Can't seem to move on after divorce
Posted By: sadMT on 2008-04-14
In Reply to:
I'm divorced now for quite a few years and have just had absolutely no interest in dating. I have 2 children (older) and bringing men into their lives in any capacity has never sat right with me, yet I'm lonely. My ex has moved on (in a new relationship) and unfortunately I have to be around them during kid's functions. It's not that I'm pining for my ex. I just miss being a family unit. I sought a little counseling but it didn't help. I'd appreciate any advice anyone might have who has been in a similar situation.
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Move to TX
Then come June if they are on your property - well let's just say that the law will be on your side in whatever you choose to do to them. Right now you can't do much unless you are threatened, but come June - with the new gun law - well, I think you get the point. I think some mace or pepper spray would be in order for them - or maybe just get the waterhose and spray them with that - it would probably teach them to walk to school by another route.
...and move on. nm
s
Please get over this guy and move on. You need to end
xx
Move on...you said yourself...
you don't feel anything for him. Also, anger management is a joke, a bunch of (mostly) guys sitting around discussing their feelings about women and just getting angrier! I had a boyfriend who had to go also, quit after 3 sessions, said he didn't need it either. Took me 8 years to finally say enough was enough. Move on, your life is too short and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Let him be a problem for someone else to fret about.
I think you have to move them
I'd make a little nest out of an old towel, handle them as little as possible, put them in the towel and move the towel nest some place more suitable. I've moved a litter already, but the mother cat moved them again, so don't be surprised if where you put them doesn't suit her. Make sure she watches where you put them and try to pet her so your smell is on her as well as the kittens.
Why did she move? Don't tell me she got
NC move
Moved to NC about 10 years ago from Orlando, FL. I love it here but have found the taxes to be awful. I'm wishing now I would have moved to Tennessee or Texas. I live in a small town 40 miles from Charlotte and close to the SC border. Gas in SC is usually 8 to 10 cents per gallon cheaper. I know that most of the graduates from the colleges in Raleigh stay in the area so it must be a nice place to live.
I used that when looking to move
It's a great tool to virtually scope out a neighborhood before bothering oneself to go check out a listing!
Are you sure the roommate wants you to move?
Maybe it is just an idea that his boyfriend had. He really is not the one to tell you the news, it should have been the roommate. So I'm wondering if the roommate even even knows about it, or if the boyfriend is trying to make arrangements to move in on his own.
Some folks just can't stand any confrontation, even what it would have taken for your roommate to tell you about these future plans. If he has never done anything to hurt you before, I would think you could just accept it, and try to maintain your friendship. If he knows about it, and if he agreed to have the boyfriend tell you, he probably just could not think of any other solution to the problem, other than having his boyfriend tell you, because he did not want to be the one to hurt you. He probably wasn't thinking about "friendship etiquette" (i.e. being the one to give you the bad news himself) at all.
I hope you find a nice place to live.
I would not move back, either--sm
It is nice to help and it sounds as though FIL may need it, but with the others there, you would be *caring* for more than just your FIL and that would be too much stress. Perhaps, if it can be afforded, a home care nurse for a while, until he is back up to caring for his own needs. It is up to him to remove the others from his house, but I surely would not move in there...until they were gone...JMO. Good luck
I wish they would move ALL the messages.
Basically, I said try getting an OT to evaluate your work area. I did and it helped a lot.
We had new neighbors move in who
had a similar theory about what was acceptable.
They had a habit walking into their neighbors houses without knocking. My parents were too polite to say anything, so they were clueless that they found it appalling. We didn't normally lock the doors when we were home, but to keep them out, we kids started locking them when everybody was inside, just to befuddle the barging-in neighbors. One time my dad had been working in the yard, and he was doing his usual change out of his work pants at the back door. He had privacy because he would announce he was changing, and close the door at the top of the stairs so that he had closed doors on 3 sides (door to garage, closed back door, closed door into rest of house, and open doorway into the unfinished basement. The clueless new neighborgirl decided to have a visit, came thru the open (big) garage door and opened the door into the house, where my dad stood, crouching with pants around his ankles. Oh the bellow that came out of him!
That new neighborgirl did drop by and barge in quite so often after that ...
Will probably move a few times
I get bored easily and do not like being in the same place for a long time. Been here for 10 years and just waiting for youngest to go to college in 3 years so I can move. I want to move to NYC area for a few years because right now I live in a rural area and am going crazy. After NYC would like to maybe move out West for a while and then maybe back to Eastern seaboard.
Honestly, what I think is you need to move (sm)
I know it sounds drastic but this is your son's wellbeing and future you are talking about. You need to move away from your abusive ridiculous brother-in-law. Your son has no father figure, and his uncle is a big jerk who should be in jail if he slams his kids around. I don't care if you have to rent a crummy apartment somewhere, but I would get my kid the heck out of there and let him know I am 100% on his side and just trying to give him the best future I can because I love him.
The move I remembered most was
that one where they take that foot, perhaps fresh from the litter pan, and pat your sleeping face with it. It's like they know!
Before you move to the country
Try animal control. They will usually issue a warning first time second time they will issue a citation..If you have kids the country is a really boring place to grow up...I was out in the country until my divorce and moved into a great neighborhood with lots of kids...Best thing I ever did for my kids and myself..
Have you ever just wanted to move?...sm
Have things ever gotten so fustrating dealing with the same ole $hit so much from the same people that you said gosh, I would love to just pack up and move far away. If I had the money to move I know I would. Am I the only one?
I would love to live in Pennslyvania or Virginia.
I have learned to move on.
I gave both my kids everything including all the love I could, taught them the right way to treat people, cherished them beyond belief, worked hard to give them what they needed growing up (just me raising them, divorced). In talking with DH yesterday I really do not feel that either 1 of the kids loves me like they should. I do not see nor talk with my son now due to a falling out we had in 2005 and my girl, well she is a me type, all about her. If you cannot change things, just learn how to live with them the way they are or wish them well in their lives.
divorce
Been there. You hit the nail right on the head -- his drinking overpowers or affects every aspect of your life, and your childrens' lives. Every day, every minute. Most people can't comprehend the constant stress that puts on a family. He's absolutely miserable with his drinking, and wants everybody around him to be as miserable as he is. Tired of walking on the eggshells and sick of the promises that mean nothing? I know I was! Drunks tell you what they think you want to hear to buy them more time. You need peace in your lives for once. You need to be able to predict what your day is going to be like when you wake up in the morning, and so do your kids. I hope it is a 'friendly' divorce for you. You may hurt his ego more than anything else. Good luck to you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I will tell you this -- when my ex left after 12 years, my children and I finally felt like we could BREATHE.
Just let me know about the divorce! nm
m
divorce
Me, too, Freebie - I absolutely despised the man after 17-1/2 yrs., got divorced. He had the nerve to die 5 yrs. later. Had I stayed, I would be on easy street now instead of wondering whether to pay the phone bill, the electric bill or pay for Christmas or charge it. If I only knew then what I know now - haunting isn't it?
Divorce
My children were 14 and 11 at the time of my divorce, they are now 24 and 21 and are happy productive adults that any mother would be proud of. Not to say it wasn`t a very hard thing to go through, but all the fighting is very hard on the children to. I remember my daughter telling me that if I was to ever take her dad back she would be very mad at me, what does that tell you, if your children are old enough, talk to them about their feeling and fears.
Also, their dad got in their in there head and promised them all kinds of things that never came to past, to get them to stay with him so he didn`t have to pay child support,so be ready for that to, but as I said it didn`t take my daughter long to figure that all out, now she is grown and married and her and her dad hardly speak, which breaks my heart, it not fair that a child should have to do without either parent. Anyway I could go on about this subject all night cause it is a heartbreaking thing for all involved.
But you are the only one that know if it`s worth hanging on to.
my prayer`s go out to you in whatever you decide.
After my divorce
and my 45th birthday, it seems like everything changed for me. Things I thought were important, aren't anymore. I don't care about what I have, I'm more interested in what I've done, or more specifically, haven't done yet. Even my politics have changed some. Life changes you. Its like Character Remodeling as we mature.
I've always been suspect of anyone over 45 who tells me that they have no regrets in life. Have they lived life with eyes wide open? Nothing could have been made better?
In some ways, if you aren't evolving and changing, is it possible that you are not living? Great question.
divorce
It takes time. Be extra kind to yourself, seek support if you need to. It does get better, trust me. I am now in a place where I'm happiest I've ever been. I'm still alone but independent and free!
Divorce
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision.
Shelly
If you are going through with the divorce,
it will come out when you list assests, debts, etc.
divorce
I always think it is funny when women think divorce is the best thing for everyone and will make everyone happy.
Kids need two parents whether you are divorced or not, not a counselor to straighten him out.
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
It could also just be a story to make the move look bad.
nm
Cut your losses, keep it cordial, and move on.
x
Maybe it is time to cut your losses and move on?
I had a friend such as that and finally just had to quit being such a good friend to her. My friend was literally sucking the life from me with her endless problems and drama, AND she was not there for me when I needed someone. Best of luck...
Did you grow up in 1 town or move...sm
and if you moved, how often and are you glad you moved? As for me, we moved every other year due to my father's occupation. There were 2 places I was very glad that we moved from and 2 places I would have loved to have stayed, the others were OK. When people ask me where I was raised I tell them "everywhere" because that best summarizes it.
What about you? Do you have a home town?
I move 3 times in my life...
When I was 2, I moved from one small town to another 2 miles apart. From there, my parents built a new house when I was in jr. high in the same town but off of the main street. From there I moved with my husband out side of the same town in a rural area. So, while I have moved, it hasn't been very far.  
Yep, husband been in funk ever since that move.
ja;jd
I'd move to London, England! nm
X
Do you think you'll move at least 1 more time or
s
Just adopt the dog or MOVE. Seriously. What other choices do you have!!?????
nm
My husband refuses to move (sm)
My husband and I bought this house 10 years ago - it is almost 50 years old. We talked about our intentions of remodeling - I didn't know he meant over a lifetime. We have not even painted all of the rooms yet, much less fixed the sagging floors or termite-eaten pantry. The house is too small for our family now as well, is on very busy road, and there are no children around for my kids to play with. On the positive side it is in a good area and we have a very large yard. I have been asking to move however, since about a year after we bought the place. Instead, he has insisted that we are now here for life. He has built himself a barn, dog pens, chicken coops, etc. and enjoys practicing shooting out in the yard with his hunting dog, when he is home and not out hunting or fishing. He is an educated engineer and has a very good job, and I had no idea that he would end up being such an avid hunter. I met him in another state and he did none of this back then - I dated him for 5 years before we got married, he only hunted about twice a year when he visited his dad. Then we moved back to his home state, NC, and it all spiraled from there. Our yard is full of rolls of wire, chicken pens, stinky dog pens and piles of wood and bricks. Our carport is filled with a camoflauge john boat, rubber waders and about 100 duck decoys. In the freezer are wings from ducks that he uses to practice his dogs with. My children and I would love to just live in a neighborhood and have other people to talk to and for the kids to play with. He says the kids only want to move because they have heard me say I want to move. He told me recently that if I really want to move to go ahead, without him. He will support me and the kids. He hopes to find a woman one day who "will like where I live." I have no say whatsoever and he doesn't even consider my opinion. He says "we can't afford to move" and this place is just the right distance from his job. Yet he asks me to take out a loan to add on to this house. He is willing to spend another $100,000 to add on to a house where no one else wants to live and says it is unfair for him to have to move just because we want to. Yet he will not take the same money (we have lots of equity) and just move us somewhere else. What would you do? Should I just stay here and make the best of it because this is where he wants to live? (I should add, if I want to buy anything to fix up the house, I have to pay for it, and if I have enough money to do that, he wonders why I am not responsible for more of the bills!)
Because I realized it was a bad decision to move here (sm)
I had just had a C-section, we lived in an apartment. He insisted that he do the house hunting. I was at home with my newborn and my c-section recovery. He fell in love with this house and told me all that we were going to do with it. I was worried the road might be too busy but he assured me it was not. I agreed. Then when I realized that I had to have room darkening shades on the windows at night to keep out the car lights and run a fan all night to drown out car noises, and that he wasn't going to fix the termite-eaten pantry or the sagging floor, yeah, I wanted to move. If you call that selfish then you come live here.
why dont you just move to Iran then?
???
you didn't ask them to move....you told them to....
nm
That is exactly what my SO says. Someone will run into you if you dont move faster and I am already
going 10 miles over the speed limit. I always say well why are they running up on top of me. They should not be tailing right behind. I just think men and women drive differently.
Use your mouse to move the cursor
up through the maze, all the way to the box at the end. Once you've done it without touching the sides, it'll progress to the next maze which is more difficult.
You too could move and have higher standard of
x
You need to move to a socialist company because that is what you are. Unfortunately, you sm
live in America where we all have the RIGHT to earn a living. You don't have a RIGHT to my or my husband's hard earned money. We put ourselves through college and if we make a million dollars a year YOU are not entitled to that money if you were poor. That is NOT a just society.
I grew up in the slums. I was told I would never amount to anything. I defied all odds. Went to college, made something for myself, married a college graduate and we are living comfortably. Anyone can do it. I get very ill when I hear of these "entitlement" speeches about how people like YOU think that my money should go to others in society. Give me a break. It's people like you who really don't amount to much because you just rely on others to pay your way. So sad.
Guess work, I think she wants to move here
or up in Amarillo with her sister. She told me to save my newspapers because she is going to start packing. I said "pack what?" she said my "whatnots" I asked "where are you going?" she said she is looking for a place. She doesn't know where. Her house is falling down around her. (it really is but the last time H and I talked to her about it she started boo hooing.). She also wants to take my 6 year old with her to Amarillo this summar because she doesn't want to travel alone so she may look up there. I asked how long she planned to stay (because she will have my daughter) but she did not really give me an answer. My take is that she really has not made detailed plans yet she just wants to go. She is disappointed with gas being so high though and she is afraid she won't be able to. I guess with a person like that, one has to be patient. She is so indecisive, H is the same way and it is so frustrating because I am the type that likes to know what to expect. LOL .
For your health, I hope you move
Not be a smart@ss, but if there's nothing you can do legally, you really should move. For the amount of money you've spent on filters for both her place and yours, you could have probably gotten another place. I don't know where you live or whether you have a rent-controlled apartment, but none of that will matter if you're dead. It's time to start checking the classifieds.
I would just ignore and move on, she sounds - sm
a bit confused, is dementia setting in both mom and the grandma, or are they just drauma queens? As for both of your kids going to a birthday party, who cares, if only one is invited what is the big deal, maybe the kid inviting is not friends with the brother, or there is a big age difference, etc. I have 2 girls and don't take both of them to the party that only 1 was invited to, very bad manners as you point out to invite your other child so they "don't feel left out", which sounds like your mom and grandma think. Maybe your younger son is more spoiled than the first one (hard not to do) or is more social and has more friends. Totally screwy. I'd just invite her, not ask her about it, and just go on like nothing happened.
Does anyone want to move to the South GA area??
I know this is an awful time to try to sell our home, but my husband just got a job offer the next county over (which is his hometown) and we really need/want to move. Everything we do is over there, work, church, family, friends, and the gas money and mileage is eating us up!
Any ideas? tips? We aren't using a a realtor, we are selling by ourselves. We don't have a lot of extra money to place ads and what not (For Sale By Owner is like $300 dollars to run an ad with them!) We're running it in our local newspaper and i've put it on craigslist and some of the outdoor websites since it is in the county and near some plantations.
I know in this economy I shouldn't be discouraged, but I absolutely have no patience and I hate this in between phase!
LOL, they have been looking for Dave at my house, too, he must move a lot! :-) nm
nm
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