Divorced parents college agreement?
Posted By: Need Help! on 2008-04-03
In Reply to:
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
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My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
My parents both went to college with Stephen King
and he lives right up the street from my parents.
Parents DO NOT owe kids college education.
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.
I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm)
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.
Another in agreement!!!
I have a friend who allows her 21yo daughter and her boyfriend to live in their home and do whatever they want. I think it is totally inappropriate, and it sickens me.
I completely agree with you and your morals. You have every right to establish the rules in your own home!
I am sorry, but I am in agreement with the above
poster when she asked if this person had common sense. Why in the world otherwise would you even question what you did about not giving a stranger a ride? Why does it have to be a troll when someone disagrees? I read these all yesterday and saying returned to write up a complaint. How many thousands of people go into malls each day? I would believe most malls have more important things to do than take seriously a request for a ride, really! When reading these posts yesterday I was wondering if she were some young, naïve person myself.
100% agreement with you
I wonder if AI is losing fans this year. This is actually boring with the way it is being done. I would only hope that next year it goes back to the previous.
Another one in agreement here - sm
Yes, get those babies some place where they are handled and talked to daily. Touch and stroke them from head to toe, rub them, hold them, carry them around, let them be exposed to some noise (within reason of course!). They need to be socialized to find homes. I always look for the cat or kitten that runs to greet me and does not mind being picked up and is purring the entire time. They probably need to nurse at least 6 weeks, then mama can get fixed. BTW, I would love if my vet charged only $75! That is a real bargain. Let us know how it goes! Oh, and I would get rid of hubby before the cats, but mine knows that! 
I am in total agreement with you.
I have been working today and just thinking about not ever having to do any business with anyone who talks like the ones I have done today. I laughed the other day when 1 on here asked when did she go from Transcriptionist to interpreter. You may not know this, but years ago we got a difficulty factor, just for dictators like we have to do day after day now, unbelievable, isn't it? None of those dictators could even approach what we hear now. It is irritating. Some days I have taken off a little early when I know I am having 1 after the other, can make up that time another day- just too irritating and getting on my nerves to continue.
New rule - anyone in agreement?
New rule - if a person goes to the ER and says she has 10 out of 10 pain, but sits on the table laughing and joking with her mother, playing with game boy thingy (or this could be a guy too), claims she has 10 out of 10 pain, but is not showing any signs of pain and is talking on her cell phone, the doctor should be able to tell her she needs to go to her regular physician the next day as she is not showing any signs of pain and the emergency room is just that - for emergencies (you know things like gunshot wounds, asthma attacks and other states of emergencies - hence the term "emergency" room. If they can't get in to their doctor then go to day care, in/out or whatever it is called but don't come back to the er unless there is definitely an emergency. I know all about how ERs are not suppose to turn away anyone, but this is getting out of hand. Oh yes, and then have a bill ready for the cost they have just incurred by the use of the ER for a non-emergency type visit. Anyone else share similar views?
I'm in complete agreement with you. SM
I talked to my daughter about the "facts of life" and my stepson, when he lived with us. They understood exactly how easy it was to get pregnant or get a girl pregnant.
It amazed me when my daughter told me some friends from school didn't know menstruation was a cycle. They thought it just happens!
I don't care if a parent is conservative or liberal, you must talk to your children and discuss sex with them and explain how their bodies grow into adulthood. If you want to stress abstinence, fine, do it, but by all means talk to them. Give them the facts, then have trust they will do the right thing and getting pregnant at 17 is NOT the right thing.
I believe this all has to do with the total dumbing down of America. And we wonder why things are so bad.
We both signed an agreement that
I would pay for the setting up of the rescue group, license, incorporation fees, food, medicine and in return I would be able to rescue and interact with the animals. In the months since starting in January, I have only been able to pull animals 1 time. It is said in the agreement signed that should this be broken, then the monies I have spent would be refunded. I have spent out about $3,000- $4,000 and that was the agreement we signed and apparently by refusing to take my calls or emails she is breaking the agreement. Does not make me any more angry to ask.
Two $1 lottery tickets! :) And an agreement
nm
This Southern Gal is in total agreement with you! Nothing else need be said.
d
Not referring to a no-support agreement. If there
NM
Sorry...this was in agreement to saying that they STINK, no matter
s
My husband and I made an agreement...
that if I had to have a C-section, I would have the tubal and if I didn't, he would get the vasectomy. That way, if I was already being cut open, they could just take care of it at the same time. Unfortunatly, I lost, but I would have gone through the recovery anyway, so now I have two beautiful sons and will not be having any more. I don't know if that will help you guys, but it worked for us.
I'm in complete agreement. If major problem, everyone
xxx
I am in total agreement. 13 years old and wanting to date - no way!!..
One of the problems is, as a previous poster write, is DRAMA. Some girls live for the DRAMA (i come from a family of six girls). These kids (but not all) want to and in some ways are forced to grow up too danged fast and it can lead to life-long problems if they do not have a strong mom/dad or just an extended strong family support system. The media has played and contuinues to play a role in the evolution of our teenagers as well (MTV, etc). That is why it is important to keep these kids busy and involved in activities because it is helpful,. JMO..
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
college son
I agree - take the phone away! My son's first away job was at age 18. He was sent to NYC Kennedy Airport as his base (flight attendant). We live in a tiny little town in IL. Of course, I wanted him to be safe, blah, blah, blah. First phone bille I got was over $200.00. His dad gave him a credit card for emergencies - first bill was over $3000.00 - you guessed it. Took both away. Got him a number to call home with, no one else. Phone companies do that somehow. Dad started sending a fixed amount (flight attendants are paid terrible wages in the beginning) Fifteen years later, he is an extremely successful hair stylist with his own hair product line in Spr. Illinois. You have to do something now or you will be broke, he will waste a year at school and they will probably make it or break it no matter what you do. Hang in there! He WILL grow up!
college son
I could have written that same thing except this is my daughter and her boyfriend is a loser. Dont like him and havent even met him. She goes to a junior college where we live and works PT. He on the other hand does not go to school and does not have a job. When will it end. Any advice.
college son
 My son's spree ended when he was 27. He spent years "finding his niche." Flight attendant, waiter, retail clerk. Constantly broke, moving absolutely continually between IL, NY, IA and MO. Drove us nuts. After a few moves, I stopped helping with moves - "if you want to move, get your friends to help." After bleeding his dad (we were divorced, then he died) and my mom (you know the ask grandma thing) practically dry, he finally had to grow up. Went to hair college in Iowa and has been working his tail off ever since. It took him years to mature, years of poor choices, years of being poor to finally realize that his life was up to him, not anyone else. He is now totally responsible - I am so proud of him. For the past 2 years in a row, he has earned the Iliinois Times "Springfield's Best" title for hair stylist. Quite an honor. Your son will be okay. Some young guys don't make college on the first try and have to do it again a few years later. Hang in there. 
College vs. not
I am a year away from graduating with a Bachelors in psychology with counseling. I'm pretty sure it will be useful, but there is no way of knowing now.
However,
My husband just graduated in May 2008 with his History degree. This week he finally got a job, and more than likely he could have gotten it without a degree (managing a sports store), but I am sure it helped, since he doesn't have a lot of retail experience.
I think it's kind of a 50/50 deal. You could get a degree, and never need it. Or you could get one and not need it until later on in your career when you want to move up. Or you could not get it and get blocked for all kinds of jobs.
In the end I would probably do college over again just because I love learning.
Anyone out there going to college at age 40? sm
I am considering about ditching the MT scene once my children graduate from high school (in 7 years). I am currently 42 years old and considering going for a Bachelors in computers. Anyone else doing this?
pray tell, how DID they get to college and/or
I'm back in college now. You
have me thinking about getting a class ring too - how funny. But the ring I like best is the class ring my mom has. I never see that style anymore. No stone, not overly large or fine either, just gold with a narrow, stacked rectangular portion in the middle that has white gold while the rest of the ring is yellow gold.
Maybe I should just see if I can get her ring back from her; I let her have it back when I moved out of the house after wearing it a lot after high school.
HELP, son in first year of college... psm
I don't get to post very often, but I am kind of at a loss as to what to do. We are having a real problem here.
My son has always been a very good kid. He has always made good grades. He has never gotten into much trouble. Well, he got almost a full-paid scholarship to college. We always told him that if he got a scholarship, we would get him a car. Well, he got the scholarship and carefully researched what kind of car he wanted. We went out and got him a car.
Subsequently, he became involved with a girl. I don't have a problem with his girlfriend. She's very sweet and I do like her. The problem is this. I got the first phone bill after he left and he was texting her day and night. So, we asked him to cut back. We pay the phone bill. We make the rules. We have unlimited messages but 15,000 messages in one month just seems crazy when he is complaining about being exhausted. We worked it out. At 10 seconds a message it would be 40 hours worth of texting...
He comes home for the weekend and we take him to dinner. Fifteen dollar dinner and he is falling asleep at the dinner table. He proceeds to tell us how miserable he is at school. We explain to him how sorry we are, but he is stuck there at the very least for this year as he is already enrolled etc. We also made it clear that he needed to at least try to make it work.
So, he continues to text day and night even though he promised he would cut down. He was texting during classes, which just seems wrong to me. It is disrespectful to the professors and unfair to the students sitting around him. We threatened to take his phone away. He finally stopped doing that but now I have my suspicions he is cutting class to talk on AIM to his girlfriend, and he had to drop the only difficult class he had or he was going to fail it and lose his scholarship. He is lying to us about stuff. He is being deceitful about stuff. I am just at my wits end.
This is a nice girl from a nice family. We know her parents. We like her. We like her parents. But I feel like she is trying to control his life from 2 hours away and it is working. It is almost like he is chosing to be miserable to accommodate her. I talked to her mother last week and one day she called home 15 times. My husband feels like we shouldn't talk to her parents about this.
We know that we can't make dating her an issue because that will just make him want to date her all the more. I am at a loss as to what if anything to do about it. My husband says that if he is chosing to be miserable then he can be miserable and that college is what you make of it. I am 95% sure he wants to change schools and go where his girlfriend is going. Well, that is the most expensive school in the state and he will be giving up a free ride to do that plus he now has an almost new car that we would have to deal with because he would not get to keep that and go to the expensive school. No way, no how. I have serious reservations about him going to a school with a party-school reputation when he has a free education at a very good school. I also do not want to pay $18,000 a year so that he can be with his girlfriend no matter how much I like her.
Any words of wisdom?
1st year of college
Went that same route, it was awful. A psychoogist friend of mine told me not to panic, to insist he finish out the year where he was. He then transferred the 2nd year. He is now married to someone he met in that second college, has beautiful children, etc. Yet to say that was one of the most horrible years of my life would be the truth. Hang in there, be stronger than he, he's just a kid, really, thinks he's in love. You on the other hand are paying for him and working yourself to death for him. Take the phone away or at least make him sign a contract that he will finish the year out, will limit his phone bill, etc. You are the boss of him, not the other way around. It's horrible, I know, but tough it out. This girl cannot be too smart, but probably very sexy. Not much you can do about it. Have your husband step in and take over or else you will be the classic Monster-In-Law. Time for Dad to be the boss here and set the rules, tell him to step up to the plate and stop being Mr. Nice Guy! He needs a strong male image to step in and tell him what the rules are, not you.
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