Bulemic teenager - advice needed...sm

I've suspected for a while that my soon to be 16 stepdaugher is bulemic but her dad doesn't believe it.  Right after she eats a meal she goes to the bathroom and stays a long time.  She has lost about 40 lbs over the past year.  Today while doing laundry I found a note that she wrote and says:

Eat & Die.  No eat for a week (in & out)  Lose 10 lbs.  Eat again.

I am going to share this with my hubby when he calls while on a lunch break from work.  Perhaps now he'll believe me.   I've called the pediatrician's office and left a message for them to call me with the name of a psychologist treating eating disorders to take her to. 

Any ideas of how to handle him if he still is in denial?  I'm sure the stepdaughter will deny the eating disorder... she did before when I asked her about it.  Overall she & I do have a good relationship but this is an area I know she's not being honest about. 

• Bulemic teenager - advice needed...sm - Concerned parent
  • I have - clhmt
    • Update after discussion with hubby...sm - Concerned parent
  • I feel for you - BEEN THERE
  • Sent you a personal msg. nm - nm

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Okay, I will try to make this short.  We send our son to Catholic school.  We are Catholic but we also love the atmosphere, i.e. safe and a good community environment.  He is in second grade.

When I pick him up today, he tells me this classmate girl has stabbed him in the arm with her pencil!  He had to have an ice pack on it for an hour and it still hurts him.  She poked thru his shirt and now it's bruised with a red mark in the center.  She has a short fuse and apparently was mad that he was invading her "space."  They have 4 stations at one table, so it could be difficult for a child to discern where one space ends and another begins.

I am pi**ed off about this.

1.  The school didn't call me, but the they did the other mother.

2.  The girl's mother (whom I know) hasn't called me about it.

3.  I spoke with the principal briefly because his teacher had left by the time I got there, but he is going to talk to the girl and my son about it tomorrow and about personal space.  She was in his office for an hour until dismissal today.

I know if it was my kid, I would be calling that mother right up and apologizing.  I am so ticked off right now about it that I am worried if I do call, I will lose my cool.  

The other thing is this:  We have always taught our son to respect others and treat others how you would want to be treated.  He has a good moral compass.  He is also a big and tough kid.  We have always taught him to never hurt others unless it's in self defense.  I feel as if they are brushing this off because he is a boy.  I think if the shoe was on the other foot and he did it to her, it would be bad news.  All hubby and I know is that we don't want it happening again.  How do we get our point across?  SHould I call the mom and tell her that?  My son told me this is not the first time she has done this (poking with the pencil) but it is the first time it hurt like this.  She could have gotten him in the eye or hurt someone else altogether!  I don't think she belongs in that school if she continues to act that way.  The school doesn't have a special needs program. 

I am so mad right now I could spit.   

school yesterday afternoon and went with him to his last three classes of the day which happen to the ones he's doing the worst in.  He was mortified, mad, and I thought his head would pop off.  I think I made my point.  After school, I went with him to his English class because she asked that he stay after so she could help him catch up on his assignments.  So I sat in the back of the class while my son and his teacher worked.  And while I sat there I decided to write out some rules.

Last night my son and I sat down and talked and he said he'd do anything I asked him to do if I would please never come to his school again.  I simply said that depends on you and we left it at that.  I grounded him indefinitely - until I get some good reports back from his teachers.  No TV, no video games, no friends over, or telephone.

I don't know what will happen, but I have to say I feel pretty good just by taking control of the situation and going to his school.  A couple of weeks ago I was saying "what am I supposed to do, go to school and follow him around??!?"  And now I know that answer is yes, if that's what I have to do.  I feel less stressed. 

Thanks to everyone!

He is so smart.  I got his first grade card a couple of weeks ago, 2 Fs (Science and Computer Lit) and a D+ in English.  The rest of his grades were acceptable.  The problem isn't that he doesn't understand the subject matter in these classes, but that he simply doesn't do the work, doesn't turn in homework assignments, NOTHING! 

I started having trouble with him last year and he barely passed the 7th grade.  Now, here it is the beginning of a new school year and he's doing the exact same thing.  He's grounded, of course, but that doesn't seem to make a difference to him.  Last night his English teacher called to tell me he hasn't turned in any assignments since the beginning of the new quarter, that he simply sits there at his desk doing nothing while the rest of the class works.  She said he seems to be easily distracted.

When I talk to him about school, he gives me attitude.  Last night after I hung up with the English teacher, I was very angry, and proceeded to ground him longer and took away his IPod.  He had the audacity to say "mom, you're really making me mad (only he didn't say "making me mad").  I took step toward him because I was about ready to slap his disrespectiful mouth and he said "you better not lay a hand on me."  He threatened me!  So I basically took a deep breath and said "son you do not want to take me on."  And then I proceeded to tell him that he would be staying after school with his English teacher until further notice and that I will be picking him up every day after school to make sure he brings home all his books and homework.

I don't know what else to do.  I have asked his teachers to keep me informed via email cause I'm always at my computer during the day.  His Science teacher just emailed me and said he didn't turn in his assignment today.  After all that last night and he STILL didn't turn in his assignment!

I tried to be understanding because he's at a new school in a new town, but socially he's happier than I've seen him in a long time.  He has made a bunch of new friends, he's planning on going out for the basketball team.  At first I tried to blame his attitude problems on the move and the new school, but he was doing the exact same thing last year at his old school.  His dad and I have separated and maybe that has something to do with it, but life has been less stressful without his dad here, even my son has said so.

Please give me some advice.  I've thought about talking to the school counseling, going to family counseling, having my son see a therapist.  I just don't know what to do.  I feel like I'm failing as a parent here and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts.

Hi T:   Your story sounds a little like what happened to me as a teenager.  Well really I was a virgin until 17, but after that I went through a period when I declared my independence -- or at least I thought I was.  You are so right though about girls waiting and they should not just go for sex with the 1st boy they meet.   I really feel sorry for girls who get caught up in this lifestyle, thinking to be popular with the boys, they have to do this.  Where are their mothers and dads who should guide them and give them enough confidence that they can just walk away and not worry if they are popular or not. 

I find this behavior very sad and disappointing for the girls involved.  Of course now that I am much older and I realize how foolish this was for me.  But there is still a hypocritical element to our society and boys want to get as many of the girls they can, but in the end they do not respect them.  What a vicious circle it is as a teenager.  I am just glad that is all behind me, as I am up in age near retirement. 

If I had a chance to talk to the young girls, I know what I would say.  You must value yourself and avoid any young men who would degrade you in any way.  I just wish I had a mother to be there for me at that very difficult time in my life.  That would make all the difference in the world.  

P.S.  T do not be too harsh on yourself.  I think I know where you were coming from (mind set).  This is a painful part of my past, which I have always wished to cover up.   It is healing to bring it out in the open.   

Hi T:   Your story sounds a little like what happened to me as a teenager.  Well really I was a virgin until 17, but after that I went through a period when I declared my independence -- or at least I thought I was.  You are so right though about girls waiting and they should not just go for sex with the 1st boy they meet.   I really feel sorry for girls who get caught up in this lifestyle, thinking to be popular with the boys, they have to do this.  Where are their mothers and dads who should guide them and give them enough confidence that they can just walk away and not worry if they are popular or not. 

I find this behavior very sad and disappointing for the girls involved.  Of course now that I am much older and I realize how foolish this was for me.  But there is still a hypocritical element to our society and boys want to get as many of the girls they can, but in the end they do not respect them.  What a vicious circle it is as a teenager.  I am just glad that is all behind me, as I am up in age near retirement. 

If I had a chance to talk to the young girls, I know what I would say.  You must value yourself and avoid any young men who would degrade you in any way.  I just wish I had a mother to be there for me at that very difficult time in my life.  That would make all the difference in the world.  

P.S.  T do not be too harsh on yourself.  I think I know where you were coming from (mind set).  This is a painful part of my past, which I have always wished to cover up.   It is healing to bring it out in the open.   

Hey all.  Need some advice.  I have a neice who has started vomiting violently every month, but has yet to begin menstruating.  We are thinking it may be related to her period/onset of her period.  i have heard of this somewhere, but for the life of me cannot remember what I heard.  Any information/advice? 

Also, anyone here that can recommend a good ob/gyn in the Lexington, Kentucky area? 

Thanks in advance.

HC

A couple of weeks ago while at drama practice one of her peers asked if she could use her cell phone both days of practice as she didn't have her cell phone with her.  My daughter let this other kid use her phone and didn't pay attention to the fact she was staying on it the entire time of the practices (the other kid only had a couple of lines).  When my daughter walked over to her her phone she saw the other kid texting - and we don't have text messaging as part of our plan.

The bill arrived yesterday and this other child ran up $63.40 in text charges because there's a 20 cent/kb/message fee.  My daughter isn't happy that she has to pay this bill out of her babysitting money but I reminded her that her phone is her responsibility and I'm not paying her bill.  She swears she'll never let anyone use her phone again.  I do hope she's learned her lesson!

She got a new cell phone last month and downloaded a bunch of ringtones, even though I reminded her that each one costs money + the transfer fee, which the system prompts you for as we don't have the internet plan for the cell phone (don't do text messaging either).   Well, she ignored the prompts about the 3 cents per kilibite fee and size of the files alert when she accepted the downloads she selected.  To make a long story short..... her bill for her downloads is right at $60. 

She is crying that she has to pay this bill but I'm not working overtime because she ignored my telling her about the costs and accepted the charges.  This will teach her a lesson on responsibility.  She was expecting the bill to be about $20.  She'll be babysitting up a storm this next month to pay this bill!

I read this today and loved it:  If winter comes, can spring be far behind? 

A day doesn't go by that I don't pray for a miracle. As the obvious enabler, I just always feel if I helped her just this one last time, this would be the time she turns it all around and I want to be there for her. Everything positive she does, I praise her, only to be crushed the next minute for it was just a mirage. It wasn't really there. Every night I have gone to bed saying a pray that we can just get through another day, and honestly, some days, I wasn't sure that I wanted to wake up. I just couldn't do it one more minute. When you love someone with everything you have and realize it still is not enough, that right there is the most devastating feeling ever. For every tear she has cried, I've cried thousands.  I try to be strong so she thinks I am uncaring. If only she could see or feel what I feel inside.  If love could have saved her, she would be. I am going to put it in God's hand because I have nothing left to give. Everyone wonders how and why I have survived and gone through what I have..and honestly, I have no idea. I hate the thought that it has become such a habit that I just expect it. I wait for the calls to come every day, as they will, on the next crisis.  I wait for my day to be ruined and that is one of the reasons that I chose to work at home. I was embarrassed when she would call me 15 times at work, even though I told her not to, or she'd show up. Just barge through my office.  I've gotten beyond what people think, but I know my friends understand and love me for me. Thanks for listening. Another dark day. Sadly, I have had to pretend to be on vacations so she won't come around trying to manipulate me but then she calls me nonstop on my vacations to send her money. It honestly never stops and I don't think it ever will. Please everyone say a prayer for me...

For my hubby's company Christmas party this year, we need to take a wrapped gift ranging in price of $18 and $22.  They are doing the "everyone pick a gift" sorta thing.  So, it will need to be for male or female, ranging in ages from 20-60.  See my dilemma?  I am thinking a gift card wrapped in a huge box.  LOL 

I would appreciate your suggestions!

Thanks!

If they sleep together, they dont need electric heat, body heat will be enough. I would build a "cave" of strawbales, toss in some loose straw and there ya go. I wouldnt use blankies as if they get wet, they will freeze. Like lying on an ice cubes  Mostly, dogs just need to be out of.the wind.  If they dont sleep together, just build 2 caves.  Either way, should be snug so body heat will build a pocket of warmth around dog.

I have some symptoms here and hoping maybe some of you have heard of before and can give me some "diagnosing." I do it myself quite a bit. Like I told my aunt, after doing this before the telephone was invented, sometimes we hear so much and pick up on things so hopefully someone out there can give me a hand. Here we go and thanks so much:

Pain on my right hand side around my rib cage, it's not a constant pain, I feel it when I take deep breaths.

Pain around abdomen when having a bowel movement

Slight pain in abdomen when walking

Some abdomen pain comes on suddenly while sitting still but not often.

A pain in or around my neck that is noticeable when I burp.

I am almost 54 years old and the permeating thought in my brain is that I am "a monstrosity," something my mother called my sister and I because we were tall.  My father is still alive at 86 and says about some "pretty little thing."  THAT drives me INSANE because I am not.  He asks when I am going to play piano for him, and I laugh, but I think, "Never, because you have always criticized me."  Still does.  God help us all.  That's the thing that has totally messed up my brain.  I am a "monstrosity" and will never be a "pretty little thing."  There.  Now I have said it on the internet. 

But, FYI, I am not a tall humongous woman, I am just tall and not a "pretty little thing."  There, I typed it and that's almost like saying it out loud. 

This thread ROX!

as far as any animal abuser goes.  These are not little children--these are TEENAGERS.  Dollars to doughnuts they've done this before....They were just caught this time. 

You are right, cats are animals and not people.  Animals cannot speak for themselves.  They cannot call anyone for help.  They cannot defend themselves against the ultimate predator--us, but yet we brought them into this world to make our lives richer.  It is therefore our responsibilty to ensure their safety.

You are fortunate you can stay naive to such atrocities commited against animals and can shrug it off as just a couple of messed up girls who need a hug.   It's just a newspaper clipping to you.