roof. My kids were 12 and 10 at the time (13 and 15 now), and we have been able to talk freely about all the issues and no one, not even my ex at this point, is happier than we ever were when we were living together. My daughters are above-average to excellent students in school, excel in music and sports and have the best relationship with both me and their dad that they have ever had. Sometimes you just got to look at a bigger picture about what is truly best for them, and then work at making sure their adjustment is paramount whether you decide to stay or decide to go. But having said that, be sure you do what is ultimately best for you too, I stayed as long as I did only because I let others try to tell me all the pat things, divorce is wrong, divorce is harmful to them, yadayadayada. Bottom line, if you are constantly unhappy, so will your kids be. Part of the reason my kids are so cool with the divorce is that they can now see me (and their father) happy. He has found a new partner, I haven't, but my happiness is not dependent on that. I go out some, but don't bring men around them to try to make a new daddy for them or anything like that. You have to decide what is right for you and for them, no matter really what anyone says. Once you have completely made that decision for yourself, you can make the rest fall into place. Best wishes to you!
My DH spent his check and we have no money for food this week. :(
the jerk
wrong...he spent 4 years in korean schools
Spent 2 hours with my kids playing that today - fun! nm
x
If father thought child support was not being spent
x
I need help staying awake. I'm so sleepy. Any suggestions?
I go through spells like this where I just can't keep my eyes open and today is one of them. I find myself going to grab something to eat to help, but that really doesn't help with the weight any.
I desperately need to wake up. My workday is only half over. Any ideas?
Although I disagree with you staying, I admire your spirit :) nm
x
Dancing With the Stars. I wanted to see who else was staying, but they (SM)
kept fooling around and I would go from one channel to another watching something else, then back again. The commercials were over, and I dashed back into the room with the pan, sat down in my chair and without thinking laid the hot pan down beside me, realized what I had just done, but too late! They didn't even announce the next couple to stay then anyway! I watch the show from time to time, at least parts of it, but never got that into it, just wanted to know who would be eliminated last night. After the carpet deal I didn't care and still don't know!
Staying at home and sleeping it in. Have to be at work at
4:30 a.m. on New Year's Day. 
You know, it's kinda quiet on this side so would appreciate you staying with whatever
cat fight you might be in on the other pages.
they stated half was staying here in US/hafl to Africa (nm)
x
Yes!! I get extremely bored and have trouble staying focused on typing. sm
Some days I am so bored I dont know how I am going to get through the day!!
Staying at home and raising us kids worked for my mother
Hmm. It should be okay with me right? Oh, wait, that puts me in the welfare line which you think everyone takes advantage of.
You don't live in your mother's time. I wish you did, because the internet didn't exist then.
Oh Wow. Staying in downtown Atlanta in a historic hotel. This place is haunted. No one
told me this, I am a Christian and I feel this heavy spirit following me everywhere I go! How crazy is that? I believe there is something here at this place. It is a beautiful place, but definitely something spiritual going on here. This was the place where they had some Gone With The Wind ball many years ago. Very strange.
We are here visiting and going to the zoo, children's museum, and aqauarium this week. Wow. I have the chills right now! night night
Anyone have plans for the Superbowl? Staying home, going to friends, making food,
got here a little late - but I can tell you why
she is doing it - it will only happen around mating season - she sees the reflection of herself in the door, grill, whatever - I have even known of hubcaps - and thinks it is a rival. It looks painful - but she will do it in anything she can see herself in.
Try this if not too late
Same kind of thing happened to me recently. Do you have access to an ATM? I went at 11:00 at night and deposited just enough (6 bux). It stopped a check from bouncing the next day. Maybe I just got lucky but couldn't hurt to try!
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