Get out now. Men don't change.
Posted By: Me on 2009-03-21
In Reply to: Yea me and him have no children but - southernmt
I stayed in for 22 years, and even though mine was a nice guy other than the unwise and selfish spending, it ruined everything. There were other issues too, but the money one alone will leave you feeling helpless and hopeless. Meds won't solve the problem. Getting out will.
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Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
I read a book once with the above title. I can't remember the author. He has done a lot of testing (and imaging) and says that often people actually have small amounts of brain damage they are not aware of that cause chronic behavioral issues.
He says that even little incidents of falling off a bike, etc. can cause damage that people aren't aware occurred.
I'm not saying this is your son's case, but I think you will have to keep investigating. Even with those who have damage, they are able to use meds to help the brain compensate for the affected area, which helps greatly.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It has to be awful for the whole family and hurtful to know your son is feeling in such a way to act that way.
I'm sure there is an answer somewhere. I hope you find it soon! - Please keep us posted.
You cannot change kids. Can only change the way
x
Well, if you are not going to change your
mind, then do not expect anyone else to change their mind about you either. You cannot call people judgmental and then be judgmental yourself. Or you can, but you just look ridiculous doing so.
And by the way, I went into this field so that I could be home with my kids. I also have held a job outside of the home for many years and had my kids home with me while I worked, but they were older where they could amuse themselves most of the time. They are in school now and I have them doing something part time during the summer, but the other times they are here with me. I work just fine like you do and I can hold a job outside of the home. I've done it before and I will be doing it again in a couple of years when I finish school. I've never made a post though about the things you mentioned.
So...your conclusions are flawed.
well then I think we should change the name
change
Honestly, the only possible way he could change is by telling him. But beware it will only change for a bit and go back to the way it was!
...just happens to you. You can change it.
x
Believe I would have to change my name.
Right off the bat, made me think of Pol Pot. If your not familier, Google him.
An attempt by Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot to form a Communist peasant farming society resulted in the deaths of 25 percent of the country's population from starvation, overwork and executions. Responsible for 2,000,000 deaths of his own people.
Sorry did not mean to ruin anything, just made me stop and think.
Change
I remember the Riley Hospital incident, I just had forgotten that it was there at that hospital. I want to know WHY the vials are not brightly colored OPPOSITES? While not having seen one of these vials for a while, I assume they look they same as they always did. The company who makes these needs to take a look at its packaging and ACT ON IT. This is so hard to take. I can't stop thinking about it.
Men that hit do not change...
sure, they can go through anger management (sitting around with a bunch of other women beaters talking about how much their mate irritates them; hmm, wonder why they don't change), they will say they are sorry, it won't happen again, buy you nice things to appease you, go for periods of time not using you or your children for a punching bag, etc. You can see by many posts below that you need to get out now....you can either take that advice or not. Staying does not make you a hero or a martyr; you can't change him, won't change him and for the sake of your children, either send them somewhere safe and stay and be a doormat or take charge of the situation. As I said earlier, BTDT, twice as a matter of fact. It took me until age 40 (I'm 48 now) to realize that I wasted too much time on 2 men who were insecure, angry, lazy, and no good before I got out. My life began at 40 and yours can begin any time from this moment on. You have gotten some very good advice here today; use it and quit making excuses why you can't leave. It can be done.
I think this is all going to change now
that we're heading into a recession/depression. Shoe repair places are experiencing huge increases in business. People are replacing engines in cars instead of replacing the cars. Hard times aren't all bad. We have much to learn from the Greatest Generation that lived through hard times.
What would you change if you could
If there was a time machine and you could go back in time and change one thing that would affect the rest of your life what would it be. And if you were to go back where would you stop the machine. I was just watching the Time Machine the other night and that's what made me think about it.
My major decision I would change would have been to go to a different high school with different friends (that would have changed all my future decisions).
If I could go back I would stop the machine to the night before I started the 2nd grade. I'd love to do it all over again (minus the bad decisions). 2nd grade was the best time for me.
What would you change if you could
If there was a time machine and you could go back in time and change one thing that would affect the rest of your life what would it be. And if you were to go back where would you stop the machine. I was just watching the Time Machine the other night and that's what made me think about it.
My major decision I would change would have been to go to a different high school with different friends (that would have changed all my future decisions).
If I could go back I would stop the machine to the night before I started the 2nd grade. I'd love to do it all over again (minus the bad decisions). 2nd grade was the best time for me.
Exactly right! Nobody can change what is put down in a will,
only the testator can make changes (codicils) to it. When he is dead, nobody can, not the one who holds the POA, not the executor, not the lawyer, not the state, because there is the will!
All the named persons have only an administrative/executive power to make sure that that what is written in the will gets executed.
Wow! what a change!
Good for her!
Oh yeah, sure. I think we'd all like to change a lot more
than welfare laws and regulations in many states, but it ain't gonna happen, sister. The laws are made for and benefitted by the poor and the rich only, not the in between. Middle class people get squat and are taken advantage of in every way. And I think we all pretty much fall into that category.
Some things never change...
I believe this is the very thing that Joseph was afraid of way back when. Judgement.. We can not judge until we know the full extent of the situation, even then we have to be careful with our conclusions.
No, you won't change me otherwise. I'm not judging
the Bible. God will judge in the end. I simply don't shop at stores that sell gay and lesbian items.
don't change a thing sm
I've been married 12 years and have had a very happy marriage. I too never understand what's to work at.
I also was just friends with my husband for 10 years before we started dating. Never knew he cared for me.
Count your blessings and give your husband a big kiss!!
And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
sudden change
I won't say this is your case, but from my experience (and some of my acquaintances) a sudden change in behavior might mean there is someone on the side - of course if you are with him all the time that may not be the case. My ex, who had never bought his own clothes, suddenly bought a new outfit and his own cologne. Hope that's not your case, but keep your eyes open.
Do we really need to change the car oil every 3000?
//
everyone talkin' about change
how do you expect him to try to change something if he has no idea????
Alimony after sex change.
CLEARWATER, Fla. —
Lawrence Roach agreed to pay alimony to the woman he divorced, not the man she became after a sex change, his lawyers argued in an effort to end the payments.
But the ex-wife's attorneys argued Tuesday that the operation doesn't alter the agreement.
Roach and his wife, Julia, divorced in 2004 after 18 years of marriage. The 48-year-old utility worker agreed to pay her $1,250 a month in alimony. Since then, Julia Roach, 55, had a sex change and legally changed her name to Julio Roberto Silverwolf.
"It's illegal for a man to marry a man and it should likewise be illegal for a man to pay alimony to a man," said John McGuire, one of Roach's attorneys.
"When she changed to man, I believe she terminated that alimony."
Silverwolf did not appear in court Tuesday and has declined to talk about the divorce. His lawyer, Gregory Nevins, said the language of the divorce decree is clear and firm — Roach agreed to pay alimony until his ex-wife dies or remarries.
"Those two things haven't happened," said Nevins, a senior staff attorney with the national gay rights group Lambda Legal.
Arnold found fault with several of Roach's legal arguments and noted that appeals courts have declined to legally recognize a sex change in Florida when it comes to marriage. The appellate court "is telling us you are what you are when you are born," Arnold said.
Yes, your relationship will change sm
The first three months or so you will both be so tired you won't know how you can possibly make it, but you will. If you have family close by to help, that is great (I was an Air Force wife, so we were far from both our families). Hopefully, though, you will start to see your husband in a whole new light. I know I did. He had never had much use for children before, although I knew he loved animals, so that's always a good sign. He would spend hours playing with our cats, and he loved to sit and watch TV with one or both of the cats in his lap. To me, that showed a loving heart.
He had a lot of learning to do, but he became a wonderful father. Seeing that, I fell in love with him all over again. He became much more open emotionally, primarily with our son, but some of that spilled over into our relationship as well. And having a child together bonds a couple together like nothing else. Here is this wonderful being who is a part of BOTH of you, and who you both love like you never thought you could love another human being.
Sure, there will be difficulties. There will be times when he wants sex and you are so exhausted all you want to do is sleep for a week. There will be times when you are so focused on the baby you won't realize you are neglecting him. But if you are aware of all these possibilities, you are less likely to let the situation go on so long that it becomes a problem.
Good luck to you, whatever happens. 
Change my activity? (sm)
The only thing I can think of that might have caused it would be 8-9 hours of transcribing every day. Unfortunately, I'll probably be typing my days ago for another 20-30 years (LOL).
You can never change the spots on a dog.
I'm sorry that you are going thru this, and I'm just bidding my time for the "father" of my oldest who is now 21, who hasn't called, visited, or supported him since he was 5, to start wanting something. What your ex is doing is basically called stalking. He gave up his paternity rights and now wants to be treated as a parent, give me a break. By law, he has no rights to be contacting you or you son, as he is legally not his father any longer. A parent is not the one "who makes you" but the one that is by you when you're sick, happy, sad, etc. etc. etc. My oldest one, even though I always offered the opportunity for him to have contact if he wanted to, doesn't care, want in any shape or form, to have any contact with his father either. For you ex to find your phone number or where you are living, either someone you know is giving him this information or if you have it listed in the phone book just by searching on the net is pretty easy to find anyone's number (always make your number private, unlisted, and if you can get unknown caller rejection even better, some phone companies give you this choice). Who knows what the heck is now wrong in his life that he wants to turn around and give you all this trouble. Those type of "men" (and I use the term loosely) never ever change. What does he want, for your son to tell him to go away directly to his face? Then, he would take that as a clear shot to keep trying to make your life miserable. You did the right thing by calling the police and even if you have to, get an injuction against him.
I think it sounds like you could use a change (sm)
Peace of mind, happiness, and health are worth their weight. If there is a pay cut and you can get by with that, this change might do you a world of good.
Seems like you know what the job entails with the kids by what you said in your original post.
To help you get the job, the only thing I can think of, besides your other qualifications, is getting a letter of recommendation from your children's teachers and other teachers you may have become familiar with in the school, the principal, etc. Or even letters of recommendations from people you may know in the community.
You know, you can always go back to MTing if it doesn't work out. Wishing you the best whatever you do! :-)
first day of new lifestyle change....Ugh!!! sm
No diet sodas, regular sodas, refined sugars, bad carbs.....I snuck in a little orange juice this morning. I'm reading and following "Body by God" and trying to eliminate most man-made foods (which are obvious) and replacing them with God-made foods which are the obvious, too (fruits, veggies, beans, lean meats, chicken, etc.). No cheese, either.
I didn't realize (well, I sorta did) how much I rely on my Diet Dr. Pepper EVERY morning. Yes, I'm grouchy. I'm drinking water this morning (yuck) - actually, I don't mind water, but I'm dying for my PEPPER!!!!
What's gotten me to this point? My hormones, thyroid, everything is getting out of balance due to obesity. yes, I admit it! This has been a struggle of mine for years. I cannot even tell you how many times I've failed trying to change my lifestyle. I have young children, too, and we went to like McDonald's and Burger King quite a bit.....That will have to stop too :(
It's not ALL bad, though. I do get one "vacation" day a week to eat pretty much whatever I want. Doc says that even 1 to 2 days of this Body by God will yield results. 3 to 4 days of Body by God will yield great results, and all 7 days of this regime will yield the BEST results for you and your body. I'm tired of the swelling. I'm tired of trying to cover up my belly fat. Hey, I'm just being brutally honest.
Is there a diet board? I need fill-in ideas for snacks that are healthy. I've never, ever eaten healthy before.....   = My emotions right now!~
He is selfish, that's why, and will not change! nm
/
don't you wish you can change things?
Yeah, I know how you feel. Been there, still there or here, whatever. Life is just a moment you know.
I don't mean to change the subject but
this statement "raised in all female household" - I am curious. My daughter's husband was raised by women and he's just the nicest devoted husband, really unique, and I wonder if there is something to this - Anybody else have a similar experience?
But if you are going to change, have to start some
x
Nothing is permanent but change.
x
I think that my biggest change is that
I am no longer a people pleaser. If people don't like me as I am, then they don't. I use to do so much stuff to try and make people like me, but not any more.
I am also looking for a career change and
would like to work in a doctor's office. I find it rather amusing that they require some type of "degree" for clercial work yet if you register with an employment agency they place you without a degree (even temp to hire). When I deal with doctor's offices I find it hard to believe that these ladies have a degree - especially when it comes to common sense, but for $10/12 an hour what do you expect! JMO
It doesn't change
I married a man with 2 grown daughters, a grown son, and a stepdaughter from his deceased wife. We have been married for 7 years and they were 31,33,43 and 35 when we married. They are now 38,40,50 and 42, and things have not changed a bit. They told their father they did not want him to get married, and the next to the oldest told me that I should come to her for advice, as she ran the family and everyone came to her for advice, and the youngest one sat on her stepfather's lap and cried at our reception because she thought she was losing him. They insulted my children, who behaved very well and have always been kind to my husband, and actually treat him better than his own children. I have been insulted in my own home, one of them said in front of me and my husband that "they were daddy's princesses and they would always come first." The son lives in another state thank goodness, and he is what I call a freeloader when he visits. Expects me to wait on him. He takes his father's chair in the living room because his excuse is that he cannot see well and needs that chair closer to the TV, when I actually caught him not wearing his glasses, which is why he could not see!! He doesn't ask his father if he needs any help (my husband is 8 years older than me and he is 70), nor has he ever offered to take his father to dinner when he is at home, until I talked to him kindly and thought it would be a nice gesture. He takes over the TV when he visits, and will not pick up after himself, and this guy is 50 years old!! I have never, ever seen such spoiled adults in my life.
Whew, just needed to get that off my chest. What I mean is that this type of behavior does not stop as they get older, unless the father has a good talk with the children. At 9 though you have to have patience, but she knows how to manipulate her father and girls are good at that. She might just feel insecure and maybe your attention will change that, but I do feel for you. Good luck.
About the coming change to all...
If there's anyone left on the planet (well, maybe it's just this country) who doesn't know this, and isn't sick and tired of hearing about it, seeing TV spots about it, etc. It's been going on for what, almost a year? It started before Feb 2008 because some got the idea THAT was when it was going to change, but it was 2009- over a year away.
I haven't paid much attention to it, after hearing that if you have cable or satellite you don't have to do anything, that takes care of it, but was noticing recently, one of our TV channels has (at times) a marquee running along the top of the picture, telling about it. At first I thought it was some breaking news like WW3 or the troops coming home from Iraq, but no, it was the same stuff about the change to digital and SOME TVs won't work (but some channels will still be in no digital, maybe the PBS ones can be?)
Thinking it was some big news story, I read it, and I don't know if it's been saying this all along but, along with saying you won't get (or might NOT get) good or any TV when it changes, unless you get a converter box, it also says YOU CAN USE A VCR OR DVD (as a convertor)!
Not a lot of people don't have a VCR or DVD player and if not, you can get a cheap one for $39.99 or so.
So, you can hook up your antenna to the VCR or DVD player and that "converts" it to the digital the TV needs, and you also get the VCR and DVD player (if you don't already have one)? So, why haven't they said this before? Or, if they have it wasn't stressed.
People can get coupons to buy a converter box, more wires and things to hook up, when they can use their VCR or DVD player (or buy a cheap one and watch tapes or DVDs or record, etc. on them, too)?
Maybe I have this wrong, but I know it said you either MIGHT need a convertor box, OR a VCR or DVD player to get the digital signal (just not with your TV and anntenna)
Just thought I'd pass this on, in case anyone who uses an antenna still hasn't gotten a converter box but might have a VCR or DVD player (or would rather buy one, instead)
but how does it change the meat?
By the way--cattle are slaughtered past the age of two. When old cull cows are made into hamburger, they add back fat from younger cattle because the fat on the older cows is yellow and people would not eat it. I also know that cattle eat things other than grass. We still graze cattle on grass land and manage our pastures well. (Western states also have public grazing land and some even graze the desert.)It is only cost effective to the cow-calf producers who do not feed grain. Slapping a grass-fed tag on beef and calling it a niche market makes it more expensive for the consumer and is controversial to me. Feed lots do not keep cattle off of grass land. We must keep in mind that this country must manage beef somehow because of how much we consume and export. Beef is a valuable commodity and a big business. If it could be handled in a way that was more cost effective, it would be.
If I could change the past
I would either change my parents to parents who wanted me and loved me like I do my children. Or I would have my mother put me up for adoption like she did one of my sisters....she was the lucky one. I envy her. A mother who does not love you will affect your whole life, but it made me want to be a loving mother.
She can always change doctors. You
do not have to see the one they send to consult or whatever. It is the patient's right to choose their doctor (of course, as long as they are in their insurance plan).
You might have to change deodorants. NM
/
Oh sorry! They should change the name of this board to
mindless chatter. Any subject deeper than shoes or dinner and they call foul!
Yes, if you have the change to work
in-house, jump on it. Much easier to work with an hourly rate, plus you will receive benefits too. If we are ever going to regain a decent wage, it will be as employees in a hospital setting.
Will they still match the bedspread if you change them out? ..sm
Some things won't take dye depending on what they're made of...You can find some cool comforters/spreads/curtains at JCP and Target lately. ...And the cheapest curtains around can be made from twin size flat sheets. Many styles/colors can be ordered from JCP that you won't find in the store. I've done that several times..... And try hgtv.com for ideas, too. ....And lastly, bamboo and other type of "natural" material shades can be found inexpensively at Lowe's and Home Depot if want to take it in that direction. They'll cut them to fit right there, too. Have fun!
If you can't change your SIL's mind (and it seems obvious you can't) sm
Then you need to build a fence around your property to protect your children. Yes, I know it's expensive, but what are your children's lives worth?
yep - your tune shall change down the road..LOL
No, but change in behavior might cause me to look for MySpace or other
s
If I had to ask attorney, I would change the party
when you have to go to such extremes just to have a birthday party for a child, I would not give 1 or have 1 away from a pool where a kid could get hurt or drown. Makes no sense to have to jump through hoops just to give a darn party.
Yes, it will change. Hubby will have to take second place
and may not like it. Your needs will become second, or third. And, kids are a pain in the butt. They always want something, food, water, shelter, clothes, toys, dogs, cats, cars. Mine are 30 and 32 and still asking for stuff. Wouldn't trade them for anything though. Two wonderful women and it makes me cry sometimes to think that I had a part in this.
She should change the locks while he's at work - sm
and then leave all his stuff out at the curb. That's what I'D do......
no, they don't ou ever see a *horse* change color?
Wannie: You have said you married and divorced your DH x3....I can just imagine what a roller coaster that must have been. So, how did YOUR *horse* change colors? *curious* ...via therapy? Intense therapy would have done it - that's the only way....
But then if I married the same dude x3 - I would never tell the world it wasn't working out (if it truly wasn't working out).....goes along with my belief of 3 strikes and yer out.......
perhaps not for you, but for most........perhaps you just *lucked* out...and that's GREAT if he truly turned the corner and remained turning the corner....it's just one never hears that any longer...
Best of luck!! 
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