Does he understand that what he did was wrong?
Posted By: Annette on 2007-12-04
In Reply to: My 11-year-old shoplifted. - Completely stressed out.
Did you take him back to the store to apologize? If they just "got their stuff back" and had no further input from the boy or his family, maybe they were concerned that he had not learned that what he did was serious and felt that he needed a more concrete lesson. Perhaps the distress he sees in his family from the consequences of his actions will keep him from repeating this behavior.
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See message, there is something wrong with her brain that we don't understand
I have a niece like this, I type for a psychologist who has numerous patients like this and a lot of it is not their fault, they can have adult ADD, they can have other things medically wrong with their minds, etc. You can either honestly talk to her and tell her how it bothers her and try to help her become organized, accept her as she is or find another friend. I also have a great nephew (son of my niece) that has problems with this and like my doctor tried to explain to me -- they really believe and think that they are finishing projects, turning things in, remembering, keeping organized, etc. Their brain works so different than ours that it is hard for us to understand. But to them, their life is organized, etc. Taking EFA's helps, fish oil helps with the brain. Keeping a calendar helps, keeping schedules really helps. After this many years also it is a habit and a way of life for her but she really does not realize that she is the way that she is. I could not understand how my great nephew felt and believed that he did his assignments and turned them in when he did not -- Dr. J told me that to him he did it and he is not lying. Their brain works differently than ours. It is really hard for us to understand but they really think that they are on top of things. If in other ways she is a good friend, then work with her or accept this but if this is truly bugging you and you have no room for understanding your best bet is to stop the friendship as you are not doing her any good. There is a book out called "Brain Gym" that gives exercises to help with the brain, they are weird exercises but they do work. Again, essentially fatty acid supplements, lots of protein, fish, fish oil helps. Lots of exercise that moves across the midline. Schdules. But she does have a brain malfunction if you want to call it that so understand a little more.
You ead my response wrong, terribly wrong
I am trying to ask what does she think it will help, not being nasty- tell me and I will try this. I would stand on my head and gargle peanut butter if I thought it would help - I wanted to know why a letter? They are thumbing their noses at the courts - commanded to appear- I was there and they werent.
i understand
I have just become single again and have 2 kids. What I believe is that obviously we have spent so many years doing "kid stuff", going to the grocery, errands, etc. that we have a hard time hooking up with single guys because we lose sight of who we are beyond mom, household manager, etc. Try to remember or imagine what you would be doing if you didn't have kids and resosibilities or had time to do it. Whether it is rafting, reading and discussing things, being at a college class, hiking or some particular sport or interest(chess club, rock climbing, etc) you HAVE to make an effort to do these things, even if it constrained by time and $$hook up with a free group and devote a few hours a week to it. THEN eventually you'll be in the place to meet the person you would hang out with even if you weren't a mom.
"
I understand....
I worked away from home until just recently. The pressures to "donate" are horrible. My friend and I finally decided that we would allocate "X" amount of dollars for giving, once gone, the well was dry. Saying "NO" is not easy, and the repayment of debt falls in your lap.
You are probably more talented than you realize. Be creative if you work from home. Work hours while the children are asleep, or see if you can work split shifts to accomodate your children's schedule.
If you are unable to pay back on the taxes you owe right away, just attach a signed letter with your tax papers requesting a payment plan. You can set it up to reflect a reasonable monthly payment, include the first payment, and the IRS will work with you.
If you are incurring (sp?) debt, make sure that it is for something useful that is going to last for a while.
I understand what you are saying, but
I don't have a husband or significant other either, and when I did I still took out the trash, mowed the lawn, and what is snuggling? When the lump on the sofa was asked to leave, the only thing I missed was having to tell him to move to the other side.
I understand what you are saying, but did --sm
you read my post at all? How can one make *good food choices* when the govt. makes that impossible to do? I eat all organic these days, when ever possible. I eat lean red meat once a week. I eat a lot of veggies and fruits and try to find something that does not have HFCS in it...which is terribly difficult to do. It is a losing battle when all the cards are stacked against you. My vice is not food or overeating. My vice is what the govt inflicts on unsuspecting and disbelieving people who think that obesity is a choice...it isn't. and neither is diabetes or hypothyroidism. Good food choices do NOT override this condition. This condition was inflicted on me by money grubbing *professionals* who have their heads where the sun don't shine. If you think todays doctors and pharmaceuticals have our best interests at heart, you are an ostrich. Research it and do not *assume* that being overweight is a choice. it isn't. and simply making *good food choices* is not going to change that fact. JMO
He may not really understand what an IC is--sm
and he is concerned about future income, but really all he needs to be concerned with would be your income tax statement from last year. Personally I don't think he should need that type of letter, just proof of income, which would be tax statement. that is all. JMO
don't understand
If you bought a certain piece of furniture why is bidding involved and why does it have to be done on courthouse steps in the public and all that? By all means, do what the law says -- sure sounds like they're on your side. But getting a news station involved isn't a bad idea either. These people sound like crooks and the public needs to know. Even just a friend with a video camera to send a film of it all into a station with the hopes of a reporter followup to keep others from being tricked too. And I sure think you should get something for mental pain and aggravation and loss of interest on your money. 
From what I understand
nobody was "demanding" anything, they were making do just fine with the sinks. This was done because people complained about the sinks being used for this purpose. I guess I just don't get what the big deal is.
People are so afraid that immigrants are going to somehow take over the country, its like this big "us versus them" mentality- its just silly. What, are you worried that they will do what WE did when we "discovered" America to begin with? You know, we are all immigrants here when you think about it.
I understand about all that too
but they found no reason for my miscarriage and knowing all that still didn't help the pain or grief of losing the babies after trying for so long, and everybody doesn't just get pregnant again right after. I didn't. I was just blessed that God gave them to me in a diffent way
I do not understand what you mean?
A bite itself itches, you can scratch an itch but you cannot itch an itch. I would think that is a backwoodsy type statement if you said it.
I just don't understand this
First, my husband would not dare do this to me or my kids. This man obviously has no respect for anybody. And that is what I would tell your daughter's friend's parents, along with if it keeps up you'll divorce him! And I'd tell him the same exact thing. But if mine did this just once, I can assure you it would not happen again, after I got through with him.
What most of you do not understand
being as you are young and are able to work from home, years ago, well gosh as early as the early 90s, if I wanted a job and I had to have to raise children (not a single mother, a divorced woman) we had to work outside the house, did not have a choice. I am so very glad my kids are not in the toddler, preteen or teen years. The ones I see now are awful. Just in one of those box stores last night and I heard screaming, could tell not just 1 but several kids and finally here comes the mothers pushing and pulling several different ages of children along and the mothers, I guess, thought it was really cute that their kids could scream and act out like they were doing, the mothers actually smiling. Thank goodness, no more rug rats to raise.
You still don't understand. (sm)
A narcicist is not capable of being a friend. Divorcing him will be an insult to him and he will want to prove it is all your fault. Therefore you need a good lawyer to see if he can build a case to show that he is so bad for you and your children than he does not deserve visitation. You are going to need evidence, I'm sure.
Don't trust your own judgement the next time you are considering marriage - get a psychiatrist to evaluate any future husband for your own protection. You and your kids have been through enough, and I've read a lot of cases of women marrying the same type over and over again.
I understand
You have to feel that you've done everything possible to make your marriage work, so that if and when you decide to separate, it will be with the knowledge that there really isn't any other alternative for you.
The fact that your husband got excited about having a second chance is a good sign. Just don't let him slip back into his old ways. If he makes one demeaning remark to you, stop him cold in his tracks and tell him, "No more if you want this marriage to continue."
Be firm, be steady, and good luck!
I understand
But look what happened during Prohibition. And look at the availability of illegal drugs. It's a nice thought, but I don't think it would work. 
I don't really understand.............
I just know nothing would keep my mom from her grandchildren, even if she stopped speaking to her children and their spouses completely.
I think that is how I understand it, but
if someone else has them,(and how did they get them?) he (OJ) cannot just break-in to that person's room and take those items back. He should have notified the cops that this person had items belonging to him, stating the situation and go from there. I guess he thinks he is above the law after getting away with MURDER.
I'm not sure I understand what you
mean by associated, but it sounds like you did not pull the file from the disk into the transcription module. I did take a look under settings and then the files tab, where it shows the types of files ExpressScribe plays and where you check the box/es of the file types you will be transcribing. I did not see the one that you mentioned there, but just wanted to suggest that you could try converting the file using a program like GoldWave (free download) to something that is compatible. I usually convert to .wma files, which have always played fine on either of my modules (Olympus and ES).
Hope that helps, and good luck!
I understand....
I'm not telling everybody to not get it, just making sure they know all the side effects. I just tend to be overly cautious! :)
Hey, now I understand about no
respect by what you just wrote. You answered my question completely.
As I understand this...sm
these crosses were erected on PUBLIC land, not privately owned land. I can sure understand you being against roadside memorials though, in your situation, but this one is different, as it is public land and not hurting anybody..however, if it is violating some sort of state or city law, the laws should be adhered to, in my opinion.
I don't understand. Do you want to
leave him or stay with him. Sounds like you are miserable there. Maybe he was thinking the same thing and just afraid to be the first one to bring it up. If you are going to stay with him, then things have to change on BOTH sides.
I so understand, there too
 It is good to hear someone with the same problem as me. My daughter died 12 years ago and sometimes it just hits me real bad, a sound, a memory, a smell, and it all comes rushing back. No one can understand unless they too have lost a child. I feel for you. This time of year is always so hard.
I understand
Maybe he just wants more space and to get away from little brother - sounds like it's going to be a good situation for him - and probably his sister too..
I understand
I understand this, it is very frustrating, but it is also frustrating to have a child with asthma, who is 16 and very responsible, not be allowed to carry an inhaler with her at school, I had to appeal to the school board and get special permission, they gave in only after I, in no uncertain terms and with a not from an attorney, told them that if anything happened to her, they would be legally responsible. The kids are to leave inhalers in the office and if they need them, they are to contact the office - if you have an asthma attack, there is not time to go from one building to another and request your medication, sometimes I think the schools have no brains and they are in charge of our kids?
I understand
about the 14yr old. My DD just turned 15 and it takes about 30 minutes each morning before we find out if she is going to be 15, 5yrs old, or even 25yrs old on any given day. WHEW!!
Not really, because you don’t understand
He was NOT talking about women per se, he was saying YOUNG women under the age of 35. I did not vote, this is not a political board issue, it was merely about a talk show program that I felt was way off base. I am 65 and like I said, my female family members always worked (my grandmother in her 20s on) and my aunts, mother, etc. We never felt like a man or anyone else should take care of us, married or not. That is what I am saying. I only know of 1 female that I have ever heard say this. You might be from a younger group (like he was talking about) that feels someone should take care of them, ??
I understand
My parents divorced after 27 years of marriage. I was so angry at my dad for leaving mom. It was hard to see mother hurting like she was and dad not doing anything to fix it. I agree with the poster below, the best thing is to forgive him. You love them both and do want to see either one hurt (believe it or not dad is hurting too). This new lady friend will either get tired of him or he will wake up and seeing that he is being used, then where will he be? Please try not to be angry with your dad but, and I know that it is hard, to love him.
OH, now I understand! :-)
Well, that can really put a damper on things. Lots of other choices out there. Good luck! 
I can understand
why her mom would think that. I'm sure it is not something that people would generally think of being done intentionally. (I use that term loosely as I don't think psych issues are intentional which this may be.) If she has been aware of it then it might be a good idea for you to try to talk to her mom about it. She could be very frustrated with it and who knows how many doctor's are familiar this such a disorder (or whatever might be going on with her). Maybe this could be a starting point for mom to get her some help. I hope it all works out. I will keep my fingers crossed! :)
I do understand.
I understand that you were trying to avoid litigation on this matter, but the bottom line is either you avoid it or you don't. There is no in-between. Did the hospital file your daughter's visit to your insurance already? If so, what would you do with the $800 that the dog owner would give you?
I don't mean to be skeptical, but a very similar situation happened to my brother. He has 2 dogs - family dogs, mind you - a golden retriever and a lab, both on the small side. He had friends over and his friend's child was playing with the dog in my brother's house. The dog got excited and jumped up on the child (who was about 7 years old), catching his claw on the child's lower lip. It tore the skin, but nothing severe enough to require stitches or anything.
My brother's friend immediately wanted to take the child to the hospital. He even called from the hospital telling my brother about the treatment his child would need. My brother was very empathetic and concerned over the child's condition. Then the friend told him he would be getting the bill. My brother did get the bill, but when he contacted the hospital to pay it, the hospital told him it was already paid by the insurance company. My brother then contacted his friend, who said he could just make the check out to him and he would see to it that it got to the insurance. Yeah, right.
People in this world are always looking for a way to get something for nothing. I hope that's not the case here, and I apologize wholeheartedly if it isn't. In any event, I hope your daughter heals without scars, emotionally or physically. I have a feeling if you take this to court, your daughter will be reliving this nightmare for a long time to come. I would be more concerned about getting the dog impounded than I would be about lining your pockets.
I don't understand why you had to ask that one . . . nm
nm
I think I understand sm
The Bible thing hits home with me, I go through it all the time, some of my family carries it in their car and they believed they are "saved" and I am not. Unfortunately, I have been victimized the other way around, DIL's have "found" the right path, I am Catholic and "not saved" and have noticed an almost but not complete "banning" such as not answering my calls, etc., even though I have in the past been a savior during hard times and it's very hurtful, so I am very "raw" when it comes to this subject. I think back to when I resented my MIL and feel I am being "punished" but I truly do not deserve this, I never discuss religion, etc., my grandkids love me and I am tired of the excuses because they are hurting, they actually tell me they're sorry they can't see me more often. So I'm speaking from a broken heart. Do what you have to do. If your Mom won't listen to reason, then you've done your best to try. I am just being shut out with no explanation but I know where it's coming from with the "newly-found" Bible-based new testament. I have stopped going to church myself and am I know if I were told not to behave in a certain way, believe me, I would bend over backwards to play by the rules. I am just being given the cold shoulder I don't deserve, so as I said, this is a raw, touchy subject for me and I wish someone would talk to me about it, as I would even change religions just to be closer to the kids. They miss me and I miss them, it's a heartbreak. Your situation is different and you have to set some rules. She should be grateful that you are opening up and telling her what is bothering you. I am just a victim of a "silent war" and being pushed out, so don't listen to me, I'm in too much pain and I should take myself out of the equation. Good luck with everything, your kids don't need this swearing on the Bible thing, it's not normal. I pray that your Mom sees the light and loves the kids enough to change her ways. I''m just sad about my own situation. This shouldn't happen to a dog. But it did.
I understand, believe me!
Here's what I do during those company-coming crises!
Make a list of all I want done. Break it down into weekly tasks. Meter the weekly tasks out and include ALL FAMILY MEMBERS -- they all live there and dirty it up, they can all help clean it up! Just start now and do a countdown. You can get it done. Organization will help immensely.
I understand, believe me!
They're not helping? Oooooo, no meals cooked, laundry done or picking up after them, then!
Kids big enough to walk to/from school? Let 'em if they're not willing to help.
Until they start helping me, I'm not helping them!
A functioning family unit is not where the papa makes some money and comes home and does what he wants while the kids go to school and come in and do what they want while mama works, cleans, cooks, does the housework, shopping and carting kids around and never gets to do what she wants!
Nope, nope, nope!
Be strong!! MAKE them do it! Otherwise, schedule your dinner at a local restaurant and meet everyone there! AND DON'T TAKE ANYONE WHO REFUSED TO HELP!! Hot dogs for them on Turkey Day! LOL
You do not understand.....sm
what 99.6 percentile means.
I explained it in my former post. It means that she scored higher than 99.6 percent of all people who took the test and only 0.4 percent scored higher than her.
That means an IQ of above 150.
Do you believe this?
Einstein' was 165.
Average is 100.
Below 70 is mentally challenged.
I don't think I understand
so just let him do whatever, support his decisions, and hope for the best?
He has a good job it is just that so much of it is eaten by the attorneys, support, transportation, and crazy things the ex dreams up that the child "must" have and we are told we just have to pay it. It costs more than what I make to cover the mandatory expenses of my step-child.
I gave up our finances about a year ago to give him a taste of what it was like. Stupidly thinking this would help. Obviously it hasn't but has made things worse. I always reassure him and tell him we will get through it, etc. but when he asks me to make a decision I tell him honestly.
Recently asking if I mind if his teenage nephews come stay for the weekend I ask where is the extra money going to come from to feed them and get them to/from work as its an hour round trip. I offer maybe just one night instead of the entire weekend. Automatically that's not good enough because "they asked for the weekend." He says he doesn't know where the money will come from and he won't ask the his brother either and asks me to call and tell them no. Of course when I refuse I can tell he gets upset although he won't say it.
We don't argue about stuff its just more of one of us getting pi$$ed off until it blows over and then starting again the following week when another circumstance comes up. Honestly, I'm just getting tired of putting up. It has been nearly 10 years now but only 4 since our finances went together.
We are also expecting a child, which we could afford before the last 6 months came crashing down on us. Of course this is part of my anxiety over finances but being a man and his usual self he wants to live in la-la land until we don't have money to buy diapers.
I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening and letting me know that there is hope things will change. Atleast I know when the step-child becomes an adult it will be like winning the lottery!
I understand SO much what you are saying.
nm
I don't understand why it has to be this way
My SDs mom told her if I was at her graduation, she would not be, same thing for her wedding. She told all the kids if they like me that means they don't love her. My oldest SS is seeing his mother at Christmas for the first time in a year and a half, but he still holds on to her "rules" even after all these years because he so desperately wants her love.
I do treat mine differently, because THEY treat ME differently. I love my SD and was there for her any time she needed me. She made a few terrible mistakes recently and because we did not tell her it was okay, and send money, she is no longer speaking to us. Guess I now know how she really felt.
I raised these children for four years (the youngest was 18 months old she took custody of him at 6 and SD was 8). I spent more time with them than their bio mom did but because she can flash the money and make threats I'm still no better than dirt on the bottom of their shoes. My husband kept saying to have patience and wait until they grew up. Step-daughter is 18 and SS who lives with us is 15, I've been in their lives since they were 3 and 5. How long am I supposed to be treated like dirt? and what will it get me in the end? I found out with SD.....kicked to the curb.
I'm sick and tired of being disrespected by children and being expected to tolerate it because I am the step-mom and need to treat the SKs extra special so they like me someday.
Your right, there is nothing remotely romantic involved!
Believe me, I understand...
probably better than you will ever know. But, I love my dad and I understand his point of view on the situation to an extent. I do not understand the screaming and yelling, but I do understand why he is angry. Keep in mind that it does take two people to end a marriage. I hope that everything works out for you!
I understand, believe me I understand so much more than
you will ever know. She was DIVORCED. That does not mean SINGLE. All those words mean different - single, widowed, divorced. One means never married, one means spouse dies, one means you got divorced. Like talking to a bunch of first graders.
I certainly understand how you got
into such a mess. You have no common sense!.
I understand...
In ways it still bothers me as much as I'm trying to not let it bother me. I am thinking of asking her about it but I'm not sure as sometimes it might be better to appear not affected by people like that?
The comment didn't make sense at all. I guess it bothers me because I joined myspace for it to be a positive experience to share photos and to keep in contact with family and friends who are far away and not for the silly stuff that teenagers do, you know? It also would hurt me if my children's aunt is saying negative things about me or my children. I know I have never done that about her or her children.
It's really quite sad if that is what she is doing, but I got the feeling that there was some joke they were making about my cute little babies. That is really the worst thing you can do to someone who loves their children, you know?
I understand it like this:
She is infected with the MRSA virus, but it is dormant in her because she has a strong immune system.
But to others it might be contagious, especially to those with a weak immune system.
I never can understand
how doctor's don't think one needs more than 10 minutes for a visit and that clear and complete information can be giving in two sentences.
And certainly your issue getting your records is a biggy too.
Everything is supposed to be more organinzed with technology, but it seems nothing gets taken care of properly anymore!
In understand exactly! I went to sm
Lutheran school and we had spelling bees all the time. The most memorable one was third grade and the principal came in and told us all to sit down. President Kennedy had just been shot.
I am in my 40, and you do not understand
what this is all about. I said already once that a good joke is not to anybody's expense.
Mr.TechSupport's joke is a very tasteless one, if a joke at all, full of hidden insults. It is not a joke at all, it just gives off insulting messages in a ridiculing tone.
I understand your feelings, too. SM
Our school district lost 4 kids last year (2005-2006 school year) to car accidents (2 in one accident), and it's not a big district, as well as a young father of 3, who was killed by a drunk driver. But my daughter turned 16 last November and she went for her permit and got her license over the summer. As much as I would like to put all three of my kids up on a shelf so nothing ever happens to them, I know I can't. I pray for them daily and hope their father and I have set good examples for them as far as being behind the wheel.
My daughter also drives a very distinct looking car and her older brother also drove it, so everyone in the area knows who's car it is and the kids know I WILL hear about if they do something dumb.
Understand you completely - sm
My situation is exactly the same. He can ignore me for weeks. I mean completely ignore me to the point that I may as well not even be here unless he has run out of clean underwear and socks.
Then when he gets a wild hair, I'm supposed to jump with glee? No thanks, I would rather spend my time planning for the day I leave his sorry self now.
I'm sorry but I don't understand your post at all.
Maybe it's just me.
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