Did anyone ever notice...

• Did anyone ever notice... - Wondering
  • Look at a lot of models too. - Trigger Happy

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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door, at pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
1. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
 
2. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

3. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

4. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-- canine or feline attendance is not required.

5. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

6. To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
 
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

I'd like to tell them what they can do with their "stimulus" package.

Girls can't sew even enough to mend, guys don't have a clue about jumping a dead battery or towing a car out of a ditch (heaven forbid changing a tire), and nobody knows how to drive a stick shift any more!  Everybody has to call a professional to do the simplest things, it getting pretty creepy!  And if its not electronic, nobody wants one, presumably because its soooo difficult to read numbers that a needle is pointing to!  I went shopping for a plain old indoor thermometer and could not find a single one that wasn't digital and ran on batteries - even for CAMPING they have digital compasses! - what if your battery died out in the wilderness?

It seems like our focus is on playing with new entertainment gadgets and we totally ignore the need to learn any type of practical skills.  I'm 49 and I'm pretty scared that by the time our generation dies off, everyone will be so dependent on gadgets they would be entirely helpless if the power plug got pulled.  Its got to be pretty expensive to call a seamstress, or a tow truck, or a carpenter for the simplest things (or simply toss the malfunctioning item), but that's what the following generations will be in for, once the old folks are gone.  Nobody is interested in taking care of themselves, its all about what's convenient and easy.  Its pretty sad that with our amazing access to internet information, we are learning less and less and consuming more and more, stuffing our landfills with things we are too lazy/incompetent to fix, things that would be a treasure trove of good usable items for our thrifty, well-rounded grandparents!