Do you have sympathy for child molesters?
Posted By: kam on 2007-02-21
In Reply to:
Can they be rehabilitated, or should they serve life sentences?
Many people seem to have such mixed feelings about child molesters, like “Well he’s always been such a nice guy,” (duh, how do you think they convince the kids to trust them?), or “They really can’t help it.”
I personally do not have mixed feelings. I believe they should serve life sentences for the torturing of these children. I believe that 99% (if not all) cannot be rehabilitated, they are child rapists for life. In many states molesters are only charged with a misdemeanor if they fail to register as a child molester. This is unacceptable.
Please write your senators and governor and urge them to fund the ADAM WALSH ACT, which will make failure to register a FELONY and help make consistent and uniform laws for ALL STATES. Most of these rapists are not dumb and take advantage of the vast differences in state laws, hopping from state to state trying to find the most lenient laws.
The link below will take you to oprah.com to download a prewritten letter that can be sent to your representatives and links to their addresses. It took me less than 2 minutes to print all the information out, and it could help change our country.
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200702/20070221/slide_20070221_284_118.jhtml
It is estimated that 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 10 boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 18. Over 260,000 children are abducted each year in America. PLEASE DO YOUR PART TO HELP.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
And as for molesters? I don't feel the need to be nice to them (sm)
I would have no reason to feel I needed to be friendly to child molesters.
No sympathy here.
I was taken advantage of by a family member when I was very young. I blocked it out for years -- almost lost my marriage because of it. When the flashbacks came I thought I was losing my mind. I feel no sympathy for anyone who does this to a child. Speaking from the otherside of it -- you may move on, but it stays with you forever. It is a club I would rather not be a part of.
No sympathy--sm
I have read the message from the poster below reminding us that the abusers are someones child, as well. That someone loves them too. Well, love them, yes. Condone what they did. NO.
It is just my opinion that these types of people CANNOT be *rehabilitated*. It is as much within them as homosexuality is within a homeosexual person. It is not something that is *learned*. It is bred within them and cannot be *cured*.
I was, and I will use the term that was inflicted on me, RAPED...40 years ago. It is still within me. Yes. I have *moved on* and do not think about it or dwell on it...but the after effects just never go away. It has affected every male/female relationship and some friendships that I have ever been involved in. I have given up on trying to have a relationship with anyone, as my psyche will just end up ruining it. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to ever hurt anyone else again. The person who inflicted himself on me has nothing to bear within his soul. He will never know the kind of pain he has inflicted upon others. He just gets his *satisfaction* and moves onto the next one..until he is caught. But even then, his *sentence* can never come anywhere close to what he has done to his victim. Ever.
so. no sympathy here. That one *event* changed my life forever, but not his.
Don’t need sympathy from you or anyone here
I said rudeness, saying a person not smart enough to ask something- this is, like I said, a forum. People can and do ask a lot of different things here- not that you have to fricking use the advice! Not that you take the advice always! But, people sometimes have similar things happen in their lives. That is what I am saying. No sense in people being suck jerks!
You have all my sympathy ! Been there, done that. nm
x
no sympathy, as long as they are
rightly convicted. I myself have been molested as a child, not severely, not even long-term, but it has had a PROFOUND effect upon my mental/emotional/sexual being. It took flashbacks after almost 30 years to piece it all together and understand the impact upon my life. and NO, i don't think they 'rehabilitate'. I think life in prison is the minimal most of these offenders should do. Death would be better for the more persistent and violent offenders.
Now I will give you my sympathy as you did for me
the other day as my baby Kitty-Kat was dying. I really feel your sorry.
not a sympathy card...
Just a congrats on your new baby and friendship, etc... No, sympathy on behalf of the baby would be totally out of order. The baby is fine except for a common foot deformity. It is correctable. No she needs a pick me up card. Something to brighten her day.
Thanks for the advice and sympathy.
It's not just the pain, but have you also had such trouble procrastinating, or when you get started, cannot keep concentration? Combine all three, and heavens it is hard to get through a day. I am a bit better today compared with yesterday, thank God.
I will be sure to try the flax oil and taurine supplement you suggested, "MT also in NC." Thanks so much.
Not looking for sympathy, in fact
I figure to get the opposite! Doesn't matter! I'm a smoker ... yeah that's right, a dirty low life scum of the earth polluting your air smoker! One of the few little pleasure I have in life. When the price of cigarettes went sky high, we started "rolling our own". It was a lot cheaper, for a while. The price of the tobacco went up, but still much cheaper than cigarettes. Well today, DH was informed at or local tobacco store, that because of a new tax hike, it will go from $9.14 a can to over $20.00 by April 1st? Ok. I'm done, let the stoning begin...
I just wanted to send my sympathy your way...
May you find comfort in the Lord.
Sympathy cards are so inadequate sm
Maybe the people who did not give you cards had a difficult time finding something and just didn't get one at all because of that. I spent a great deal of time at the store yesterday looking through cards to give a friend who just lost her 7-year-old son. They all say basically the same thing and none of them say the right thing because there is no card in the world that will bring a loved one back. In the end, I did pick one out to give the family but still feel it is woefully inadequate to express how my heart aches for them and their loss.
Need help on what to write on sympathy card for baby SM
My friends just lost a baby to SIDS. The funeral is tomorrow. Unfortunately I can't make it, but I'm sending a sympathy plant/flowers. I'm at a total loss for words. What should I write on the card? Appreciate any input.
I was just saying I think it would be out of line also to send her a sympathy card...
I AM leaving her alone. I am just asking for other insight since I don't understand this. Like have other people done this. I am not pushy. If I were pushy I would keep calling and asking to speak with her or go over. I am respecting her wishes. I haven't been over because she said she doesn't want anyone over. How am I pushy?
How important is it to you to receive a sympathy card
How important is it for you to receive a sympathy card? I know this has been quite a long time now (3 years), but still bothers me. My mom died 3 years ago and I received only 3 cards. One from my DH's aunt & uncle and my best friend sent me 2 cards. Nobody else sent me a card. My MIL, BIL (3 of them - all married), SIL, co-workers (8 of them), people in my quilting guild that I've been quilting with for years and years. None of them. I went back for the funeral and listed to my sister and aunt tell each other about how many cards they got and how much they were loved by their friends (they made it into a joke as to who was more loved by who got more cards :-) My sister got about 18 or 20 cards and my aunt got about 30. They said they were sure when I got back I'd have many cards waiting for me (I flew back 2 days after hearing of my moms death). My sister even offered me some of her cards. I came home and had just the 3 cards. My best friend also send me some "cheering up gifts". But still nothing from anyone. I never said anything to DH but it bothered and still does bother me that people thought so little of me than to send me a card letting me know they were thinking about me. The worst thing was that I always sent them birthday, anniversary, and sympathy cards to them. I even would send them sympathy cards when their pets died.
Well I'm over it, but every once in awhile I think about it and it just saddens me. So now I don't send any of them any cards for anything. Just wondered if it bothers other people like it did me.
Dating sympathy (from married person)
I would hate to go back to dating. I've been married 18 years but I do remember what single life and dating were like.
The majority of them were creeps for one reason or another (especially the one going to law school - I got my first clue when I saw a sticker inside his car - his last name is also an occupation and the sticker said _________ know all the right strokes). (eye roll)
I mentioned in another post that I had moved into an apt. with my boyfriend of about a year, and 3 weeks later, he left me for his ex-wife.
At that point, I swore off of men. I figured I'd just live in the same apartment and go to work at the hospital 5 days a week for the rest of my life. That's when my husband walked into my life.
I had first met him in 1985 when, after graduating high school, I went to work at McDonald's. He was a swing manager, 2 years older and so darned handsome. We dated for quite awhile but it wasn't exclusive. He then joined the navy and got married. Three years later, his ex told him she needed to get a life and filed for divorce.
About 3 months prior to this, I swore off men for good. Then, one day, I was working a Saturday at the hospital (I think it was to make up for the day I missed when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy - yeah, it was stupid going back to work the day after you have surgery). I got a phone call from my mom, asking me if I remembered such and such. My husband's sister had called my parents' house but my mom didn't want to give out info, so she called and gave the info to me. I called his sister and we gabbed. I told her I remembered her and definitely remembered him. She asked me to meet her and her boyfriend at a bar along with my (future) husband. Well, I said "what the heck". I agreed to go.
Now, this is 3 days status post a laparoscopy and they weren't as good about getting the CO2 out back in 1990 as they are today and that day, I had gas so bad, I probably could have filled up my gas tank 3 times over. I spent almost the entire date squeezing my cheeks together (thankfully we weren't dancing or doing other physical things - LOL). I still had a really good time but was relieved when I left his house. I lived about 10 minutes away and I swear, I must have passed gas the entire ride home.
He knows all about it now. Heck, I can't remember the last time I even closed the door to the bathroom. We have no kids and if I do close the door, all 3 pugs sit outside and scratch the door, whine and cry. I gave up. I'm sometimes even "lucky" enough to have one of them on my lap while I'm going.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is love/good relationships seem to come when you least expect them. When I pursued dating or had someone fix me up, or met a guy in a bar or whatever, it never ended well. Nowadays, how do you know if you're supposed to pay half for the date?
Like I said, I feel for you guys. If my husband dropped dead tomorrow, I think I'd remain single the rest of my life.
Good luck to all of you and God bless!
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
I just got back from buying a sympathy card for my brother's MIL, glad I did now. nm
x
IMO a card would not be out of order at all. Except a sympathy card, of course.
I totally agree a sympathy card wouldn't quite be the thing, but it sounded to me that the original poster of that idea didn't mean a sympathy card like one for death. I think sympathy in the sense of "hey, you had a rough time of it with this birth, and maybe things haven't been the way you imagined, but know that I'm thinking of you and I'm here if and when you need me."
I got PPD when my breastfeeding relationship didn't go right, following a birth plan that went seriously awry, and the reality of a fussy, picky baby instead of the happy, sleeping one that I had imagined.
I *did* spend a lot of time on the phone, but then everybody's different. I would have loved to get a cheerful card from a friend, however. Does anybody NOT like a card?
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
Yes, first child....nm
xx
Would you have said anything about this child?
I was at a very big market (international) this morning and as I exited the lunch room to retrieve my cart, saw a very young child alone in a cart with no one around. I stood there not moving for several minutes wondering where a parent might be. I could not even see a person in front or back of him that seemed to be paying attention to this child (probably around 3 or 4 years of age). The serving line in front does have glass so I could see the people buying their lunches. Finally I noticed a man that was looking around frequently at the child and finally he got through the line and came and picked the child up. I approached him to say how it is so easy for a person to snatch his child (John Walsh's on AMW had his young child snatched and killed in similar, only taking a second) and this man looked annoyed and said thank you for your thoughts and hurried away. Clearly child endangerment here but would you have said anything or just let it go?
How do you know it was actually his child?
That's what's scary.
I have a child like this...
(This turned out long. Please stick with me.)
Like your son, it started in infancy. He could throw a fit that could go on for 30 minutes. If it was related to going to sleep, he would cry for hours no matter what I tried. (Yes, i did have him ruled out for medical causes.) He just could not calm himself down and he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. It started to feel like a war zone and the other kids were not getting the attention they needed because I felt like I had to deal with his bad behavior all the time.
When he was very young (infancy to about 3 years old), I would let him throw his fits and try to ignore them. After about 30 minutes, I picked him up and rocked him and he always seemed to be relieved and would start to calm down. I did not give into his demands. It just was a way for him to know that I loved him even when he acted bad.
But you know what... A few months ago (he is 5 now), he was acting up yet again and I tried to talk to him. I told him that I knew he was a good boy and that he was just having a hard time with his anger. He was totally blown away that I thought he was a "good boy." In his head, he thought he was bad. This was an eye opener for me.
Because I had my own issues with frustration, I decided to work on me first. I was sick of the war zone. That is still a work in progress, but I feel a lot more calm when dealing with him now.
I explain things to him up front. If we are going to a store, I tell him that I expect him to stand still by me. If he wants to look at something, he can ask me, etc. Then I ask him what he thinks the consequence will be if he does not mind. Sometimes he answers, sometimes not. Then, I tell him exactly what will happen. No favorite TV channel or no playing with a favorite toy, something like that. Just so he knew exactly what would happen if he makes certain CHOICES. I also don't argue. It only gets me wound up. I put the onus back on him. Counting 1...2...3 gives him a warning to change his behavior or deal with consequences.
I also communicate a lot about other's people reactions to when he "acts good" and "acts bad." How the things that happen to him are often influenced by his CHOICES. "Other children may not want to play with someone who ...only wants their way ... does not share ... hits." "If you share your toy, your friend probably want to share his toys with you."
I praise him when I notice he has done something "good", like brushing his teeth without being reminded. I tell how much I appreciate it (Because I do. When you have 3 kids, its a really help when they can do something for themselves. ) Someone knowledgeable told me the ratio of praise to discipline is 4:1. I doubt that I hit that ratio, but I do look for things my kids do right.
None of this is easy for me. I feel like I am talking myself blue in the face. I am naturally quiet and not always willing to communicate verbally. I'm praying the more I communicate now, then eventually I won't have to talk so much later. Or at least, we can talk about more pleasant things.
I will say though that my son is starting to understand that he will not always get his way, and if he cooperates with me, I am willing to cooperate with him. There has been good improvement since I started with this in April.
from a child
My son used to say mazagine and hangaburger instead of magazine and hamburger when he was about 3. I loved that. Not common to most people but it was common to him. :)
If this was MY child??? sm
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn't need? The last I knew, raising children is up to the parents; not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind.
To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!
I only have one child, a son..sm
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.
Your child isn't doing bad if he AM
is receiving dental care and has a Wii already. Why are you hell-bent on making money off a fluke? You certainly aren't setting an example your child should follow by selling it and I hope they DON'T give a gift receipt. 
How old is your child?
x
We did that as a child sm
I hate to "date" myself but we were a struggling large family and my Dad went across the street and asked a guy if he could rent his empty lot to grow some vegetables, etc. Not only was it fun but we had tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, etc., and it was great. The only negative thing I remember about it was the tomato cut worms, ugly little suckers! I think it's a fun thing to do and a good lesson for the family (and healthy). Be sure the soil is "good" though. You can have it tested for pH at any college lab (I think). Throw in some flowers, that would be cool. I am going to do some big sunflowers this year, I used to hate them but I think we need them and you can bake, salt and eat the seeds. Have fun!!!
Oh it seems the child did not have it when ...sm
they entered the US or at least showed no symptoms. So my mistake. They had no way of knowing the child had it. Poor kid.
I know this and I am sorry your child - sm
and your family had such a horrible experience. In any way, shape or form it is a horrible thing for any family to go through especially when your child suffers and does not make it through. I know not all kids or adults have an easy time, I am not a total dolt though I am sure you think I am, fine. Some get lucky and it does not affect them as much as others for some strange reason. Jen was on dantinomycin and vincristine, the vincristine was quite nasty and that is what gave her the nausea and make her puke the few times she did. She ate a lot of Zofran though and with that she had a pretty good tolerance to it for some reason, she felt the worst though when the dactinomycin was added in, 7 times. I too find the ped onc very depressing and switched jobs so I did not have to type kids anymore, too upsetting, now I only do adults which I can handle pretty well except for the ones who procratinate to sure fire death sentence. Rant all you want, I have no problem with it. I know this is about this woman's choice, again I think she/boy are wrong, some feel she is right, fine. Agree to disagree.
What do you do when your child gets in trouble?
Spank/Swat
Time Out
Natural Consequences (ie, if they won't stop throwing food, then lunch is over, or if they run away while you're out, it's time to go home)
Re-direction (ie, trying to get your child to focus on something else)
Other (possibly a combination of methods or something else entirely)
Depends on the age of the child
:)
You Will Never Guess What A Child Said
I stopped to get gas this afternoon. As I was about to walk out a man & his son walked over to me to say hello. The boy was a child I worked with a few years ago when he was in kindergarten. He is now in 3rd grade. He was always a very rough talking child, just like his parents. Always talking about kicking someones ar*e, & getting drunk, poppin a cap, stuff like that. He would push the other kids out of his way, grab things away from them, couldn't stay in his seat, very hyper as well. The parents put him on meds & that really calmed him down so he could focus on his work.
The Dad said hello, then the little boy looked at me & said "I got a hot dog & its in my underwear, you wanna see it"? I'm standing there stunned & the Dad laughs hysterically & then says " He's just like me ain't he"? The clerk was frozen in disbelief & so were several customers that were standing in line. I turned & walked out the door & as I was leaving I heard the Dad say to the boy, "you're somethin else Billy, thats a good one, I'm proud of you son".
What a foul mouth bunch of hillbillys they are. If one of my kids had said anything remotely like that their little mouths would be washed out with soap, they would have been made to apologize, & they would never do it again. I cannot believe that a Father would be proud of his son for talking dirty like that to an adult, especially a woman. Where in the world do these people come from?
would depend on what CD it is. and is your child 12 or 17?
i just bought my 13 yr old son a ps2 game that had some kind of warning on it, but he has already been playing it at his friends, just found that out...so i thought..whats the big deal..
In ballet and tap as a child
I went forever and loved it, like the post saying the pretty costumes, still have pictures of me then. Oh, was I a hotsi-totsi! I think I may have been a little older but still magical. Sorta like being a little princess.
If I had a child in the military now,
sorry but probably would do as a lot of families did for Vietnam war and that was to head for the border, namely Canada. I thought if gay in the military, supposed to try and keep it quiet?? These to me are ever bit as bad as protesting at funeral of AIDS patients. You have some really sick people in this world to do things like this and please, like you, I don't want to get started on the other folks president in Washington.
I took my child's away at 3 months.
A friend of mine has a 3-year-old who still *needs* it. She HAS to give it up because she walks around with it in and you can't understand her when she talks. I think it is up to the mom to take it away.
|
