For starters, I think you need to (sm)

RUN, don't walk, away from this PsyD.  Do the math - your daughter is 16 and 18 is around the corner?  She wants you to go "slow and nice."  You simply do not have the time for slow and nice.  Your daughter's safety and your sanity is at risk here. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are running out of time. 

See, I can say this because I was once in your shoes, although I wasn't as "nice" as you seem to be.  I also had a few more years to work on it - yes, I said years.  You are not going to undo this in a matter of months, trust me.   

Do you have any Tough Love chapters in your area?  If so, contact them ASAP.  You are in for the ride of your life.  I think you have to first step back and realize your daughter is playing you like a fiddle.  She can anticipate your move by her behavior.  That is the control you MUST take back.  So she wants to leave?  Have you offered her a ride?  I agree with the other poster (?Linda) - you leave with the clothes on your back, not with what I have purchased with my hard earned money.  You're old enough to be on your own, you need to find a way to support and clothe yourself.

She's 16 - does she work?  If not, who is paying that cell phone bill?  If you are, I believe that phone belongs in YOUR possession. 

You really need to sit down and realize that right now your ONLY obligation to her is to do your best to make sure she is safe.  You may not like being called names, etc., and try to ration with her about this, but you know what?  Very simple - you home, your rules.  She does not have the right to speak to you under the roof you pay for. 

I know it breaks your heart that she's not the "sweet" little girl that you once knew.  Right now those days are gone.  I can assure you though, if you'd give up trying to be her friend right now and be her mother in a few years she will thank you.  Yes, I said thank you. 

Do you have a juvenile officer in town?  Maybe you need to speak with him/her.  I'm sure you don't want everyone knowing your business, but I assure you - you'd rather this than get that call in the middle of night because she's hurt in a hospital some wear. 

Definitely hook up with Tough Love - at the very least buy the book.  You are going to need support for YOU.  Eventually this will invade your marriage if you continue on the path you're already going down. 

First order of the day - TAKE BACK CONTROL.  No more "you can't say mean things to me," but rather I will not tolerate that language in my home.  Take baby steps to regain your footing.  She needs to know who is in charge and believe it or not, way deep down she may even be craving this - an adult to guide her.

I wish I could give you a (((BIG HUG))) because I know exactly what you are feeling.  I don't know if I'd have the energy to go through it again.  If handled correctly though, you and your daughter can become friends again in a couple of years.  Right now she needs a mother and consistency.

Good luck and keep us posted!

• Hoping for some words of encouragement on 16 YO daughter. sm - need help desperately
  • Any updates? - BeenThereBefore
  • While I feel for you.......sm - Mom of 16 yo also.
  • You're not the only one in this situation. - Lucy
  • Just wanted to add one more (sm) - BeenThereBefore
  • It's going to get worse before it gets better. - CG
  • Daughter... - I feel for you...sm
  • I had a very strong-willed child. sm - here's what we did
  • For starters, I think you need to (sm) - BeenThereBefore
    • This poster has wonderful advice and I second it!! nm - poster from above
  • Not too much advice, but... - anonymissy
  • dear desperate - mom of 2
    • I have nothing but praise for you and - linda

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