For those of you happily married, where did you meet your spouse? sm
Posted By: LMT on 2009-03-23
In Reply to:
Just a curious question. I am single and I am thinking if I stay in church, that might be the best place to meet a good man these days when one finally comes around. It really gets me that some people meet their spouses in a bar and then wonder how they married an alcoholic, lol! 
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Actually I am happily married
I have experienced this though with my in-laws. Grandmother divorcing grandfather as a matter of fact. She said she did not want my husband, nor I, nor my children talking to him simply because she was tired of him. She now calls him herself. But with such loss in our family grandparent-wise, I just did not think it was fair to the children to cut off yet another superb figure in their life. So, whatever their problem was belonged to them, not Pop-Pop and my children. It is just so often that children suffer in this manner. Family members just yanked from their lives because the parents have a hang-up. It just sounds like more of a jealousy issue on the mother's part in this case. Maybe she has a hard time accepting the fact that her ex has these girlfriends and her only pawn are the children. It happens over and over again. I am not a product of divorce, but my husband is and believe me it is no lie that children suffer even into adulthood for that matter. I just think that we as women need to be above this type of nonsense. Unless there are founded facts that the girlfriend is abusive in some manner, then why shouldn't she be allowed to call? Oh well, mute subject, I guess. I just feel bad for the children. Have a nice day!
Oh, thanks but happily married - but usually I
do not see a guy who makes my head turn such as the case when I was there. I don’t touch but darn, sure did look!!!
Happily married
We've been married just short of 17 year and have two daughters. We were engaged after 3 months. He's a great husband and father and he helps with all the housework including laundry and always has a project in the works. He doesn't like to sit still for a second. Granted there are a few things I might change (LOL), but not many.
Happily married for over 20 years.
aklfjlajfljfdlaj
Happily married. Will stay together. I tell DH I cant
x
Nope, thank God! Happily married for 24+ and haven't had to bail kids out...yet..:) nm
s
My mom is 8 hours away - but they happily stay with her (sm)
When I go visit my family, my kids stay with my mother while I go and visit other friends, etc. The difference might be that they have cousins there to play with and my mother jokes and plays with them and is affectionate. In-laws are not that way. No kids around my in-laws. I really don't know exactly why they think it is so horrible. I have asked them. They just say that they are bored, grandma is strict, she won't make any adaptations to things she cooks and makes them eat whatever she makes, she takes them to all-adult functions and makes them sit through things. They also have a farm and sometimes make the kids work very hard digging potatoes or whatever they are doing at the time.
A Lottery winner so we can be happily unemployed.
?
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
Ex-spouse
They are divorced. Get independent and stay independent of him unless she really loves torture.
Maybe Joe's spouse does not like the sm
idea either. It would of been nice if he said lets hang out with Joe's family to see if it everyone was compatible.
Do any of you have a spouse
who can't say no to other people? How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the "bad guy?"
Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child "needs" new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn't but according to the court we have to pay accordingly. It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different.
My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn't wanted to accept it. Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont' know how we are going to pay all of our bills. To top this off, he can't seem to say no to having his nephews stay the weekend, talking to his family about NOT exchanging gifts, etc. I'm the "bad guy" because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont' know if it is a man thing, hurting his pride or what but he is so depressed and upset about our financial state, yet can't say no even to the smallest thing. But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund.
I'm just frustrated this morning and don't know where to go from here. I don't want to say "I told you so" but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I'll be darned if I'm getting a second job so he doesn't have to cut back. I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.
If they want to meet with you....
I would say go ahead and meet them and see what you think. It could be they're looking for a way to get a housekeeper without having to pay benefits and taxes. In that case, quiz them thoroughly about what is expected of you as far as duties, hours and days you will be expected to be available.
It could be legit, but just proceed with caution and trust your instincts.
Who would you most like to meet and why?
My son's homework. The teacher gave them a day to think about who they would most like to meet and why and then write a detailed paper (he's in the 11th grade).
Anyone ever think about this?
if a spouse cheats...
I'm watching this little polling on Today show (just eating breakfast, i never watch this stuff!) and it says 63% of people would try to save their marriage if their spouse cheated and 73% of the reason was for companionship.
Personally.... I am not sure I have the capabilty of getting over something like that. I think forgiveness is a huge part of life and relationships... but maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's about pride... but I'm not sure I could work through something like that!! I just don't know what could possibly be an excuse! The ladies on are saying, it usually signifies something that needs to be worked on in a relationship, well OBVIOUSLY! And I am not one of those people that thinks if you cheat you dont love the person... but I certainly think it would be really hard to work through or accept, and knowing myself I'm not thinking I could get over it, so I guess I'd be in the percentage of NOT ever wanting to know...
I dunno, I do think it's human nature to be attracted to many different people (i am myself)... but is it human nature to want to physically be with other people? I guess cheating can be emotional as well...
just random thoughts before I get to work!
Have a great day
if a spouse cheats
I have to tell you from the other side of the coin that sometimes people grow apart for one reason or another and things happen. Most people do not cheat because they are looking for something physical. They are missing an emotional connection and find it elsewhere. On the other side of this is that sometimes, not always but sometimes, when the other spouse finds out and realizes why it happened they can work through it together to get back what was missing and what brought them together in the 1st place. I speak from the know on both sides and can tell you that you can get past it and actually end up in a much better place than you ever were before. .
Unemployed Spouse
Is it possible he might be doing something behind your back and acusing you to justify something he has done.
Have your spouse cut your hair
Guys, if you keep your hair short, buy hair clippers with a set of clips and hand over the clippers to your spouse. You may have a couple of cuts that result in a buzzed head, but unless she’s got horribly unsteady nerves, she’ll figure it out.
Dear Spouse:
Please find a girlfriend. I'm sick and tired of taking your crap.
Hugs,
JMHO
Cheating Spouse?
Have you ever caught your spouse cheating? If so, how did you catch him/her?
cheating spouse
I worked day shift and he worked 3-11 so for a few years we would hardly see each other at all. First, let me say that my husband is kind of messy. I would notice that when I came home from work, my home was in the same order that I left it in the morning. Even the curtains had not been opened yet. There were no dirty dishes. There was no sign anybody had been home all day. I would ask and he would always have an excuse..went to play golf before work, went to a ball game, had lunch with the guys, etc.
Then a woman started calling the house in the evening asking for my husband. I would say he was at work, ask if I could take a message and she would say no and hang up. She would call about 3 to 4 evenings a week. I asked my husband who she was and he would say he didn't know.
Then, HER husband called and left a message on our machine one day while we were out. He didn't say any names, just said stay away from my wife or I'm going to come over and beat your a$$. I asked who was that and my husband said he didn't know.
This all happened over about 4 months when he was offered a transfer with work out of state and we took it. He never admitted having an affair but I know he did. That was 16 years ago. We are still together and before everyone flames me, I will tell you that the man has paid dearly for that little fling. We've never discussed it because how can you discuss something he won't admit to? He didn't leave the house for years without taking 1 or all the kids with him, even to the grocery store or the post office. He never got to do anything he wanted to do, no more boys night out, no more golf weekends, etc. It got to the point where I was feeling sorry for him but he never said a word.
Now that we're in our 50s, I wish someone would take him so he'd leave me alone!
Being a military spouse, I think that...
she should qualify for unemployment, but not indefinitely. She paid in to California unemployment insurance and had to relocate because her spouse is serving our country. She should, in my opinion, be able to draw on unemployment from California for a reasonable period of time until she can get another job. However, that is one of the reasons I like this job. I take it with me whenever I move.
So where does one meet these days?
So how does a single person meet someone then, especially if not into the bar scene at all? Okay - let me list where I might meet someone: Church...which usually is very limited because almost everyone is married. Any other suggestions? I know what a huge list I have....
Nice to meet ya!
From the Cape May area on the bay. Are you that far south? - Deena
Meet and greet
I'm going at 1:00. What a shame - I'd love to meet you!
Glad to Meet You....
Now let's see if we get flamed for our beliefs.
Haha, a virtual "burning at the stake," if you will.
When I first read you post, your personality sounds identical to mine. Now that I know we share 'religious' convictions, I wonder if that's indicative of our beliefs impacting our outlooks on life...
Hmmmmm. Interesting!!!
How did you meet your significant other?
With all the posts about how many times you were married or divorced, I thought I'd ask how you met your DH. So how did you meet? Were you high school sweethearts, friends? did you work together? Was it love at first sight or couldn't stand the sight of them?
I lived across the street for about 2 years from where my DH worked but never saw him there. I met him at my grandfather's house in another state. He worked with my uncle who lived with my grandfather. DH lived down the road from my uncle and had gone to school with my uncle's son. It wasn't love at first sight for me. We would run into each other at my grandfather's house and he sort of grew on me. LOL! We've been married for 15 years now.
The two people I would have most liked to meet ....sm
were before my time....Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe. There is a tribute artist who is eerily like Elvis I would like to meet though. His name is Shawn Klush. Youtube him. You will be impressed. Going to see him in June.
I wish! I'd love to meet him!
I'm sure they get a million phone calls though.
I just talked to my husband again and we decided to keep him until he looks better, and then we will find him a good home. He's already growing on me, so I have to be careful or I'll get too attached! :)
Ex-spouse on health insurance?
My daughter just told me about a proposal her ex has suggested. He is close to a thousand dollars in arrears for back child support. Now he wants to negotiate a deal where my daughter will accept about half of what he owes in exchange for his adding her to his job health insurance. She is self-employed and has not had health insurance coverage since their divorce.
I don't think he can do that, can he? Since he has lied about so many things I don't think she will do that unless he can prove she can be covered. Even if he could add her, what would keep him from dropping her for spite if there are problems down the road? Any thoughts? Thank you.
Marriage may be a vow, but if OPs spouse was unfaithful then she has
y
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
Cheating spouse/boyfriend, etc.
Many years ago I was married to a cheating spouse. I was pregnant with our second child when he took it upon himself to cheat with an underage girl in the back of our brand new station wagon. Well, I learned about this when a paternity suit came up with his name on it. Apparently he was so dumb that he did not know the girl had a boyfriend and being the sucker that he was he did not know that they would pin the paternity on him, and get money from him. Too bad it wasn't in this day and time because he would have been in jail because she was only 17, and he was in his 30s. This was only 1 in a string of women that I found out after the fact, and even contracted an STD when I was pregnant!! I also suffered spousal abuse, and have the scars to prove it. After 5 years of this I got out,and the only reason I stayed was for the children, but that was a huge mistake on my part. Now, whenever, I hear or see this on a program it makes me furious that these men think this behavior is okay. It is never okay and leaves many people, including children, to suffer much heartache.
Likening a spouse to a dog or horse...
imagine if a male doc suggested treating a wife like that; the outrage would be heard round the world. Maybe acting like adults and having a conversation like a married couple would help. How demeaning to treat a husband that way. Where do you women find these men that you have to "train"? Gesh, I always thought my DH was fabulous...now I am CERTAIN he is!
No muss, no fuss, no spouse -
.
Do you yell at your kids/spouse?
I grew up in a family of non-yellers. Even when he was drunk, my dad didn't yell. I've raised my voice to DH twice in our entire 34 years together, and one of those times was excused because I was pregnant, hot and miserable. I've never raised my voice to my kids.
Several of my friends are big-time yellers. It makes me cringe when I hear it. I guess cause I'm not used to it.
There's a line in Meet The Parents...
*You can pretty much milk anything with nipples.*
I think it's better to meet people in person around where
s
I don't meet the survey target , but
my two boys had a 10:00 p.m. curfew on school nights when they were 16. Curfew was 11:00 on weekends, unless something special was happening. I was told I was absolutely barbaric for setting such early times. My kids didn't tell me that. Other parents did. Not that I cared, mind you.
Each son proved himself to be trustworthy and responsible, and so the day they turned 18, all curfews were lifted. I only asked as a matter of courtesy that they tell me where they were going and give me an approximate time to expect them home so that I knew when to officially start worrying. They didn't have to tell me, but I asked them to tell me, which they did. In fact, for the first week or so after they turned 18 they'd ask me for permission to do something or go somewhere, and I'd reply, "Why are you asking me? You're an adult!" LOL!
They are 18 and 20 now, and doing just fine. The 18 year-old is commuting to a university in our city. He refers to us as his college roommates.
Ladies how did you meet your hubby?
Where and when and did ja' like this guy ?Was your heart justa jumpin'?
making ends meet
I agree if you need money to support your family you should not be going to school right now...and if your full time job is not cutting it then get a couple part time jobs. i work 3 jobs now; 1 FT and 2 PT and have so much work now its unbelievable. I will never go back to working for just one service. You never know when things are going to be slow. If your husband is not getting enough on disability then he needs to look for something else too...there must be something he can do unless he is totally disabled.
Buying a house with someone who is not legally your spouse, is
I filed separate from my spouse at the time--sm
against an old (over 10 years) student loan that I had. That was the only thing I filed against and it was way before my spouse and I had even married. Even though I filed in my name only, it affected his credit too, just because we were married. It continued to affect his credit even after we divorced 10 years later. Better think twice. It is not always a good idea to file bankruptcy as a way out of debt. Cut up those cards and start paying cash for things you want/need. The interest on most of those cards will keep you in debt forever. Been there! but not any more! good luck to you!
Has anyone filed bankruptcy separate from their spouse?
My husband and I have all bills and checking accounts separate except for the cars and we split the household bills. I have a ton of credit card debt and with MT pay being less all the time, was thinking this may be the only way out. I know the spouse doesn't have to file if their name isn't on the account, but is this very hard to do? Thanks for any info.
does every woman experience being hit by her spouse at some point? sm
I have had such a hard time getting over my husband hitting me (pulled my hair, banged my head into a carport pole, bruised my arms.) It has been four years. Yes, I have posted on here before. We are now in the process of separating. He never hit me since that time four years ago. But he believes I never forgave him. I feel that I did forgive him, but it changed the way I felt about him. that plus many other problems we have had over the years. Now we are separating because we have been together 20 years, 5 dating and 15 married, and we seem to have argued the entire time. We have never seen eye to eye. But we still care about each other and it is very, very sad. I feel heartbroken on one hand that my marriage is ending, and hopeful on the other hand that maybe my life will get better in some ways. I know monetarily it will not get better. I am hoping that it will be happier though. But what a huge failure. I am wondering if everyone experiences some type of abuse like that at some point in their marriage and I am just being a baby for not just forgetting about it.
My rant: I agree cheating on one's spouse is never SM
acceptable. The one thing that REALLY bothers me, is that men claim that they have to cheat, since sex with their wives is no longer exciting and that their wife won't do what paid companions will and my thought is always the same "Did you ASK her?". If they ask nicely, I'm sure loving wives would be more than willing to comply. Within reason, of course.
In my case, my children were not happy about having to meet and
get to know another of dads girlfriends. You seem awfully supportive of the girlfriend. Are you, perhaps, in the girlfriend position? To me, it is selfish of a parent who pushes their girlfriends/boyfriends off onto their children. My children were old enough to say WE DON'T WANT TO SEE DAD'S GIRLFRIEND and that was good enough for me. I didn't keep them from their father, but when they were at their primary home, that was their comfort zone, where girlfriends weren't pushed off onto them. My job was to protect my childrens best interests. If that makes me sound selfish, oh well.
I am so tired of hearing so many people I meet say they SM
hate cats. What is with these people, and what in the name of God do cats do to offend so many people? One of my friends told me on a shopping trip last fall about 15 times how she hated cats, but LOVES dogs. Finally I just fired back at her and asked her what in the world was wrong with HER? She got red in the face and muttered something about hating when they rub up against her. Give me a break. I could not take any more thatt day. Every shop we went into and she saw a cat on a picture, a mug, ANYTHING and I had to hear how she hated these wonderful, clever little creatures. All my life I have heard this nonsense. What is it with CATS?? My sister and nieces have cats and always have had them and we could not love them more. Would you believe last year my niece was in line at the store waiting to pay for cat food, when a guy behind her actually tapped her on the shoulder and looked at the cat food she was buying and proudly stated I HATE CATS. I agree with my niece when she said to me a few months ago that cats just don't get the recognition they deserve. When her cat of 20 years was failing but according to the vet not in pain, she took him to bed and slept next to him so he could die in her arms, which he did. We will never forget our Willie. He had a sweetness that will live on forever.
Neither. Not seen dad in the 21st Century, but did see mom to meet my stepfather. sm
They were very young when I was born, only 16 and 19. I have a younger brother who is gay and they have both pushed him away too, though mom a bit less. They were very controlling, highly critical and verbally abusive. The only thing I regret about the lack of relationship is that they managed to drive a wedge between my brother and I. I would thrilled to see him and build a new, grown up relationship, but they have made that impossible.
And for the record...I didn't see either of my parents for about 10 yrs and then decided to try again in my late 30s and early 40s. It proved fruitless. They were more angry, more belittling and just as abusive as ever. I tried, but then again I have changed and I no longer need that sort of negativity in my life.
go see Meet Dave with Eddie Murphy.
The kids will love it - and so will you. He played it so well! Cracked me up...several times.
Off to Vegas to meet up with my best friend from high school. sm
I have not seen or heard from her since our 30-year-old sons were babies. Then we found each other again on Classmates.com and arranged this little vacation. Tonight I will see her after all these years. I'm concerned that I won't have much to say (I'm a very quiet person normally) but we do have show tickets and horseback riding and shopping scheduled already plus I MUST find time to do some gambling (I live where there is NO gambling). I'm very excited!! Plus I booked Business Class tickets. 
That Classmates.com is pretty amazing. I have connected with not only her but my first real love (and first broken heart), 2 girl friends, and 2 old family friends. I really love having this connection with the past because I have very few memories of my years until I was about 23 due to much trauma and it is great to go back and visit some good times.
Wish me luck!!
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