First, go to Alanon. Second, maybe speak to a counselor sm
Posted By: ChiaPet on 2009-06-04
In Reply to: My husband is an alcoholic currently in rehab for his addiction. - LoriMT
about your feelings. If he truly does change, is there anything that would make the marriage worth salvaging?
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why can people immigrate to the US if they don't yet speak the language? Canada you have to speak
We briefly looked at emigrating to Canada. They have a point system for admission. You must know at least one and preferably two of their national languages to be admitted (English and French). You also must be young, healthy, and either independently wealthy, or educated and highly skilled in high-income professions. You cannot have a family member with a chronic illness, even if they are not coming with you, because you might send your income home to help them rather than spending it in the Canadian economy. Every child or dependent you have is measured against your wage earning power and if it looks like your family might tax the social system too much, you are turned down. This all makes perfect sense even though it may seem unfair (we looked at it before and decided not to go due to their arms laws. Now they wouldn't take us anyway because I have been diagnosed with MS since then).
This is very, very different from the US who it seems will take anyone and everyone.
I heard about a US chicken processing factory that was working with Welfare to put people to work because their supply of immigrant labor had run short. So, why don't we limit immigration until every American is working who can? And pay them a living wage with healthcare (illegal immigrants are too afraid to ask for these things and so the wage drops and benefits are not provided).
Get him to a counselor.
narcotics anonymous meeting. I have never heard of profuse sweating from marijuana withdrawal. Maybe he was on something else as well. The good thing is he's done with it, but it sounds like he may need some medicine to help him relax, but this would need to be prescribed by a physician.
counselor
You didn't mention if you're going alone or not to counseling, and I wasn't sure by what you wrote. I personally hope you go by yourself first. It may be better that way. Obviously, you'd have much more room to say how your feel, and the counselor wouldn't have the husband "boundary."
I'm glad you're working on yourself. If nothing else, hopefully you can use this as a time to get back to who you may have been prior to the marriage, or at least learn to be more independent again and ENJOY being that way. It's really nice to be able to walk down the street with your head held high and a sparkle in your eye (not to mention the swing in your hips after you lose whatever weight you're talking about).
Please keep us posted. We're all here to help you to the best of abilities...
Counselor
This counselor apparently has "issues" of her own and seems to be in the wrong job. Sounds to me that you are raising your children just fine. 
You should probably see a counselor.
It sounds like his hobbies and your way of thinking are not one in the same. He sounds sort of selfish, but there are always two sides to every story. My Dad used to say if a husband/father finds reasons to stay away from the house then he just doesn't want to be at home. He used to feel this way about the men who always volunteered to work overtime, which in my Dad's mind put another father out of work. He always felt they should hire another man rather than keep these men from their families, but then again maybe these men "just didn't want to go home". It is sad.
You shouldn't have to live this way. Of course your husband doesn't want to divorce because you'd probably get his hunting money.  He sounds selfish and you might want to look into getting your own place and see how he can figure things out.
Might want to go to a counselor
I'd say if you are constantly thinking about food, yes, you might want to seek counseling. You may not smoke or drink, but overeating is self-medicating, too. NOW is the time to get some help, when you are only 15 lbs. overweight. Don't let it get out of hand and then you have 100 lbs. to lose and can't.
God bless you and I wish you all the best with finding a good counselor.
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
Try another counselor
I really think you need to talk to someone else. Like others have pointed out, there are very few, if any, fairy-tale marriages. And it certainly isn't just about changing your hub. Your indifference is a symptom of your own feelings and you will very likely be just as depressed and indifferent after the divorce, only this time you'll be alone.
I think you need a new counselor. nm
nm
Seek out a counselor.
school counselor
That's beyond the pail for all of the people at this school. I'm really sorry you have to endure this. It sounds like you don't have the option here, but this is clearly why school vouchers are so important so parents can be "pro choice" about their kids' education. Rest assured, it all comes down to the NEA, who is drunk with power.
O'Reilly Factor had a perfect example of this on Monday's show in the "Is it Legal" segment about how ridiculous schools have gotten. You should be able to open it up on the link below.
Good luck to you. Hold on to your core beliefs and continut to "do the right thing."
Top Video
I would get him into counselor ASAP
bb
School counselor defensive?
I really need some input here. My family recently moved back to our original house because we could not sell it. The school they were zoned for before we moved back seemed okay, the children thought it was fine. We thought we would wait until the year was over before going back to the original school in our neighborhood so they would not flip flop.
My little boy who is 7 recently had problems with a reading group teacher who wanted him to be in a play. It was a big part. He is shy and I did not hear of his fear until they were into practicing. She said either do the play or get a zero. He asked if he could make up the grade. She told him to do a book report at the library (this is second grade). None of the children in the reading group were explained how to do this book report even my daughter who is in the same group told me she had to figure it our herself. My little boy did not know what to do. He was afraid to ask her again as one other time he asked for instructions she was very abrupt and did not answer him. So, I contacted his home room teacher to resolve it, as the reading teacher was not available (for personal reasons). The principal tried to arrange a meeting but again, this teacher was unavailable, and I finally received a phone call (she left a message) from her late Sunday night she was busy and could not get back to me and she would not be in for a week.
Week goes by, my little boy is okay but issue still not resolved. Top it off some kids were teasing him and told an older girl in the glass that he liked her. She sat down at lunch and told him she did not like him right to his face. Ever since, he has not been dealing with things well. He has gotten sick before school from anxiety, etc. I spoke 3 times with his home room teacher, and all she could do is say, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do, the counselor is busy today."
On top of this, my little 8 year old girl's teacher constantly gives her tardies for being 1 minute late (I go to the office to get a pass but she refuses to call them excused). We drive 40 minutes, it has been foggy and one time I had a flat tire. My husband informed the office of this.
With all of this idiocy we decided to put the kids back in the original school here by the house and as I went into the office to let them know, the counselor of the school had to meet with me, urgently. She lit into me big time, saying I coddle my son and if I kept doing so he would be come effeminate (sp?). She also said that I am teaching my daughter to be critical of her teacher by saying there is something wrong with being 1 minute late. I said there were reasons for being 1 minute late and my husband told the teacher and the office. The counselor said, "set your watch back so that will take care of it and you will be early.",
This counselor continued to say that I was not parenting my son and daughter correctly and that she was livid that I would encourage a crush that my son was only 7 and I was not being responsible. I said I did not even know about this crush and that I thought the girl was rude even saying that to his face after he never even told her it was a rumor!
I left the office feeling horrible as she indicated I was "a bad parent," I am not kidding. My band says she just was upset because we were leaving and there were issues not resolved correcdtly by her staff.
If you got this far reading this I appreciate it. Thanks for listening. But really, is my instinct right that this "counselor" was out of line, saying my son is going to be effeminate and my daughter critical? Made me feel about 2 inches tall, but I did not let her know that. Nor will I tell the children. Feedback on this would be highly appreciated. If I could I'd give you a copay for listening. Thanks in advance.
If you've been to a counselor who suggests
My husband and I are in counseling and she has never once suggested counseling, even in the beginning when I felt like you, just giving up, unloved, etc. I am amazed at how far we have come during our counseling and we're not done yet. We have 3 kids, ages 21, 18, and 9...they are the reason we went to counseling in the first place. Divorce is a horrible thing to do to children. For counseling to work, you both have to put your whole heart and soul into it. The counselor is there to do what you want and if you say you want to save your marriage, then that's what they are supposed to try to help you do. Please find another counselor and try again. It is worth saving...God bless...I'll be praying for you!
I would call the school counselor and
let them know what is going on. They can then contact the family.
Have you spoken with a counselor, therapist, or your minister?
It would probably help if you could express your feelings out loud and get some feedback from someone who is trained to deal with emotional dilemmas like you are experiencing. I would strongly encourage it, especially since you have had thoughts of suicide.
Sometimes it takes a little while to find the right "fit" in a therapist or counselor. If the first one doesn't seem to be helping, try someone else.
I had similar feelings when my son was finishing up high school and getting ready to go on to college. The so-called "empty nest syndrome," I guess. But there are a lot of components to it. It's like redefining yourself as a person, because for so long you have been meeting everyone else's needs, and now you are starting to realize that you have needs of your own.
So what you need to figure out is what fulfills you as a person. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Literally. Five years from now, what would you like to be doing? When you figure that out, start figuring out how to make it happen.
The best of luck to you, and please feel free to email me if you like. I'm still working on some aspects of my "mid-life crisis," but I have worked through a lot of it. I would be happy to provide a sympathetic ear.
I would call the counselor out of concern for this child. nm
@
Oh, this gave me high BP!! How dare a school counselor......sm
Take it into HIS hands to pull the girl and administer any kind of test at all, he does not have the legal right. He SHOULD have quietly contacted the girl's parents, told them about the rumor, and then SHUT UP, made himself available for counseling, but leaving parenting/medical matters to the parents, where they belong. If this were my own daughter, I fear I would be so enraged by this type of arrogant, stupid, unprofessional, illegal, and disresepctul acivity that I would become a one-woman vasectomy machine, the hard way. Talk about emotional distress?? That poor young girl and her parents. I can remember my days in high school in the early-mid 70s, parents were brought in and respected. OMG, this kind of "rumor" went around every time some nasty girl had a "fight" with another girl, they would have been hiring buses to drag these girls out....truly sickening situation, I hope this young lady is okay now, and has healed emotionally from it all, and thank God it was not true at all, for her sake, poor thing!
Doesn't sound very joyful. Find someone to talk to, counselor, clergy,
xx
I would say no, I speak though as one of the few who cannot -sm
breastfeed though (apparently something is missing or does not work right anyways ), so both my kids were formula fed. It is dangerous to have it drilled into you that you should breast-feed. I tried and tried not knowing any better and my poor daughter basically starved her first week of life, once the doctor's realized I was not making any milk they/we got her on formula right away. I had been giving her about 4 ounces a day of formula anyway once we suspected something was wrong, but they basically yelled at me for doing that. Luckily my child made it through okay and boy could she suck it down once she had something to drink. Too much emphasis is put on breastfeeding, etc. Most of us were probably formula fed and I am sure we all turned out okay.
Please, you cannot speak for all of us...
because I happen to be a Jewish person who believes ALL PEOPLE are the sons and daughters of G_d......and let us not forget that Jesus was Jewish!
We are all the sons and daughters of The Lord......we all need to open our minds.
Have a GREAT Saturday and Shabbot Shalom!! 
Me too, but only if I could speak
nm
I can't speak from experience, but (sm)
by what you describe, it sounds as if it was caught early. This makes all the difference, from what I have read with all cancers, but especially with ovarian cancer - very hard to detect. So that cyst was probably a good thing for you!! I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know how things go.
Ask to speak with his supervisor and also
write a letter to the bank (and headquarters) telling them what happened and make sure you get the man's name and refer to him often in your letter.
speak for yourself SWEETHEART--sm
but not this person. Just stay away from me...I don't want to get hit by any lightening bolts aimed at you. lol. and please stop trying to shove your atheist beliefs down my throat, too. It is all BS as far as I am concerned.
Excuse, did not speak about yours
you must have been trying to read between the lines and never said anything about your dear one. You imaged.
consider yourself blessed - not many speak same
It's your husband who should speak up for you, but
know that the situation may never change to a warm, loving relationship with your in-laws. I'm in something of the same situation, but nowhere near as bad as yours. I haven't really had to have my husband speak up for me, because in my case, I don't really care to socialize with my siblings-in-law. My MIL was always nice about sitting for the kids, but now that my kids are grown, that's not a factor anymore. The last time we all gathered together was at my FIL's funeral last year.
It is harder when you have little children, and your own supportive family is 3000 miles away. But where you need to place your focus is on your husband and yourself. Talk with him about it, calmly. What does he say? Is he willing to keep his relationship with his family to the courtesy sort of functions where ALL of you are invited? If so, HE should tell them why he is keeping his family (you and the children are his family now) from this toxic situation. And if they agree to have you all at their functions but still treat you badly, then it's your husband who should address the situation with his sisters and mother. If you are the person at the front of this, you will never win. Your husband has to realize that you and his children are his first responsibility, and that he should defend that relationship at all cost.
I do not see how any siblings could ever speak to him again
Maybe they have forgiven but I have heard (not from my friend) but other members of the family he is a gambler, womanizer and really not someone you would want to be around. This, though the friend says, had absolutely nothing to do with wanting the name change but parents are not always someone you can look up to and honor. I respected my father until I found out about the molestation, then no more.
What is the "pop" of which you speak?
Not trying to cause trouble, just don't understand what you are saying.
To the OP - hang in there! It will work out.
I would suggest she also speak with
the hospital administration about this issue. I would think it is a definite violation not to have him in an isolated room, which would be indicated outside the patient's room. Not only are they being exposed, but the patient may be being exposed to other viruses in an immune-compromised state.
It does speak to his character.........
Others can try to sugar coat it or find excuses, but it does speak to his character and what he deems important. Did your daughter speak up and say anything to him about this or did she just sit idly by? I have had the same situation and it does speak volumes for both.
do you speak with your hands - and I don't mean
My husband does not listen to me either. He looks like he's paying attention but he misses half of what I say. Couple thought I have is. Awhile ago we were watching a TV special it said that people listen and remember what you say when you talk with your hands (the study was done on school children). Well I don't talk with my hands. Never have and don't know how and when it do it just looks odd. I told him maybe I should start talking with my hands because then he would remember what I tell him.
I'm not sure if this is a normal thing for guys or not. We've been married 26 years and he hardly ever listens to me. I have to repeat things 2 and 3 times. Once we were getting ready to do 3 errands. As we were driving I asked where he was going and he said to this place and I said no, we have to hit these other 2 places first and he claims I never told him. I said I told him twice and then he became irate as though I was pointing out a mistake (he does not take kindly to me pointing out that he made a mistake even if I say it nicely, but he has no qualms in telling me whenever I made a mistake). Anyway...I don't know when my husband stopped listening to me either. Maybe about 10 or so years ago. He'll listen, but I think a lot of it is if I don't say what he want's to hear he just tunes me out. Our things are not major life threatening issues, but a lot have to do with "what he's going to do when he grows up". He's been out of work for about 5 years now and he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life (he's 50 years old). We will talk and talk and talk and then the next day it's back to square one like I never said anything.
Sometimes what I will do that helps is I take scratch pieces of paper and I write notes on them and them leave them all over the place. Like I keep a running list of errands we have to do and keep it on the corner of the table and a couple times through the week I will say we need to to this or we need to do that, and then I ask him when he would like to go do them (usually it's just the grocery store, or the place to pay our bills), but at least that gives him the option of feeling like he's in control of when its going to be done, when actually I am the one in control because the bill will need to be paid in the week. He too can be disrespectful of me and look at me funny if I'm telling him something, so what I've done is if I get the look from him I immediately stop talking. Then I will say the same exact thing he does to me "your not interested in what I'm saying?"
Maybe the note thing will help, it does with me. I wish you luck.
I guess I can't speak for everyone..
but I did not have that difficult a time stopping. I had tried before, but I could always come up with excuses for myself to keep smoking. For you,it could be different. And, of course, I had the meds. I do hope you will quit, for your health's sake, and I wish you luck. I never meant to sound offensive.
Funny you should speak of this
My now deceased MIL raised some piggies and she named them. I could not go and eat a friend I had named and raised, would be like eating one of my kitties. You know the older I get the more vegetables get to looking better to me just because more appealing to me. Have you ever had any problems like anemia for not having meat in your diet?
Can't speak for Pugmom - but when I see () or J**B
I would much rather read Pugmom's posts than her hater's posts. The poster above needs to learn how to spell. No wonder she is so angry. She is an MT that cannot spell or make a proper sentence. 
Speak to the director of financial aid
Ditto the advice on Voc Rehab.
You should be able to get food stamps *if* you qualify for work-study OR work at least 20 hours/week. I would appeal their denial ASAP. Ask for the caseworker's supervisor and say you want to appeal their decision. They should send you a letter with a "hearing" date on it.
Call and ask to speak with the Director of Financial Aid. Be persistent and keep asking for him. If you can't get through go to the Provost office or some higher up at the college. I've done it with a 18 month old in a stroller at my side! :)
One more thing - every single school I have ever attended had some sort of emergency loan for students. It's usually called a short-term loan or something like that. Also see if you can get $ on your ID card for the cafeteria. That can put that on the loan too.
The writing is on the wall, so to speak
You make a difference in the g'parents- your children are picking up on this. I had a similar thing going on with my son- my mother did all the loving, fun things he wanted- my father (they were divorced, each remarried) was strict, no fun to be around, hardworking but I believed in their being able to share and I did. Both are deceased now and I do not regret having him spend as much time with 1 as the other. Oh, BTW, one of my most enjoyable things as a child was when I spent time with my father and his wife- they had a small garden and I absolutely loved to dig up the potatoes- used to beg to get to do it. You should have a good talk with everyone and insist spending time with all- don’t let your feelings play into their hesitancy on going. Grandparents are not always right but she wants to have some time with them. Not all g'parents want to be bothered with kids, believe it or not.
Excuse me, I speak Jive.
I would love to see a clip of that part again!
Not judging honey, believe me, I speak...
my mind and you could tell if I was judging others. This place is teeming with unhappy, whining, complaining women (just look at some of the posts all over this site) and that is not a judgement, it is fact. As far as being in the same situation as others one day, if you read any of my posts you would see that I have been there, done that and changed my ways. Should something happen, we have learned to save money, have enough put away to last a year and not have to touch any retirement, etc. That took a lot of determination and hard work on our part and we are proud of it.
I am get a good chuckle out of some women who accuse other women of "living off their husbands" and "where would you be without his money". I can make my own money, but my husband doesn't tell me that i need to work and doesn't tell me how much I need to make. He is the provider in this family and has never once asked me to work harder, earn more or get a different job. Remember when men used to do that and our mother's stayed home and raised the family and didn't work? Are you jealous of your girl friends or family members that don't have to work or who live debt free or do you hold that judgement for those you do not know?
Enough of this for now. I'm sure someone will have something to bash me about later on...go ahead, it just shows how very immature some women can be.
You are so true when you speak of the furkids
I lost my older girl last January and she was born and died at my home- she was 18. My grown daughter still can hardly speak of her, gets all misty. I have 3 more but they never take the place of the one who is gone. Each is their own little separate kitty. I told my hubby never could run around, not enough time- got to see about the pets, feeding, watering, treats, it goes on and on all day.
you should speak to your spiritual advisor
Do you attend a church or other religious program? If so, you really should speak to someone there about your situation. I know several of my local churches offer to put together Christmas dinners for those who can't afford to and they've also given cash to them to buy for their families or help with their bills. People are more generous than you might realize.
Do you have children and/or a significant other? Depending on who you need to "shop" for, we may be able to offer nonmonetary suggestions that will make you feel good and the person you're giving the "gift" to.
Things are always worse than they seem. Hope your spirits are lifted soon. Good will.
Take it easy! How many languages do you speak? ..sm
Give some respect to people who are bilingual and even trilingual.
MTing is probabaly the only thing you can do!
The OP complained only about the position of the month and day in the date, geez!
I am planning as we speak to move in the next . . .
1-2 years. I have lived and traveled all over and have been in Georgia for almost 20 years. I hate this backwards state!! I am originally from Virginia and that's where I want to live out the rest of my life. It is the best and truly God's country.
Different parts of the country speak
differently--did you ever consider that. I am from the South and am always having something said about the way I say certain words. You need to calm down a little.
You hit the nail on the head, so to speak
When I read your first line, I was going to post about the swollen/sore breasts. That was definitely what clued me in. I think it actually started before the first missed period with me.
Good luck! I really hope it's your time!
The "Harley Group" people speak of here
Are actually the Patriot Guard Riders
http://www.patriotguard.org/
They are made up of anyone who wants to join. You don't have to ride, you can go on foot or by car.
My husband and I are riders and are really proud of all the fine people in the Patriot Guard.
They usually don't go though, unless the family requests/consents, because they don't want to cause additional grief. Instructions are to not engage troublemakers, and shield the families as much as possible.
Thank God for Patriot Guard riders!
I know from where I speak, daughter pulled same stunt
caught her at guys home, he probably in his 20s or so and she was 16. If I had broken the door down in order to get her, I would have been arrested. I knocked, they did not answer, went to the phone and called the police and they came and got her out. You can do things illegal if you like but I have never been in jail and I don’t think I ever want to be. Just me, though.
speak of spooing; ever see Stealing Harvard?
nm
my family's been here since before the revolutionary war and we speak English
:)
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