Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
Posted By: Divorcee on 2009-01-22
In Reply to: Single moms - is it better to rent or buy? sm - AnonMT
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
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Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Anyone move from a single family home to mobile home? sm
I own and live in a house in a midwest city in a bad neighborhood (wasn't that bad 11 years ago). I spent the day waiting for the plumber to come and jackhammer the foundation (slab house, no basement) to find a leaky pipe that is flooding my DD's bedroom. Last week, it was the electrician with quotes for costly repairs.
In the meantime, I've really been thinking about selling out and moving into a mobile home. Has anyone done this before? Is a mobile home in a decent park less of a hassle than a regular house? I'm so tired of cutting the grass and spending $$ to fix things and tired of old flooring and cabinets, etc., that are just too costly to replace. I'm single with no man to do these things for me and I can't afford a mortgage on a newer house in a good neighborhood. Some of the pictures I've seen of the mobile homes look really nice and modern on the inside.
Any advice and comments appreciated. Thanks!
Have you considered a home equity loan to
pay off all your credit cards?
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
I don't disagree that a single home would be best
although I do disagree that group home placement is less desirable for short-term placements for multiple siblings under the federal 15/24 law by keeping the family connection intact (again, please read that my perspective is under the short-term law as it currently stands because the goal is reunification with the parents). Imagine losing your parents, then your whole family, your home, all your friends, just so some strangers can keep the kids together and who only knows what mental or other distress they suffer in that situation. Granted there are some good foster providers, but most of them want to adopt (not all of them, but most of them do) and fewer want siblings in today's environment than even just 10 years ago.
I personally took no offense in what she said about the kids. Having had a daycare for 10 years, I have seen all sides of the racial, economic, foster care, state involvement, abuse, family disagreements, drug abuse, etc., that any one person could possibly imagine. When she responded to your question about the biracial statement, even you said her answer was _not a biggie._
While you do not specifically state in your post that you adopted any of the children for whom you cared, I was pointing out the adoption factor in the federal law that currently exists and how it effects kinship care and foster care and how that law effects children and siblings. It DOES sound from your post that you saw things from a foster care perspective (pure speculation on my part).
Currently in the US there are over 5 million kids being cared for by relatives and less than 600,000 in formal foster/group home care. I've seen a grandmother who raised her 3 grandchildren for 10 years ripped away from her by the _justice_ system to be given to complete strangers because when the bio dad got out of jail, his exercised his right to reclaim the children and promptly allowed people the children had never seen before adopt them. I've seen grandparents lose their newborn grandchild to foster care parents because the state was running adoption services in preference to keeping the child with his/her family.
I am very pro kinship care even though the government finally realized a way to save millions of dollars a year by providing less support to kins than to foster care providers, draining resources on a larger number of kins who are usually older and closer to retirement age...people you give up everything they have to keep their family together.
Try not to let that chip on your shoulder damage your halo :)
There is a site I have bought lots of home made things from
and that is Etsy, have you heard about that one? I bought everything from soaps from the cake soaps to lotion soaps, bought some beautiful bling plates off there, hand decorated coffee cups for Christmas presents, flower pens also for this past Christmas. I love to look thru there. Go there and see what you think.
Now it is considered, get this
astronaut stress. Well, I have QA stress. Anyone got a knife?
Well have you considered
dental hygiene? My other sister does that and last I heard made around $200 a day. She has a 2-year degree.
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
Oh BTW, am considered senior so
noticed how you signed and am sure probably older by lots of years than you!!
Have you considered a Kodak? sm
I just bought a Z712 IS, it is 7.1 megapixels, with 12X optical. It is really nice. I just upgraded from another Kodak with 4 MP and 10X optical that I've used over the last 4 years, taken thousands of pictures (daughter's high school years and marching band - some pictures even made it into the yearbook). So, was really excited about getting one with 7.1 megapixels, and 12x optical. Tried a few shots last night and they were great. Anyway, they have them on e-bay. We've been really happy. It is considered refurbished, but was never used before. Not a problem with our old camera.
and at what point is it considered
is it okay to spank as long as you only do it 3 times? or maybe if you only hit on the bottom? or maybe you "spank" with a belt? or whatever other object you can get your hands on?
The problem with spanking is some adults don't know when to stop. I, too, was beaten with a belt as a child and I have never laid a belt to my children and never will. Spanking with a belt is BEATING. I was "slapped" across the face numerous times as a child for speaking out of turn, and to this day, I still wince when my mom gets upset and raises a hand. It's not respect for my parents that I have in these instances, its fear. It's a shame that too many adults have come to confuse the two.
Have you considered Dyson? sm
We have had a Dyson for about four or five years now, and I adore it. You just would not believe what all it picks up. Hubby and I both have allergies AND indoor cats, and if we use the Dyson as often as we should, we can tell a significant difference. We bought ours after trying a friends. They are lighter weight than the Rainbows and Kirbys, and also have an added advantage of being significantly cheaper. Just a thought.
HC
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great.
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
But a lot of things are considered sins...
Like living together, sex outside of marriage, even using birth control of any kind, depending on your religious beliefs. Yet all grocery stores carry magazines and tabloids that report on celebrities and other people doing those things and more, and books (fiction and nonfiction) with that kind of thing. Why are those books and magazines with hetero sins any different from the ones with homosexuality? Isn't sin, sin? And it's everywhere, so how far do you want to take your boycott? I really do respect your opinion and your right to it. I just don't quite understand it.
I don't understand why some people seem to have such a seething *hatred* of homosexuals. I mean, gay people are just people, like anybody else. Some good, some bad. I don't want to know what they do in the privacy of their own home, but I don't want to know what hetero people do in the privacy of their own home, either! Either way, as long as it's two consenting adults, why would I care? It's none of my business.
BTW, I just saw Brokeback Mountain on HBO for the first time the other night. I thought it was heartbreaking. To think that two people who love each other so much could never really be together. How is that okay? (Yes, I know it was fiction, but it happens/has happened in reality.) I just think that's so incredibly sad. Don't we need more love in this world?
Okay, off my soapbox!
It is considered a double negative, sm
and not standardly use. Use "regardless", or "irrespective". It is considered bad grammar.
considered quality foods by whom? sm
I have heard many negative things about both of these pet foods for years. I do not consider them to be quality foods, by a long shot, and this was even before the tainted food scandal. That's what I am talking about.
Considered being the driver instead of the passenger?
I too have RLS. I have found that for some reason I do much better as the driver than as a passenger. Can't explain it but it's true.
Have considered it before - would they listen to me, his wife? (sm)
Would I have to show proof?
What exactly is considered Middle Class?
Unless I heard wrong last night, during the debate, $250,000 is considered "Middle" class. I don't think so.
Anyone?
18 IS legally considered an adult.
x
Is Express Scribe considered a FTP?--nm
;;
anybody know if organ donation was considered? nm
xx
Well, there's an angle I hadn't considered...
Good point, longtimeMT...I hadn't considered the possibility that her 'type' are usually the ones on the boards of HOAs. The ones who think they know what's best for everyone.
I'm giggling so hard at her ludicrous posts that I fear I might wet myself. Talk about pretentious! I'll take my cozy little apartment with my hubby and pets and the WARMTH and LOVE therein over her snooty TRACT HOUSING any day.
Too bad she doesn't appear to realize she isn't IMPRESSING us, she's ENTERTAINING us!!!
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
What is considered appropriate if a neighbor's relative passes away. SM
My neighbor's uncle passed away. She and I are friends, but not best friends, we basically see each other every day as we walk our dogs and we talk every day. Her uncle just passed away and I was unable to go to the wake. The funeral is today, but I cannot go to that either. What is the appropriate thing to do here, a card, flowers, what? Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.
Have you considered Florida? They have some of the most beautiful beaches I have
ever had the pleasure of walking on in the U.S. My son was stationed at Eglin AFB in Florida; he and my DIL lived in Ft. Walton Beach, and I would go there quite often...I immediately fell in love with their beaches..I usually don't like sand but theirs is white and very fine..they don't call it the Emerald Coast for nothing. The people are very friendly and I had the time of my life there. I also love to fish and they have the best seafood. I am a native Californian but I LOVE FLORIDA. They have a very special place in my heart...just an idea for vacation..
Anyplace bluejeans are considered 'inappropriate' is
nm
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
Iams and Science Diet are considered quality pet foods and they
ijl
Make sure whatever you use for skewers aren't considered a weapon by the school. sm
Some schools are absolutely militant about anything that even looks like something that might be used as a weapon, no matter the reason or who has it.
Buy a home of my own - not a palace, but more of a smallish home on a large piece of land. (nm)
.
Well I figure I can make my own hours & be home when the kids are home (sm)
I worked PT in an office for a while but spent most of my money on childcare in the summer. Full-time in an office was just a nightmare and I felt like I missed a whole year of my children's lives. I want to be in control of my schedule so that's why I'm looking into the cleaning thing. Never thought I would want to do that but live and learn! Some of the most intelligent people alive work as carpenters and similar things because they have learned what's really important in life. Whew....off my soapbox now :-) Good luck to you!
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
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