Don't Enable

You need to nip this in the bud, literally, right now while you still have the opportunity to reach your son. I had the same parenting style you did. I too hid my son's smoking from his dad. I too justified my inaction by saying "all teens try it." I too had a husband who would have kicked my son out of the house to teach him a lesson. How I wish I could do it over. My oldest son is now addicted to meth and just got released from prison after 8-1/2 years.

Buy your son a home drug kit and test him immediately. Continue to do so (especially after weekends). Sit your husband down and decide TOGETHER how to save your son. If he pops positive, get him into treatment immediately. Drugs are absolutely destroying our children's lives. Get on top of the problem while you still can. Being a Mom is not a popularity contest. It is a serious responsibility that means a lot of uncomfortable decisions. My oldest is lost to drugs. I learned from my mistakes and my other 4 children didn't dare even try drugs.

Learned The Hard Way 

• I need advice. I think my16y son is smoking weed... - StressedMom
  • mine are not that age yet - but i have
  • Thanks guys. I talked to him last night and..... - StressedMom
    • That puts a different light on things. - sm
      • I don't know if he's ever said anything to the other kid - StressedMom
  • This may be your last chance, your only chance... - Angelina
    • Not everyone's experience will be the same as yours. sm - Deb
  • Don't Enable - Learned The Hard Way
  • If you don't "go overboard" - BTDT
  • Boy do you have your work cut out for you...sm - blondie_1147
    • Agree with this poster, you cannot let - sm
      • I agree - SM
        • Been there - JEAN
          • I don't think its a cop out - SM

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and whatever happens, do not encourage a methadone clinc.  Your son may need a dual diagnosis clinic to learn emotional coping skills and receive rehab.  I am a little concerned that you automatically reject the idea of rehab without having talked to him.  You need to learn pretty quickly that going into rehab is only for those who are self-motivated or are avoiding jail.  You do not have to make your approach to your son confrontational.  You can be firm about wanting him to make good choices for himself without being confrontational.  Put your foot down about not having drugs in your home, even if it means he cannot visit within your home.  No loaning a car to him.  You don't want to lose either of those.  No friends over.  I've even handed my daughter a self-test at the door and made her give me her purse to search.  She chose not to visit for the next 2 years and that was her choice...not the one I would prefer, but hers to live with.  If your son is addicted to drugs, he will not get better until he wants to and not one minute before.  The best advise I ever got was this:

_When something becomes uncomfortable enough, you will do something to change it_

Your son may have to hit bottom.  It sounds like he is cycling with ups and downs (cocaine then heroin) and that is an indication of something pretty serious and tough to overcome.  My faith is never tested as much as when I struggle not to do something to control the choices my adult child is making.  Letting go while being supportive is very, very hard.  Good luck.