Call the cops - it can't make it any worse!
Posted By: nm on 2008-07-07
In Reply to: Next door neighbor's teen having parties - sick of it
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Always, always call the cops sm
My husband was nearly killed by a tractor trailer driver who changed his story a dozen times, the medics were called but unfortunately, the other driver went his merry way and was not cited until days later for following too close, reckless endangerment, speeding, mistake in log book, and a laundry list, first he said my husband going too slow. Reconstruction said no way, but while my husband was in hospital having his scalp sewn back on, this guy ran away. Had to hire a detective to find him, went on for years before we got our bills paid, he got off with heavy fines and warnings he would go to jail if it happened again. It had happened in another state previously but could not bring that up in court. My sorrow - I should have had him arrested right that moment but I was not there. He should have been tested for drugs, etc. He went from saying husband's fault to that he dropped his coffee and was picking it up off the floor and then changed it again to something else. He still drives and my husband is totally disabled. Please get the cops involved the minute something happens - don't wait. I had no choice, I had to travel to another state to the hospital. I wish my husband were conscious enough to have him arrested right there. You did the right thing calling the cops, everyone should do that. Believe me, she could have killed you or someone else later. I hope you scared the pants off her.
Visit the station rather than call the cops...
Don't call the police. Rather, go to the police station and ask to speak to a detective. (You can call and make an appointment if you don't feel like spending an hour or so in the waiting room.)
You absolutely must get the law involved. You heard this kid threaten to kill his mother. Obviously, his mother is intimidated by him as well.
You can "file" reports without them showing up on the public blotter. By filing reports and keeping the detective involved, you just may be saving your neighbor's life. The cops will surveil the neighborhood on a regular basis and even keep an eye on him. (He's probably getting into no good elsewhere too.)
Also, you and your family could possibly be in mortal danger from this whacko kid as well.
From what he's said and done so far, you can expect this to escalate far beyond your wildest dreams/nightmares. He's not going to give up until you and your family are gone...one way or the other.
Think about it for a bit, but be sure to act quickly.
When I was younger, there was a similar episode with a neighborhood bully where the parents had no control. A bunch of the bully's neighbors ended up taking his parents to court on what I think was a 'show cause' complaint. The nonsense stopped after the court appearances.
However, times are more violent now, and within the past decade or so, these bully types have been blowing away people in alarming numbers. So, don't put your family at risk.
Good luck.
Call the cops every single time. Don't give into bullying.
You can bet he'll get tired of being visited by the cops every few days... And cops are required to follow up on complaints, so they'll go out there, and cops are adults with neighbors too, so they know what it's like. What is wrong with some of these parents now days?!
Call antique dealer. Why risk making it worse.
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You will make this situation WORSE IF
you don't get a handle on how you are thinking. If you can afford a counselor, you should seriously considering goign UNless you can quickly correct your wrongheaded thinking here.
You must stop thinking of your 17-year-old as a little girl. She is normal human being with sexual curiosities... You cannot implant your beliefs on her and whoever she chooses.
I dont mean to sound like any expert or without compassion, but facts are facts. You weren't prepared for this eventuality and now you are over-reacting, perhaps in part because of who she chose.
Do you want to drive a large, perhaps permanent wedge between the two of you? You cannot undo the deed - so now is the time to make SURE to be someone she will LISTEN TO about birth control (even though she didn't take your advice about sex...)
make a call
Look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous and call the central office. Tell them you need someone to make a 12-step call. Someone from your local area who is in AA will come over to your house and talk to your husband and you can leave with the kids during this time. By the time you get back, your husband will have decided whether or not he will sober up. Usually the person he talked to will assume responsibility for taking him to the meetings or finding someone who will "sponsor" him. So you are off the hook at this point.
On the other hand, he may decide "no thanks" and then you will have your real answer.
AA is free and pretty crowded with new people around the holidays, so the timing is good. The average age of a person coming into AA is 25 to 45, so there should be plenty of people for him to talk to.
At the same meeting place there should be meetings for you called Al-Anon and for your son called Alateen.
Good Luck!
I would make an anonymous call
Just say you are not sure if the information will be helpful, but it is just something you noticed. Of course in the case of a fire they will do an investigation, arson and such, and it is very rare for a house to burn to the ground and everything in it turn to ash before the fire gets put out. I think they could tell if it was empty or not. I used to type up forms for a college fire department, and they are very long and detail-oriented, nothing is left out. On the subject of home insurance, I myself am tired of paying higher premiums because of just this kind of thing. They won't get away with it if this is the case. People are so afraid to report anything illegal these days. I live in a cul-de-sac with the nosiest bunch of neighbors I have ever encountered, they know who did what and with whom at what time, but nobody seemed to know who stole my car right out of my driveway a few years ago. I guess I'm just tired of honesty NOT being the norm.
Could she go to the office to make the call after school? sm
or borrow a friend's cell phone to call after school, so she doesn't have the cut into lunch?
Also, about the cell phone, I got my daughter a TracFone which can be relatively inexpensive for times like this. It is not for chit-chat, just to make quick calls to home for times like this.
If OP didnt bother to make call to school about this,
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I'll call the other kid's parent, make them pay the bill
One would assume your daughter thought the girl was just making a quick call. It is irresponsible of the other person to text on your daughters phone. I'm all for your daughter being responsible but it seems that she was totally taken advantage of and that just isn't fair.
I would call or make an appt with the peds, could be beginnings of cellulitis.
you are so right, not just cops.
I noticed an ag teacher here has a truck provided for her and probably gas, too. She rips up and down the highway several times a day while I am sitting here making a list so I only go one time a week and try to hit my errands in a time and gas saving mode. aggravating. Of course, I haven't seen anybody taking the keys away from the teens yet, either, and we all know how they can run the roads. My youngest had my truck for awhile and the oldest said, "Mom, don't know what to tell you about your truck, it's just a blue blur up and down the highway"!
that's why I mentioned what cops said
about 99 out of 100 people answering the door in the middle of the night. I was absolutely horrified myself that I had opened the door and the cops said it happens all the time. Hopefully people reading all these posts will wise up.
Most of the time I'm with the cops when it comes to -
tazing those big, belligerent crack or meth heads that are going berserk or have already tried to assault the cop. But STILL: I took exception to this one. The lady is like half the guy's size, and attitude or not, he could've managed her easily just by hanging onto her shirt collar. Also, throwing a 72-year-old down could've resulted in a hip fracture (and lawsuit), or even cardiac arrest and/or death. How would he know she didn't have a pacemaker?
I think the dude was a little too eager to play with his taser-toy.
Thanks everyone - I have felt worse and worse as the day has gone (sm)
I am usually not so gullible and I really, really believed this was a good person I was helping. Wolf in sheep's clothing I guess. I have never been so completely fooled. I am old enough to know better.
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
She says if she calls the cops every time he shows up ...sm
he will just be gone by the time they get there. She did pick up the phone several months ago when he put the gun to his head. She said I am calling 911 to come take you to get help. He immediately stopped and sat down and said no please don't call the cops. I am not going to kill myself. I won't do that anymore. Now if he was serious, he would have not cared. He would have said hey I will be dead before they get here. He knew he wasn't going to do it and he didn't want to get hauled off for psychiatric evaluation. THen he started threatening this again on the phone one time and she said ok I am going to have you committed then cause you need help. He said oh no I am not going to kill myself. And for a long time he did not bring it up again. It is for attention.
Definitely stress. Cops said once that Xmas eve with alcohol & money
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And it's getting worse
Our local school district is lauded as one of the best in Pennsylvania. But apparently I'm one of the few who disagree. They actually give out varying grades of failing -- an E and an F. And D's are passing grades. I have a foster son in that school system, and I hate it. The children who do well, get all the attention. Average and below average students are poorly served, but a good deal of their parents are uninvolved, and we just don't hear their stories as often. My other two children go to a Catholic HS where the only grades are A, B, C or fail. Even though the school is smaller and the curriculum less varied, it's worth the struggle to pay the tuition, because standards are higher.
I'm a very big believer that we get from children what we expect from children. And very large school districts, no matter how much they talk about attending to the individual child, just are not able to do so. Children who struggle just can't get the attention they need.
which is worse.
My account was $174 in the red. I panicked, went to the ATM with a CC and got $200 and deposited it my account. I don't get paid until Friday. I don't know when DH gets paid. The bank said they cleared them so probably no charges are going on the outside, but bank itself is going to charge me for this. I really don't know how that works. I have never been in this mess before. I just got worried my name is going to be posted all over town "do not accept checks from this woman" very embarrassing. I am supposed to have close $4000 in tax money coming in which will pay off 2 loans which will help. While there is work available, I better go back to the kind of typing I get paid for. I asked the bank lady which is worse, but she said I will get bit either way.
Well, it could be worse.
At least you didn't mention she's smoking up your house or using illegal drugs or having wild parties or stealing from you. The loud TV is something you could address. Turning it down or using headphones are two possible compromises. You can't expect a paying renter to share all of your values, especially if you didn't take the time to see if you were going to be compatible for each issue. I'm sure she would be surprised to hear she's so annoying. From her point of view, other than a TV that may be too loud, she's just minding her own business.
OMG, I know! I'm not sure which is worse,
the way the ER treated her or the way the 911 operator responded to people calling for help. Why is that guy not being fired???
It could be worse!
I haven't started all that, so it could be worse. But when other things went wrong in my life I lost interesting in food. I was only eating 2 meals a day, and apparently one of those wasn't good enough. I did lose 10 lbs, but I reached a good weight adn stopped losing, so I wasn't concerned at all about that. So then the old antidepressant wasn't working, so changed to another one, then skin started changing and wouldn't heal, blood wouldn't clot, had extreme exhaustion and apathy. So now I have to recover from vitamin deficiencies, at least I learned that it's hard fo me to stay healthy when I work at home.
I'm going back to school for something I always thought I couldn't do, but maybe I can after all! Everybody is very encouraging. They never thought MT was challenging enough for me anyway.
He was always that way, getting worse (sm)
I just put up with it for a long time, overlooked it. When I was younger I thought I probably just didn't know how people are supposed to act and so I assumed he knew better than me. But now it is particularly offensive to me when I keep asking him to work on how he treats me and he says until I act like a wife, he is not gonig to treat me like one. Well, I'm not a prostitute. I don't have to buy his kindness with my body. I think I have pretty much made up my mind. I really appreciate all the comments and welcome any others.
It is not going to get better. It is only going to get worse.
Is that what you want? For yourself OR for your children?
Please read my post in the thread below - "See a divorce attorney." Same advice still applies. Make sure you have someone on your side who knows the LAW. You just have to make up your mind to do it. I suggest you do it soon, before he starts criticizing and/or hitting the children. And don't say that would never happen. It could and it very well might.
Get rid of him - it will only get worse - sm
I married a man like that, thinking "I can change him." oh I laugh at myself now, only after I kick myself.
The fact that his ego was so much larger than you could imagine should have been a clue. Even now, he says he already knows what I am going to say so "don't bother"! Whatever!
Kick him to the curb and find a REAL man!
got worse before it got better
Believe me, this person was something else, that was 20-odd years ago. My personal life was a wreck, and she really succeeded it just making me feel worse about myself. She made everyone take the CMT exam, it was no where near ready, and I was the only one that flunked it the first time. It was a dark, dark time.
This is worse (sm)
The grammar my husband uses as well as his family and friends is horrible but I have to hold back correcting them. Spelling too. I blame the school systems.
I do, however, correct TV reports out loud in my own home. That's always a fun game!
I along with others got worse than that
Years ago before government pushed into folks lives, kids were punished in ways, ok I was hit with a belt, a yard stick and 1 time when mother got really ticked, one of those 60s high heels with the pointy toe and slim heel. I never resented her for my acting out and probably deserved each swat I got. My DH also tells me he got what he calls beatings (you got to understand sometimes we just call them that when they were whippings)and both of us and all I know growing up turned out really adjusted. I saw the post above wondering about if we were afraid of strangers approaching with items or men, that is really funny- I along with others of my age group probably got more whippings than most know. It only make me a stronger person. The kids growing up then were real nice ones.
To a man, I bet nothing is worse the ED. A man
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Could be worse...
We had to pay over 3k in taxes between fed and state this year, over 3k in property taxes, and we don't get the stimulus check.
I'm trying to feel sorry for you, really I am... 
It's going to get worse before it gets better.
I believe when your psych doctor tells you to be nice, she is telling you not to stress. Stress will only make you sick. You just have to be patient. Teenagers are going to do what they want. Even after our visits with the psych doctor ended, it was still rough going. My child left home at Christmastime. That was the worst time of my life but I survived. I packed up her gifts, tracked down where she was staying (with a friend and her mother), dropped the gifts off at the house and left. I did not speak with my daughter and I told her friend's mother that I did not want to speak with her. I continued with my holiday enjoying the rest of my family and the next week, my daughter came back home sheepishly. She had lost a lot of weight so I know she could not eat like she wanted. After that incident, I did not have any more problems and she lived by my rules until we shipped her off to college. She has graduated from college and is now going to Officer's School for the Air Force. What I'm saying is, you will survive this. Don't give her your power. If she needs to, let her see how difficult it is to live on her own and not have the comforts of mom and dad's house.
N0 way, I think she was always like that, worse than a dog..! nm
nm
Then it is even worse! Then you took
the money form your blood relatives, your nephew and niece, PRETENDING that you cannot find them! WOW !
I do sometimes. This year seems worse
I guess because we have 2 houses to sell and family issues that have been going since July. But normally I am fine and just get the blues after Christmas is over. This time of year is wonderful but can be stressful trying to live up to family expectations etc.
Beepers are worse, though.
You hear them go off on the guy's belt and you know what's coming... right up to the mouthpiece until they finally turn it off. LOUD beeping breaking my ear drum.
The cell phones are bad also. They should have rules of cell phone/dictation. Yeah, right.
I used to do this doctor whose cell phone was a cat's meow. I was forever trying to figure out where he was dictating from where this cat was always meowing. I finally figured it out when he actually answered it rather than let it terminally meow. ;-)
That network is actually getting worse, if that is at all
!
It gets worse every year...
I'm still shaking my head, especially over that last one!
Worse every year . . .
Ditto here! That last one should have gone home. Really a shock.
dont know which is worse
that or hearing that Sanjaya is still on AI???!!!
Going to watch AI *live* my time for first time this year!
Rachel Ray is worse
Get the woman a muzzle and some valium. Good grief her voice goes through me like chalk on a chalkboard.
Not worse than the funeral I went to
NM
Don't be, there are lots of others who have it far worse- sm
than those of us here with husbands that basically are just spoiled brats who want it all their own way and don't want to have to do anything other than go to work (and most don't even want to do that) come home, eat, and put up their feet and watch TV. Mom is supposed to do it all, cook, clean, deal with the kids on every level, be ready to go when hubby wants sex and work herself, all with a big smile on her face. At least that is what my husband expects, though he does do the cooking though lately he has really cut back and I have had to pick up the slack or no one eats. He cooks for himself and I do the kids and I. I do everything else even cut the grass sometimes as he is "too tired". He has been whining about retiring for years now, he is only 48 but thinks he should be able to quit and I pay all the bills, don't think so as I make only about 20% of what he does. He says when the house is paid off he is quiting. I have told him no that is not an option until the kids are out of college (another 16 years), he is not too happy about that. Once he hits 55 I know it will really become a battle (or when his parents die as he is expecting at least 1M from them), but I will probably quit MT then and go out and get a job especially if he is homw all day then. My only consolation if I do stick it out is I will be a rich widow and he will probably develop cirrhosis in the next few years as he has been drinking 8-12 light beers a day for about 25 years at least, and he does not eat much as well; and hates doctors so by the time he gets any serious illness it will be too late most likely. A friend of mine in the healthcare field is convinced it will happen, just a question of when. Who knows, don't really much care. I keep my kids happy and they do love their daddy and he loves them to pieces too, but he is just a bit too unrealistic in his expectations of them, me and life in general. If push comes to shove I will probably demand he leave, he hates the house and has said on more than one occasion if he goes I can have the house (how generous of him), though I'd demand it be paid off first, so he'd have to raid the 401K for $50K but he would not owe me a penny; and on the side of stupidity I'd probably get a equity line and pay off all the cc debt we have just to shut him up and have less stress about that. That payment is a lot less than a mortgage and it would be worth it in my mind to do. We'd both be paying off debt and he could not whine that I stuck him with that too. Child support will make him whine enough as it is. He'd walk away with a truck, trailer, boat, big screen TV, his collectables/antiques (a lot of stuff), my mom's china (I don't like it and she wanted him to have it when she died and he loves it), a few tables, half the dishes and a 5 acre lot about 12 miles away on which he could build a house. Yes, I have thought this out quite a bit. Anyone in a bad situation, don't bury your head in the sand, think about your options and have a game plan if necessary. Good luck to us all!
I had the same situation only worse(sm)
my 9-year-old nephew (who I rarely see) stopped in with his father yesterday to wish Christmas greetings. Somewhere in the conversation as we were talking about work in general my nephew pipes up and says, "Maybe you should get a REAL job." I can only assume that discussion among the adults in their household centers around the fact that they don't think I "really" work even though I I sit for eight hours a day (and have for 10+ years) just like if I went off to the hospital to do this (which I did for 13 years before that).
Yes worsening after for me...much worse (sm)
It could be a matter of age but my cramps and flow got way, way worse after the procedure.
Probably just put together the 2 worse words
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Amen...nothing worse than a....
used to be thin gal bending down and getting the wide view of a tattoo!
Prices just keep getting worse s/m
Instead of throwing the meat away here, they have a list of churches that will take it for the soup kitchens, etc. At least they know it is going to a good cause.
We have been skimping more and more on meals. We are having more grilled cheese with soup, french toast or pancakes with sausage or bacon (when I find it on sale) and we were just given a deer that we had processed for ground meat and such. I have cut way back on snacks, a bag of chips and a bag of apples or oranges for the week. With 4 kids in the house, that goes fast!
I can beat that one - I did much worse! -sm
I used to transport horses as an almost-full-time second job. (Did so for almost 30 years). Had 3 trucks & 2 trailers. I live in an apt., so could only park 1 truck there. The rest I 'boarded' at a local stable. On a hot summer day, I pulled in and parked my rig, and covered the truck with a dust cover (since the riding arena was right nearby... saved me lots of cleaning.) So I locked everything up, got in my smaller truck, and drove home.
TWO DAYS LATER, I'm at work, and get a frantic phone call from one of the trainers at the stable, saying they had to break into my truck. I of course flipped out at that, then she told me that the barn cat was in there meowing to be let out! She had apparently jumped in while I was back behind the trailer for a moment & the door was open, and jumped into the back seat and I never knew she was there.
That poor cat was in the truck with no food or water for 2 whole days in the middle of summer, when the temps were in the high 90's outside. The truck was in the direct sunlight all day long! It's amazing she survived, but she was apparently just fine. A dog in the same situation probably would have died. (I'm sure she did use up 6 or 7 of her 9 lives, though!)
worse than a diet
I had a very loved border collie for years that was not hugely obese, but overweight. I liked to keep dry food in his bowl, if it was empty i put some in it. Well "Thomas" developed diabetes. I noticed his excessive thirst and then before I took him to the vet, he suddenly went blind. The vet said his blood was thick like syrup. Sadly, Thomas is no longer with us. Now I measure my dogs food and don't project my own love of food onto my pets, vowing I'd never be guilty of overfeeding again. I hope my sad case will help another realize the importance of feeding responsibly.
ESL torture dictation - can it get any worse than this??
Imagine if you will a horrible, horrible ESL who mumbles, stutters, grunts his words, lets his words fade off into unintelligible ramblings...Then you get him talking to another ESL who does the very same thing!! They carry on what could be called be a conversation with each of them stammering and stuttering for nearly 2 minutes. Oh, the torture of it all! I feel better now because I know you can all relate!
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