Does divorce always mess up boys' lives?? (sm)
Posted By: Worried mom on 2007-09-20
In Reply to:
So worried about my 10 year old son, whether I go or whether I stay. Anyone with experience?
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I am so sorry, what a mess. - sm
I agree, as I am sure you do, that your son is the #1 priority here. You need to stick to your guns and let him know that you will have him arrested as a runaway the next time he goes out of the house without your permission. Unfortunately, he really needs to be scared right now of what the consequences will be if he breaks rules. I would also suggest weekly drug tests for a while, just to let him know you are on top of it. I would also let your BIL know that if he ever touches your kid again he will be arrested for assult and that if you hear or see of him abusing his kids again you will call CPS on him... I know this sounds harsh, but he should not be allowed to get away with bullying anyone like he obviously is used to doing. As far as your sister is concerned, I agree with the other poster who said she may be scared of her husband. Wow this is really an ugly situation, and I am so sorry you are dealing with it. If you will accept, I would love to pray for the situation and all involved...
wow, what a mess
You and your husband need to sit down and work out a plan and present a united front. At the age of 19, he is legally an adult. This is your home and you have the right to be treated respectfully. It seems you both need to confront him with how you perceive his behavior and present some alternatives, whatever you decide is best. If he does not have a car in his name, take away the keys, even if you have to sleep with them in your pillowcase at night. You can't let this behaviour affect your younger child. You can withdraw the invitation that he stay at your home when not at school if he cannot treat you nicely. You don't have to DO these things, but present some alternatives if he doesn't change his ways and then follow through if he continues. They say people treat you badly only if you allow it. It sounds like it's time to stand up and be firm about how you are treated. Best of luck in a tough situation. I hope you get your husband's support as that will be critical. Don't let this man ruin your marriage.
Hot mess is what I think. nm
n
no its a big mess that I don't sm
even want to post on this board. My son chose this. He started acting up when he was 18 years old and will be 35 in June. He just decided he wanted nothing to do with his family. We have been around and around with this junk. Last time he called was 2 years ago. He calls and starts a ruckus and then you don't hear from him for 3-4 years. I haven't laid eyes on him in 9 years. He has to figure out his own problems.
I have another son who is 32 and is a firefighter here where we live. He is a joy. He is married and I agree with you about a sons a son til he takes a wife. Everyone I know who has sons and DIL go through this. I love my daughter-in-law dearly and have never had a cross word with her but its not like my son and I don't get treated as well either. I just suck it up and go on. No reason to cause a ruckus.
O well, enough for today
wow, what a mess to go through for so long!
The reason for having to file CS orders against both is that my GD gets a small welfare check each month, Medicaid coverage and WIC (for now and free school lunches later). All CS attempts/costs are handled by the state agency, not a private attorney. They now have an interstate agreement that is supposed to be more efficient, but hey, that is their ball of wax. Any money they collect goes to the state first to repay the aid my GD gets, along with all the associated collection fees...so I really am not holding my breath (might pass out! lol) on EVER seeing any money. Neither of them can ever have custody of the child again due to the laws in my state, so what I have is the next best thing to adoption, plus GD gets the aid. So, I'll let the state do their thing - they are rated very high on the list of collecting CS as compared to other states - and now that I'm done with court appearances, I will just raise my little one and let those that need to worry do it for me :)
Thanks for your support and advice!
listening to this mess-
I think doctors today are just different. I remember doctors that would actually stop and rewind to the spot that needed to be corrected instead of dictating it after the fact. I also recall the time when doctors did not say "umm, or keep you hanging waiting for the next word. I overheard two doctors discussing his mother's surgery and recovery. The attendings that are "supposed" to be training these up and coming doctors should include dictation techniques.
I did not say this was my sister-in-law, did I? What a MESS!!!
NM
I was on a rant and about a mess....
and yelled 'pick up your toys and put them away, dammit!"
She - then 4 - started to do so, but turned back and looked me right in the eye and said,
"don't call me dammit!"
had to laugh.
She does not need TMZ , she makes her own mess.
I saw these pictures actually on celebs on Craig's List yesterday, not TMZ.
Re: Beneficiaries in a will (what a mess)...
Hi to all you smart legal types,
My dear sweet grandfather passed away on February 6, 2009, at the age of 87.
My brother and I have been named in the will in place of my father who has alcohol dementia and is in a nursing home receiving state assistance. My aunts and uncles (my father's sisters and brothers) are also in the will. My grandfather's intent was to keep the estate in the family, so,therefore the will was changed to me and my brother. On the day of the funeral my aunt (who is the executor) informs me that there may be some CDs and/or life insurance policies that were not changed to me and my brother and are still in my father's name. My grandfather's intent when changing the will of course was to keep the estate in the family and not have it to go to the State of Wisconsin since my father is receiving Medicare and Medicaid. This does not make sense to me why everything was not originally changed!
I am unsure how this all goes, but these things I have learned from a friend who went through a similar situation and want someone to clarify me if I am wrong.
Here goes: First off, why would the original lawyer (they have since hired someone else to handle the estate since my father passed now) not have made sure everything was changed and had my father's name taken off everything? Shouldn't this have been part of his job since the original intent was to keep it in the family? And if this is part of his job, someone suggested I contact his malpractice company as this may be our recourse to this dilemna since he didn't do his job properly.
Secondly, since my aunt is the executor, I was also told that what an executor does is acts in the behalf of the deceased (my grandfather) and she has the authority to have this changed even now. She is telling my brother who is the power of attorney for my father that he needs to hire a lawyer and have this changed. I am also told from my friend that if he does have to hire a lawyer he can sue the estate to recoup the costs of doing so, which I am sure will go over like a lead balloon! Is my aunt not aware of what her role is or am I wrong? My brother of course has a passive/aggressive personality and I am the go-getter, and he basically said he doesn't care and wants to let it go because he does not want to deal with it. I feel if my aunt is so concerned about it and keeps bugging him about it and has the authority, then she needs to do it. But, I also told him that grandpa's intent was to keep it in the family and if something can be done to change it then we should, but of course it may not be worth it monetary wise either as the lawyers will get a good chunk of change. And on that note, am I allowed to ask the lawyer exactly the dollar amounts we are talking such as life insurance, CDs, or the estate itself since I am listed on the will? My aunt told my brother, but not me and he says he doesn't remember.
I am not very trusting of my family and I can see greed written all over this! If this is not being handled properly by the family, especially my aunt, I am trying to figure out what is in it for her. I have a call into the new lawyer, which by the way, I was not told that we had switched laywers by my aunt. I only found out through my brother who I spoke with the other day. Since we are all listed in the will, we should all be kept informed. I don't believe the family really wanted me and my brother in the will, but agreed to make the best a of bad situation as best as they could, versus the State getting the money or the only grandchildren listed in the will!
Sorry so long and windy, but have so much on my mind right now regarding this situation and until I get some real answers this will bother me all day. Please if anyone out there understands anything about how wills and/or estates work and has any insight, please respond.
Thank you!
You wanna mess your cat up for good?
Get a chicken...nay, a ROOSTER. My old cat thought he saw an all-you-can-eat buffet when he first met "Steve," my Rhode Island Red. He was stalking Steve from behind a bush (my chickens are free rangin'), started that low belly-creep towards his prey, and Steve saw him coming from the eyes that are in the back of his head. That bird actually turned on my old cat and chased HIM away. He's been reformed ever since and hardly goes outside anymore, even though Steve and his girls are long gone. He's totally shell shocked, even though Steve never got near him. Even the cute little chickadees in the window feeder make his hair stand on end now.
Re: SICKO, the healthcare mess, etc.
Interesting video on YouTube - this guy says it simply & eloquently. He wants people to send him videos on the subject - anyone out there in MT with a PC-cam could certainly get the word out on the offshoring-of-medical-records to a HUGE audience in this way. Here's a link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8NDs4YuLXE
He doesnt want the kids cause they would mess up his
asdf
We ALL mess with mother nature
Who among us has not colored their hair, seen a plastic surgeon because we weren't satisfied with our bodies, took a pill to alter our mood or help a physical condition that made us uncomfortable? Who has not dieted, worn colored contact lenses, got a perm, had liposuction? Who didn't get their ears pierced, or love someone who has a body piercing or a tattoo? Even if you never did any of these things, did it make you "sick" whenever someone else did?
Why is it MY business what someone else does with their body? Oh, that's right, it isn't. If I don't like your decision to become a blonde, should it make me "sick"? Should I sneer at you and throw rocks because I personally don't like it that you got breast implants? Well, that's what people do to people that change their sex. What gives them the right?
I am still cleaning up my mess from about 2 months -sm
ago. We have paid off all but $3K on my husbands cards, have them paid off in full by March, don't want to get stretched to thin over Christmas, car insurance on 2 cars and propane for heat. I am on hardship plans with 2 of my credit cards, one is no interest for a year, the other is 10% for a year. Cut the payment in half on one, the other only by about a 1/3). Have 2 of my others current again--small balances on those, and working on getting the last one current--need another $600 on that one to get caught up after not paying for about 3 months. But in 2009 plan to use a debt settlement company and for at least the 2 that are on the hard ship plan (don't think it will work on anything you have current) and that should save me I hope at least $15K before interest, which is about 40% of the total due on those two. But waiting until 2009 because of the tax liability, will have a year to save up the taxes owed on any settled accounts, have $1400 set aside so far, figured on saving at least $3K to be safe. --but yes you can do a lot yourself in terms of negotiating a lower payment and interest as long as you show good faith. I am making my payments on time (they directly debit it from checking). Learned a lot here asking questions. Sorry to hear you got ripped for the $400 but as someone hear pointed out, you ask to be put on the hardship plan and they transfer you over to another department who handles repayment plans, etc.
She was irrelevant 10 years ago..what a hot mess!
//
Sooo true! But I didn't mess her up.
No really, she is a rescue.
:oD
Heck no! 40 is a great age- you know enough not to mess around but you don't have Alzheimer's
Wean yourself from her, little by little, for your own peace of mind. She'll either get the mess
x
ADDENDUM. Just trying to get some straight answers and not sure what to make of this whole mess. nm
nm
I feel your pain... sometimes I consider shaving my head!!! I just keep it short so as not to mess
nm
Been there - I just cut them off and out of our lives!
Don't feel any bit of guilt either. My in-laws, the whole bunch of them, are just nasty, evil people and I refuse to be around them. My kids don't even want to be around them. If my hubby wants, he can go by himself, but he doesn't even want to be around them. It took a lot of hurt, and evil doings for me to get this way, but I am here and will never have them as part of my family ever again!
I am Thankful they are out of our lives!
if one lives to be even 80 though...
At 50, that's still 30 years to go...a lifetime! Guess it's a relative question and I will be looking forward to your responses! 
I am the one who lives in FL from below.
You are exactly right. We got hit by Charley and then once repaired, policy was cancelled, thru the bank no less!
This is a joke, right? Your son LIVES with her,
and you wonder about any of this? Give me a break! If the coach were God Himself, that would be no excuse to hand over your mothering duties and your son to someone else, let alone someone you think is a B. Give me a break. What is wrong with you?
OP lives in Monterey, CA
nm
But no matter where she lives, she is still
just not that pretty and I personally would not want to be her, no matter where she lives. I love my neighborhood and I don’t have man hands, huge teeth, watermelon head, toothpick body and no one has ever complained about my voice. I do not like her show at all.
...though it won't be soon as he still lives here, but possibly not
s
My MIL lives about 1/4 mile from me, and . . .
right now she is on a cruise, and I can't hardly stand it! She and I are best friends. I absolutely LOVE her. We are very much alike in our thinking . . . most of the time. Even when we don't agree, we still manage to talk about things and agree to disagree. I know I have a real treasure in her. In my book, MILs can be wonderful. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but I know it is very, very possible.
When my MIL gets back home on the 15th, I'm going to be extremely happy!
I meant lives near me - sorry. NM
/
I can ask my mom who lives there (just got off the phone, actually). sm
I do know that in the summer, the highs are around 70s or so. Does not get much higher than that. A Big Mac and fries with drink in Alaska (Anchorage) will run you about 6.00 w/o tax.
My mom received an expensive gift card for the doc she works for - for Nordstrom Dept. Store. Instead of spending it in Alaska, she is coming to Texas next month and thinks she will get double for her money at the Nordstrom's here.
They just bought a 4 BR/2BA home in the town of Palmer, AK (about an hour from Anchorage?) and they paid 200,000 for it. BUT, they are now selling their home and moving BACK towards Anchorage as she realized she cannot drive in the winter that far to work! She makes 22.00 an hour running a doctor's office. My dad works for the prison system and they are doing VERY WELL. He is retired A.F. She NEVER complains about money - like how much things costs. If anything, she says, "boy it's nice not to have to worry about money!"
Every year residents get a "dividend" check for a couple thousand dollars from the oil companies, too, from what I understand.
If you are a woman, Alaska is a WONDERFUL place to live, from what I hear. My mom and dad are still young (in their late 40s - early 50s) and my mom says that dad brings home "friends from work" and the way she puts it, if I were single and visiting I wouldn't be single for very long! Plenty of good looking, hard-working men and not enough women...........My mom has a weird sense of humor, but she's not kidding!
Of course, you MUST love the outdoors if you live there. My dad is constantly shoveling snow and working on their vehicles - at least 7 months out of the year, preparing them for the cold. He just bought himself a new snowmobile and he is an avid hunter and salmon fisherman. My mom is outdoorsy too, so it works well for them. I have no plans on visiting any time soon. I enjoy not having to deal with snow where I am at.
I hope this helps you a little bit. The further you go from the city the cheaper the housing. My parents want to move back to Eagle River,AK, but don't think they could get a decent house for the price they are asking in that particular area.
I'll tell you this. If I were going to move there I certainly wouldn't go far from Anchorage unless you want to live in the middle of nowhere! At least in Anchorage (or near Anchorage), you have full access to the airport where you could get on a plane and get away if you need to which is what my mom does often. I see her "all the time" even though she lives there. She flies out a lot! And that is because no one in the family goes to visit them.......Hope this helps!
FIL lives with us & his will be with his May check sm
The notice about the deposit said that it was going to be deposited separately but at the same time as his regular SS check, which is the 4th Wednesday of the month because of when his birthday falls.
Not everyone lives in small towns
I took the bus and T (subway in Boston) to high school and college, as did most kids. Try parking in Harvard Square, or anywhere in Boston for that matter.
When I moved out west to continue college in a city that did not have great public transport, I lived on campus for the first year without a car. After that I bought one for $1000, and insured it for $35/mo (this was in 1993).
My mom does not even have a DL, and did not have the money to pay my tuition, let alone get me a car for school, yet somehow we made it. Kids don't NEED cars in high school. There is always the big yellow bus if you live somewhere there is not public transportation. I was shocked to see how many high school kids were driving around in new SUVs and sports cars like Mustangs where I used to live in the South.
Just one more sutle way to push God out of our lives
Many people do not even notice this change, or many just don't care. Just like God was pushed out of schools, public buildings and trying to get God off our money. "In God we trust"? As a nation it is hard to say anymore. We were founded on Christian beliefs but separating church and state has been taken way to far.
So glad I did not have them their entire lives
because I had already raised my children and did not need to be raising stepgrandchildren and especially ones that had been left to fend for themselves and did not know how to cut up a piece of meat to eat it, no manners, nothing, took to Walt Disney World and they had never even heard of Snow White and 7 dwarfs but they sure knew about reefers, killings, rapings, etc. This is how they were growing up. I thank my lucky stars I am not in that situation anymore. I know personally of not only the neighbor who gets a check for her son being diagnosed as attention but also my cleaning lady, she also knows how to work the system, so she tells me and from what she has told me, I firmly believe it. Lots of people working the welfare systems yet.
I agree. We are considering our daughter's lives here....
NM
I am reading about all the pets we have in our lives
and hearing about the tragedy that has come our way, especially today. I know how much your animals(s) mean to you as they mean the same to me. I would ask all of you, not only the ones who have lost their friends and family today, but also the rest out there to consider an adoption from the humane society. There are a lot of anmals we can give good forever homes to. I give a donation each month to the humane society as well as take my newspapers there because they shred them and use for the animal beds. There is a little life out there waiting for a family, think about it.
Why are people throwing their lives away?
I am up in years, have worked a total of 50 years now (yeh, started really young) and still working. My mother could not afford to send me to college and years ago I did not believe I was college material. I did, thank goodness, find transciption, always extremely fast typist (self-taught by the way at 12) and good speller, hey what more can you want? Anyway, back to my post. What in the world is going on when highly educated people in high paying jobs being so dense as to try to pull off crimes that get them jail, prison time, fired from their jobs, and on and on. I just do not get this at all. Just when you think you have heard it all on the news, you hear something crazier! I have never been arrested, don’t want to be, try to live a decent life and would not think twice about trying to pull something that would compromise the way I lead my life. What are they thinking??
My daughter is at VT and lives in West AJ.
With her guardian angel watching over her, my daughter is fine. After the first shooting, she was released to go to class and was walking toward Norris Hall. The police told her to go back to her dorm. She is in lock down and hungry. What a sad day for the VT community. Please pray for the families who lost their students.
I have friend who lives on the other side
of the railroad tracks that cook these things.
Never ever ate that, swear on my furkids lives
Now I love beef but hardly eat that now- hubby wants us to cut back on that and the pork but that does not mean I do not love. I probably would throw up if someone served me liver of any kind. I was raised in Tenn but live in Georgia now and no I have never. I have seen liver in the grocery but as far as the other organs, just do not see them here (in town over 4 million) so have shopped in big stores. We have an international market and the next time I am there will check and see if they carry these items.
grew up in St. Albans, mom now lives in
Hurricane, used to go to Point Pleasant all the time for Sunday drives. Wanted to see that movie but haven't gotten around to it. I am old enough to remember the Marshall plane crash - couldn't bring myself to see it.
connectin xbox lives
i am trying to connect xbox 360 live on a wireless router and they are asking for0my IP address and other addresses. where can i find this. also, any advice on how to set his up.
Thanks
All cattle graze for most of their lives. All of them...
and there is overhead involved in grass fed beef. There is overhead involved in everything, but my real question was: How does finishing with corn change the "chemistry" of the muscle?
For us who spend our lives listening
we all sure have a lot to say! Love it.
If I remember correctly the mom lives - sm
on her own piece that she got in the divorce. The daughter lives next door on a piece of land the dad owns.(unclear if dad owns the daughter's home though). The dad (ex-husband of mom) lives elsewhere. In any case, a real mess. Dad needs to be locked up and evaluated or they may all end up dead.
My mom lives close and it's nice
My mother and my siblings and I all live within about a 10 mile radius. The grandchildren can go to grandma's anytime they want. They are in and out sometimes every day. They like to spend the night at grandma's house and she likes to have them there. They keep toys and extra clothes there just in case and they have their own dresser drawers, spots in a closet, etc. She's a great mom and is the one person any of us will leave a sick child with when we "absolutely" have to. BUT my mom likes to have her own space. She likes the fact that she can "just say no" (which she rarely does) and that they go home when she's tired. Sometimes it's as casual as picking her up and all of us going out to lunch and then back home, but the kids see her at least 3-4 times a week.
None of us have ever taken advantage of her as a babysitter and "dumped" our kids on her. We respect her schedule and plans. She loves seeing the kids. My niece cut her first tooth at grandma's house. She got to see them grow and saw how much they remind her of their parents, her children. I think she would have missed out on a lot had we all not lived so close. Both sets of grandparents lived 350 miles away when I was growing up and I hated it, as we only got to see them a few times a year.
I don't think he lives at home anymore.
I usually take the woman's side with this kind of stuff, but can't do it with Kate. She has changed big time. Jon said a long time ago he didn't want to do the show anymore but she's really into it. I think she is only doing the show for herself, not her kids (as she says), and she is willing to put her marriage on the line. In my opinion, she has never treated Jon very well. She's very overbearing. It's her way or the highway and he chose the latter.
I hope they take the show off the air.
Then, they can widen the road by allowing God to come into their lives!
g
I thought of an iPod, but he already has one and because he lives in the city, the air gun
It's such a quandry trying to buy for a teen! I really don't want to just get him a gift card. "Auntie" really wanted to do something memorable. He's getting older and he's just not that little bitty guy anymore! 
I love NYC, and I think everyone should go to see a B'way show at least once in their lives.
But if you're ever interested in doing a shorter, probably less expensive theater trip, don't forget about Philadelphia. Lots of Broadway shows come to Philly. The Lion King, Wicked, The Producers -- they've all been here. The casts can be different, but no less amazing. One of the best nights of my life was seeing Yul Bryner in the King and I in Philadelphia. Amazing! This past Saturday night I saw Michael York play King Arthur in Camelot with Rachel York was Gunavere. I just bought a subscription to the Walnut Street Theatre in Philly and will see Man of LA Mancha, Peter Pan, The Price, the Odd Couple and Les Mis next season, along with Amadeus at the Wilma Theatre.
No, it's not quite Broadway -- not the lights, not the hustle and bustle, not the exact casts. But, for a shorter trip for less money, a quick weekend without the kids perhaps, you can see amazing theatre in Philly, too. And when it comes to food and restaurants, Philadelphia has a well earned reputation as a foodie city.
Enjoy your time in NYC! If you're ever in Philly, drop me a line!
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