Do any of you have probs with your stepkids?

I absolutely cannot stand my stepchild.  I know it sounds evil but that is the most spoiled, selfish brat I have ever come across.  I did not know that marrying someone with a kid would be so difficult.  I married my husband after having known him for only 2 months so we moved fast, but his little boy seemed to be sweet in the beginning.  After we got married, things changed.  My husband makes me sick over him.  He lets him do as he pleases.  He is almost 6 years old and I hate to see how hateful and defiant he is going to be when he gets older.  My husband never disciplines him.  His son is disrespectful, backtalks, does not listen and my husband does not seem to care.  I have come to the point now where I cannot and do not say anything about the child because if I do my husband jumps down my throat.  It's like the only thing he cares about is that child.  I will never be as important to him.  I'm not asking to be number 1 because I know he loves his son, but I would like to be as important to him as his son because I am his wife.  There are so many times that his son has done something that does not make any sense and the most recent was yesterday. 

My husband was in the bedroom napping and his son was sitting on the couch playing video games.  A few weeks ago I got a puppy.  Now his son is here Thursday evening through Monday morning and anytime he wants to play with the dog or take her outside I let him.  All he has to do is ask.  Well she went to the door and wanted to go out.  So I put her on her leash and we went outside.  I tie her up outside so she can run and play around without me having to hold her leash.  I come back inside and see hubby's son lying on couch with his head in pilows.  I did not really pay that much attention to it because I thought he was playing or something.  I grab the phone b/c I am gonna call my mom.  My hubby gets up and goes in there and his son is crying for some reason.  I could not hear everything b/c I was on the phone.  I hear him asking why he is crying and he won't give a reason.  Next thing I know, my hubby gets mad (he has a terrible temper, when he does get mad he feels the urge to hit something which really scares me), kicks something and goes outside.  I tell my mom I need to go.  I'm going to try to find out what is going on and calm my hubby down.  He comes back inside and I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing.  And I tell him he is scaring me b/c he is hitting and kicking stuff and he just says he is sorry and won't tell me what's going on.  I go outside b/c I want to get away from both of them.  When I come back inside, hubby and stepson on couch cuddling (i think it's weird for father and son to be so affectionate, I mean my dad and bro have never been that way...they like to act tough.)  I walk by hubby and he tells me to come to him.  He apologizes for losing his temper.  I told him he scared me acting that way and he said that he does not like being told that someone does not want to be here.  So I guess stepson implied he did not want to be here.  He prolly just said he wanted to go to his grandma's.  See my husband is so weirdly jealous over him.  He does not want his son to say he cares about his real mom, or say he wants to stay at his grandma's....it's weird i think.  I ask my hubby why stepson was crying in the first place and he says well the dog scratched him.  Wait a min. how could the dog scratch him when she is outside???  And secondly, there were no scratch marks on his son.  So i tell my hubby that when I took the dog outside his son was playing video games and everything was fine, so the dog couldn't have scratched him.  But he does not say anything.  Doesn't he realize his son is lying?  I don't know but I went into the kitchen just to get away from them and I heard my hubby bribing his son with getting a toy and all kinds of stuff.  He does it every time.  I think that his son has him trained.  He knows that if he does the crying crap, my hubby gets mad, loses his temper b/c his son is crying for no apparent reason, and then he will feel bad and get his son a toy or something.  Early yesterday his son was asking for a toy and my hubby told him that after he goes to grandma's today and she gives him some money for one they will go get one.  But his son wanted one yesterday and I think that is why he did that crying stuff.  I swear one time before when he did the crying stuff (he will do it for no apparent reason and I think he does it just to make my hubby feel bad) afterwards he had this look of satisfaction on his face.  I don't know but I just think that my hubby and his son both need therapy and both need to be on medication.  I think they are both bipolar.  I can't suggest anything to my hubby though especially that his son needs help b/c he will get mad at me.  I am always the heel around here anyways when his son is here.  I would like your thoughts on this though.  I feel like I am going to go crazy.  When it is the days that his son is not here, things are great and fine. 

• Do any of you have probs with your stepkids? - anon
  • What troubles me most about your post - s/m
  • My stepdaughters, now 20 and 23,, - been there too
  • Been there/done that. You can email me if you'd - mtmt
  • I totally agree with Ship. I used to be a step-mom... - Amanda
  • My opinion . . . sm - shipaddict

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

Anyone have any experience with the sudden reappearance of adult stepchildren.

I received to cards in the mail today from my 25-year-old stepdaughter.  One for my anniversary which was a month late and one for my son which was a month early.  This is the first time she has ever sent us any kind of cards before, and she works in a Hallmark store.  Hmmmm......wonder what is up?  Change of heart or out of change?

Big problem, girls!  I have a stepdaughter that I am so jealous of I cannot see straight most of the time when she is here.  The child is 9 years old and has her daddy so wrapped up that when she is here I am just pushed aside completely.  He does not see it, thinks I am just overreacting and is even to the point of starting to take her and spend his visitation time somewhere else and not bring her around me.

I do not begrudge her getting her daddy's attention... I just feel that I should be involved more.  If they are watching a movie, he loves on her and holds her while I am pushed over to the recliner by myself, when its time to go to bed, I go to bed alone while he sleeps with her and if I want him in the bed with me, I have to wait until she goes to sleep and then go wake him up and ask him to come to bed with me.  We cannot close our door when she is here because she will get upset and start banging on it and crying and he will run right out to her (even if we are in the middle of a conversation), we cannot sit together on the bed and watch TV even if she is in her room by herself because as soon as she knows he is in the room with me she starts hollering for him and he runs to her and then proceeds to crawl up in her bed and watch TV with her.  If they are going somewhere it is usually just the two of them and I am not invited because they need to spend some time together.

Granted, he does not get her on a regular basis (his fault, not mine) and he wants her to know that he loves her, but why can't he see that I should be included too?  He wants me to love her and spend time with her and do things with her (especially when there is a football game on he wants to watch, or somewhere he wants to run with the guys for a little while), but then he makes it where I don't want to because once he is ready for her back, I am just pushed aside. 

She calls me "She", not my name; she does not acknowledge me when she comes in the door until he forces her to speak to me; after our living together since she was 4 years old she gets very upset and says that I am not her daddy's girlfriend and that I am just a "friend" and she tells everybody that.  I feel like he enforces that idea when he pushes me aside and he says I am just being ridiculous and selfish by wanting him to spend more time with me when she is here.  I don't even ask him to forego time with her, I just want him to make some time for me (maybe give her a bedtime and have grownup time with me after she is asleep even?).

Am I just ridiculous as he says, or am I right in feeling the way I do?  Help, please...

Okay, the man in my life with the kids did not come home until 5:30 this morning and at 5:32 AM I was telling him that I had taken all the disrespect from him and his kids that I was going to take and that we were going to have to just end this relationship. 

Don't know how long I can stick to it - but he's gone for now.  And ya know what?  I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest...

I have two stephchildren, 26 and 23. They are very sweet and we have a good relationship. Every year I have given them $50.00 each cash for Christmas. Needless to say, I'm an MT, so you have some idea of how much I make. 

I have one daughter. DH will ask me to buy a gift for him for her, which I have done. That is out of my pocket.

Does this sound right? No, really. Is this typical? Very honestly, I think Christmas is for children and that adults should not be exchanging gifts at all. Any thoughts on this whole matter? Thanks.