Been there done that
Posted By: travelinmt on 2009-06-07
In Reply to: Even if he truly changed, I'm just not sure if I could love him again. - LoriMT
I agree with what everyone has been telling you. First go to Al-Anon immediately. You have been enabling him for years (I did the same thing) that is why it has felt so good having the peace you have felt since he has been in rehab. You lose yourself in the process of trying to hold everything together. When I went to counseling the first thing the counsler asked me was. Next Saturday, what are you going to do for you, not for him, not for your kids, but for yourself. It was one of the hardest questions I have had to answer because I realized, I didn't know what to do for "me" anymore. The other thing the counselors told us in couples counseling is even though they quit their drug of choice and become clean and sober is no guarantee that your marriage will work out, there is so much damage that has been done to it some couples just can't get over it. I was the one that couldn't get over it, all the problems, worries, lies, hiding money, etc. had killed my love for him. He is a great guy, has a great job (always did) and he is clean and sober (I think) for 20 years now. I think he has re-married and if he did and stayed clean and sober I am sure he/they are very happy. I just couldn't get over all we went through. Good luck and take care of you first, you will then be able to take care of your kids and your life.
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