Been There...
Posted By: NightOwl on 2009-04-12
In Reply to: yet another porn and men question - 2old4this
I'm so sorry you're having this struggle. I've been there, through all the gut-wrenching angst and insecurity, and have come to a place finally where I have some peace about it.
Like several have already said, I'm also concerned about the comment you made that you're afraid he would become physically abusive if you confront him, but I'm curious about that comment too. Are you thinking he would become violent because you spied on his browser history repeatedly, or because you were basically telling him that his porn habit is hurting your relationship?
At this point in my own saga, I'm not sure one way or the other whether DH still is addicted. He claims not, and I have no evidence to contradict him, but my previous efforts at "outing" him have resulted in him becoming very good at hiding it. Plus we have young children, and it's just easier to let sleeping dogs lie.
In your case, if you have no children involved, and he is not your husband but rather your boyfriend, I would be so tempted (if it were me) to GET OUT NOW. Of course, you are not me, and I am not going to tell you what to do. Only you know your own situation. Generally speaking, my experience with men and porn has been that they don't/can't/won't stop. Perhaps I've been burned so badly that I'm also incapable of trust now, whatever, but I've never seen a reformed sex offender that seemed authentic, no matter how trivial or dramatic the offense was (all the way from porn to illegalities). It seems like it's more addictive than cocaine and harder to prove, find, etc., at least to my own view. I'm sure others will differ, LOL!
The other best comment I saw in this thread was this: If it's a problem for you, it IS a problem - don't let him or anyone else tell you it's not.
Best wishes!
Been there, done that, would have done things way way differently if I had known then what I know now....
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