Classic sign of an abusive is a very , very fast romance - sm
Posted By: xxx on 2008-04-20
In Reply to: What do you think - Ms. Guilt trip
leading to marriage, which it appears you have done. He has successfully isolated you from your family and controls everything you do. He is deciding where you live, what "he" wants to do, work, etc. You don't mentions kids, and I hope you don't have any, but if you do you need to take back some control if you intend to stay in this one-sided marriage. Sounds like you have no say/input at all, it is his way or no way. My DH gives me grief when I visit my family, as do my in-laws, I go anyway. He doesn't like it but he cannot stop me from going. He knows better than to try. He will make my life living hell until I leave, trying to get to stay, but I think only one time did I give in and not go, and boy was I mad at him for quite some time (and myself for giving in). My DH is very passive-aggressive but most of the time I ignore him but other times he gets me all worked up ready to kill him and then he is fine, and I am all mad. Drives me crazy. But after 12 years of this I have learned not to take the bait so much, and have seriously though of kicking him out, though he's refuse to leave as it "is his house" (it is in his name only but we bought it 10 years ago while we were married, so it is every bit mine as his). So if you get to the point when you are sick of his controlling ways, go see a lawyer. I plan to soon myself just to see where I would stand in the event of a divorce. We both have our faults in my marriage and I think it is smart thing to find out what could or could not happen in the event of a divorce. You might want to see what your rights are too, cannot hurt. As for your sister coming, just say, Mary is coming to visit and tough cookies if this bothers you. She has never been here before and I want to see my sister and niece and if you don't like it make yourself scarce while they are here. ---Good luck.
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- What do you think - Ms. Guilt trip
- Classic sign of an abusive is a very , very fast romance - sm - xxx
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My romance/drama novel.
I have been in medical transcription for 8 years and since our hospital sent us all home I have taken up writing in my spare time. I would like to invite everyone on the board to check out my website for my small publishing company and read about my romance novel.
I am a real sap when it comes to romance
just like in Say Anything with the boombox, I fall apart when Clint is standing in the rain wanting her to get out of the truck. Another tearjerker for me everytime is The Notebook!
I like Ralph Lauren Romance (nm)
x
ABUSIVE HUSBAND!
YOU ASKED! I think you need, at the very least, to get professional couple counseling. This is clearly spousal abuse and you need to learn why you have letting it go on so long. If he won't go (and I'd bet money he won't), then go by yourself and learn why you have put up with this for so long. I am sorry you are hurting, but you have the power to change all this. You could start, at the very least, by reading self-help books about assertiveness training, spousal abuse, self-esteem,etc. Good luck!
(By the way I was in private practice as a psychotherapist for years, and am a medical transcription teacher now.)
Is this an abusive marriage or not? (sm)
I have been posting below about my debt, my husband opening credit cards in my name, cheating, etc. I recently called a domestic abuse line to try to get some clarity on my situation. They said it was domestic abuse and to take out a restraining order on him, that would last for 10 days, then we both go to court and state our cases, and then the restraining order may or may not be instituted for a year. All I could think was how angry this would make my husband. It would put him right into battle mode and I would be toast. Apparently a lot of abusive men use the threat of taking the children as a way to subdue their victim. It works because it scared me into wondering if I can even try to leave.
Anyway, here is what he does: Has not hit me in the last few years but in the first 10 or so years of our marriage would push me around some, back me against the wall when arguing, grab my hands or finger if I pointed at him, etc. A few years ago he went nuts and beat me up, banged my head into a pole on the carport, bruised my arms, pulled my hair, screamed in my face biting my nose with every word. I went to my neighbor, who was a police officer, and told him, and he told me not to report it because my husband would lose his job - a high paying professional level job where he is well-respected. So I did not turn him in but did go to stay with my family in another state for a week and made him go to anger management counselling. He went twice but stopped going as soon as I came home. Prior to that time he had also slapped my son (at the age of 2) once in the face and had grabbed me when my son would fall, keeping me from being able to pick him up until I would fight my way away from him. After the big event and anger management counselling he has not hit anyone again at all but is always seething. He is a hunter and has guns in our house and I am afraid that one day he may snap again, as I did not see it coming when he attacked me before.
In the last couple of years, our marriage has barely existed. I have wanted to leave but he keeps talking me out of it. I am pretty sure he has been cheating for a long time and had some good evidence, though not proof, about a year ago, and stopped having sex with him. He has been angry, sends me emails asking me to have sex with him or give him a "BJ", grabs my breasts whenever he walks by and just lets them fall (just very disrespectfully), or grabs my crotch or whatever. He says very rude things to me. I have told him in the past that if he will work on our relationship then we may be able to get back to having sex but he says I have to work on the sex part first then he will work on the relationship.
About six months ago I had a car accident about a mile from home and called to ask him to come get me and he said no, just let them tow the car to the shop, I'm sure you can get a ride home. When I got home he said if I was not going to be a wife to him, he was not going to be a husband to me. So now he will do things like clean my car and expect a sexual favor in return. When I don't do it he says he does things for me that he doesn't want to do, so why can't I do things for him that I don't want to do?
This could go on and on so I will wrap it up. He insults me all the time, controls the money, makes me feel bad about myself and WORSE makes my son feel bad about himself. My daughter so far has been left out of it and he just ignores her. She is doing well in school, is a normal weight, etc. But my son and I have both gained lots of weight, my son seems depressed and withdrawn but promises me his dad has done nothing inappropriate to him. My son is scared for me to leave his dad because of the visitation time he would have to spend alone with him without me there to be a buffer (husband makes him work for hours raking leaves, etc and will not let him have breaks. I have to step in and make him let my son take breaks or tell him when enough is enough. Husband gets very angry about this. I know children have to do chores but they need to do them as children, not as grown men when they are not adults). I can go and file the restraining order but my husband will fight will all he is worth if I do. Maybe if I try to reach a happy medium with him in a divorce he will be nicer?
Why does no one want to talk about this? I have tried to talk to people at church and they all act horrified. My husband is Mr. Personality and I guess no one thinks he could do things like this.
Definitely George mystery novels or romance
!
Deep dish; Romance or comedy? nm
Define "really abusive"
That phrase alone tells me you have never been in an abusive relationship. Writing a letter describing flaws can be just as demeaning (read abusive) as telling her to her face. Unless, you have been in a similar situation, you really have no right to say her husband is not "really abusive." Mental abuse is just as debilitating as physical abuse, and that is exactly what the letter was intended to be. And yes, I too believe in marriage, but a "date night" isn't going to change the abusive type of behavior.
Your father was violent, abusive, totally different than all above
NM
I agree with Kendra, if you fear he would be physicall abusive - (sm)
then you need to be away from him. He is just your boyfriend, right? Not even your husband. I left a marriage recently from an abusive husband. He "only" beat me physically once, but he was controlling and emotionally abusive at other times AND he looked at young lesbian porn online. If I ever start dating someone and I get even a hint that they could ever become physically abusive to me I will run from that relationship so fast your head would spin. Please get away from him!! Dont even deal with it another day.
That's a classic!
I cried from laughing too when I read what you wrote! I will now sing Tony Danza instead of tiny dancer every time I hear that song!
Back in the late 70s, me and my girlfriend were cruising about town in her dad's beat up old station wagon. We were in our late teens, it was summer, windows were open, radio blaring and that song with the lyrics "Sentimental gentle wind, blowing through my mind again" was on the radio. My girlfriend has a beautiful voice and she was belting out the chorus to this song with the words "Santa bring your little gifts". I was crying from laughing then, too, and she made me laugh even more when she kept saying "WHAT?"
classic sci-fi
Something by Ursula LeGuin or Isaac Asimov or Ray Bradbury or Robert Heinlein.
Abusive to women, animals - thank goodness there are no children involved. (sm)
get her out of that situation before any more harm comes about.
Youngest daughter once dated a guy and we discovered she was afraid to not be ready on time, to wear something he didn't like, etc. Soon we found out there were bruises on her upper arms and near her breasts. Needless to say, we marched her to the courthouse, got an ex parte. He broke into our house after that when he thought she was home alone, we pressed charges and had that young man paying court costs for quite some time in addition to going to anger management classes.
We were lucky, we got her out before it was too late. He had her emotionally beat down to the point she couldn't stand up on her own. Heaven help those without a support system.
I'm sorry but that is the classic excuse
when caught with contraband. He is probably just experimenting at this point but you want to nip that in the bud. He needs to really see what the effects of that will be and that he may think he can stop at any time but the problem is he won't know that he can't stop until it has already happened. I've always felt that stressing the inside damage they are doing to themselves is important but with a teenager looks are really what they care about- try stressing how unattractive and smelly they make a person, where girls that might be interested would pass because of the smoking.
Is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" a classic yet?
LOL
Sounds like classic OCD symptoms....
Good luck...OCD sucks :-(
What's your favorite classic Christmas song?nm
x
Love this movie...a real classic nm
x
And get thee to a doctor - you have classic symptoms sm
of DEPRESSION. Feeling weighed down, exhausted, too tired, not enjoying life and activities of daily living - you may need some chemical intervention to perk up. Plus get outside 30 minutes every day for some natural sunlight. TAKE SOME "ME TIME" - You need it. Life is short and why, oh why, be miserable in the short time that you have?
Hey, just keep it on Turner Classic. 31 days of Oscar. GREAT
I don't watch network TV, watch MSNBC in the morning (no Brit there). Catch all the Law & Order reruns I can. But I'm all over these movies this month. Lolita was on last night, Casablanca and Rebecca the night before.
I haven't seen Brit in a very long time. It is possible!! :-)
That is, Cuisinart Chef's Classic Stainless Series - nm
xxx
Need help fast!
Is there a way to get a certified copy of a birth certificate in a couple days? Other than driving to the county where you were born? I live in California and I have looked at some websites but the fastest I can see is 3-5 days and I need it in like 1-2. Any help is appreciated!
Not so fast!
Your return only equals about "10% or so" assuming that the stock or fund you pick stays flat or goes up in price. If you lose money on the stocks, the 100 bucks they give you at the end may not even get you to break even. You also have to subtract the cost of your trades. 10% a year is a killing in this market.
You can learn to read charts & screen stocks at www.clearstation & www.morningstar.com.
You have to have a strong stomach to be invested in anything other than a passbook savings account right now unless you are in a VERY conservative fund, in which case there is no way you are going to make 10%.
Rule of thumb is the closer you are to retirement, the more conservative the fund has to be. The further out from retirement you are, the more time you have to make up your losses (and there WILL be losses).
So be very careful. I hope you're not planning on day trading.
As fast as I could! nm
nm
not in the fast lane
It doesn't really matter what lane I'm in, but in fact I hardly ever drive in the fast lane. I always move over for people who want to pass me because I figure, That's the guy who's going to keep me from getting a ticket. The point I'm making is that they ride my butt when they were getting off the freeway anyway. I go to the trouble of moving over, & then I see them in front of me, pulling off at the next exit. Like they couldn't have just gotten off while they were still behind me without having to make the big macho statement, or if they were so bent on passing me, there is normally at LEAST one lane to my left that they are welcome to use, since they are almost always going over the speed limit. And on the rare occasions when I am in the fast lane, if someone is riding me I ALWAYS move over. Always.
Jeez. I didn't expect to have anyone get in my face over such a benign thread.
Run, run fast and don't look back!!!!
Being a step-mom to kids who have no idea what the meaning of respect is SUCKS. Especially when the father has no interest in teaching them! Been doing it for almost 10 years now, don't put yourself through it. If he doesn't "get it" after this he probably never will, and will never change.
I'm headed nowhere - fast. Or perhaps to
We had DVR'd it and just fast forwarded
through that part.
Back away now, and do it fast. Then you will find out. I think he is not the one, but you sm
will learn quickly. (he sounds like a jerk to me).
Netflix -- fast. Love it.
nm
Mine also, and I go very fast driving over them
and hold my breath or pray pretty much. Years ago my sister had gone over a bridge traveling to Tennessee just before it collapsed and I never forgot it.
On the news today they said something like 70,000 bridges in the country are in disrepair. I say put our taxes to better use! Do something constructive for a change.
Scary stuff.
I can see that time fast approaching...
well, not without my hubby, but the kids are getting to be moving-out age, and we see less and less of them and have more time to ourselves. I enjoy that. But in the winter, my husband works very long hours. I'm home alone all day, working or doing what I do. I have an active life away from my family and enjoy my friends and community. If I had to, I could live alone, but I really don't want to.
Now, an occasional break from the family life is always good! I do solo backpacking now and then, a weekend or several days at a time. I love living by myself with everything I need on my back. It's a real confidence builder!
No stead-fast or gal or man or whatever, this one has improved
.
is there a reason you were in the fast lane?
haha since that was my pet peeve, i had to ask... i mean i may be the one riding your butt if #1) you are going BELOW the posted speed limit or #2) there is NO ONE in the other lanes you are passing!!
and you know... you NEVER know why people are going fast. Sometimes they are just irresponsible, but sometimes they may be heading to somewhere that constitutes an emergency for them you know? not that they should put others in danger but i have learned to come to that conclusion...
With the holidays fast approaching...
I am wondering how your kids found out about Santa. My son has never led us to believe he doesn't believe, although we have wondered since he is in middle school now. I found out that he told a young cousin about the truths of Santa, E. Bunny, etc. My husband and I feel like we should approach him about this, not with the intent of being in trouble, but just to let him know that he shouldn't spoil it for the younger kids. Under the circumstances, I think he said it to be spiteful because he didn't want to go to bed for the tooth fairy to come.
I know as a child I was afraid that the holidays would cease to exist if they found out that I (the youngest) knew the truth. It was my older sibling who finally talked me into spilling the beans so no one had to get up early in the morning. I wonder if it may be a similar circumstance. Normally he is very open and honest with us and asks questions and discusses things that most other kids would find embarrasing, etc. He is a very good kid and I was very surprised to find out that he did this.
Run away fast from this tramp and don't look back! nm
n
It would grow old real fast for me - sm
so I can understand you being annoyed, and no it is not heartless. Is he short on cash? Can he afford to feed himself? Obviously is money is an issue then it is a different story. Were you very close before the divorce or is this new behavior? I presume the GF does not want him there for dinner presuming it is a loneliness issue for him. But as you said he is probably keeping an eye on your mom since he asks about her every day, I would presume the divorce was her idea? Or is he having buyers remorse? I would set some ground rules for dad and tell him as much as you enjoy seeing him, etc, that you need some nights to yourself, and to limit it to maybe 3 days a week, MWF or something like that. So he still gets to see you (and stalk your mom) but not monopolize every evening. Or else starting making things you know your dad dislikes!
Thank goodness for fast forward on DVR! - sm
One word - LAME!!
Does anybody know what helps get rid of fever blisters really fast. I just got some and they are
not very nice looking on my lips.
Get her professional help fast. Maybe family counseling. SM
Sometimes it just isn't one person in the family who has a problem. That came out badly, since I didn't mean you or any one in family in particular. Just dynamics of family life.
Best wishes to you. You will need a great deal of strength, but you can all come through this even closer as a family.
LOL! Good suggestion, they would leave you alone fast!...nm
nm
sign into IM
I'm praying that you get this poor animal to a doctor and fast!
It's your responsibility as Misha's owner to get her medical attention when she needs it. Please do that.
I hope she's okay too.
Slim-Fast here but I'll give ya my support.
Let's keep all each other posted on the progress. I also would like to lose 30 lb.
15 years, no weight gain, I walk a lot, fast.
nm
Many posts hafta read fast cause they are pulled if
x
What's your crash sign?
Turns out there might be some connection between your astrological sign and propensity for getting into an accident! Fascinating.
By the way, Leo's rule!!!
TORONTO, Dec 13 (Reuters Life!) - Never mind how careful you are behind the wheel or how long you've been driving, the signs of the zodiac may be bigger factors behind your ability to avoid car crashes -- or why you have too many. According to a study by InsuranceHotline.com, a Web site that quotes drivers on insurance rates, astrological signs are a significant factor in predicting car accidents.
The study, which looked at 100,000 North American drivers' records from the past six years, puts Libras (born September 23-October 22) followed by Aquarians (January 20-February 18) as the worst offenders for tickets and accidents. Leos (July 23-August 22) and then Geminis (May 21-June 20) were found to be the best overall.
"I was absolutely shocked by the results," said Lee Romanov, president of Toronto-based InsuranceHotline.com, who also wrote the book "Car Carma" which touches on the correlation between astrological signs and driving ability while doing the study.
Romanov originally wanted to have some fun by examining astrological signs as a possible cause for the variance between insurance companies quoting high and low rates but didn't expect to find anything interesting.
"Now, changing postal codes is far less significant to me than drivers of certain astrological signs," she told Reuters on Wednesday.
Even age, another variable for determining insurance rates, is less of a consideration to Romanov. The cutoff line for being considered a higher risk driver is 24 years of age; 25-year-olds are considered not-high risk.
"I'd rather get into a car with a 24-year-old Leo than a 25-year-old Aries," Romanov said.
Leos, described along with the study results on InsuranceHotline.com/a10.html, are "generous, and comfortable in sharing the roadway."
Aries, on the other hand, "have a 'me first' childlike nature that drives Aries into trouble."
"I wasn't believing in it before," said Romanov, "but I would think twice before getting into a car with an Aries."
COOOOOOL! Sign me up! : )
x
Used to have a PINK PIG sign
with our name on it. Two pink piggies holding our name by our mailbox and someone STOLE IT. Can you imagine. My sister gave it to us as a gift. Had to put it outside to show her how much we loved it. Were not sorry to see it go though.
SIGN THE NO PADDLING....
figures, it would be Texas paddling the children......no offense to our posters from Texas......I just somehow knew upon reading further down the page that it was going to be TEXAS paddling children still in the 21st Century. Give me a break......
Nobody can whack my kid, except me....*lol*
You sign yourself as friend, ok if so
then you totally respect your friend's wishes. You do not go by unannounced. Has she said she did not want company? You do not intrude, yes that is what it is by just happening to take something by as another post said to get a glimpse. I had a child who had clubbed feet (not Downs at all like the other said might be), did not even notice but my mother brought it up to me and he is now 40ish and fine, just wore the splints. As far as not answering the phone when husband is home, I try not to make appointments to leave when mine is here, I just love spending the time I can with him. I don’t see mine each and every day so nothing wrong with that or the telephone thing. We are all separate individuals. I would guarantee if you showed up at my home uninvited and as a surprise, I would be offended and you would not get in especially after she has said no visitors! Where as you might have wanted company after birthing, your friend has told you. Why would you do anything less than honor her wishes? Be a real friend.
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