Can you talk to your son's father about this?
Posted By: anon on 2007-06-18
In Reply to: I am so sad today, can't even work. I received an email sm - sad mom
Can you discuss this amicably if you are on good terms, perhaps approaching it from the angle of what's best for your son.
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Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk?
As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...
So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about. Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast. I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal.
...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month. Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment. I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year. In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week.
I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health. Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there.
Go try it, talk, talk and listen sm
Counselors are trained to "listen" and direct you to talk (not them). I have transcribed many, many mental health reports. They do dig deep and keep it going for a very long time, very long, usually (perhaps not for you). But if you both don't tell the truth, you are wasting your money, so why not just get it all out on the table and get it over with and get on with your lives? Don't pussy foot around, get it all out and deal with it. Gosh, life is too short to put on a show, it's not a dress rehearsal, it's life. Go forward, forgive, forget and forge ahead. Don't need a degree for that!! But a little help can't hurt. Might help.
I think she said the father did not want her around
so really she should take that same stance. I think you just cannot sometimes may an enabler understand what they are doing wrong. My deceased husband, I talked to him about his enabling with his daughter and he told me he would do until his last breath and he did. She was a total invalid after that, did not have a clue (at 30 something) how to make her way. Oh well, glad I wasn’t the mother.
You ask about my son's father?
The father came around after the son grown and now lives with him. No money ever from him while my son growing up, not a penny, nothing. I have nothing against the father, just always thought he basically did good to take care of himself but not a father figure at all for the son. He was able to work, chose to live on the streets and finally got too old to be out there and my son and his family took him into their home. I was there but people have to understand what money does to people, especially if a lot of money, thousands and thousands. My son was upset about my inheritance and that is what happened. It is sad but not my fault he would choose the love of money over his mother. Wish him well.
your father
This is a touchy subject. Yes, it sounds a little like he may be trying to "take the easy way out" but really, what he is doing is self degradating and really desperate. I believe he needs help. Of course, he is not going to see it or admit it himself. That's WHY he needs help. He has threatened to take his life and spoken of wanting to die. I think you should call 911 or see if your town has a crisis team and tell them that he has said he is going to kill himself. Have him taken by ambulance or let the crisis intervention team figure out the transportation. Once he is at the hospital professionals will evaluate him and decide whether or not he needs to be committed against his will or long term treatment. They will give him counseling and even point him in the direction of how to start managing life again. The worse that could happen is that they say hes fine and send him home (which they will not do without at least providing him with information for outpatient treatment and other local agencies that can help him).
However, how will you feel if, God forbid, he does hurt or kill himself while you thought he wass just bluffing?
And even if it doesnt go that far...he will continue to harass you and your mom.
He needs help of some kind and as his daughter I think you should find a way to help him.
How do you know her father was
there for her? You are assuming that. As far as writing him off, it might be the best thing for her. Toxic people are very dangerous. Obviously you had a story book childhood and until you go through something like that, it is impossible to understand. Because it is a parent, it does not mean you have to put up with emotional and mental abuse.
Father in law
My father in law is an ok guy. One problem. He likes to come to our house and watch TV. On Saturdays and Sundays, I am off work, and I like to relax on the couch in Pjs and watch my TV. My husband drives an 18-wheeler, and a lot of times when he comes in if it is on weekends his dad will come over that morning and sit here ALL day long. My husband said last time you know I love dad to death and like for him to come visit but after a couple hours it is time to leave. Well now my husband isn't at home and he comes over to visit my son who is 11, and tells my son lets watch a movie or something. Well this is my weekend to relax and lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like I can't relax in my own home. He doesn't have satellite at his house so he wants to sit here and watch. I am so fustrated. He needs to go home. I think he uses the excuse when my husband is gone to come see my son so he can sit here and watch movies. I would like to watch my own TV. URRRGHH! Any advice?
My father in law tried that with his indoor cat
and once they got outside the cat totally flipped out like a crazed wild animal. It was a very scary experience from what he described. So just be careful.
I do not live in 1 but my father had 1 and
when you pull the carpet up as I did when I got the trailer it only had cheap plywood underneath it. Having said this I was going to rent it out as eventually wanted to sell for the land it was on (6+ lake front acreage) so we put down linoleum (spelling?). A trailer is mostly made from the very cheapest you can get, thus the cheaper prices most of the time than homes. We took inexpensive commercial carpet for some of the bedroom floors and hubby put that down. These are about the cheapest you can do, don’t think your idea of a faux finish will work with the plywood but then you can always check on that. By the way, do you have to tar the roof of yours? Most trailers require this- did not know until after I had in possession- the only difference is a regular roof was put on this 1 - most are flat on the top and require tarring.
Actually he is a wonderful father...
who takes time out of his sleep schedule to be with them, eat dinner with us, go to kids' sporting events and the usual things people do without missing a beat because everything works out for their schedule. People who sleep during the night have no clue how hard it is to sleep during the day when it is light out, loud noises outside like lawnmowers, snowblowers, leafblowers, construction and more than you could realize. Nobody schedules meetings at 1:00 am so you have to get up after a few hours. Going to church on Sunday with your family and having family day requires less sleep because he works Sat. and Sun. night.
I feel sorry for you that you can't have an open mind enough to see that not everybody has the same life, same feelings, same jobs. If I can make him more comfortable including having a dark bedroom then I will and I asked for help in achieving this goal, not to have someone who doesn't know him or our family come on here and insult us. Not once did I say this was something he told me to do or makes me do..I am doing it because I love him. If he gets home in time in the mornings he gets the kids ready for school. Marriage is about give and take.
Your father was a 1 in a million.
A lot of men would have left being walked on and demoralized but your dad didn't want to leave you to suffer it alone. Usually, even when a mother isn't fit to raise a goldfish, mothers still get custody of the kids, and that's sad. There are a lot of great dads out there and they really need to be given the praise they deserve. What a great dad you had. I can see why you cherish him so much.
From what I can gather, he has only seen his father twice ....sm
in his entire 11 years. I think his great-grandmother raised him and also raised his mother (which would be her grandmother). Well, I think this lady just recently died and the child came to live with the mother and mother's boyfriend. The mother's 5-year-old lives with his father and I have noticed that the mother has him every other weekend. All of the kids except for 1 are from single-parent homes, including my own. I have been divorced for 5 years. I do not think that should be an excuse though. I am a very involved, hands-on, in tune, on top of things mother and I work my butt off to have what we have. My daughter sees her dad every other weekend sporadically. Yes, it does put a lot of responsibility, worry, etc., on the custodial parent but that is our job, not the neighborhood's job. There is another single mother who lives here and her husband is in jail. Her 2 sons are very well behaved. Then there is this mother and the single mother of the 2 girls who just suck at parenting. You rarely ever see them and they both take "nerve pills" and "sleeping pills." I've just never been that type of person and I have hard time understanding how you can bring children into the world and not take care of them. I don't expect the rest of the neighborhood to raise my daughter. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Father-Daughter
I don't know that one. Now I'm curious and have to look it up and hear it!
father/daughter
My take on this whole situation is they are playing us. They probably both knew they were going to be in the house, so I would not take it too seriously.
Child should have father's last name SM
and should see father, unless he was abusive. No matter what a woman may think of the guy, it will be disservice to child to not let him/her see father.
A divorced woman can keep name or change back to maiden. Doesn't matter. I kept my married name, since I had it for 30 years.
My father was also child #5 and
12 years younger than the #4. He was always told he was not an accident but a suprise. I watched Jesus Camp and don't agree with that way of "religon" at all.
You did not mention if a father of your son
is around or involved in any way. I think your first attention should be towards your son, not the BIL because apparently your child is doing some acting out and it tends to escalate. When parents of young children oohing and aahing about them, I think about how it turns like your story now a lot of times. I had somewhat similar bad behavior (although never went against my telling no), some drugs involved. I just told my son would send to my daddys home- would have been worse than prison for him and I knew that- ole timer- early to bed and early to rise, take no junk type person. My son turned around because I always told both my children I did not have time for crap- I had to work and make a living for them and I would never put up with backtalking, walking away and doing what they thought they could so, swearing, hitting or the like.
My father-in-law after many years
was able to figure out his trigger and it is citric acid. He has to read every label because it is a common ingredient.
I'm confused. Who is the father?
x
I was my father's TV "remote"
I was very young and never questioned what my parents said to me and one day I asked my dad why he couldn't get up and change the station on the TV, to which he replied, "Because I have a bone in my leg." Seemed like a logical reason to not have to get up and change the television; until one day it occurred to me that WE ALL HAVE BONES IN OUR LEGS!!!!! I have told my kids about this and they just cannot believe how incredibly DUMB I was. I agree. They still tease me about it and, as unhelpful as that phrase is, we still toss it around in our home. LOL.
We do believe, thanks to Grandma, that every time you get the hiccups, it means you are growing. My kids have asked me on the few occasions when I have had the hiccups, what that means for me and I just tell them when you get older, you don't grow UP, you grow OUT. LOL.
She has a step-father who can be
somewhat of a tyrant. I hope he is not the cause. 
So, so sad. Especially Father's Day weekend.
He will be so terribly missed, especially during the election coverage. I will remember him with the white board and writing all over it. I always enjoyed watching him. He sure knew his stuff. Way too young.
It was the father-in-law and mother-in-law..
of the men's volleyball coach and the father-in-law died...
"No one comes to the Father but by Me"
is what Christ said. Most Christians (again, the ones who believe the words of Jesus) believe that religions besides Christianity are false religions.
My father quit at 65...........sm
after practically a lifetime of heavy smoking. He started when he was just a boy, which was common back in the 1920s. He quit at 65 and lived for 20 years before being diagnosed with lung cancer. Of course, we have no way of knowing how long he had it because he never really had any symptoms until about 6 months prior to his death. His cancer was found on a chest x-ray for pneumonia. It was inoperable as it was behind the heart and could barely be seen over the top of the heart when he had the x-ray.
I thought his death would make me stop smoking, but it hasn't. I have smoked for about 25 years now and I know I should stop but I haven't found the will power yet.
my father thought his MIL was
On the night I was born, my dad and his MIL sat in the same room together all evening while my mother was asleep in the next room. My dad said she stared at him all night long over her magazine to watch him squirm. By the way he was 20 at the time and she was 38.
To this day they have the same squirmy relationship.
It doesn't mean anything.
My father died when I was 21.
He was sick most of his life ... or at least during most of my life. He was a very sweet, gentle man, but he was always in pain and ill. As it happens, my family was just devastated in 1983. A dear uncle died of lung cancer that April. In May, my paternal grandmother with whom we lived died, my father died in July, and then another aunt who lived next door to us died that winter.
I have to say that as bad as that all was, the one thing that I was able to take forward with me was how to deal with death. After that point, as young as I was, I knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, then to have to continue on and make funeral arrangements, stand in receiving lines, etc., etc. There's sort of a ritual to it all that is actually comforting. At least to me it was comforting. So from that point on, I had real empathy for others going through similar losses.
I think you've hit on why you feel that you are falling short in comforting your daughter. You said you haven't experienced this sort of thing in your life. One day, you will, unfortunately. It's part of life. But until then, it might help to talk to your friends or relatives who've been through it. You can gain insight from their experience.
I can tell you that there is really nothing to be done about the feelings. A person really does just have to experience them before going on. Your daughter sounds as if she is very in tune with her friends, who are going through such a horrible time right now and certainly have a long way to go yet. No doubt, your daughter is frightened about the thought that this could happen to her, as well. And she also would like to help her friends. I, too, tend to withdraw under stress. If your daughter is that sort of personality, then it might be difficult to talk to her. Just let her know that you are sorry and will talk to her when she is ready. But if you can talk to her, I would suggest you simply acknowledge that these sorts of things are extremely difficult to bear, seeming impossible. But that just being available to her friends will be a huge help. She can simply send a card, note, email, even a text message to say "I'm thinking of you." You can set the example by sending a card to the your daughter's friends and their families.
That sounds so simple, but it's actually huge, because when you go through times like this, so often you feel alone. Knowing that others are thinking of you can be so comforting. I can remember when my father died, I felt like I was walking in a bubble, separated from everyone but still there with them. I'd walk down a busy street, people moving past me, talking, doing their normal things, and all the while my whole life had changed. Yet, I know I looked completely normal. It was a strange feeling, one I've had more than few times in my life. I felt as if I had a gaping wound in my chest, yet as I walked down the street no one would notice it. It makes you feel very separated and alone.
So if you can offer any advice to your daughter, let HER know that she's not alone, and tell her that her friends need to know that, too.
Your father might have a girlfriend but
he is a lonely man and probably missing your mother and his family. Annoyed? That would all have to do with how much I loved my father, I guess.
If I could have my father back--
I would feed him every night from now until forever, if that was what he wanted. Loneliness knows no boundaries. I MISS my dad.
He should have respect for his father and
I did tell him last night that he was the one who made the decision to quit school, not us. We went as far as to walk him to the bus, watch him get on and when he got to school, he would go in one door and out the other. Sometimes he would even slip off the bus during another stop. When we went to court the last time, the judge gave us the option of emancipation after he looked at the records, so we did that. That way, he was responsible for himself and we would not be dragged into court again (it was our 4th time).
As for my DH not working, he states that he could find work if he tried. (He owns a tri-axle and we all know what kind of highway work is out there right now.) If he wants to get another job around here, it would have to be a coal mine or as an over-the-road truck driver being gone for weeks at a time. My gosh, DH will be turning 62 this year. Do I want him to do the above 2 jobs? He was an OTR for 32 years and he's all I have now, so that's not an option..
It's bad enough when he's gone from 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. when there is work, so he's no slouch and he has even gone to work when he had the gout so bad he could barely walk, while the son takes off work every time he gets a cold.
I was going to call him this morning (he's laid off right now) and tell him he owes his father an apology, but I think I will let it go for one last time, although DH stated last night he's done with him. I certainly don't want this to get any worse.
Same as in case with my father,
but not of bad mind but insurance policy that he had taken out years before, had no named beneficaries, his wife had died before him, his son and I was the only 1 left (not counting my brother's children) so the money went exclusively to me. This was a policy from probably the 1950s he probably just forgot about. Heck, he had even forgotten about loads of stock that his nephew told him about and he cashed all that in prior to his death in the 2000s. Just a simple case of forgeting, not dementia in his case.
My father-in-law used to love it as well!
--
His father is his problem -
His father spoiled him rotten and because he did not approve of the man I fell in love with after we divorced, he taught my son to disrespect me and filled his head full of lies. His father used him as his "best friend" until he became an inconvenience when he got older and then he basically abandoned him to me.
His father was a good person, just not the person I should have been with, and was a hard worker, but he just was mixed up in how he should raise a child and thus he screwed my kids up.
Looks like I nailed it, prospective father #3 - sm
has come out of the wood work, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband of all people. Guess the world will know eventually!
Speaking of Maury and You are not the father.
How come it only takes Maury 2 days to get results of paternity tests and they still haven't determined who Anna's baby's father is ?. Maybe Larry and Howard - are not the fathers ? Why do they need her DNA anyway ? Is there a question about her being the mother ? All very strange. But I do agree, poor thing, at least she with her first baby right now. She was quite wacky but still she was Anna Nicole.
Personally, I think the father is probably Birkhead, but (sm)
I think the whole idea of dragging out the ligitation of who will have custody of the body is just ridiculous! Let the poor woman, as strange as she may have been, lie in peace with her son. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, that is for sure. I'm sure the last place she wanted to be buried was a whole country away from her deceased son! What mother would?! Well, okay, unless you're Anna Nicole's mother. LOL!!
And the judge on the case is a flat out showboat! Forget all the stories about your childhood in the Bronx and get this over with already! For crying out loud, the poor woman is literally rotting by the minute, all the while he is rambling on and on. Good Lord!
A little side bar, I just loved how Anna's mother was sure to mention how much "Anna loved her late husband", the Texas millionare, while she was on the stand today. Hmmm? Do you think she's paving the way for herself just incase she ever is awarded custody of her granddaughter. It's sickening what some people will do for money!!!
My stepmother and father (a total man's man)
just had their bathroom remodeled and had a big sunken tub put in just so he could take baths. He is 64 and in very good health, but finally realized how good a tub soak feels. My step-mom tends to light candles for him and add bubbles and he loves everybit of it. BTW, she often joins him as well. they also have weekly at home massages by a masseuse. Men need to slow down a little sometimes and enjoy the gentler things in life.
my father died at 96 and worked til 86
    
father of anna nicole
This just in Larry is the father.
Something similar with father visitation
for my child. I explained to my child his father may or may not be here. Be upfront with a child, no use in covering up, no use in confronting in-laws. Just tell the child to be pleased if they get a gift and if not just know sometimes the other person just forgets. Mine handled it really well and no questions.
My father's 4th wedding was HUGE
They had a big Victorian wedding. They had a huge rehersal dinner, wedding and reception. She was married once before and had a small wedding. She wanted a big wedding. Maybe your father and this lady want to have a party with their friends and family?
Father-Daughter and First Dance
Father-Daughter dance - Unforgettable, Nat Cole
First dance - At last, Etta James
Next dance - I've Got Friends in Low Places, Garth Brooks
Lots of Nat Cole songs are good and really meaningful. I cried when my daughter and husband danced that dance to that song. It was like letting her know she was cherished and not to be forgotten, just moving on to another time in her life.
Father daughter has to be "I loved her first"
I cry every time I hear that song. Singer escapes me right now.
My father not a good person at all
some girls are lucky but I lost out on having a decent one. Like I said, best man have ever met is my hubs, hands down.
Funny...the doc told my father to do the same on my
You will have to change your activity to prevent it from recurring, though.
Remember: Same actions yield same results! LOL
Are your grandparents your father's parents?
If so, maybe they are angry that you named baby after step-dad instead of their son. They expect you to be loyal to your Dad but not your stepdad who I would assume was in your life as much as your real Dad if not more. Families can be such selfish hypocrites. Where is their loyalty to you and their gratefulness to a man who probably helped raise you. I would cut them off in a New York minute. If you have children and a sister, you have family. Take care.
I think the kid is cooler than his father, who still thinks he
xx
Any father figure who can lay the smack down?
You're the mother, it's your nature to protect, but somebody needs to protect you in this situation as well. I have no advice at all...I've never been through something like that, and can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be in your shoes.
She really needs an intervention or something...too bad she has frigged up her life so bad that not even the military would take her. That's the only think I can think of that would strip a person down to their core and rebuild them up bit by bit all new like without costing a small fortune that the private "reform" places do. She is 19 though, a legal adult. Maybe a one-way bus ticket, some cash, a peck on the cheek, a "you are the weakest link--goodbye."
Stay. I have 3 boys. They need their father. sm
but also, my husband and I teach a class on restoring marriage after we almost divorced. I love him to death now! They can change. As long as their isn't long-term mental or physical abuse, you can get through this! Email me if you need anything!
Said the woman who did drugs and got where she is because of her father.... nm
x
Daughter's father, now that was a loser!
And yes I did choose him and yes we were married. Cruel to me, beat me (years ago when laws were not like they are today, police not on lady's side, felt like you were property of husband), slight support from him only through the court system, have no contact with him and she wished no contact with him either. He tried to contact her after she was grown and she said no to him. She is very close to her stepfather though, thinks the world of him.
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