Definitely look into family counseling
Posted By: anon on 2008-06-16
In Reply to: Custody-how much say does an 11-year-old have? PLEASE HELP - Scared mom
with or without your husband. Do you think your husband will even want to spend that much time with the children or will he fight for them just out of spite?
My little brother's (not so little anymore, he is now 33) birth father was a lousy father and when he and my step-mother divorced he was a total deadbeat dad. When my parents married my father wanted to adopt my little brother and (sperm donor)would only sign over adoption if he could have visitation rights. My "other" mother agreed because she knew he would never ask to see my brother and she was right.
I wish I could offer more help, but definitely look into cousenling.
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i'd tell him it's marriage/family counseling
Get her professional help fast. Maybe family counseling. SM
Sometimes it just isn't one person in the family who has a problem. That came out badly, since I didn't mean you or any one in family in particular. Just dynamics of family life.
Best wishes to you. You will need a great deal of strength, but you can all come through this even closer as a family.
Family is great but I am never back in my hometown where family is... So I always have extended fami
You can always pick your friends your stuck with your family. An Xmas for me is where my husband and kids come home to. It is what you make it!
Summer. Friends or family? Family. Tired or Awake?
x
Big difference between family values and family jewels, eh? lol
LOL. I love this show. I think Gene and Shannon and her sister are a riot! What characters. It really is amazing to me the kids seem so laid back and so normal. They seem like great kids.
Does your family still do the early Sunday dinner w/family?
s
Definitely go to counseling!
It worked for my husband and me. I was the one who cheated, ONCE, so the person who says once a cheater always a cheater does not know what they are talking about. Our marriage had been neglected, as it sounds yours has been. Do not give up until you first try counseling. You have to really work at it, but it can be done. We have been married for 25 years now. Good luck to you.
Counseling.
x
counseling
It sounds to me that he is putting on an everything-is-normal face for you with the excited talk of the future but this is how he really feels. I'd try to get him to go to a psychiatrist (so he can be prescribed an antidepressant if he needs it) and let him know that he can go in without you and keep it private, as obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about these feelings. If he knows it is just between him and the psychiatrist then he may be more willing. If he won't go for that maybe at least try taking him to his pediatrician for a trial of an antidepressant just to see how it helps his mood. He may not even need medication but just someone to talk things out. There are also teen suicide lines where then can just talk. He seem like he wants to deal with this privately (to the point of denial) so maybe you can help him get private help.
counseling?
Is the child in any counseling? I have a stepson as well who is (not to this extreme) but has battled with not wanting to eat. We were told it was likely the only thing in his life he could "control" and that's why he did it. He has been in counseling since a young age (court mandated because his mother refused). It has done him a world of good. If nothing else, he always knows he has someone to talk to about anything and not have fear of getting in trouble or embarrassed.
And you need counseling.
dd
Don't worry, after they have counseling
as adults and realize what they went through they will resent her for it and she'll learn the hard way. Happens all the time.
been there, felt that, got counseling
We had been married about 15 years when I began to feel that way about my husband. We do not have kids, so let me tell you that I had little motivation to even want to try to work on things. Hubby suggested counseling (both group and just the two of us). After about a month of this and reading a few books at home I felt 100% better and those feelings of nearly hating him for no apparent reason went away. We worked hard on communication, which we had let slip over the years, during which time I harbored all kinds of hurts and resentments for things he had no clue were even making me upset, mad, disgusted, you name it. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary this year and cannot be happier, so it CAN be done with hard work. You have first got to put your relationship as priority 1! Please do not just walk away without first trying everything you can!
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
Marriage counseling
I would encourage you and your husband to try counseling to work this out in a way that each of you will be able to have some of the things you want and need.
If he isn't willing to go to counseling, then your choices are live with it or live without him.
If he won't agree to counseling, then I say get rid of him,
s
credit counseling
I did use one, but in retrosepct I don't think I would do it again. It ends up lowering your payments or your interest a little, but they also charge you a monthly fee - mine was 35.00. All they basically do is pay your bills for you with what you send them. It takes a good 2-3 months to get set up and working and by that time your bills are even more overdue. I think your best solution is to talk to all your creditors and be disclipined about paying to the exclusion of having a life until you are caught up. I finally got out of the hole, but it was hard and seemed like it would never happen. Good luck to you. You can do it.
we are in marriage counseling now....sm
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called "friend." It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the "matter/affair." We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out.
I hope it works out for you both. Take care.
marriage counseling
if you are both committed to really doing the work and making changes, marriage counseling can be a good thing. Having gone thru it five (yes 5) separate times thru almost 20 years of a "marriage" - it never worked because my ex was never willing to make changes. Every time the counselors approached his hot spots (substance abuse, physical abuse, unemployment, depression) - it was time to "stop seeing these jerks who don't know anything".
I believe honest open communication can overcome almost any issues - infidelity, financial, parenting - and sometimes you do need an outside party to guide you thru. Find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, can easily afford and be willing to give it time.
Go to marriage counseling
My DH and I have been in counseling for about 6 weeks now and already we have made major changes in our relationship. We weren't on the verge of divorce, neither one of us want that, but we were having some major issues that we needed to work through. It has been a true blessing and our counselor is wonderful. Divorce, no matter the reason, is devastating to children. It shakes their world, makes them question everything they've known all their lives. It's a horrible thing for a family to go through, so I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't know your religious beliefs, but our counselor is a christian-based counselor, so she's incorporating the values God expects in a husband and a wife into our therapy and believe me, it's working wonderfully. We've been married for going on 21 years and wish we would have gone to counseling lots sooner than now. God bless you and I'm praying for you!
school counseling
I know it's the summer, but when school starts back up you might want to look at having him talk to a school counselor. It's free for you and might help him work through some of his feelings, especially the scary ones.
After 6 months of counseling,
the child psychologist couldn't figure it out either. He is angry, but he can't or won't tell us why. I've pretty much chalked it up to "middle child syndrome". He's just one of those kids that demands more attention. I do my best to give that to him without slighting the others.
Private counseling
Go to a private counselor yourself if he won't go. Some of these "ANONYMOUS" programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going "public" that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.
been to counseling, didn't work, does not..sm
This does not mean you cannot seek further counseling throughout one's life.......for whatever a situation is/becomes.......just because it didn't work with the husband, doesn't mean you cannot seek more out for YOURSELF and your children........forget him, he's a lost cause (passive-aggressives often are)....they are nothing but finger-pointers (blamers) and it's never at themselves. It's a waste of time to be with one, you/one merely only loses their self-esteem in those types of *relationships*..........
Best luck!!
time for some marriage counseling?
or at least a long talk with your husband if possible. Not by e-mail! Good luck!
Grief counseling before the fact SM
I am under a lot of stress with an elderly mother who has a grim prognosis. She is 90 years of age and has CHF with another recent hospitalization last week. She is home now, but her doctor called me the day of her discharge and gave me a complete detailed summary of her condition and prognosis. I have been more anxious since the discussion with him, although he is to be commended for his frankness and the sensitive way he handled the situation.
I know counseling is beneficial after we lose someone close to us, but I feel I need some help now just dealing with this now. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say I feel like I am carrying a bomb and not able to put it down. I know what will happen and still not able to prevent the inevitable. The nurse told me last week at the hospital that the normal BNP level is not to be above 50. My mother's BNP this last time was over 4600. The doctor told me the same value on the telephone and told me it almost blew his socks off, in his words exactly. They removed 5 1/2 liters of fluid this admission. She also has chronic renal failure. I am blessed to have her this long, but it makes it no easier to let go. I have such a heaviness in my heart. Thank you for listening.
Credit counseling - some bewares
The ones I talked to when going through a divorce were actually quite high for their fees except for the Christian one and then there were some that they did not work with or would not work with them. That is always a possibility. Also beware when talking directly with the cards or accounts of if any service offers you a "buy out" where you pay so much on the dollar - seems quite cheap -- but when you do at the end of the year they will send you a 1099 showing what amount you did not pay and you have to declare that as "income" on your income tax and thus you will simply pay the government what you did not pay your creditors. Again, talk with the creditors, pick out a plan and stick with it and it might take two to three years but you will be out of debt and you did it. Again, don't promise something you cannot keep. Also remember that there is a 5 to 7 year time line after which they cannot pursue collection of the debt but it is from your last payment and so if you ever think about doing that -- just not paying -- do not ever make a payment as then the 5 to 7 years starts all over again -- heard that on Suzie Orman show. Again, if in clear conscious you want to work with the creditors, they will work with you but you will probably not have credit for a while. You have nothing to lose to talk with them. Good luck. I am sure 90% of us have been there at some time in our life.
Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone and unsaid business with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both. 
1. Go back to counseling. 2. Join a SM
divorce singles group. They are all over. Many churches have them.
3. Volunteer. You get to feel good about yourself and get to meet other people.
Good luck. I've been there.
uhh...that should be "suggested leaving"...not counseling...nm
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
Talk to him about it. If need be, seek counseling. Don't
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SIL family, us and another family snacked,played
x
Anyone had any experience with Credit Counseling services?
I am in a bad situation. I had my house foreclosed on last year but it was in a prior bankruptcy, that is good. But we had to let our car go back, which was in my husband's name and now they are hounding us over paying it back...they are saying 11k but if we give them 6k that would settle it. Like we told them, if we had 6k we would not have let the car go back in the first place. Plus we have several doctor bills. We lost it all due to my health all of a sudden. No place to turn, no one to ask. Wanting to get out lives back. Wondering if anyone has had experience with Credit Counseling and if they really do speak with creditors, get what you owed cut in half and help you out of a bad situation.
Thanks....
I went with consumer credit counseling. After my divorce I had
$18,000 worth of credit card bills to pay off. My ex filed bankruptcy but I did not want to do that. I was doing okay with the bills, but CCC told me they could get the rates lowered and paid off in 5 years. It would take twice that long at my minimum payments. I paid off 6 months early and just bought a house. You just have to be disciplined. They only let you keep 1 credit card. Believe me, it is worth it in the end.
We start marriage counseling tonight
And I'm a little apprehensive. I've never done any kind of counseling before, so don't really know what to expect. We're having some issues that we just cannot resolve on our own and I am very hopeful that a counselor can help us sort through them. Anyone ever been to marriage counseling and would care to share their experience? 
Credit Card Debt Counseling
http://www.cccsatl.org/index.asp?_method=view&sc=43&cn=486&md=debtmanagement
Here's what you want to use... It is called Consumer Credit Counseling Services. They are legit. Now back when hubs and I did it about 15 years ago, there were no computers, per se, so we went on site to an office. I don't know what state you're in or if there is an office local to you, but it looks like you can do this online.
We did it, completed it, and it was great. However, they cut your credit cards up in front of you and put them in a huge jar (at least they did back then). Once you join, there are no more credit cards. What CCCS does is works with your creditors to reduce interest rates, payment size, etc. because they are networked. You then make one lump payment to CCCS and they disburse the money. They also take into consideration your income. I think that's what makes it all work. Also, this is what tells them how long it will take to pay off the debt. Just beware though that if you are "behind" on payments, sometimes certain creditors do not accept CCCS, so they may hassle you still and some just plain won't accept CCCS's offer.
Believe me, even though we are not late on payments, we had in the past 3 years so much personal stuff go on (sickness, death, etc.) that we have racked up some debt ourselves and may try CCCS again, as one card we have raised the rate to 33% interest because we have a high balance. We make regular payments.
All in all, it's a great plan and it does work, but you no longer have credit cards (they close the accounts), and you will have a "bad mark" but yet a good mark on your credit report for using CCCS. Check with them about that though, as I do not know the specifics. It is way better than bankruptcy...
Hope you find some relief soon! My thoughts are with you... I'm not judgemental because I've been there and done that. 
Consumer Credit Counseling Service
//
My daughter started group counseling sm
She meets with the school psychologist once a week and other kids from her grade who all have coping issues, and they work on their social skills. She is 9. Maybe your school has a similar program? Or maybe some internet research would turn up some group counseling in your area.
Good luck to you and your son!
I think they should require psychological counseling before someone makes a freak of herself like th
8 surgeries and a gallon of silicone equal a bra size of 34 FFF
Sheyla Hershey has set a new record for something she can't and doesn't want to hide -- the largest breasts in Brazil, and perhaps the world. But is she in for more pain than she bargained for?
After eight surgeries and a gallon of silicone, Hershey's breasts round out to an astonishing 34 FFF -- and she claims she's not done.
In an interview with Fox 26 in Houston, where she traveled for the operation, the 28-year-old Brazilian actress and model said that she would like her breasts to be even bigger.
Unfortunately for Hershey, the state of Texas has limits on the amount of silicone that can be injected into breast implants -- and Dr. Malcolm Roth says this is for good reason.
"We know that the larger the implant the more likely there will be problems down the road," he says. "Maybe she'll be fortunate and not have problems, but those are very, very large breasts.
Maybe joint counseling with his therapist for starters since his meds don't seem to be working. A
s
family
No she did not have Daniel throughout his whole life but there were times when he shouldn't have been with her but her mother would not take him without money. She was living in a motel with a bfriend and Daniel. She was broke and it was not pretty she had some really rough times and she was not always the "playboy" girl she worked in some really raunchy clubs.
I dont know about a brother but it has been a long long time age I do remember meeting a "sister" once and lots of different "boyfriends". There was always someone with their hand out.
I give her mother the benefit of the doubt but look at how things are going and what her mother is doing. There have been lots of back and forths in Vergie and Nicki's relationship and none of it has EVER appeared loving. Nicki was not innocent but I think she grew up and moved on with her life and her mother still wants to talk about her little Vicki.
No one is perfect not me, not you neither was Nicki, but her past was her past and she needs to be laid to rest, she went to extremes to establish her wishes let her be. Nicki is gone but the baby is here and needs to be sheltered from all this hoopla!!!
when it is a family, the family tends to think
since an addition is being made to a family during pregnancy, a lot of families see themselves as pregnant - as one - as a whole unit...nothing wrong with it - actually makes the entire family participate in it, which is a GREAT thing............not like the men of the 1950s who went to work and the moms did absolutely everything else....I like men/families who WANT to take part and be involved.
Old fashioned or not - I prefer the way the men participate today in all of it..........makes for better communication and all know what's going on in the family....
FYI to all, keep your old fashioned minds open because a closed mind will make you old WAY before your time.
There are 4 in our family and we each sm
get to pick one definite thing to do. My hubby says that is his pick. LOL
All the best for you and your family and keep..sm
 Keep us posted here - I will remember your *handle* countrymt and will be on the lookout for your posts!!!
I have family down there
My husband is originally from Boston, and we go down about once a month or so for a few days to visit his parents, brother, etc. It's kind of like a second home for me!
Family
My heart goes out to you, as I too understand that kind of pain from family. Just know that it is not you that is causing this rift. It is your brother, not his wife even though it is obvious that she is doing the manipulating. Your brother should not be able to be manipulated so easily by his wife's insecurities and jealousy of your relationship. Unfortunately in life, and in families perceptions get screwed up with time, and distance, and if one does not hold true to their fondness of one another, or respect or what I call the family gene that holds a family together through thick or thin, then there is nothing you can do about this situation. He obviously cannot hold true to his feelings for you because of his wife's insecurities. Just let things be and don't become bitter or begin to cut yourself off. Sometimes things change down the road for the better.
re: family
Yes it is sad that the family unit is being seen less and less. Yes self control is a responsibility....but that comes from the Lord...that is a fruit of the Spirit...so what I'm saying is it is our sin nature to stray and we will be held accountable for that sin...the only way to be forgiven for it is to ask Jesus for forgiveness and accept Him as our Saviour...don't know if I'm wording this correctly....
I pray that you get what I'm trying to say that we all need Jesus...I pray that I worded correctly...
Yes, my family sm
DH and my mom didn't get along well (although she was quite controlling and wanting to run our lives after we got married, and I do understand where he was coming from). Eleven years ago we moved 300 miles away. Now I see my mom and other relatives only very occasionally. Luckily she can come see us once in a while. I have to beg DH to go there, and my vision is so bad I can't drive it myself.
I haven't been "home" in 2-1/2 years this time. And yeah, I regret it.
I miss my mom, my family and my friends. But DH is never gonna change, and I have 3 kids, and I'm stuck. :(
My family went to while once and after just
10 seconds inside my DD backed out. My DH valiantly stayed with her while I went through with DS. I asked before hand to make sure they could not touch me...that is my biggest fear also. They told me there was defintely a "No Touch Rule". My DH and DD told the guy at the front my name so I heard all through house my name being repeated in a very spooky voice. One "monster" did come right up to me and I just kept saying "no touch rule, no touch rule, no touch rule". He stuck to the rules and I did feel better after that. Needless to say DS loved every minute of it.
To you and your family
My heart goes out to you and all the people in CA dealing with this horrendous threat. In the national news this a.m. (Wednesday) they stated conditions are improving in order for the firefighters to try to get in and attack these monstrous fires. Best of luck to you all. Keep us posted, if at all possible.
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